Apparently I'm turning into a major first class a-hole. I'm just not willing to tuck tail or take anyone's crap. Usually that is not me. Problem is I like that I'm opening up and telling people my feelings instead of stuffing those feeling down my throat in the form of calories. I don't like however how it makes my family feel when I do it. I suppose that is what counseling is for.

-Ken

People don't like it when other people make changes because it forces them to change too. Look at your motivation for saying the things you do and check your tone of voice. If you're telling people how you feel because they really need to know then you don't have a problem, it's them that have the problem.

I turned into a major b***h for a while. I finally had enough of my sister calling me fat all the time. It is different! Normally I used to keep my mouth shut and then eat my feelings. NOT ANYMORE lol! If people make me mad they will be hearing about it

Edited November 2, 201411 yr by auntiemel

Well, my humble opinion is that I think it's good to tell people how you feel (one of my favorite quotes is "THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, BUT FIRST IT WILL PISS YOU OFF" by Gloria Steinem). But I also believe that we would live in a better world if you could figure out a way to say things in a calm, non-confrontational way and try to be diplomatic. And use the "I or me" phrase a lot. As in "When you tell me that I took the easy way out by having surgery, that makes me feel bad; I made the right decision for me, so I would appreciate it if you would stop saying that". Instead of getting made at them. Just my humble opinon anyway!

There are enough a**holes in this world without adding another to the mix. I feel that you do need to express how you feel about things and be plain. But I also think that counting the cost of the damage will be the turning point for you.

We all have so much pent up inside of us because of the abuse we took during our former lives. It has to come out some how. But is it worth it to be so forth coming. A choice to make! There are people that I no longer talk to or have dealings with because of my choice to have WLS. I lost them all. And I have not looked back.

You are right. there is a lot more to this new way of life then losing weight. It is an emotional, physical and mental change. Don't let yourself become someone you can't live with. Make this a positive life change for you.

I agree with making a positive change, I just won't keep my feelings bottled up anymore. Things need to be talked about and put out in the open or all the pent up feelings will eventually build up again.

Expressing your feeling is not wrong but you do have control over the way you express them. The last thing you want is to develop a new coping mechanism (food no longer available) to deal with stress and becoming a A-hole is very possible. Specially since your statements will get some attention. It's amazing how the human mind can settle for negative attention and even crave it in the absence of what it needs. You will have to dig deep and find the things that make you happy and support you in order not to be so dependent on the negative attention. Try a time out before saying something rash. work the words in your head before saying them. Ask, is it necessary, what will it accomplish, is it kind, will it help me? any thought process to delay reactive responses is always good. If you find that you cannot control your emotions/statements then Therapy would be advisable.

All so well spoken !!! Such a fabulous group, I am honored just to read your responses????

Before speaking, think to yourself.... Do I really need to say this? Do I need to say this now? What will be accomplished?

I tell my kids this all the time. It's always good to take a breath and pause before we unleash the wrath of our inner most thoughts and feelings, don't you think?

Can't add more than what's already been said. Excellent responses.

Fortunately I was a bitch before surgery. ???? no one gave me shit before because they would hear about it. So not much is different now. And it's not that I'm mean, it's just that I am brutally honest and I stand up for myself. Some people may not like me for it, but for the most part people respect me. And my best friends are the ones I don't have to hold anything back from. I've never had to fake anything or keep my mouth shut in front of family or close friends. And vice versa...I only trust the people that bring on the good bad and the ugly and allow me to like them (or not) for who they truly are.

So go ahead and stand up for yourself! Getting your emotions out is much healthier in the long run. But yes, some ways are more constructive than others.

@@Kindle Honey, you took the words right out of my mouth. I am 55 years young, and at this point in my life I don't feel as though I should have to curtail my feelings for anyone. If I cannot express my thoughts and feelings to you in whatever manner I choose to in order for me to get them out, then you are not a true friend, or someone that truly cares about me.

All of the people that I surround myself with are people who "keep it real". They tell me the things I NEED TO HEAR, as opposed to the things I WANT TO HEAR! As mentioned earlier, the truth will set you free, but it's going to piss you off first.

I seems to me that those individuals that would be offended by something you might say, or the way you said it, are people who are taking your comments and reactions "personally". Maybe its just me, but I have developed over the years a very keen eye for knowing when someone is "venting" and not personally "attacking" me.

I guess if not holding back and speaking how you feel without having to temper or censor your words makes you an a-hole or a b***h, then I guess I'll just have to take my seat in the front row because I can't and won't live my life or surround myself with people who can't deal with the real me.

Just my humble opinion...

I haven't seen any major personality or behavioral shift in nearly 11 weeks now.

I'm pretty plainspoken, but know how to present my views so that I don't initially offend people and allow them to actually consider my views, if those are different from their views.

Protip: If you treat people like assholes, you may be an asshole, too.

If every body in the world were to give their opinions by holding back compassion or fellow feeling or plain ignorance of fact. We would be in one big mess. Everyone on this planet would be an a**hole.

We would spend all out time killing each other off for the offences against us. Even the tiniest comment that did not suit us. Where does it stop. Are we in junior high for the rest of our lives. I think there are times when a person does need to put it out there and in no uncertain terms. And those times are for those who should by all means know better. But I like to think that mankind in general does not mean any harm. Which is well meaning comments but do not hit the mark....

Celebrating being a b***h. Nice! Congratulating ones self for no filter like the person who called you out....I don't know seems to me to be an exercise in fruitlessness. Some people just will never get it and so time wasted big time I think..Just my opinion! Nothing more.....

Edited November 2, 201411 yr by RJ'S/beginning

VSGAnn2014,

I already said I was turning into an a-hole. Protip? Are you in the counseling field.

I guess what it boils down to is, most of what I'm saying are feeling I've had for a long time and I just dont have a mechanism to bottle those feelings inside. My therapist is 90 minutes from me so I don't see him that often but I do have an appt on Monday. Hopefully I can figure a better way to cope and express my thoughts constructively.

When I am out shopping I have found over and over again that the poor retail field has the hardest time dealing with those who tell it like it is in their own minds. You can see it in their manner as they try to keep it together after a person has raked them over the coals for saying what they think......I never leave a clerk or teller without making them smile or compliment them in some way....A lot tell me I have made their day and sometimes they do extra things for me.....

I used to be that person that said what I thought and then learned to not say what I thought and became quiet and would think out what I was going to say or how it might affect people. There has to be a happy medium. I don't like abusive people who think they have a right to take their feeling out on me when I have made a mistake in judgement. It feels horrible to be made to feel you are dirt under someones feet. So then I will take them on.

But most of the time it is not done to hurt us it was an error in thought. I like to think that most of the time people don't mean to hurt so if they say something I will ask if they meant to say it that way....The only field I am not understanding about is medical because they should know better. It hurts when they say not so nice things.....

VSGAnn2014,

I already said I was turning into an a-hole. Protip? Are you in the counseling field.

Oh, no! If I were, I'd act like less of an asshole myself.