I stand before you now, fellow bandsters, humble. This is a celebration of my two-year baniversary on Saturday (yay!) but also a cautionary tale (cue *heavy* music).

A year ago, I wrote my one-year bandiversary post. You can read it again here.

A year ago, I was positive, upbeat. I'd lost 90 lbs and felt great! But I read that post again and see the beginning of difficulties. The downswing was starting.....

Year One was the year of tenacity. I lost almost 100lbs in a year. I was a success!! I stuck obsessively to my low carb diet. I ate small, I ate low carb, I exercised and I was rewarded with rapid weight loss.

Year Two has been a struggle. A dogfight. Filled with a lot of sadness, depression and fighting the internal demons (what the venerable Jack calls "The Dragon").

First, the results: In Year Two, I've lost a meager 22 lbs. Now, I'll take that. I'll take a loss over a gain anytime. But sitting at a 110 lb loss since surgery, I'm still about thirty lbs from goal. And those 30 lbs feel like the highest mountain in the world to overcome.

This past year has been about being way too smart for my own damn good. I remember my surgeon telling me that people "get smart" about their band and learn how to eat around it. In Year Two, I stopped being scared of a PB and dove headfirst into trying any and all foods. Hey, some worked. Like cookies. Did you know that the right kind of cookie goes down with the greatest of ease? Especially if it's lubed up with some ice cream! Wooo!

Yeah. I took my eye off the ball. Now, it's due to Trink (my band) that in a year of running amok and eating quantities of cookies and ice cream (and a whole variety of other things that I shouldn't) I didn't gain weight. It was Marimaru who said recently, in this post that, "When I'm not good I don't gain weight, which is all thanks to my band, and when I am good, I lose slowly, which is frustrating, but it's the right direction and that's how my band works for me." Man, I read those words and it just drilled right to the heart. This is how my band is working for me, now, too.

Year Two has been A LOT of not being good. I've nowhere to place the blame but my own two shoulders.

So on this Two Year Bandiversary, below are the biggest lessons learned to date about the band. I want to put this out there as much as anything for someone who is considering the surgery.

What I've learned:

1) My doctor told me this, and I glossed over it....wanted to believe otherwise. But here we go.

The band works best when you are eating right.

There you have it.

We ALL want it to work best when we eat crap because it prevents overeating. Sure, and there is plenty of crap food I really CAN'T eat. But the trickster brain will find some kind of crap food that WILL go through. I can't eat cake. Clogs the pipes. However, I CAN eat cake if I mush it up with ice cream. And it goes through REAL easy.

However....when I eat salads, and proteins, and don't drink liquid with meals...I fill up quickly, stay full longer and lose weight.

This I think is the MOST undersold problem with the band. It *requires* participation. It's mentioned that you have to "work harder" at the band than you do RNY in the initial years. It's true.

It's this rule I've faltered on the most this year.....

2) They aren't kidding in all those magazines and TV shows when they say the best way to lose weight is to exercise.

'Nuff said.

3) It's all about the fill. Don't fight getting a fill. Don't fight getting unfilled.

Being overfilled doesn't make you more moral, a better bandster or a better person because you can endure misery.

Being under filled or not having a fill doesn't make you a failure.

I see so many folks get so bound up about fills. Fighting against getting one when they need it or fighting against having some taken out when *clearly* they are overfilled.

I know, I was one of those folks. I went one year with the same level of fill.

In year two I've had a variety of fills and unfills, tinkering with what works. My body changes, how the band feels changes and because of that I need the fill levels to change. My doctor supports this.

If your surgeon offers a "support" plan where you pay an amount for all the visits and fills you can use, take it. Then you don't think about it, you just go in and have it taken care of.

I wish I'd internalized this lesson a little more at the start. The band is not a "static state". Again, in this way, it requires your particpation.

And finally....

3) The demons you have about food don't go away. In fact, something about the band actually magnifies them. My loving bf suggested recently that maybe I should have the band out because instead of giving me a feeling of control, it gives me a feeling of beating myself against a wall about food.

Just recently, I had to admit to my therapist that I've once again become a full-fledged bulimic. Thankfully with her guidance, it was a short-lived return of this terrible problem, but for a while there, it was back with a vengeance.

This was me fighting myself, fighting The Dragon, fighting the band.

Sometimes, I want so desperately to eat a big cheeseburger and fries I feel like I could rip my eyes out to be able to do so. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but sometimes I feel like that.

Thankfully the feeling always passes.

But biggest lesson here is don't go into this surgery alone. Get a good therapist. Get a good support group in place. This process isn't easy. But it is manageable.

Having a restrictive device on your stomach doesn't make your issues go away. It makes you have to face them, head on, unflinchingly.

So at Year Two what do all these lessons mean?

Well, it means I really do love and need my band. I feel like it's both a lifesaver and the bane of my existence. It's my job to "do the work" to continue to make it a lifesaver.

I've now been about two weeks back on track and suddenly, once again, with eating right and small portions, the band feels good again. Weight is easing off.

These last thirty pounds look insurmountable. I know they aren't. Just have to stay head down, hardworking.

So today I celebrate my Bandiversary. I really do.

