Old Habits, Fear

[enjoythetime 1,457]

In May I will have been banded for 2 years and I'm still learning about myself and this band. I got back into the dreaded scale habit. For the first year and 1/2 I was banded I didn't own a scale, I would only weigh myself at my monthly dr. check-ups, well then my surgeon basically overnight became no more and I found myself in the position that I had to find a new dr., so after 3 months without a weigh-in it was driving me crazy I knew my clothes were fitting the same - (which is the all time measurement), but I broke down and bought a scale. At first I did well, I weighed myself once a week. I had my first consultation with my new dr. and my weight was exactly the same as it was 3-months prior. The following week we went to Jamaica for vacation and I didn't allow myself to worry with calories etc., that is until I got home and then the first thing I did was jump on that scale and the numbers revealed what I had feared, I had gone up almost 4lbs. For me this was the first time since being banded that I SAW my # on the scale go up. It undoubtedly did along the way but because I didn't see it, no harm no foul. Immediately I went into panic mode because I new the next couple of weeks following was Christmas and then New Years, blah, blah, blah, so for the last month, I've been on that dang scale 1-2 times a day. Seeing those same 4lbs go up and down. Bad habits die hard. I need to go back to what has worked for me all along and only allow the scale to see the light of day once a month.

Since I seem to know the answer to my own problem, why aren't I doing it? Fear is the answer. Is 4lbs a big deal? No, not at all, we all know we can flex 5lbs over night due to Water retention, stress, BM's, for ladies that TOM etc., but for anyone who's struggled with weight the real concern isn't about the 4lbs., it's about the fear of those 4lbs. becoming 10lbs., then 20lbs.,etc. Has anyone else had this same fear? I mean we've all been through these vicious cycles before. BUT wait, what have I forgotten???? Oh that's right, I forgot, that I'm not in this alone, I now have a tool that helps me navigate through these times. A tool that I'm incredibly thankful for and one that I need to rely on more than my brain during these times. The fear of never wanting to be where I was when I started is a good thing, It's that fear that keeps me in check!!!

I'm still finding things out about myself along the way and will continue to learn until the day I'm no longer on this earth.

If you can identify with what I'm saying I would greatly appreciate your input!

Thanks!

[malps0929 11]

I was over tightened and was afraid that because of eating Soup and mashed potatoes I'd have put on weight over a week's time, not lose it. To my surprise, I did lose four pounds, but that FEAR was more painful than food getting stuck and throwing it up. I mean, the reason most of us are in this position is because we were emotional eaters. Take the 'eater' out of it with the surgery, and all that's left is 'emotion'. We have to harness that emotion and be stronger people. It's tough and a big change, but we can do it. We have to do it. Our lives depend on it.

[Bandista 7,466]

Oh yes, I can identify with every word! It's that all or nothing mentality that gets me every time. Years (decades) of being on a diet or off a diet have done a number on my brain and it's as though I am either moving in one direction or the other -- getting thinner or getting fatter. Being good or being bad. Meanwhile, my biggest fear now is staying where I am when I still have more weight to lose. I fear complacency and I fear gaining. But you're right, it's so important to remember that it's okay, we have our bands. There will not be loss of control -- the appetite monster is not going to return and take over our lives. Relaxing does not mean relapsing.

Do you think you can get rid of that scale? You'll know if you've gained weight from your jeans or work-out clothes. Know also that you are a muscular athletic woman now and four pounds one way or the other can also be about fitness.

What I worry about is the beating ourselves up part. Hate that. But at least now I don't run for food as a balm for those feelings. That was then and this is now. Thank you, band.

And thank you for such a thoughtful post. It has my wheels turning about strategies I need to have in place for how I am coping with my ultra-restrictive instincts.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

It might be time to give the scale to Goodwill. You lived without it successfully before and today it makes you anxious and sad. To the curb!!

[malps0929 11]

I try not to weigh at home because on a day-to-day, it doesn't matter. It's the long term results that matter. The emotional roller coaster of up and down, up and down isn't worth it. Weigh at the doctor. Be yourself at home. Know yourself by how you feel, not the number on the scale.

THAT'S what matters.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

Thank You ladies! You're all right. @@Bandista you hit the nail on the head, it's that all or nothing stubborn mentality that gets me every time and turns myself into a punching bag.

@@JustWatchMe & @@malps0929 yes the scale is gone. It's not worth it. I know what to do and so I just need to do it. I can't let the # on the scale dictate my day mood or life. I'm stronger than that!

[enjoythetime 1,457]

Thank you ladies for your input and support! The another thing I need to do is get my butt on this site more frequently. I always feel better when I do.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Thank you ladies for your input and support! The another thing I need to do is get my butt on this site more frequently. I always feel better when I do.

and I feel better when you do! Miss yo face!

[lisacaron 5,075]

and I feel better when you do! Miss yo face!

Ditto that!

[B-52 7,113]

Sorry, but I need to be the Devil's advocate for a minute....

What's wrong with weighing oneself? We had WLS! We are turning our lives around!

Loosing weight when before, through diet after diet, we could not.

I remember all those diet programs, and those dreaded weekly weigh-ins! Ugh! Like walking to the gallows.

I'm missing something.....I get on the scale sometimes twice a day, every morning when I get up and when I'm at the gym....and each time I do it motivates me for what I'm doing and what I have done, the choices I have made, as compared to what I used to be.

It's the same as people bragging about small clothing sizes, or seeing themselves in the mirror, having people compliment your looks.....it's all positive reinforcement.

My Dr asked me the other week what my highest weight was...I told him I didn't know because there came a point that I just didn't want to know...I knew it was bad and getting worse....and getting on a scale would be like driving a stake through me....

But now...that's all changed!

Ok, sorry for the interruption, now I return you to your normally scheduled program....

[Pat-rice 30]

B-52 I am with you on this. I weigh myself every morning. Positive reinforcement and all. It helps to keep me in check.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Well I didn't weigh for years while my weight climbed. Then I had surgery and weighed daily. It was very motivating when I was losing 4 or 5 pounds a week. But when my weight loss slowed and stopped I was dreading the scale each morning. It was making me very anxious. I decided to go to weekly. Once I did, I became motivated again and started to slowly lose again. I don't know why it affects my mood so much but it does. So for now once a week is plenty. I've even thought about just weighing at the doctor but for now I seem to have struck a happy balance.

[enjoythetime 1,457]

@@B-52 You're absolutely right, there's nothing wrong with weighing yourself daily, unless you're a person(like me) that let's the scale determine your mood, day or week. Like @@JustWatchMe pointed out, it's great to step on the scale daily when you're losing, it's definitely the best motivator, BUT when you see that the losing has stalled or that the same couple of lbs. keeps toying with you, it gets frustrating. On flip side of that it's also a kick in the butt when you see those numbers creep up so just like with anything it has it's positives and negatives. Me and many others on this site have learned a lot from your amazing journey and expertise. It's real and something to be respected! Thanks!