I'll start by saying I he my sleeve done 9/9/15. My surgery weight was 320, I'm currently 192.4. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for 12. We have 3 boys, 11 year old twins (one is special needs) and a 5 year old. We've always been extremely happy. Everyone we know says the same thing. Always lovey dove you and all that. Up until about a month ago people started commenting to him how great I was looking (the guys at his work) after that he started to seem unhappy. He left us without warning almost 2 weeks ago. He just seems so angry. He's under so much stress at work and having blood pressure issues. I think that plays a large part in it. I just need prayers that he will find his way back to our family. I'm so lost without of him I'm so scared of losing him and I need all the prayers I can get. Thank you in advance.

You are not going to like what I am going to say...

I speak my mind with tough love. I can only say it like I see it; so for what it is worth:

Stressed at work and BP does not make a man leave his children and wife. Those two issues can make drive him to drink or kick the dog.

There could easily be another woman. IF that comes out, please don't take the blame for it. IMHO, when they leave and use another woman as an excuse, it won't have been the first time. You know, the old, "You've changed, I don't feel attention enough". story. Many relationships change after a big life change, in this case, WLS, but you guys have young kids, twins and a special needs kid. That is a high level of "Adulting" that can make a person want to run..the strong, grow up and tackle another day and then the next and the next. The anger is sometimes a way to make you give him space to do whatever he is doing and not ask questions and be okay with whatever he is up to.

One thing that helps is NOT being afraid he won't come back. Don't beg. You have to still be a parent in the face of incredible stress while he does what? Sit on "someones" sofa and complain? I can assure you, you could, if needed to, do this on your own. If he knows that you really, really do not need him, that you have true confidence in your own abilities to do life on your own, he will take notice and maybe even be a bit afraid..because, what if you are not waiting for him when he returns (and no doubt he will), but what if you don't respect him after him leaving you in the lurch. Him knowing that you mean business, will have him respect you...No Matter What Happens. You may not feel strong enough right now, but you are and once you know it through and through, nothing can take that away from you.

I do hope for the best for this situation, I really, really do.

Prayers! I hope he comes to his senses!

@twinmomma422... Where did he go when he left?.... Sorry but this sounds like he's cheating or met someone else... The stress of getting caught was probably causing his blood pressure issues...

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I didn't post all of the issues but having high BP and extremely high stress levels, not sleeping well, not eating well, etc. those are the things I know led up to this. We have always been happy and hardly ever fought. I know for a fact there is no one else. My husband isn't like that. Never has been. We still talk frequently and he talks to our boys a few times a day when he can. We've been "adulting" on our own since we were 18. I think me losing weight has made him a little insecure even though I've never given him a reason for it. Like I said I'm asking for any extra prayers. Thank you.

His company got him an apartment about 8 miles from here. Like I said there is no one else. He doesn't have time nor ever had the money. He didn't have his debit card and didn't carry cash. We were always constantly talking and eating lunch together. The boys FaceTime with him often. I know that is not what's going on.

I send prayers. I also have to add that he left you with 3 young children - so maybe he isn't the person you thought he was. Regardless of stress, etc - leaving his family is wrong!

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I feel almost as if he's having a mid life crisis or something. Idk. He just turned 33 though. :-/. Idk just need all the prayers I can get. Thank you.

Time reveal everything... I agree with what others have said...FaceTime isn't a substitute for parenting.. This sounds like a well thought out plan, companies usually need some notice to get apartments.... Many people have stress blood pressure etc, leaving their wife and three 3 isn't the usually reaction... I do wish you the best and please proceed in a way the best serves you and your children...

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See if you can talk him into some Couples Counseling.

My Husband walked out of our 25 year Marriage with many of the same "symptoms or reasons". I encouraged him to get Marriage Counseling with me. He refused. So I uprooted my life. Bought a new house, changed my job schedule accommodate my Daughter's school needs, starting working OT to get some more savings stashed. I let him go. About 8 months later, he wanted to get back together but by then I had realized that I was happier without him. If we had done counseling in the beginning, who knows what might have happened.

I'm not saying Facetime is a substitute for parenting. He's been by the house a few times as well. I was saying the Facetime thing because people start assuming that he was seeing someone else.

I've talked to him about counseling but he isn't keen on talking to strangers about our issues. I'm still trying to talk to him about it.

His company moves from town to town every couple of years. They have contracts with certain apartment complexes and house out of town guys. We just happen to move when the job moves. So there was an open apartment. He stayed in a hotel down the road for the first 4 days while it was getting set up.

@@Twinmomma422 This is real shitty of him. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Stay strong! It may be a good idea for you to get counseling alone.

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I know how scary it is - and I do believe prayer changes things. I am praying for you.

Focus on taking care of yourself and the kids no matter what he decides or does.

Thank y'all so much. I just miss him so much. I try and be strong but I'm so lost without him. :-/

I've been thinking about looking into counseling for myself. Can you do marriage counseling without the other spouse?

Doesn't matter what you call counseling. It will probably help you find greater emotional stability and clarify YOUR values, issues and goals.

Go for it.

I think counseling will help you talk this out with an objective person and guide you towards what is best for you....I'm rooting for you and your children... He doesn't sound like he working towards the same goal as you...

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Edited May 26, 201610 yr by nyteacher125