So, I just had my blood tests and MRSA swabs in advance of surgery next week (1^st March) and decided that I would detail my journey here. Partly because I want to remember to come back on here when things get tough and I need a reminder of why I am doing this, and partly because I want to have a record of what I’m doing anyway, and I figure that having one that others can read, contribute to and, maybe, learn from (if I ever get to the point of having any lessons to teach) is as good a way as any.

So, my background…

I’m 29, living in London. I’ve always been overweight, ever since I was a kid, but my weight has fluctuated a lot. Generally, when I move to a new place, it falls, until I discover all the good places to eat, when it rises again. About five years ago I managed to get down to about 200lbs, but since then have crept steadily up and now I am about 290lbs.

I think as I get a bit older, I’m realising a bit more the impact my weight is having on me. Over the last couple of years – walking has become more of a chore, for the first time, tying a seatbelt on an airplane has become a problem, I feel less and less energy and more strain on my joints. And I simply don’t want that to get worse. I haven’t felt any motivation to lose weight since that last time in 2009, and I had to admit to myself that I never will be able to do this on my own.

So I have a choice.

Continue to put on weight. Face into my thirtieth birthday at nearly 300lbs, maybe my 35^th at 400lbs – who knows. And continue to see my body become more and more unable to cope.

Or I stop. I take action, accept that I’m not going to be able to do it alone and take measures that will force me into a position of being healthier.

It’s also driven by the fact that I want to have kids. As I’m gay, the most likely way for that is to adopt, but I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be approved as an adopter at my current weight. And even if I was, I don’t think I could be a good dad as I just wouldn’t have the energy to be rolling around playing with a kid and giving them the attention they deserve.

I decided to self-fund for the operation. I have been diagnosed with sleep Apnoea (in December) through the NHS, and since that’s technically a comorbidity, my GP did say that I could be put on the NHS waiting list. But faced with a wait of two years or more, I decided it would be better to just get it done privately. So I met with my surgeon, Ameet Patel, before Christmas. I had hoped to have it done before Christmas, but I was due to start a new job on the 12^th, and he said that if I had the operation on the 3^rd or 4^th January, he wouldn’t recommend me going to work on the 12^th. So I decided to wait until Easter when I could take some time off work.

As it turned out, there were no available dates at Easter, and leaving it later brings me too close to a trip I have planned at the end of May. So I ended up plumping for 1^st March.

I’ve had no pre-op diet to follow, so I’ve probably been a bit naughty in what I’ve been eating since I found out my date. I know I shouldn’t but I have been seeing these last weeks as an opportunity for one last hurrah with food.

Biggest Fears

I was sent my consent form in the post, and seeing the risks in black and white terrified me – especially where it just bluntly lists ‘Death’ as a risk. Even though I’ve talked them through with Dr Patel, and even though I know the risks are very low, they feel very real now.

I’ve started to think about things I need to do in case the worst happens, and again, I know it’s a very low risk, but my family live in a different country, so I’m making sure my partner has their number in case he needs to call them etc. The reality of that is kinda scary.

I’m also scared of complications – and not knowing whether pain is normal or a sign of something more serious.

But my biggest fear is that I just won’t be able to be happy when I can’t eat what I want to. I keep telling myself that being able to go shopping for clothes or go for a run or exercise without wanting to collapse will all make up for any feeling of deprivation – and that I won’t feel that deprived because I just won’t have the same appetite that I have now. But it is probably my biggest fear that I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I’ve done.

To combat that I just keep reminding myself that the price of having that total freedom to eat what I want is looking and feeling like I do now – I plan to keep a photo diary of my journey to remind myself that however much I regret not being able to eat what I want when I want, it will be nothing compared to the regret I would have if I had the opportunity to get healthy but turned it down.

My Hopes

This is the bit that keeps me going.

My main hope – what I desperately hope – is that the tales I’ve heard of your tastes changing are true. I would dearly love to wake up from the operation and be revolted by the foods I used to love and suddenly find love for the foods I used to hate. If only I could like vegetables and low fat foods more! My biggest hope is that my tastes will change, so that when I can’t pig out on chips it won’t matter to me because I don’t want to pig out on chips.

