I'm just going to say it like it is! ......so take it or leave it.

I don't represent this site

The members on this site helped me to be successful. I am just another bariatric patient. Most people ( newbies and vets) have been giving great support. Anyone who has been here for a while can see a definite decline on BariatricPal. Can we get this community back together? I would like to think so....

What does support mean to you? Is your participation in the negative posts working for you or anyone else?

Support: to give help or assistance

Enabling. Promoting self destructive behavior by denying, minimizing, or ignoring its harmful personal effects or outcomes.

Confrontation. To bring together for examination or comparison.( I'm not talking personal attacks) urging him or her to commit to their program. Asserting your compassionate perception that the person is slipping into behaviors that will have harmful effects or outcomes.

Without confronting personal self destructive behavior, you greatly reduce odds for long-term success.

Absolutely magical...

Absolutely.

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

That is what makes me sad (not only on this board). People fail and feel shame on top of it.

What's even more sad is that other patients and the medical team often enough feed into that feelings of shame.

Does anyone think that any of this "I can do whatever I want" is related to the increase in the number or surgeries and lack of care / instruction on doctors' part?

Partly.

I think there were always non-compliant patients out there. With the number of surgeries the number of non-compliant patients automatically increases.

Let's assume for easy math 10% are not compliant. 10% out of 1000 patients are 100 patients. 10% out of 10000 are 1000 patients.

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As for support before and after surgery: in Germany it's gotten way better. In the past surgeons thought patients have surgery and they're done (I got surgery in 2001 and when compared to what care is available today before and after surgery it is way better today).

I don't know what the situation is like in the USA though.

They aren't seriously looking for help, they are just looking for other people that have regained to whine with.

No, I think they're looking for absolution.

They feel like they committed a sin, confessed and want a "fast for three days, work out on the elliptical for six hours and don't sin anymore".

@@jenn1, Thanks for your attention to this issue and for trying to make a difference! I agree there has been a bit of apparent conflict, or lack of positivity on the boards recently, and it kills me. I started the boards because I wanted there to be a place for pre-op and post-op patients to go for encouragement, support, and information, not finger-pointing, blaming, and superiority complexes.

Most members are phenomenal and are really keeping these boards going in the right direction. I do hope the few members who may bring others down – intentionally or not – take responsibility for their own posts and take it upon themselves to think twice about how their replies and posts could be perceived by others.

@@Alex Brecher

Your advocacy for Bariatrics is appreciated. I love your site. I believe the members can get things back on track.

Thanks for all that you do,

Jenn

I lost my band in February after eight successful years. This is the best website for obtaining info. It's one thing having a band put in knowing it could be removed. But revising to rny is irreversible and a tough decision That being said it's easy to ignore squabbling while listening to experiences of other rny ers. Thank you to all contributors out there

In the eight years I had the band, I ran into many unsuccessful banders who were non compliant and drank their calories. They. Only fooled themselves. That's why insurance companies started refusing to pay for band removal for grossly non compliant banders. They also try to determine if there is "technical failure of the band" it's the same for any non compliant rny or sleeve people. If they cause a leak or do damage they could end up on a feeding tube. One thing I can tell you. After going from 305 to 175 for eight years. There is nothing as tasty as being thin.

I made a comment about the vets staying because most newbies need the help and the reply I received was ... Follow your program. Something to that fact. ... I'm not offended. But I think that as a newbie ,I may have a question or enjoy reading their success stories .. So to just say follow my program is not what a group forum is for. It's for support ... If I just follow my program what is the need for a group to discuss our stories with?

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I made a comment about the vets staying because most newbies need the help and the reply I received was ... Follow your program. Something to that fact. ... I'm not offended. But I think that as a newbie ,I may have a question or enjoy reading their success stories .. So to just say follow my program is not what a group forum is for. It's for support ... If I just follow my program what is the need for a group to discuss our stories with?

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Girl, ask some questions, I am more than happy to tell you A LOT more than that!

I made a comment about the vets staying because most newbies need the help and the reply I received was ... Follow your program. Something to that fact. ... I'm not offended. But I think that as a newbie ,I may have a question or enjoy reading their success stories .. So to just say follow my program is not what a group forum is for. It's for support ...

