This is my first post in this forum, so, hello! In the months leading up to my surgery, I put my dating life completely on hold to stay focused on the labor of preparing for a huge shift in mind, body and soul.

I was sleeved three weeks ago, but dating feels like a different thing now. I would really prefer not to divulge information as personal as a bariatric surgery to people i don't know and trust, but since relationships have a physical component it seems dishonest not to tell. In a year my body will look totally different. When we share a meal, and I can only eat three bites, I feel I will have to explain.

Are you dating while in process of weight loss?

Do you divulge that you've had a bariatric surgery to your date?

What kind of responses did you get?

Are you waiting until your close to goal to start dating do you can focus on yourself?

A.

I know. Like I said, I'm just going to have to wait and see lol. He has never tried to convince me not to have the surgery or anything and I keep warning him about the loose skin and the possibility that I might look too thin in the face for a bit (something I have noticed when people lose weight fast is that their faces kind of go through an "awkward stage" while the body is redistributing the fat.)

Strangely, since making this post, right around the time I went in for surgery I started corresponding with someone who I expected only to be my penpal. I decided that I was not ready to date, and that it was important for me to focus on myself and my wellness for six months.

Well that didn't last, as my penpal has rapidly become a real life friend, another artist who is working on new products with me for my company, with a healthy splash of desire and sensuality thrown in, which keeps everything fun!

Maybe it is true what they say: you can only find love when you stop looking for it. Not that I'm in love. But I'm definitely in some serious like!

I have not put it on hold, but I have struggled with whether and when to tell them. The man I am seeing now is a physician and I told him while we were still chatting online, before we met in person. We've gone out a half dozen times and he has been very supportive of the weight loss, and knows I will need skin surgery eventually. I have told others at the first meeting. Sometimes they vanish soon after. I would rather it happen early on, before I get attached.

To my son's dismay I am not planning on dating till he graduates next year. That was the plan even before weight loss surgery. My thoughts are there will need to be a neon sign over his head stating he's the one. I told my son that or I would know when I'm ready when I find a werewolf.

He was disgusted and threw his hands up in the air and told me I was being unreasonable. lol

I joined this site a few years ago because I finally made it to the contestant pool for Jeopardy and saw the horrible comments made online about women who appear on the show - especially the larger women. At my insistence, my family doctor referred me to the WLS program in Windsor, Ontario.

The experience was horrible and I ended up getting booted from the program before I even got started.

In the intervening 3 years, I've done nothing for myself.

I haven't had a relationship (or sex) since February 2009, a 2-month relationship that started a year after I was dumped by my fiance. Since then, I've gone on a few dates here and there. Only 2 people have seriously expressed interest in me and I didn't believe a word because I don't believe in myself.

Internet dating is the worst as an overweight woman pushing 60. Men are cruel to you.

Last summer, one of the 2 people who expressed interest made overt physical overtures and I couldn't go through with it. We went out 2 weeks ago and he met my two BFFs. Today he told me he wants to date the single one.

She's 4 foot 11 and weighs 100 pounds. I'm 5 foot 2 and weigh 250.

I told him I can't speak to him anymore; I feel like every time he called me beautiful was a lie.

Last December, I was contacted by someone I went to high school with; we went on a couple of dates that went nowhere. I told him that I was no longer the slender with big boobs brunette he knew. He said it didn't matter. We finally went out for a Saturday in mid-January, after 3 to 5-hour long conversations every night for weeks. He said that he could move anywhere in Canada with his new job and could live here (he's in Toronto, 2 hours away). We spent an entire day talking and talking and talking.

And then.... nothing.

He claimed he had an anxiety attack and withdrew completely. And I have no idea why. Was he repulsed by my size, change his mind??? *sigh*

So now, I find myself here, contemplating surgery to lose weight, because I hate myself so much again....

I would wait until everything was done, weight gone, plastic surgery out of the way. And probably a long stretch of therapy to work on the complete lack of self-esteem.

I'm pre-op.... My dating life is on hold for now, I'm just not feeling me.

I do hope to return to dating... I think you have some valid questions... I think you'll know who you want to share that info with and when... It's pretty common for women to eat something small on a first date or leave food behind so a guy might not even comment or notice... I hear the scars aren't so noticeable, if he's about to get some and he is only noticing scars that's a problem lol. I feel everyone you meet has a past, information tends to get disclosed over the course of time.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

My love life has been on hold for 5 years. Haven't been able to find someone who wanted to date. So maybe when I'm smaller

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

@@rouquinne I've learned real men don't excuse their bad behavior, don't put it on you that he did that... Have weight loss surgery to make you better... Skinny women/fat women have all been treated badly by men at some point... I do understand why you feel that way.

I like this quote.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited May 25, 201610 yr by nyteacher125