Apparently I'm turning into a major first class a-hole. I'm just not willing to tuck tail or take anyone's crap. Usually that is not me. Problem is I like that I'm opening up and telling people my feelings instead of stuffing those feeling down my throat in the form of calories. I don't like however how it makes my family feel when I do it. I suppose that is what counseling is for.

-Ken

Yikes. If you actually think about what an a-hole is...A small foul smelling orifice that poop and hemorrhoids fall out of..yuck.

I am an honest person but someone once told me that before I tell someone something I should ask myself if it's kind, necessary and true. This same person also asked me, " Does everyone really need to know what you think and how you feel all the time? "

The kind, necessary and true rule helps a lot when I'm offended or angry because when I'm offended or angry my first instincts are neither kind nor necessary. As far, as letting everyone know what I think and how I feel all the time; I want to be a benefit in the lives of others. This starts with not treating others as my emotional dumping ground and understand that my perception and the truth aren't necessarily the same thing.

I am cautious because I don't want to be the villain on even one page of some else's story. I don't want to be the horrible lady in someone else's bad day; especially people who I love. I don't always pull it off, but when I do I'm being true to who I am.

I'm not advocating being a doormat or letting people speak to you or treat you with disrespect. But, there is a difference between reacting and responding...and retaliating. It costs me nothing to be considerate of the feelings of others before I open my mouth, and I don't require a contingency. I only have to deal with my own reflection.

I don't think I've turned into an asshole (well, not anymore than I usually am. LOL), but I did quit my job four months after my surgery. It made me miserable. So I put in two weeks notice and left - without another job lined up. I don't know that I would have done that if I had not had surgery. Typically I just suck it up and deal with things like that.

I would add that for my first month I was short tempered and weepy. I felt bad, I think my body was saying WTH and I know hormone changes are involved. At two months, my mood is more stable. Don't underestimate the effects of surgery.

This is a brave and honest post. After reading everyones reply's only you can determine if you are doing the right thing?

I have suffered my own feelings for years and put up with many others peoples CRAP. I never wanted to make waves and was

trying to keep peace in a VERY dysfunctional family. I think its GREAT that you are expressing yourself and saying "ENOUGH"

I believe this shows you are gaining confidence. I would caution you on approach. Be honest but not attacking.

Trust me, I am working on this one every day.

I've always been a believer in tact and diplomacy. "Honey catches more flies than vinegar", as they say. Maybe I don't get as much crap as a lot of people. But maybe that's because I try to live life as a basically nice guy. That's not to say that I take crap from people. If they step over my line, I tell them, "Okay, that was the line and you just crossed it. Please step back over it and stay there." Just today someone tried to tell me that I don't need to lose much more weight after I told them I still had 29 to go. She said, "I'll let you know if you're getting too thin." And I said, "That won't change my plan. I still intend to make my goal." But I said it in a friendly tone of voice. And she understood and backed off. I guess basically I just don't like a$$holes, so I don't want to become one. It's a choice.

I have heard that after the weight is lost, there can be anger. Anger at the way people treat you different now that you are thin. Anger at the way people may speak about "fat" people. We cannot control how rude and shallow ignorant people are, but we can control The way we conduct ourselves, and deal with that anger. Talk to someone about your feelings. We don't have to let people walk on us, but we don't have to be assholes either.

Im happy to report, I have done much better this week. Very non a-hole like.