So after telling me that she received my FMLA info from Personnel she leaned down and whispered "what are you having surgery for?" I paused then said, "Im sorry I don't want to give that info" Even when I initially told her that I was having surgery, I specifically asked her to not give that info out.

I felt SO weird saying that because I did want to tell her but I couldn't.. WHY? because she is friends with another girl in our office Im having issues with. I avoid drama with this girl at all cost, so even though I feel I have a good relationship with my sup, I watch the things that I tell her about my personal life. Why do I feel so bad though!!!

No one else my office knows except a close friend whom I trust a little more.

I should also mention that she is 6-7 yrs younger than me and we both have 2 boys so we talk a lot but this is one thing that I am not being open about.

Edited June 7, 201610 yr by reachbree

how awkward! and unprofessional. she should not have even asked.

Good for you! Professionally, she should not have asked. Everywhere I have worked, it would have meant a trip to the Principal's office (or HR)

Yes, it was VERY awkward for me!!! She caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting her to ask me that, but this is where her immaturity comes in. She also has never been a sup until a couple months ago, my old boss left and she took over.

Good for you! Professionally, she should not have asked. Everywhere I have worked, it would have meant a trip to the Principal's office (or HR)

how awkward! and unprofessional. she should not have even asked.

Edited June 7, 201610 yr by reachbree

That is awkward. Nobody where I work asked what sort of surgery I was having -- but people will notice the weight loss, etc. My VSG was 5 weeks ago and one of my friends at work invited me to a dinner party this weekend -- and also inquired if I was doing OK since my surgery. I took that opportunity to let out a little info -- I said that I hated to pass on her kind invitation but I had stomach surgery and am on a very limited diet for now. So it would probably be best to wait a few months. She's a clinician and we've talked about some of her medical issues in the past -- I think I've given her just enough to satisfy a friend and if the rumor mill gets going she will probably tamp it down for me. We have lots of pot lucks, etc. at the office so people are going to notice that I'm not enjoying everything the way I used to.

I'm having the same issue. I don't want to tell anyone at work. I. Doing my fmla directly through hr. I don't want my sup involved.

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The worst is going to be all the rumors. That's why I'm keeping quite as much as possible.

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absolutely, I am preparing myself for the reactions that I will get (if any) when I begin to drop weight. There is a guy in my office whom we assume had surgery because he has dropped soooooooo much weight in so little time, granted weightloss surgery is not the only surgery that will cause you to loose weight that quickly but he is super skinny now and looks great (as in not sick). I am prepared for people to speculate but Im not sure just yet of how I will respond, I like "having stomach surgery and on a special diet"

Very unprofessional. And.....none of her business unless you choose to make it her business.

I am in the same situation, I have a friend that thinks I need to tell her everything that is going on with me but she is the biggest gossip, and negative nancy in the office. I am not one to miss work so when I am out for Dr's appoiment she questions. 4 people in my life know what I am working towards. I have told them this is very private for me and if I hear anyone other than the 3 I work with, I will know who was talking behind my back. My husband is the only family that knows

Your boss had no right to ask you that. And you were correct to tell her you are not giving that info out. What someone I know did is told his boss, he had a mass that needed to be removed. A Fluid tumor like mass and it is common surgery. It works and keeps ppl in the dark that you don't want involve. :-)

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Her question violates the rules around ADA, ACA, HIPPA and FMlLA. You could file a complaint

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It is against the law for a provider to ask you personal medical questions and highly unprofessional. Good for you for not telling her!

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While I agree it's against the law for her to ask you as the boss, sounds like you two have a friendly rapport as you stated you wanted to tell her but didn't do to your other drama... I feel she was asking as more of your friend and out of concern. Us women always want to know the 411 we can't help it.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Edited June 7, 201610 yr by nyteacher125

I have been using that Einstein quote for a few weeks now. It definitely applies in this instance. You. Did. Good. I'm learning that boundaries that are safe for us can feel uncomfortable even when used appropriately in this case. I'm with you on this one; I am in the same place with regard to what I share with supervisors and coworkers. Only ONE person at my job knows, and she was the one who inspired me to consider WLS after becoming friends in graduate school years ago. This is you life, and you owe NO ONE your personal information. Kudos to you for keeping your business to yourself.

Her question violates the rules around ADA, ACA, HIPPA and FMlLA. You could file a complaint

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it does NOT violate any of those except FMLA rules. HIPPA would only apply if her boss tried to look at records without permission. ADA only applies where there is a documented disability, which WLS is not in of it's self that.