After staying away from dating for many many years due to obesity and mobility issues, I started dating again about two years ago. I went out with a few men....and even had a steady beau for about nine months. We recently ended our relationship and I'm 'back on the market' again. I have been out with one guy a couple of times now and I think we will continue to date. We went for dinner last night and I realized when I was looking at the menu, that I was going to approach this differently than I had in the past.

With my surgery nearly 3 1/2 years ago, the scars have faded, the lapband port has been moved under my abdominal muscle so it no longer sticks out, and I alway pay attention to the signs that tell me to slow down and chew better. So I asked my date if he was OK with sharing as I was a light eater. He was fine with it...we still ordered too much..lol, and I still had leftovers. At the end of the meal, I explained, though I didn't have to, that I have inflammatory disease (which I do) and that I've had both hips replaced. As such, I told him I need to be vigilant regarding my size and the smaller I am, the better as the less weight on the joints, the better. After complimenting me on lovely hips, replaced or not, he started to tell me how he felt good at 175 and was trying to lose another 15 or so lbs. to get there. I understood that he was telling me that he knows what weight is good for him and knows why I do the same. More importantly, I did not feel any need to bring up my WLS. Not last night...and possibly not for a long time, if ever.

I'm fairly certain this is what people who have normal relationships with food feel like. They know the weight that works best for them, and do what they need to in order to stay around that size. I also know that if this relationship continues and we become physically closer, I don't have to tell him anymore than I have already shared. To me, this tells me that I am more than my weight loss surgery and journey and that I am one more step closer to normal and not the former fat girl who is 'passing' as slender. This is a big mind shift for me as I embrace the current me more and more and leave the fat girl in my past. I'll never forget...because forgetting means risking all I have gained. But to put it behind me is a really good thing.

Oh, and for the loose skin issue...I'm 57 and have had children. Between those two things, some loose skin is not a deal breaker. I found that out with the last boyfriend. He had no issues with my body and I realized most men who are around my age are just so happy to be intimate, that they don't care, and are not looking for perfection anyway. Just something for you folks with loose skin issues to think about.

Thanks for sharing, another reminder our mind is our most powerful tool... The world see us as we portray ourselves to them... Happy dating

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Yes, yes and YES !!!!!!!!

Glad I came on here today. Proud of you -- and totally agree. Our Bodies OUR Selves. And whoever this guy is, lucky, lucky man.

@@gowalking - "I'm 57 and have had children. Between those two things, some loose skin is not a deal breaker."

Any guy who has been around and dated women his own age and is over 45 realizes gravity wins, and having kids changes things. (Though I wish I had the child bearing excuse ) It has taking me months to get my GF to realize I really do think she's really hot (and she is, she is great looking, and surprising young 53).

But it is very cool that she has no problem sharing a meal when we eat out. She knows about the surgery, and she doesn't eat much at a meal either, so one entree is usually enough for the two of us. Thankfully we like the same food and she trusts my choices. Occasionally she sees something on the menu that sounds great to her and so we do two Entrees and to go boxes.

I'm glad you are finding a new normal. That is a nice change.

He sounds like a keeper. I'm still trying to find one of those. You give me hope.

thanks,

pam

He sounds like a keeper. I'm still trying to find one of those. You give me hope.

thanks,

pam

oh, it's real early yet Pam. will have to wait and see. You need a thick skin to date. I'm still working on it.

Love it!

My beau is 6'1" and about 180#. We share meals ALL the time and I am embarrassed to admit, I think I eat more than he does!

I have not told about my WLS but after 5 years, it just isn't how I define myself...There are alot of things that don't seem too important to the current situation.

Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

This was so great to read. We are not our surgery. I am happy for you!!

JustWatchMe

He sounds like a keeper. I'm still trying to find one of those. You give me hope.

thanks,

pam

Hi Pam...he turned out to be not a keeper. He expected dinner would lead to something else and when I didn't offer, he decided to move on. Gotta kiss alot of frogs.....

Sooo many frogs!

Now you know what's more important to him, and unfortunately for him, it wasn't you.

You're the keeper!!

Anything worth having is worth waiting for.....and that includes "anyone."

@@gowalking

So sorry, Sweetie! I hear you about the frogs. Well at least you know that there are guys out there that can deal with the weight/eating issues even if they have other issues. Someday you will find one that hits all the criterion and he will love you back!

pam

Oh yeah...this was nothing and I'm already moving on. What hurts are the ones you connect with and it doesn't work out. This guy was a couple of nice conversations and no further investment. More important is what I got out of it...I know I don't feel obligated in any way to disclose my weight loss surgery. That's what really matters.

Liz

Such a great post! Thank you.