Ok, I just need to vent here. I feel like I have completely screwed myself and I'm scared to death.

I am 11 days post op. My surgery was the worst. Spent three days in the hospital because of nausea, fever, horrible pain, reflux and stomach spasms. Had to suffer an upper gi before I left (no leaks thank god!). Didn't feel like a semi-normal human until 3-4 more days after being home. Last night was the first night I slept laying in my bed. Needless to say, it has been way worse than I ever thought it would be. I really wanted to be the one who felt awesome and went home the next day and it turned out to be the complete opposite! I am really wondering why the hell I did this to myself!

Starting week 2, I tried to start pureed meat (like baby food consistency) and mashed potatoes, both hurt and gave me diarrhea. Since day 7, I am so sick of being on liquids (was on liquids two weeks pre op and now until this Thurs) that I keep finding myself taking tiny bites at foods I am making for the kids. Just tiny bits of veggie straws and 3 little grapes while I was making the kids lunches for tomorrow. And a few nights ago my husband made the kids alfredo and I wanted a bite so bad that I took a bite, chewed it up, and spit it in the trash. And then I felt so disgusted with myself!

I went shopping with the hubby and kids a couple days and they got jack in the box and ate it in the car with me, I was totally fine, brought my shake with me and it didn't bother me. But they left the food trash in the car and when we came back out of the store and opened the car door and the SMELL hit me, I totally freaked and was yelling throw the bags out! roll the windows down! turn the fan on!! like a complete maniac because the smell was so strong I almost threw up! Didn't bother me at all when I sat in the car with them when they ate it! And I made a complete embarrassing scene in the parking lot of hobby lobby.

I thought I was so prepared and informed and had my food totally under control pre op (lost 20 lbs and followed diet to the T) and now I feel like a total failure!! Nothing I ate today has hurt me or come back up, and I chewed each bite like 100 times, but I am still scared to death that I am ruining this!

On a good note, for the first time in a decade of being diabetic with high blood pressure, acid reflux, and high cholesterol, I am actually off every single med except my Vitamins and physically I feel fantastic! But emotionally, I am literally losing my mind! I have cried all day long today, for no particular reason. I can only guess its because after being off all the meds, I feel like I have come out of a prescription fog, which is fantastic, and now I feel everything, good and bad, and I can't run to food when I don't like it anymore. I just have to sit here and feel everything. And I feel like all my emotions are on extreme exaggerated overdrive like I am pregnant and just had a baby or something! Completely out of control!

Please someone tell me that this is all normal and I haven't made the worst mistake of my life! Not that I can do anything about it now, but I hope the little cheats I have made haven't ruined anything for me...

I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time. It will get better.

I am guessing at least part of what you are going through is because of the fluctuating hormones that many of us experience as we lose fat. Also, since we no longer have the option of using food to self-soothe, our emotions can be very raw.

As you are able to get more nourishment, things will improve. Just stay hydrated, get in your Protein, and try to walk/exercise. Exercise and sunlight both help me with improving my mood.

@@LisaS73

You are new at this.Not a failure....be a bit more kind to yourself.

You have passed thought the surgery pain and it sounds like you are moving on. Fantastic you are off your medications. The emotional ups and downs sound normal to me.

food addictions and old behaviors are something many of us have had to deal with and change to be successful with surgery. As an emotional/stress eater. I have had to find other ways to cope instead of food. ( hobby's exercise)

Keep going! Work your plan and follow your surgeons instructions. Make everyday better than the day before.

Thanks ladies, it's good to know I am not just losing my mind! I had not heard of hormones fluctuating with fast loss before. I think I am also going to call the pre op counselor tomorrow and schedule an appt. Maybe he an give me some suggestions to cope until I can start really exercising. Till then I am just gonna walk my neighborhood every time I feel an episode coming on.

