Advice Needed: How do your spouses help to support you?

[Mrs King 52]

So I'm curious for all of those who are married or have significant others - what is the best way for them to support you during your gastric sleeve process? My husband is very excited for me and wants to be there as much as he can in any way that he possibly can. Does anyone have any experiences that would be helpful for him to relate to?

[BigGirlPanties 957]

I just know my DH is on my side...what I (we) DON'T need is someone telling us NOT to eat such and such... if you want to talk; you need someone who will listen and not judge... if you want an opinion, you'll ask for it, otherwise LISTEN...SUPPORT...BE THERE...

When I was in the hospital, I sent my hubby to work so he didn't stay and stare at me all day...LOL... he wanted to stay with me, but I didn't want to feel like I had to "entertain" him...so I asked him to leave so I could sleep... whatever you are comfortable with.

Don't know that I can give you specifics to "relate to"...sorry

My husband lost weight by just cutting out carbonated beverages and cutting back on his carbs as well... so he is healthier and happier too

Good luck...

Edited May 30, 2014 by BigGirlPanties

[Mrs King 52]

I just know my DH is on my side...what I (we) DON'T need is someone telling us NOT to eat such and such... if you want to talk; you need someone who will listen and not judge... if you want an opinion, you'll ask for it, otherwise LISTEN...SUPPORT... My husband lost weight by just cutting out carbonated beverages and cutting back on his carbs as well... so he is healthier and happier too Good luck...

Thank you BigGirlPanties!! My husband is very very excited about my surgery but he just doesn't want to do anything that would be anything but supportive. His plan is to eat a little bit less too so that he can lose a little bit of weight in the process as well.

[Carlotta1 401]

My husband was supportive..but in reality I needed little help from him after surgery since I had everything prepared. However, my husband helps me in the way that he does not bring non nutritious foods into our home. Especially ice cream which is my red light food. Another change he made is not eating out as much. We have cut down eating out so much. Maybe twice a month now. That was a big deal for my husband who loves to eat out. I cook more often for both of us. Another issue is you getting more attractive as you lose your weight. He may need reassurance from you .. It is all good.

[Mrs King 52]

My husband was supportive..but in reality I needed little help from him after surgery since I had everything prepared. However, my husband helps me in the way that he does not bring non nutritious foods into our home. Especially ice cream which is my red light food. Another change he made is not eating out as much. We have cut down eating out so much. Maybe twice a month now. That was a big deal for my husband who loves to eat out. I cook more often for both of us. Another issue is you getting more attractive as you lose your weight. He may need reassurance from you .. It is all good.

Carlotta - wow I didn't even think of the reassurance when I lose the weight. Thank you for that. I would never ever want to make him feel like I would leave him just because I was getting a little bit more thin. He love me for 10 years before we got married and loved me even at my heaviest weight. He's definitely a keeper.

[Chelenka 827]

I would suggest that in the beginning he refrain from eating tempting food, i.e. Ice cream, pizza, etc., in front of you. Eventually you will be able to eat pretty much whatever you want but in much smaller amounts. My hubby has been incredibly supportive but he ate pizza in the hospital room while I was newly post-op. He was just clueless and meant no harm but I pretty much wanted to kill him! LOL! Once I explained to him how torturous that was for me he was very apologetic and never made that sort of mistake again. Also, once you are able to exercise ask him to exercise with you. It's more fun that way and it's good for him too. Best of luck!

[Mrs King 52]

I would suggest that in the beginning he refrain from eating tempting food, i.e. Ice cream, pizza, etc., in front of you. Eventually you will be able to eat pretty much whatever you want but in much smaller amounts. My hubby has been incredibly supportive but he ate pizza in the hospital room while I was newly post-op. He was just clueless and meant no harm but I pretty much wanted to kill him! LOL! Once I explained to him how torturous that was for me he was very apologetic and never made that sort of mistake again. Also, once you are able to exercise ask him to exercise with you. It's more fun that way and it's good for him too. Best of luck!

Chelenka - this advice is like gold to me. I literally read about a lot allowed to my husband and he was laughing at the pizza story which made me think he may have done that if I hadn't read the story. I love the idea of exercising together too I think that would be the best idea for both of us. Thank you so much for your experiences but I'm sure my husband has learned a lot as well.

[McButterpants 2,846]

Mr. McButterpants has been my rock during this process. He listened to me, he gave me his opinion, he loved me and he expected me to succeed. Sometimes he was brutally honest - I needed that.

He was just there for me - that sounds simplistic, but I really mean that. He was there if I needed help physically, but he was also there if I needed to cry or yell or just talk about how I was feeling. He didn't wait on me after surgery - he made me get up and get my own Water, which is a good thing.

Today, 6 months later, he's still my rock. He smiles when I ask him if my pants are too loose and need to go down a size. He hugs me when I cry because I'm having a bad day. He celebrates my successes and reminds me of them when I get down on myself.

[BigGirlPanties 957]

My hubby always wants to take a walk with me when he gets home...problem is, we are on TOTALLY different shifts, so when he gets home, I'm about ready for bed

I'd love to exercise with him by my side for motivation... but, for now, it's just me and my "puppies" ...

