3 months out. I've had a couple glimpses into my old life, and I miss it. I'm happy with my loss (about50 lbs), but I've been in a couple situations where I couldn't eat (like my old normal) or drink alcohol. For the most part I don't miss it, but part of me does and I feel sad. Sometimes mad, that I can't be like everyone else.

Then I feel like I am just jealous that I can't eat and drink like a piggy without showing the entire world how fat and lazy I am.

I've lost 50+ lbs. I've done some kind of exercise every day. But I still feel like the above.

And you're still pre-op with 90 days to wait?

Ouch.

Wow, you are doing great!! ?????

6 hours ago, JoyandLight said:

Sometimes mad, that I can't be like everyone else.

Why would you want to be like everyone else?!

I feel differently. Maybe you're a lot younger than me. It might look like drinking and eating a lot means you're having more fun. But what is fun? To me, fun would be, laughter and banter at the social event, a taste of something yummy, dancing or walking or playing a game. Maybe meeting someone special. That is actually more FUN than stuffing my face with large quantities of food, or feeling sweet alcoholic drinks go down My throat. Think about what REALLY means fun to you, and look to increase your actual fun at social events.

No one ever ever ever says, the morning after the party, "I wish I had eaten more of that cake / drank more of that vodka."

I'm 9.5 months post op and feel more normal that ever. Now when I go out with my girlfriends I actually have leftovers to take home instead of being the only one to clear her plate and order dessert. I think it's important to remember that with time this will be your new normal. Im at a point where I can technically eat or drink anything but I've found that I don't want to do that. I have had maybe 5 drinks since I was cleared to drink at 6 months post op and I've realized I don't really care to drink anymore, it just does nothing for me but fill me up and I don't really care. I can still have a glass of wine on special occasions but I no longer have that desire to just drink until tipsy/drunk at social gatherings.

My advice, give it time, it will change your life.

I'm 13 months, almost, out. I'm down 102 pounds. I don't want my old life back. That was the life where I had to be sitting and could only walk short distances because of the knee pain. Where I couldn't help my daughter do college tours (or now move into her college) because I was tired and winded.

The old me couldn't go ziplining in Jamaica, and horseback riding and tubing. The old me couldn't fit into size 8 pants. The old me couldn't be a competitive fencer in my age group.

What the new me can do is all that and enjoy dinner and a drink, provided I've made an allocation in my calories for that alcohol, and enjoy the company of people. Went to a big picnic/party for my husband's running club last weekend - was able to eat a few things, have a glass of wine or two and enjoy the conversation.

Give yourself some time - you are mourning the loss of a person you were and a time in your life to which you will never go back. You're doing great. Keep up with your plan and another six months from now, you'll look at that pre-op photo you did and go - crap - did I really look like that and feel that awful all the time. You've got this.

5 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

Now when I go out with my girlfriends I actually have leftovers to take home instead of being the only one to clear her plate and order dessert. I think it's important to remember that with time this will be your new normal.

That's the reality I want to be at.

My late father, a well-meaning man (whom I miss very much), grew up in an orphanage when his parents gave him up because of their poverty during The Great Depression. From just under 5 years to 16 years, he was a ward of the state. Food was scarce but, under no circumstances, were the several hundred child orphans allowed to not like what was served and ALL plates always had to be cleared.

That was a rule at home right through the '50s and '60s ... leaving food on one's plate or not liking/appreciating what was served was a no-no.

It's been locked in my mind for over 55 years.

I eat past my 'full' often and have done for as long as I remember. Playing three or four sports and having an active outdoor life until my late 30s meant I was just classified as overweight. But, with injuries and changing job responsibilities came obesity ... BECAUSE I COULD NOT COMMIT TO CHANGING HABITS.

By 2019, I hope to be that person who can, like you, just eat the tastiest bits of what I order and take the rest home for later (or the pets).

Thanks for your anecdote. It's thought-provoking.

5 hours ago, Diana_in_Philly said:

That was the life where I had to be sitting and could only walk short distances because of the knee pain.

Yes, cripplingly sore knees and ankles have limited my movement and, largely, tied me down for several years.

My leg joints were designed to carry 70kg to 80kg, not 170kg to 180kg.

My mobility ... keeping up with seven lovely grandkids ... it means so much. Hence my gastric sleeve decision as my problem became too big to fight without help or intervention.

16 minutes ago, Rainbow_Warrior said:

That's the reality I want to be at.

My late father, a well-meaning man (whom I miss very much), grew up in an orphanage when his parents gave him up because of their poverty during The Great Depression. From just under 5 years to 16 years, he was a ward of the state. food was scarce but, under no circumstances, were the several hundred child orphans allowed to not like what was served and ALL plates always had to be cleared.

That was a rule at home right through the '50s and '60s ... leaving food on one's plate or not liking/appreciating what was served was a no-no.

It's been locked in my mind for over 55 years.

I eat past my 'full' often and have done for as long as I remember. Playing three or four sports and having an active outdoor life until my late 30s meant I was just classified as overweight. But, with injuries and changing job responsibilities came obesity ... BECAUSE I COULD NOT COMMIT TO CHANGING HABITS.

By 2019, I hope to be that person who can, like you, just eat the tastiest bits of what I order and take the rest home for later (or the pets).

Thanks for your anecdote. It's thought-provoking.

You will get there and it will begin to feel very natural. Unfortunately for my poor husband he's got to be careful now because he usually eats my left overs and it's so much more than it used to be.

Getting what you want often comes with sacrifice. Which do you want more: to be comfortable, healthy, and confident in your own skin or that slice of chocolate cake and a white Russian?

I look back on my old habits with some degree of embarrassment. Have there been moments of absolute suckage? Yes and yes! But, by and by, this surgery has been one of my more wonderful decisions. With time, you may come to feel the same way. In the meantime, it's OK to mourn the loss of those addictive goodies, but don't go back.

The more weight you lose the less you miss your old life. What you are missing is some of the self-soothing things we did to make ourselves feel better, and the social interaction that comes with drinking and eating pub-food. But there is a trade off. Your health and life in exchange for beer and cheese. lol! Now I smoke weed rather than drink. Now I drink water when my friends are eating. But I'm still hilarious and don't need to be eating to have fun. It took me a while before I found my stride on that one.

Life will resume for you, we find our new Normal. And it's surprisingly easy!! I totally understand missing your old life style!! That is where we found our comfort, where we soothed ourselves with food and fed our souls with fried stuff. lol! Or I did at least. It took me a good 3 months to find my New Normal. Some emotional ups and downs. But it's all so worth it!! Well, for me it is. Wearing a size 10 jeans, getting hit on by men of all ages, sitting in any seat I want regardless of ease or access, riding roller coasters, flying without fear, walking past windows but not ashamed of who I see, Joy...so much joy!!

All those things are infinitely better and make me so much happier than me being able to eat a whole bloomin' onion in one sitting. There are trade offs. We lost our coping mechanism that was food, so our emotions and feelings are gonna be rough for a little while. Talking with a therapist is a good idea. Many of us are food addicts in one form or another, so there will be a psychological sense of loss, regret and fear for some of us. I was one. I cried for a week straight. (I'll give myself a little break here and admit that I had been deathly ill for 8 months prior to my surgery so I was drained emotionally and physically by the time I had my surgery. So my crying for a week had some additional ammo behind it besides not getting to binge on food. lol!

Anyway, Just keep at it, you are doing great! And use us as your support! It's OK to have these feelings and to struggle with what we've done. But also keep focusing on your goals. The more you workout and can move more, the greater you will feel!