I've been on this forum since before my surgery in April. I read A LOT of posts and find that many, definitely not all, of the regular posters are quite judgemental. We each walk our own journey, in relationships, religion, and weight loss. No one has the right to tell another their way is the best or only way and that one shouldn't eat a certain way. I've frequently been left with a bad taste in my mouth by something someone said, because let's face it...posting here is leaving oneself quite vulnerable. I truly feel for those with no support system who are looking for guidance and get scolded. I ask you please, if you don't have something nice to say, stay quiet.

this is a very sincere question coming from a place of caring that you seem to be creating suffering for yourself... (meaning i hope you can take the question in the spirit it is offered)... why, if you got lots of positive and constructive support in that "scared" thread, did you choose to focus on what felt negative, to the point that you started a thread to continue focusing on it?

you should not answer this question for me. or anyone else here. but instead think about it and honestly answer it for yourself. so often, what we see other people doing is really what we are creating on this world. one of my favorite quotes is: "we do not see things as they are, we see things as WE are."

i'm going post this again, cause it seems so many people could use the image it paints right now.

****

sometimes people get so focused on what others are doing, they lose sight of why they actually come to bariatric pal in the first place.

this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? do you feel so hurt you tell the chef you can only eat the other food if he/she stops making all the food you dont care for? probably not.

most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like.

online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, hurt, lash out, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal.

take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude. only you can choose what to focus on.

Moonlitestarbright. I didn't start a new thread I commented on someone else's thread. So I am a bit confused. Like I said all is good. Thank you,

Moonlitestarbright. I didn't start a new thread I commented on someone else's thread. So I am a bit confused. Like I said all is good. Thank you,

i was responding to starspring, the OP on the thread.

Oops sorry I thought it was in response to me and I was confused!

Actually my op wasn't about ME. I know many of you find that hard to bekieve, I was wring in response to someone who posted she drank real gatorade and was scolded for drinking "sugarwater". In those first 2 weeks it was that sugar water that kept me out of the hospital. So before you lecture and pretend to know me...ask. As a side note, being called "starchild" by vsgann shows you just how much went into reading my post and more about what she wants to say.

Actually my op wasn't about ME. I know many of you find that hard to bekieve, I was wring in response to someone who posted she drank real gatorade and was scolded for drinking "sugarwater". In those first 2 weeks it was that sugar Water that kept me out of the hospital. So before you lecture and pretend to know me...ask. As a side note, being called "starchild" by vsgann shows you just how much went into reading my post and more about what she wants to say.

(blink)

FTR, I spent 15 minutes reading your earlier posts.

I'm truly sorry you're having such a rough time -- both post-op and on this forum.

Peace out.

Edited September 1, 201411 yr by VSGAnn2014

It takes all kinds. I am glad there are all kinds of replies on the board. I am one who needs to be called out and responds well to "tough love" so I am glad those posters reply that way. There are many kinder gentler posters as well. Somethjng for everyone.

again, i think you see what you look for.

if you are posting for someone else in this way, you seem like you are trolling.

you seem pretty angry. just dont eat over it, okay?

(blink)

FTR, I spent 15 minutes reading your earlier posts.

I'm truly sorry you're having such a rough time -- both post-op and on this forum.

Peace out.

Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know. I never expected this to be easy, but my support groups didn't mention any of the problems I experienced.

The reason this "set people off" is because there is another thread going on telling us all to stop being "b*tches".

The problem is that when a thread like this is started us readers don't actually know what triggered it. There is a certain fatigue about being called names just for answering questions. People ask for advice, I give it, they don't like it and therefore i am bad. However, that is a rare occurance and most people are gracious and grateful for the advice and help.

Truth is some people are rude. some people give what i judge as not ideal advice (based on my own personal experience). However I think the wisest course is to take the good and just let the "negative" pass by...

The reason this "set people off" is because there is another thread going on telling us all to stop being "b*tches".

The problem is that when a thread like this is started us readers don't actually know what triggered it. There is a certain fatigue about being called names just for answering questions. People ask for advice, I give it, they don't like it and therefore i am bad. However, that is a rare occurance and most people are gracious and grateful for the advice and help.

Truth is some people are rude. some people give what i judge as not ideal advice (based on my own personal experience). However I think the wisest course is to take the good and just let the "negative" pass by...

Y'all have spent way too much time on this.

I've been on this forum since before my surgery in April. I read A LOT of posts and find that many, definitely not all, of the regular posters are quite judgemental. We each walk our own journey, in relationships, religion, and weight loss. No one has the right to tell another their way is the best or only way and that one shouldn't eat a certain way. I've frequently been left with a bad taste in my mouth by something someone said, because let's face it...posting here is leaving oneself quite vulnerable. I truly feel for those with no support system who are looking for guidance and get scolded. I ask you please, if you don't have something nice to say, stay quiet.

Back at cha!

These types of posts only foster ill will in my opinion. Take what you like, leave what you don't. Why in the world would you allow an anonymous stranger on the Internet add any negativity to your life? Shrug it off. Walk away. Click the back button and read something else.

Telling people how to post to YOUR feelz isn't going to get you anywhere, I promise you. We are all individuals, we all communicate differently, we all read posts in a different tone than each other.

You can't control other people but you can control how you react to them.

Good luck on your journey!