Do you have anyone constantly trying to bring you down postop? I have a girl at work, and if I am ever not smiling, not unhappy, just working she says oh she can't eat she's so sad!!HAHAHAHAHAH. I am so not sad I feel great until she starts acting bitchy. I wish no one knew. Is it jealousy or is she just so unhappy she feels the need to put somebody else down? It hurts my feelings, and as a still somewhat emotional eater, it is really not helpful in this journey

She is ignorant. I have a way of dealing with people like her that doesn't involve HR or anyone else.. You tell her in a polite yet stern way that if she says another word about your eating or not eating or anything else negative you will make her life a living hell. I was bullyed a lot when I was a kid, I was the smallest person in my class, but I learned that you cannot be bullied if you stand up to them. If she continues to harass you after your little talk, then embarrass her in front of coworkers, tell them how cruel she is. Then if all else fails you might file an official report but I would use that as a last resort.

Tell her "My former best friend, may she rest in peace, said something like that to me...ONCE".

Just kidding, mention to her nicely after one of those remarks that bother you "I know you aren't saying (whatever that remark was) on purpose, but it bothers me. I enjoy talking to you , but can we talk about something different."; or something to that effect. You got your point across. If she was deliberately doing that, you made your point to nicely call her out on it. If she was doing this without realizing the impact of it, then she was made aware.

If she continues to do so and doesn't respect your wishes, contact your supervisor and then HR if necessary.

Otherwise, go to Home Depot or Lowes, buy duct tape, some rope and a shovel.

You know I had to read the original post a couple of times... and everyone has some great opinions here but something made me think to ask...is there something that you doing that prompts her behavior?

Do you say out loud that you can't eat?

I had a co-worker once who would announce everything she was doing all the time. It drove me insane, and when she would not get a response from anyone she would continue to repeat what she was doing and/or why.

I never want to be out right rude to someone but I don't care if your going to the ladies room, or getting lunch or going to fix the hole in your stocking and the need to announce you every move can be irritating. So i started parroting her as she would announce her comings and goings and doings and soon she realized what she was doing and how she sounded and stopped.

I'm not saying that your doing this....but it's another way to look at it and perhaps the only true way to change things. Only we can change our reaction to and behaviors around those that irritate us. It's just about the only thing we have some control over.

I have been in this situation with 4 different women before. The only way I could sort it out was being blunt to their face when no one else was away.

It was 2 work mates and 2 sister in laws. Trust me they are not so smart when they are spoken to firmly on their own.

Sent from my SM-G900I using the BariatricPal App

Wow she's a (flower blossom)! Tell her to shut the hell up and get some work done

Mrs. Hollis

Edited by LipstickLady. Use of the R word in this forum is offensive and will not be tolerated.

Wow she's a r*****! Tell her to shut the hell up and get some work done

Mrs. Hollis

I wasn't aware that we are using slurs like "retard" around here.

Frankly, I find this very offensive. I normally would not respond to such ignorance, but today I am fed up with this kind of insensitivity.

Please, please, I hope we all consider more carefully the words we choose to use in these forums.

Quote edited by LipstickLady. Seeing the slur was making my blood boil.

Wow she's a r*****! Tell her to shut the hell up and get some work done

Mrs. Hollis

Your use of the word "retard" is highly offensive. As a host of this forum, I will ask that you please refrain from using such slurs in the future. Thank you.

Wow she's a r*****! Tell her to shut the hell up and get some work done

Mrs. Hollis

Your use of the word "retard" is highly offensive. As a host of this forum, I will ask that you please refrain from using such slurs in the future. Thank you.

How is it offensive? I feel the behavior of this persons co-worker is not only wrong to her but also "offensive" to anyone that has had this surgery. The words "ignorant" and "stupid" have been used to describe how people feel so how is that any different? There was no intentional harm meant. I've seen way worse said on this forum so pls don't signal me out......

Wow she's a (flower blossom)! Tell her to shut the hell up and get some work done

Mrs. Hollis

Edited by LipstickLady. Use of the R word in this forum is offensive and will not be tolerated.

Mrs. Hollis

How is it offensive? I feel the behavior of this persons co-worker is not only wrong to her but also "offensive" to anyone that has had this surgery. The words "ignorant" and "stupid" have been used to describe how people feel so how is that any different? There was no intentional harm meant. I've seen way worse said on this forum so pls don't signal me out......

Mrs. Hollis

I am going to copy and paste a great article here and hope this breaks it down for you. I will say that using the R word as an insult is akin to using the N word, using the word ***, calling someone a **** or a J*w...

Using another person's disability/race/ethnicity as an insult is wrong on so many levels, as I am sure you agree.

Advocates explain why the R-word is so hurtful when used in jokes or as part of everyday speech.

The R-word is EXCLUSIVE

“What’s wrong with "retard"? I can only tell you what it means to me and people like me when we hear it. It means that the rest of you are excluding us from your group. We are something that is not like you and something that none of you would ever want to be. We are something outside the "in" group. We are someone that is not your kind. I want you to know that it hurts to be left out here, alone.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger

The R-word IGNORES INDIVIDUALITY

“Words matter. People don't need to scoff at others to make a point. Everyone has a gift and the world would be better off if we recognized it.” – Tim Shriver, CEO of Special Olympics

The R-word equates intellectual disability with being DUMB OR STUPID

When saying the R-word, “What we mean is that he is as stupid as someone who is mentally handicapped, and we mean that in the most derogatory sense. The implication is that the only characteristic of mentally handicapped individuals is their stupidity.” – Crystal, Stanford, CA