It's just so hard to deal with the food. I thought I wouldn't have this problem after surgery. And my family tries to be so accommodating. They don't ever eat in front of me unless I tell them it's ok, but one second is it and the next I turn into the Tasmanian devil about it. I am pretty sure I will never touch Jello for the rest of my life when this liquid diet is over!!

Today was the first time that we sat and started to watch a movie as a family. My hubby made popcorn for the kiddos and himself and it smelled AMAZING! So, I went to Michael's and bought myself 2 adult coloring books and some colored pencils. It was 102 degrees. ....too hot to walk for an extended period of time. But, coloring made me happy. It kept my hands busy and I'll have something pretty to look at once it's finished! Screw that popcorn!

I've been going thru the same problems of being a crying shrew. I'm 5 days past surgery and having a terrible time getting all the liquids I'm supposed to have. Very tempted to try something solid, but scared I'll hurt my new tummy. Water, shakes, broth...yuck. What I ended up doing was adding 1/4 # ground beef and 1/2 slice cheese to beef broth along with onion powder and some garlic powder. Cooked it all together because that's the way I would normally prepare a cheese burger (minus the broth). Then, I strained it and drank my hamburger broth. Omg, it tasted like real food! Hubby came in the kitchen and ate all the strained hamburger, so we enjoyed the same meal..sorta! My crying ended after that. I think coming off the pain meds might have contributed to the crying jag too. I'm already planning my chicken and broth meal for tomorrow. Then, only another week of thinking up new ways to revise recipes to liquids only. Lol. After this challenging surgery and being so good before it, I refuse to mess it up now. This too shall pass! Good luck to you!

I have to say the food thing has not been easy but I think I do a good job at avoiding what I can't. I am over 3 months out of surgery and I can say I felt like a crazed PMS lady for 7 weeks! Sorry but hopefully yours does not last as long. I was insane and felt like I was going to lose my mind! My poor husband got the brunt of it! Now I am a super happy and much skinnier person. So hang in there and it will get better!

I'm sorry to hear you have had a difficult time. I was in the same situation. I was in the hospital much longer than I anticipated and the recovery was harder emotionally than I ever imagined and I - like you - felt pretty prepared ahead of time. I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be emotionally basically going through carb and sugar withdraw along with mourning the loss of my coping mechanism (emotional eating), it was a pretty rough couple of weeks. I'm happy to say though that once you get through those first couple of weeks, as long as you stick with the program, it gets way easier. Your body (and mind) adapt and you start to see amazing results which helps too. :-) Good luck on the rest of your journey!

Thanks so much again ladies! I am going for a walk after lunch. I sat outside this morning with my decaf tea and yogurt and you were right @@Inner Surfer Girl, the fresh air and sunshine helps. I haven't tried driving anywhere yet since being off the major pain meds and I'm starting to get a little cabin fever so I am just going to get out of the house today, even if just to the park down the road to walk because it's so beautiful. I will not give up or give in!! My good friend and mentor tells me being unhealthy and overweight is hard, getting through this process and getting my life back is hard. Every day you just have to pick your hard!

While I had an easier recovery, I definitely feel you on the food smells issue! We made some Pasta with meatballs and beef stew for my sweetie to have while I was recovering. Really simple stuff -- chicken herb meatballs, jarred sauce, penne, and the beef stew was just meat, potatoes, carrots, onions, and some gravy mix in the crock pot.

WELL, when he eats it, the smell to me is like he's been chewing raw garlic. He REEKS of strong smells to me. This was not strong sauce and the meatballs are not strongly flavored, but he comes within 10 feet of me and I get nauseous from the smell! *grin* So, now he's afraid to eat *anything* at all, for fear I will get upset about the smell. I finally had to be like, "Look, you can't not eat, and what bothers me today may not bother me tomorrow. I'll live -- just stay on your side of the living room!"

I'm 13 days post and went out to do groceries pretty much ...I'm so bored because I haven't gone out to eat anymore...

Tomorrow I go back to work thank god!

Exactly! It makes me feel so guilty but there is no rhyme or reason!