The same applies – big time – to Diet Coke. I’ve never been one for full fat soft drinks, I find them syrupy. But I love diet coke, and I am really dreading not being able to have it. If I could wake up and not desire it, that would be super. I’m not claiming these hopes are realistic.

More generally – like everyone – I hope this works. My thirtieth birthday is in October and I have a vision of how I will look and feel for it. I hope that vision becomes a reality.

I also hope that my relationship withstands the change. My partner has been incredibly supportive. I think one of the reasons I put on weight is that he loved me and found me attractive when we first met and I was overweight (but still, I was only about 200lbs) – I think my mind went ‘yay, you found someone who’s attracted to you even when you’re fat…eat away’. But my weight gain has made me feel less attractive and so has impacted on our relationship. As I say, he’s been really supportive and I just hope that the changes don’t result in any changes to how either of us feels about the other.

So, having rattled on for too long, let the journey begin…

Thanks Madferitchick.

So to be absolutely honest, after I made that last post (or in fact, as I posted it) - I broke down in tears. Actually acknolwedging how tough it is and typing that fact just brought it all out and I wept like a baby. But after I posted it, I felt so much better.

I went and had a shower. I got dressed. For the first time since surgery I styled my hair. My other half was out and I decided that he would not come home to a deshevelled slob in a tracksuit bottoms. I popped on a shirt and jeans. And I immediately felt better. Then I went and did some study (I have a big exam on Saturday). And again, I felt better.

So my first message to anyone feeling down after surgery is to make an effort to make yourself feel normal - dress normally (even if normal clothes are less comfortable than your trackies), find something to remind yourself of a life that doesn't revolve around food, Protein, Fluid intake etc.

I won't say I haven't felt down since then. I have. I woke up yesterday morning thinking 'Oh great, another day of post-surgery life'.

However, I also realised that I have developed a bit of a love hate relationship with these forums over the last week or so. I don't intend this on an attack on any posters, all of whom provide really good advice and inspiration. But I think looking at some posts gave me an impression of life after surgery which suggested I would never be able to choose the foods I liked in the future - and that depressed me. I did not have this surgery to enable me to eat perfectly. I didn't have this to mean I could never eat carbs again, or even occassionally make bad decisions.

I had this surgery to allow me to restrict my portions, lose weight and change my mindset on foods so that I can do what most people do - eat healthily 90% of the time, and then 10% of the time, make decisions which might not be the best but which are pleasurable. And I think some (not all) posts on here led me to believe that this surgery would mean never eating normally again.

So I simply ignored that, and reminded myself that this sleeve will physically restrict me, and will help me make the right decisions, but, over time, I will regain my own freedom over food. I have to use the time and weight loss while my choice is restricted to change my mindset about food, but ultimately, I will end up where everyone else is - having to make decisions about food, which occassionally includes the freedom to make bad choices.

For anyone wondering, I do think perhaps there is a different mindset in the UK compared to the US on post-surgery diet. The NHS Dietary Guidance includes foods like potato and bread (ideally wholegrain) as part of their healthy diet plan.

If anyone wants a UK dietary guidance, the NHS guidance is available online:

https://www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Dietary-Information-for-Sleeve-Gastrectomy-Gastric-Bypass.pdf

Reading that reassured me that even though I feel really deprived now, this is temporary, and the time will come when I can eat normal foods (just less of them) and will continue to have choices. That has massively picked me up.

Finally, the big thing that has perked me up is a political fundraising project that I have become involved in. Again, doing something to take my mind off food, and remind me that there are lots of things I do in life that don't revolve around food has been wonderful. I have something to be enthusiastic about. And that has made me feel so much better.

Thirst masquerades as hunger...

Thirst masquerades as hunger...

Thanks. I am getting between 1.5 to 2 litres of Water in. When I don't get enough in it tends to be because I forget or because I don't like the taste of water, rather than due to discomfort - so I've really had no problems with liquids.

I hope the rest of the stages are as easy (physically, I mean - not emotionally).

So I’m now two and a half weeks out from my sleeve – three weeks on Sunday. First things first – I’m feeling much happier than I did in those early days and even compared to a week ago. I’ve been back to work this week, and keeping occupied has really helped. I still have moments of regret – I’m not yet convinced it’s the best decision of my life – maybe when I’ve lost some more and am back on real food.