The R-word spreads HURT

“It is wrong to pain people with your language. Especially, when you have already been made aware of your oral transgression's impact. Make no mistake about it: WORDS DO HURT! And when you pepper your speak with "retard" and "retarded," you are spreading hurt.” – John C. McGinley, actor and star of the hit TV show “Scrubs”

The R-word is OFFENSIVE

“The word retard is considered hate speech because it offends people with intellectual and developmental disabilities as well as the people that care for and support them. It alienates and excludes them. It also emphasizes the negative stereotypes surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; the common belief that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities should be segregated, hidden away from society, which, in my opinion, is really old fashioned.” – Karleigh Jones, Special Olympics New Zealand athlete

The R-word is INCORRECT

“When you say the "R" word it makes people feel bad and it hurts my feelings and I don't want to hear you guys say it. Instead, you can call me a leader, a hero, or a human being, but please don't call me the "R" word.” – Dony Knight, Special Olympics Oregon athlete

The R-word is DEROGATORY

“Because the word has become a casual description of anything negative or flawed, ‘retarded’ is no longer considered an appropriate way to describe people with intellectual disabilities. And any use of the word, even when used as slang and not intended to be offensive, is hurtful - because it will always be associated with people who have disabilities.” – Sara Mitton, Board Member, Treasure Valley Down Syndrome Association

The R-word fosters LONELINESS

“It hurts and scares me when I am the only person with intellectual disabilities on the bus and young people start making “retard” jokes or references. Please put yourself on that bus and fill the bus with people who are different from you. Imagine that they start making jokes using a term that describes you. It hurts and it is scary.” – Joseph Franklin Stephens, Special Olympics Virginia athlete and Global Messenger

The R-word is HATE SPEECH

“I don’t think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don’t realize that you hate. But that’s what it is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them [people with intellectual disabilities], your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it’s nothing but another form of hate. It’s more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything.” – Soeren Palumbo, student, advocate, brother to a sister with an intellectual disability.

Eeeek! It edited out my examples. That says a lot.

@@Alex Brecher Would you please add the R word to the banned/edited word list? THANK YOU!

@@dcd1397, I was not trying to bash you but to address the choice of words you used. I understand completely if you did not realize that it is offensive, but now you, and anyone reading this thread is more aware.

@@dcd1397, I was not trying to bash you but to address the choice of words you used. I understand completely if you did not realize that it is offensive, but now you, and anyone reading this thread is more aware.

Agree.

@@dcd1397

Your word was offensive because it was politically incorrect. The "r" word is associated with medical conditions related to cognitive challenges. I understand what you meant to say is "That person is an idiot." or "That person is a dumbbutt." In the current environment, what you actually ended up saying is roughly equivalent to: "That person is mentally handicapped."

This is very likely going to get me in trouble, but think of the way the "n" word was used 200 years ago. It wasn't at the time something that was inherently offensive, it was just a synonym for a "black person". In our current times, the "n" word is a good way to get into a fight if you happen to throw it around because it has negative connotations. 20 years ago I remembering using the "r" word to describe things as being stupid..."that's retarded" was a commonly accepted phrase. It isn't acceptable anymore because the association with the word has changed.

So, I think we all need to relax a little bit instead of assuming that this person was intentionally being ignorant. Not everyone recognizes that the "r" word does not have the same indications it did 10 years ago. Now that this person knows, I'm sure they will recognize this in the future and choose a word that is more appropriate in our current social climate.

I am so embarrassed, I didn't know that I wasn't being "PC". When I was working on the distributor of my first car (pre-modern electronic distributorless ignitions), I needed to "R-word" the spark when tuning it up.

I can understand people taking offense to this, but I don't believe "dcd197's" intent was to use it in a way to make fun of someone who is truly cognitively impaired; that would be hateful and cruel.

I never interpreted it that way, but I can understand why people are offended by the use of that word.

I am so embarrassed, I didn't know that I wasn't being "PC". When I was working on the distributor of my first car (pre-modern electronic distributorless ignitions), I needed to "R-word" the spark when tuning it up.

I can understand people taking offense to this, but I don't believe "dcd197's" intent was to use it in a way to make fun of someone who is truly cognitively impaired; that would be hateful and cruel.

I never interpreted it that way, but I can understand why people are offended by the use of that word.

The R word is NEVER offensive if used in a technical or clinical sense and it has NOTHING to do with being "PC". When the R word is used as a slur, you are insulting people with a physical/mental disability -- something they have no control over.

Perhaps I am very sensitive to this issue because I was an exceptional ed teacher. I, too, believe the person who used the word did not mean it as offensively as it came across, but that does not take away from the importance of getting out the message that the use of the word really isn't acceptable.

Well - this thread got hijacked

I've been lucky that most all my co workers have been really supportive of me wanting to have this surgery done - however, my family and friends... not so much - my mom is like you can do it on your own... oh.. really? then why did I get up to 323 - I was active - walked everywhere when I was working or going to school - it was the off days - my butt did not move. anyhow, got the band lost about 60 - 70lbs... and I'm keeping current at that loss just not going any further.

my sister telling her son - aunt mandyis going to have surgery to be small like mommy... uh... yeah I love my sister - but 240lbs is not small... *sighs*

my other sister - doesn't like it because she's scared of something happening to me - she feels the world will end if I'm not in it to catch her... I get it - she lost daddy and big sis was mommy and daddy to her forever... I get it.

roommate - adament that I'm just a lazy stupid bbbbbbbb is very against me doing this - is angry that I've already had the band done... and blah blah - seriously he acts like he's my boyfriend more then my roommate/friend, but thats a whole other issue...

The OP - honestly I HOPE one of my roommate's gfs are stupid enough to say something like that to me... but then I'm not easily offended by stupid comments - I just look at them like they're stupid and laugh.

Edited May 3, 201610 yr by Raenh