This. A "follow your program" doesn't require (or isn't) any "vet wisdom". I'm not sure what is regarded as "vet wisdom"on here, but IMO "follow your program" or "talk to your NUT" or "you need to change your relationship with food" isn't valuable vet advice. That's only common sense. I also think of it as strange that people who're only 12 months out are already regarded as vets.

Advice from vets is necessary when your individual program doesn't get you the spectacular results you were hoping for or when you're severely struggling with following your program down the road.

Advice doesn't have to be anything fancy, it can be as simple as pointing out the title of a book that helped someone get their cravings under control.

I made a comment about the vets staying because most newbies need the help and the reply I received was ... Follow your program. Something to that fact. ... I'm not offended. But I think that as a newbie ,I may have a question or enjoy reading their success stories .. So to just say follow my program is not what a group forum is for. It's for support ...

This. A "follow your program" doesn't require (or isn't) any "vet wisdom". I'm not sure what is regarded as "vet wisdom"on here, but IMO "follow your program" or "talk to your NUT" or "you need to change your relationship with food" isn't valuable vet advice. That's only common sense. I also think of it as strange that people who're only 12 months out are already regarded as vets.

Advice from vets is necessary when your individual program doesn't get you the spectacular results you were hoping for or when you're severely struggling with following your program down the road.

Advice doesn't have to be anything fancy, it can be as simple as pointing out the title of a book that helped someone get their cravings under control.

I disagree.

I'm not saying my advice is better than anyone else's. Period.

I am saying that someone who is one, two, three, five years post op and successful (or unsuccessful with a solid grasp on why) can offer much more than a book. Why else would these forums exist? Why would anyone join?

I am only a expert on me, but I can certainly share my experiences with nauseousness and what corrected it, dumping (yes, with a sleeve), chronic vomiting and Water poop, a stricture, an extremely teeny sleeve, etc. I can talk about how/why I changed surgeons halfway through process and having to start over. I can talk about cooking for my family immediately post op, etc.

Everyone who has gone through surgery can talk about their circumstances but as I was coming through, I wanted to learn from people who knew what it felt like, struggled, and succeeded anyways.

That's just me, though.

@@summerset

Unless a "vet" is a health care professional, especially one that deals with obesity and/or bariatric medicine, they can only go by their personal experience and what they read.

Many times they are spot on, other times they are offering advice that may not be completely accurate.

Without knowing the person's health background, medicines they are taking and any medical conditions or conditions they are at a higher risk of, it is best to answer them with "follow your plan", etc..

For example, someone writes they have leg cramps and someone tells them to take large doses of potassium supplements because it worked for them and they read it can help those symptoms. Unfortunately the person asking for help has kidney problems -that could be medically unsafe.

Yes, people do look up to "vets" but they also need to follow their plans. If someone is doing one thing they shouldn't, then there is a good chance they aren't following other parts of the plan (eating too fast, eating certain foods before the appropriate stage, not exercising, not drinking enough liquids, not eating enough Protein, not taking their appropriate Vitamin supplements, amongst other common plan recommendations).

Edited July 12, 201610 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

I just read another post where someone is talking about "cheating" on the pre-op liquid diet and one of the responses is "do what you feel"? Perhaps the worst advice and enabling I have seen yet. It is answers like this that make me want to run and not return like a recent vet posted about. SMH.... There may be some folks o. Here dishing out tough love occasionally, but THANK GOODNESS there are! With advice like "go ahead cheat - do what you feel is best - Dr will never know" is not only frightening but potentially life threatening. Wow. Just wow...

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yep I agree, maybe we can change this site for the better

I feel if you don't want to help in a sincere and thoughtful way keep your thoughts to yourself. If your gonna drag up others mistakes on a forum over n over again then why waste your time stressing yourselves out? Idk how long Alex is going to allow you to keep giving your 2 cents when u carry it to another post that doest involve them. I hope you get your vet forum soon. I don't see where you really want to help. Hurting people's feelings when they own up to a mistake usually makes things worse. It's easy to take disapproval from your parents and feel it again in some of these posts you call hard love. You can say it in a posotive encouraging way. If your so over it you can't keep quiet. I'm not saying this out of guilt. I'm saying it with empathy and compassion. Never make someone who comes here and admits and takes accountability feel lower then they already do. We are all people. We all are imperfect. People come here for help it doesn't have to be this way. I've learned a lot from reading here everything but I don't like what you call hard love. It's more sarcasm and str out rude at times.


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