That's a good point about the food... in the beginning we "cleaned house"... now that I'm in full swing, I am not tempted by junk...truly not... if I "over eat" something, it'll be Protein or almonds or something like that... I haven't had any carbonated beverages since surgery, and don't miss it AT ALL...which is surprising, since I was a HUGE DC drinker!!!

If I'm "hungry" and nothing appeals to me, I have a cup of tea and by the time that's done, the hunger has passed...which works great at home...not as available at work, unfortunately...

but... we keep on keeping on

Edited May 30, 2014 by BigGirlPanties

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

My husband is shadowing me with everything on this go round. He comes with me to some support group meetings, he came with me to the dietician class to learn what he could, he came with me to my last appointment with my Surgeon and will come again to the family support visit coming up in a few weeks. He also has taken an oath to go along with my "Sugar Free" diet which we are on Day 48 right now. Day 50 is on Sunday which is my Day 1 for my Pre-Op eating plans. I won't ask him to do those or my 2 Week Pre-Op liquid Diet, he works construction and he's probably pass out from malnutrition! Ha!

He is also losing weight right now, he's lost about 10 Lbs and his clothes are looking a bit baggish on him.

There are some great Hubby's out there! Let him do whatever he feels helps you, that's how men are they like to "fix" things. It's okay to tell him you need space sometimes too though

[msfitn2014 248]

We talked about the cons and the pros and he gave his honest answers....He excercised with me and coached me. He loves to go out to eat and he helps suggest places that we both can go to and enjoy. He has always complimented me and now he does it a little more. He has also bought me a dress 2sizes too small as a TREAT for me. He has constantly told people he love me the way I am but I made the decision to have wls and he is gonna support me. My biggest support he is!! He has been reading pre-op and post op on the surgery to make sure he can help me anyway possible.

[greensleeve 457]

He has been supportive from the beginning. He was concerned about the safety but after going with to the surgeon consult and reading about it he knew I was making the right choice.

He has helped me so much and I feel lucky to be with him.

He stayed home with me for a few days after I got out, he took care of cooking and went out and bought a lot of different Protein Powder when I was sick to death of what I had at home.

He is right there saying way to go when I lose another five pounds and we plan what fun things we are going to do when I hit goal.

I know he wants me to be happy and healthy.

[angelface811 100]

I think educating my husband on the anatomy of the surgery was very important as well as educating him on the risks. My surgeon requires for your spouse or closest loved one to come to a 2 hour class a few days before surgery. You know in order for this all to happen for me it took a small village. Some people might think I'm strange but I also educated him (as well as a few other support people) on some "normal" psychological responses that people having WLS may go through. I needed to hear from them if I experienced any of them that it was normal. For example having major anxiety over surgery. Because you hear some men say "well isn't this what you wanted." Yes! But anxiety and fear are normal. Some people also experience "buyers remorse" over their WLS. Normal. Depression after surgery. Normal. I think you get where I'm going.

I told him that I needed him to be on me to walk after surgery. I told him everyone having this surgery have different recovery times. My surgeon writes off for 6 weeks. My husband took the first shift being with me for 6 days. My sister then came in to help me, help with the house and with my son. Then I slowly took over. After surgery he became more attentive than ever. He was just on it. He saw more of my body in that first day of surgery than in the last decade. He would do a wound check everyday on my tummy. I never liked him seeing my tummy after our son was born. But he was just tickled. He put my binder on me all the time. I did have a complication arise and I had to be in the hospital overnight and he was being not so understanding. Honestly I think he was just tired but I had a talk with him. I told him what I needed and for me it's the "emotional support" that's most important and has been the most important in my recovery. For someone else it could be "physical help"...we are all different. But this is how I have managed to stay positive and supported. Yep I'm weird!

[mi75 1,235]

my hubs is also right there for me. i am still pre-op, i go june 23.

he has promised to walk with me post op, and my doc wants me waking 5-10 minutes every hour, so the hubs says we'll stroll our block every hour together.

also he has promised to do all the food prep for himself and our kids for the first couple weeks which is a God-send!

also, since he could lose some lbs himself he has vowed to enjoy the food funerals with me, and then after surgery make his best efforts with me to lose also so we can begin a new phase of our lives together as thinner, healthy people.

[InfiniteButterfly 438]

While my partners are both there for me, hubby is the more supportive of the two. They both visited for limited time in the hospital (understanding that I was exhausted and needed rest more than I needed them...they were just a phone call away) Hubby walks with me and talks with me, and lets me vent. And he's my walk and cycle partner whenever he's home from work.

The bf is more tough love. When I was feeling sorry for myself and how much pain I was in the second day I was home, he pushed until I got out of bed for the walk the doctor wanted. And yes, although I was in pain, that's also when I discovered the compression yoga pants and how much they helped when I walked. And I did feel better for getting up and moving (although ye gods did I hate him in that moment)

But the most supportive thing they've done is keep the junk out of the house. Keep the kids fed when I can't or don't want to (I will admit, I still love cooking and being in the kitchen. For the most part, I'm not tempted to taste-test anything. And when I am, that's when they take over and I hide upstairs with my Water. And my bf, who is a HUGE food-pusher, has reined in his natural habits because he knows I can no longer "just try a bite" of what he's eating (although I did have a little taste of his hot dog sauce yesterday...but it was actually okay for puree. It's just crushed Beans and Tomato sauce, and it was enough to tell me that cooked tomato sauce still hates me)