Speaking of which, I am down 26lbs since my surgery. I’ve really started to notice the loss in my face and my tummy. Last night I did some measurements and I’ve lost 4 inches on my tummy, and an inch around my neck, upper arm and thigh. That felt pretty good, because the scales have been a bit static the last day or two. My clothes are also feeling a bit looser – which isn’t a problem because most of them were too tight to begin with.

I started at 292lbs. And I lost 18 lbs in the first week, then 5lbs in the second week. So far this week I’ve only lost 3lbs – but it’s my weekly Sunday morning weigh in that gets recorded, so I’m hoping the scale might budge a bit more in the next three days.

The surgery pain has mostly gone, but my tummy is still a bit tender. The biggest incision can still give me a bit of trouble (usually in the evenings) and I still can’t sleep on my side. But I feel like I’m on the right direction in terms of pain. I’ve not used any pain meds since Sunday, and I’m only using paracetemol.

Eating is a challenge. Not because I can’t get things in but because I’m tired of yoghurt. I progressed to purees on Sunday, so I’m now having mostly yoghurt for breakfast and lunch, and a Weetabix in milk (I have to confess – with half a teaspoon of sugar) for dinner. I crave EVERYTHING though. If I walk past someone eating grilled chicken, I want it. If I walk past someone eating fried chick, I want it. If I walk past someone eating a burger, I want it. On Sunday, the pub next to my flat was doing Sunday Roasts and the smell as I walked past was torture.

I read so many stories about people who said the surgery changed how they saw food and that they just didn’t have the same desire for food. That certainly hasn’t happened to me. If I thought this was going to last forever, I’d be very depressed – knowing that I will be able to eat normal foods again in four weeks (even if I have to start slow and eat a lot less) is what has made me a bit more cheerful.

Would I recommend this surgery now, at nearly three weeks out? Not sure. I would definitely tell anyone who has even the slightest chance of losing by themselves to do that. I know I couldn’t. And I know that the alternative to either losing by myself or losing with the sleeve was ever growing obesity and mounting health and mobility problems. That’s the rational bit of me. Then the other bit of me shouts ‘yeah but if you didn’t have the surgery you could have chicken!’ It’s tough to listen to the right voice

So, just an update. It was four weeks on Sunday since my surgery and I've moved on to the soft foods stage of eating.

I'm not 100% sure on what constitutes soft food. But I'm running with the NHS guidelines, which basically suggest that if you could cut it with a fork or spoon, and it's not crunchy or fibrous, it's ok.

So on Sunday I had some shepherd's pie. Last night I had about an ounce and a half of sliced chicken. It was so wonderful to be able to eat real food again. On my diet plan, one suggestion is some chicken with half a slice of soft white bread without crusts. I can't wait to try that, as I've been missing bread.

I still have loads of head hunger, but I'm hoping that as I move on to more solid food, that will pass. I was back home with my family for a celebration at the weekend, so lots of eating out. I was still on purees, so I stuck to Soup, and watching everyone with steak and chips and chicken was tough.

I also found that last night even though I got full really fast, I was also hungry again really quickly. It was OK though because with sliced deli meat it's easy to just dip into the fridge for another slice. I'm not sure how I will cope when I'm having proper cooked food that takes effort to make and I can't just quickly dip back in for extras two hours later. I guess that's where healthy Snacks come in.

Weight loss has slowed a lot - I lost 14lbs in week 1, 9lbs in week 2, 6 lbs in week 3 and 4lbs in week four.

Since Sunday, I've only lost 1lb, so I'm worried that I'm hitting a stall. Which is fine - I told myself to expect a stall around week 3 or 4 - it seems my stall is coming in week 5. However, I am going away with friends at the end of May, so I am hoping it speeds up again so I can drop another stone or two before then.

All my pain is gone, though if I poked my tummy I can still feel a bit of discomfort. But it's all good. I can sleep on my side, which is great (I missed spooning while I sleep).

The two big downsides are the head hunger and the really awful breath which just won't go away. I'm hoping both will subside once I can start eating more carbs.

Overall though, I'm feeling much more positive about this than I was in those first couples of weeks. So for anyone reading this who is just out of surgery and feeling depressed or regretful, I promise that it does get better.

So, it's been three weeks since I updated. I'm now seven weeks post op, down 41 lbs with a BMI that is down from 45 to 38. I had my six week check up last week and the surgeon seemed pleased with how I'm doing. I am on a complete stall at the moment, but he said that was to be expected.

My head hunger is largely gone since I started eating normal food. Don't get me wrong, I can still smell some chips (proper British chips, not American chips) and froth at the mouth - but whereas I felt really deprived in the early weeks, now I feel fine. I think the key for me was that whereas then I couldn't have them, now I could - I just choose not to.

I've been up front with myself about my lifestyle change since I had surgery - I'm not doing this as an extreme change. I still eat the food I like (including bread) but less of it. However, I have chosen not to have a lot of foods that I would happily munch my way through on a daily basis (e.g. crisps, chocolate). I still like these foods, but I don't need them as much.

I've also started exercising, and got the all clear at my check up to do weight training as well as cardio. So far I'm enjoying it - I do a mixture of running on the crosstrainer (the treadmill still scares me) and walking 500m in the swimming pool (I can't swim).

The big big thing I want to get across to anyone reading this is that what I went through at the start (the emotional rollercoaster, the doubts) have gotten so much better. I am now really happy that I had this done. I feel physically better, I feel lighter on my feet (even though I'm still nowhere close to my goal) and I feel far more in control of what I eat. So if you are newly post-op and feeling regretful, just plough through it, because it does get better

Really great to read this and hear you're doing so well! Congratulations on such a fab loss so far, brilliant!

I'm pre op so it's really encouraging to read you have come through the tough times and are feeling better emotionally. That's a big concern for me.

Can I ask how u get on with drinking? Can u just take small sips? So drinking a glass of Water takes an hour?

Well done again and I look forward to your next update!

Thanks madferitchick. On drinking, I'm much better now - I still have to remind myself to get enough fluids but the early dislike for Water I had has gone and now I'm ok with water. I still use sugar free cordial for variety though.

I can do more than sip. A glass definitely wouldn't take me an hour - at work I generally get through about 500ml in the morning (3 hours) and again in the afternoon. But that's because I'm distracted with work. If I had to I could probably drink it in half the time.

I'm also back to being able to take small gulps, rather than sips. Which I find much better in terms of getting water in without having to nurse a glass of water for ages.

Oh and I just had my first glass of wine after surgery. My surgeon actually said low level alcohol intake eg half a glass of wine each evening can help with weight loss due to breaking down enzymes.

I'm not a big drinker but being able to have a glass of wine tonight was nice as I was out with work colleagues.

No problems with it, I don't feel any drunker than I would have done pre surgery and no discomfort.

Ah that's great to hear, both with the Water and wine ????

I go for my consultation and pre op tests on 14 may. Hoping for surgery 28 may. I'm nervous but excited to just get on with it!

Nine weeks out! And I've reached the point where I know I made the right decision and I'm happy I've had the surgery.

The good stuff...I've lost 50lbs (although the scales in my gym puts it closer to 55lbs, so I think I prefer that one ), clothes that I haven't worn for a few years are now fitting again. My BMI has gone from 44 to 36. I'm getting to the gym four times a week or so - usually only for about 30 minutes on the cross trainer, but it's something. Need to step it up a bit though, I think.

The other good stuff - there's nothing I've tried that I can't tolerate in terms of food. The only thing that goes wrong is when I eat too much. I've vomited twice since surgery but only because I ate too much. I say 'only' because that's a lesson I can learn from. I'm so happy I've not had difficulty keeping foods down.

And also I can drink. Some people might not like this, but I can have a Diet Coke when I'm out or a glass of wine or two and it goes down fine. I know I shouldn't have carbonated drinks, but I don't think a glass of diet coke once in a while is going to kill me. The big change is that while I allow myself treats, I don't keep them in the house. And as I say, I do allow myself a treat - a small popcorn at the cinema, a little ice-cream sundae occassionally.