And as I blow out the candles on my sugar free sweets, my fondest wish for Year Three is to find some peace, some calm, some sense that food doesn't haunt me, it nourishes me.

My goal is to make friends with food. Right now I'm taking advantage of this friend and it's not going well. If I can find balance, if I can learn to love my body "as is", if I can just make peace with eating, then this will have truly been a successful journey.

Today, I mark my success in lessons, not pounds.

Wish me luck. I’m plugging my nose and jumping back in........

(if you slogged through my whole quite pensive post, thank you! )

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Congrats on the 2 year bandiversary and the tremendous weight loss. Stay positive and you CAN lose those last 30 pounds. You have come to far to quit!

I am just starting my process, and it's really great to hear experienced banders experiences. Thank you so much for sharing, it has been very helpful. And congratulations on your loss!

WOW...what a power statement...Thats all I can say about it...POWERFUL!!!! Thank you for sharing. Deanna

Wow! Thank you for posting. I am trying to decide where to go to have my surgery. Your honesty about your struggles help me to understand that the band is just a tool, like all the others I have tried and gave up on. I have had some success using diet and exerise programs but I always shoot my self in the foot before I reach my goal. It is good to know that my demons in my head are not just going to go away. I really want this to work for me. I want my health back. I want to live past the age everyother family member on my mothers side of the family died at (59). I know that it is going to take alot of work. I'm so glad that you are back on track! Please keep posting and let us know how it is going.

Renee

That was beautiful and full of wisdom. I haven't even been banded yet but I'm going to print this and add it to my lap band information notebook. I hope year three is your year to Slay the Dragon!!!!

Thanks for sharing. Great points. You gave me lots to think about as I await my band.

socalgal3 - thanks for the encouragement! This last thirty pounds looks like the biggest mountain yet to climb. Just gotta stay head down and keep walking, eh?

cazulay - good luck as you go through the process. Ask LOTS of questions!!! (both here and to your doctor)

areellady - thanks Deanna. All I can say is I *don't* feel powerful at the moment. But I'm working on it. Head down and keep walking, eh?

ReneeMarie - you are at a crucial point in your process. Deciding whether or not to do this and which surgery to have. ALL of them require a lot of work both inside and outside. Like I said to cazulay, ask a ton of questions. Get all the best information and conflicting viewpoints. Research it all. This is no small undertaking, but worth the journey.

Gibson - Thanks. If I could just make *peace* with the Dragon, I'd be happy.....the journey continues!

sunshine6855 - you are welcome! Good luck on your band, it's a wild ride!

Thanks to everyone for the support. This board has been really great!!!

Onward Bandsters!!!!

Happy Bandiversary! You have done awsome with your band so don't put yourself down.

Thanks for your great post, I am sure it will help many people on here!

Very insightful and just what I need to read here at the beginning of my band journey. Best of luck to you & Trink! I look forward to next year's post telling us how you're at -- or beyond! -- goal!

I too am just beginning my band journey. Thank you for your post, I found it interesting and very informative. I have no date yet as I do have to go through a 6 month supervised diet per my insurance company and in the mean time I'm trying to absorb all the info and suggestions I can to be successful. Thank you!

Thanks for the words of wisdom. Just had my 3rd band related surgery to have a new port put in and I FINALLY feel like the band is working. Hurray. But I will follow your suggestions.

Thank you for posting this. After almost a year of really working the band, I find myself trying to work around it. I need to refocus and remember my goal. Thank you for helping me realize what I have to do. Good luck to you.

Great post...Makes me want to root you on, and concentrate on really focusing on why I made this decision.

Iluvharleys - thanks for your words of encouragement!! You've been around here on the boards for a while and I've read your stuff so thanks for all you've shared. You've helped me on my journey and I appreciate it!

mdrai - hey, the first part of the journey is the most fun! For me the pounds just melted off then. I know not everyone has that experience. Set the tone now for how you will get to your goal!! It's a fun journey!

babs0101 - woo hoo! Congrats on your band!! Like I said to mdrai, now's the fun before it becomes an "every day" kind of thing.

chubster808 - wow, three surgeries? Just, wow. I hope EVERYTHING is working right now and you can use this band as the tool it's meant to be!! Hang in there, I'm sure all the surgeries have been tough to go through! Stay strong, we're here to support!!!

libra - oh man, that one year mark is a big turning point. Start thinking now how you want year two to work for you. For me, I lost focus and that slowed me down a lot. Find ways to keep that strong focus that has gotten you this far!!! Good luck on your next year of success!!!

jmcambra - hey, thanks for the cheers! I'll send some your way as well!!! We're doing it! We're working the band!!

Thanks all!! Your words are so encouraging!!!

Thanks for your story! I, too, am in the beginning of my third year of the band. I know what you mean about learning to outsmart the band sometimes. I take in a lot of liquids myself. They are always low cal and low fat and I do journal my calories, but I know that I really should be learning or already have learned to eat more of a variety of solid, healthy foods. I am not really looking to lose more weight. Five - ten more pounds would be great, but as long as I maintain I am very happy. I just want to tell you that you have done so great despite any setbacks. Please remember that you have really accomplished a lot!