I was reading Lap Band for Life written by Dr. Ariel Ortiz and read in there about this lady who lost friends after her lap band surgery. I find that very strange. Has anyone experienced any negativity or jealousy from family members or friends post lap band? Let me know. Thank you.

I have friends and family trying to compete with me. It makes it hard. Ive become smaller then some of my fat friends and they still don't see me that way. What is hard for me is when I have so much invested in this, emotionally and monitarily and then they come prancing in woo hoo, I lost 5 lbs this week. I want to slap them!

My BFF is a natural 0-2 shes a tiny little thing and to be honest I dont think I'll be telling her about my plans to get the band. She would only always hold it over my head or tell people about it lol I love her she is like a sister to me but I also know her all too well. Such is life. One can only hope people will be happy you are trying to make your life better.

My co-workers have been a great support. They are always complimenting me on how good I am doing and looking. They are great!! I have resisted telling some family members due to judgement. I really don't want to hear it from them. My immediate family knows but was asked not to tell anyone. My in-laws slipped of course. I wonder if they meant to rat me out!!. My husband has BEEN WONDERFUL. He was concerned w/ the surgery. He said something the other day about how much smaller I am now and it made me feel wonderful and pretty. I do have one friend that I avoid talking about it too much due to her boyfriend complimented me and she was not pleased w/ that comment. She has had problems losing weight, she doesn't seem to say much to me as well. I just know it's hard for her. When ever I notice she has lost weight I always compliment her on the good job.

Maybe we need to evaluate how good of friends are they if they are unsupportive in the first place. I know it makes me think. We all have each other on here it seems to be very supportive. I have enjoyed reading and responding to posts. It makes me not feel alone in this journey. :clap2:

I only tell people that I have the time and inclination to educate. There is so much ignorance about obesity.

My family has been supportive, but my mother is going bonkers. While professing support, she is anxious when she can't stuff my face. She actually gets the shakes. Her world is about showing love through making sure everyone is overfed. She'll get over it. Or she won't. It's her issue, and not mine.

I am currently having a situation with a lifelong friend who has always and forever been the "thin" one and now our roles are almost reversed (I am by no means "thin" yet but. . . .) she has been gaining steadily over the last several years and now we are within 10 pounds of each other. Her weight continues to go up and thankfully, mine is still going down. She is having a very hard time with this as she is supposed to be the the "thin" one, not me -- I'm supposed to stay fat, forever. It has, as you can imagine, really put a strain on our friendship.

She claims to diet and exercise constantly but when we are together and there is food involved, she makes all of the wrong choices for "dieting" or eating healthy and tries to get me to do the same. She gets very aggravated when I tell her I can't eat the cheesesteaks, thick-crust pizzas, mega fries and strombolis anymore. I've tried to explain to her that it will get stuck and cause me tremendous pain, not to mention all the other fun stuff we go through when something clashes with our band!

I'm not sure how this is going to work out, but right now, it doesn't look too good. I'm really hoping she can come to terms with her weight gain and not be so negative towards me for doing something that is improving my health. It has to be hard for her, having such a role reversal, and I know all too well how being overweight and unhappy feels.......I've had years and years of practice. I've offered to exercise with her, share recipes, whatever, but she's not interested. The thing that really got to her was when her 7-year-old said "mommy, Stacy is skinnier than you now, you're getting really fat!" I know that really hurt her feelings, too. I feel really bad for her because I know her struggle, but she doesn't want to work at losing weight together. I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

I have friends and family trying to compete with me. It makes it hard.

!

I can totally relate to this. I have ALWAYS been thinner than my younger sister. Now we are about the same, and since she found out about my getting banded, she's dieting like a mad-woman. What the?!? Oh, and she had the gastric bypass about 7 years ago and gained all her weight back. :phanvan

I wish I could say she was doing it for HER health, happiness, etc., but I have to wonder....

Just drives me nuts, but I'm going to let it go. It will all work out in the wash!

----Toni

I told everyone I know that I have the band. You know what? They can like it or not...I could care less. It is MY life, not theirs. If they want to think I took the "easy way out", (which is a joke in itself) let them think it. Life is way too short to worry about what friends and family think. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I have bigger fish to fry than to worry if they are jealous or not.

This is MY time to shine...nobody is going to rain on my parade

Besides, the people that really count, go through it with you...clapping the whole way!! The others? Oh well.....!!!