I'm also really happy because my weight loss seems to have sped up again after getting quite slow - I lost 3lbs over two weeks, then I lost 5 lbs in one week. So I'm hoping it's speeding up again - I go on holiday in two and a half weeks, so hoping to shed some more lbs by then.

Hi all so just quick update - things are going great. There is nothing I can't tolerate - I still need to be disciplined with slider foods - I can eat chocolate and popcorn like I never had surgery!

Its 16 weeks today since I had surgery. In that time:

I've gone from 292lbs to 220lbs.

Gone from BMI of 44 to 33.

Gone from body fat percentage of 48% to 38%.

I've been wearing clothes from four years ago. Suddenly I can shop any any clothes shop I want to - I still need their bigger sizes, but I no longer have to order online to get the extra big sizes.

I'm going to the gym about three to four times a week - I've started doing the Couch to 5K programme, and I'm on week two (of nine) and finding it fine - even enjoyable. If anyone hasn't heard of C25K (I'm not sure if it's just a UK thing) it is a great programme to get someone who is totally inactive into running on a rally staged basis, building up your stamina week by week. Google it - there is a British App called Fit for Life C25K which is free and which you can use with your own playlists and it will tell you when to run and when to walk etc. It's great.

I shock myself sometimes reading back over the early posts on here - I feel so great about having the surgery now.

Hi everyone, just a quick update on where I am - three months (wow) after I last posted.

I was sleeved on 1st March - starting weight 292lbs and BMI of 45!

Today, I am 194lbs and my BMI is 29.4!

So there's been some pretty big milestones for me - falling below 200lbs, falling below 30 BMI (I'm officially not obese anymore!). I'm now fitting into jeans with a waist of 32 inches! I went shopping a week or two ago and couldn't find jeans in my size - because the jeans that I wanted were only in store in sizes too big for me! I don't think I've ever been unable to buy something I wanted because they didn't have any that were small enough.

Most days I don't even remember I've had a sleeve. I can eat everything without trouble, I can drink everything without trouble.

This is good because it means that when I go out to eat, there's nothing I can't order - though naturally I tend to stick to starters, or else to food that can be easily boxed home and brought away. It also means that I can go out and drink alcohol - I'm not a big drinker but there are times when I do like to go out with friends and drink and, yes, get drunk. I know it's empty calories etc - but my view from the start is that I want to be as healthy as I can be while still living the life I want to live.

For the same reason, I do allow myself carbonated drinks - only diet - even though I know a lot of people on here are dead against it. Has it stretched my sleeve? I don't think so - my appetite is still pretty low.

My eating habits before surgery had two big problems - Snacks and meals. Snacks is still a problem in that I can eat chocolate, popcorn, crisps etc as if I never had surgery. So I need to be really careful with them - I haven't cut them out completely. I know some people find it easier to cut them out completely rather than try and control them but I didn't want to do that (and I know it wouldn't be sustainable for me) so I focus on control and making sure I count any snacks when I count my daily calories.

Meals are where the sleeve has really helped me. I loved chips (proper British chips - not American chips) but now I can't eat more than two or three with a meal, so I never order any, instead I might steal one or two from my partner when we eat out. Before surgery, I could have a big burger, big plate of chips and a side of onion rings, and still had room for a doughnut or sweets afterwards. Now, if I was going to have a burger, I might just about manage a hamburger on its own. Most of the time, I have a sandwich at work, and I can just about manage a standard sandwich (i.e. two slices of bread and some ham or chicken).

So even though I'm not perfect on snacking (and I do need to be more disciplined), I've cut down so much calories on meals.

So I'm pretty happy with where I am. I still have another 30 or so lbs to lose. I know that will be slow and I'm OK with that. I also know that I need to start being more and more aware of the risk of slipping back upwards.

But so far so good.

Your honesty is refreshing, hopefully no one on here bashes you for it, I think your doing awesome, I allow myself one cheat day a month, and fortunately I'm not a big sweets fanatic, but my sin is Energy Drinks, I keep wanting them, they are carbonated and full of Caffeine, I haven't tried one because I'll get hooked again, but maybe I can get that under control to have it as a treat every few months, once again congratulations!!!!!!! My wife is South African and says it is hard to find proper fish and chips here...... Guess she's not alone lol

Thank you for this post