I experience Jealousy all the time, From my friends, My family, My sister (me and her had the lap-band the same day)..I have followed program and am down 118.5..She is down about 60lbs and is starting to gain..My mom also is very jealous..She has gained alot of weight over the last few years (quit smoking) and gives me an attitude all the time, Most of my friends are very supportive and so is most of the rest of my family but there are those times where they do make those "stupid" comments.. "taking the easy way out" "your obsessed wloosing weight" " Gymaholic" etc..I try not to let it bother me. I am working on a new inproved me..If they can't deal with it..There is the door...Dont let it hit them on the way out

Now family is a different matter... I'm down 75 pounds - an obvious weight loss... at least you would think so considering you see these family members every 6 weeks or so. One of my cousins lost a lot of weight many years ago and I was her biggest supporter! AND, she kept it off and looks great. I've never received one compliment from her. And her mother, well, she barely talks to me anymore. A few weeks ago she asked me if I was a size 14. When I told her I was, she said "oh, your face looks different." My mom says that was her way of complimenting me. WTF!? What ever happened to "Hey Lina, you look great!"

I don't get people.

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Family can be a mixed bag. I'm surprised about your cousin but then again I'm not. Cousin, co-workers you are right. I don't get people. People are funny.

It's like if they compliment you it makes you better than them. Or maybe makes them less of a person because they didnt' achieve a goal like you did. I sometimes wonder about this.

I have a different situation that I am struggling with.

My husband has withdrawn from me. Our daughter is up north and he is now sleeping in her room. (it's cooler in there and he sleeps better).

He watches everything I put in my mouth. I'm still 350 pounds and without a fill. I go next week for my first fill. But I think HE THINKS I should have lost more weight by now. I've lost a little over 20 pounds. Now I am at a standstill. I think he believes that this is another lame attempt at weightloss and I won't do it. What a turn off.

I feel like if he doesn't have time to hold me and hug me now then what happens when I am thinner? He pays more attention to me JUST BECAUSE I'm thin?

Is anyone afraid they will start STRAYING? I am.

Atleast with the band, you won't gain it back and if you do, then you don't deserve the band in the first place.

I think that is pretty insulting and insensitive to say to somebody who is banded and gains some back. Who made you judge and jury as to who "deserves" to have a band?

I guess I don't deserve my band since I have.

i have just recently been banded and have 2 overweight co workers, who make comments like i took the easy way out,they'll get big ice cream cones and come back to eat them in front of me,just little comments and gestures like that. my family is 100% supportive and happy for me.

I think that is pretty insulting and insensitive to say to somebody who is banded and gains some back. Who made you judge and jury as to who "deserves" to have a band?

I guess I don't deserve my band since I have.

Take it however you want. I wasn't trying to be mean to anybody. Some people need to grow up.

For me, my weight loss is just beginning. However, my family has always treated me as "poor fat Michelle," they almost don't know what to say to me. Who is going to take the place of "poor fat Michelle?"

Friends are basically supportive. I do have one overweight friend who is trying to be ok with this. I can see her struggling with the idea that I am going to be a normal weight. It is like she is apologetic about eating in front of me and about herself, which is a weird behavior. I figure it will either blow over or we won't be able to be close friends any more.

For me, I have come to grips with this in stages, which will continue as I lose weight. I had to first accept that I deserved a healthy life. I work on being my own cheerleader, because I am changing my whole concept of how I see myself, let alone how the world accepts my changes.

Thanks for the opportunity to share!

My close friend who is very over weight and I talked this through many times before and during surgery. She's way into fat acceptance and I'm way into going to the gym to lose the fat. It's a tightrope walk at times.

But I try to stick to the belief there are many ways to be, and not one is better than the other. She tries to keep it there too.

We however, don't go to restaurants together anymore and keep mostly on the phone because she's not going to go for a bike ride with me either.

Now my partner has been AMAZING! She's the best cheerleader I've got. She celebrates every pound I lose and always has positive things to say. She too is getting more fit along side me, though she only had 15 pounds to lose... god love her.

I told everyone I know that I have the band. You know what? They can like it or not...I could care less. It is MY life, not theirs. If they want to think I took the "easy way out", (which is a joke in itself) let them think it. Life is way too short to worry about what friends and family think. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but I have bigger fish to fry than to worry if they are jealous or not.

This is MY time to shine...nobody is going to rain on my parade

Besides, the people that really count, go through it with you...clapping the whole way!! The others? Oh well.....!!!

YOU GO GIRLFRIEND! MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY! I have ZERO qualms about telling ANYONE. You're either a supporter, or you're not. If you are, fall in line and join the party....YEEEHAAA!!! If not, get out of the way cuz I'm comin through! I wish everyone could get to this mind-set because it sure is refreshing. I'm just sorry so many people feel they have to give their power away to friends and family and be scared of judgment. I've told everyone but the garbageman what's going on, if they ask or make a comment. I have had ZERO negative response (and could care less if I did!). You know...a LOT of it has to do with the way YOU react. If you approach it apologetically, secretively...you are going to reap the exact same "karma" from the exterior...i.e. for those of you who haven't heard on Oprah or read the book....check out "The Secret". Not a new thing, yes, but it is TRUE.:biggrin1: