Yesterday I got a call from a female VP on my floor who noticed I've lost weight. (I haven't told anyone except my mom, daughters, husband and best friend about my banding.) In my own department, I work with mostly men, and they don't notice or don't care. Only one male coworker noticed I've been bringing my lunch, and I shrugged it off, saying I had to "get healthy, doctor's orders". That was enough for him. But this phone call yesterday threw me off guard.

I guess I should have been prepared for her comment, but I don't see a big difference in the mirror to my own eyes yet. I do acknowledge that I'm wearing my smaller clothes again, but nothing dramatic.

I saw my MIL and BIL yesterday after weeks have gone by, and neither of them noticed any difference. My WLS skeptic husband hasn't said a word about how I look. My younger daughter saw me at Easter and said she could see it in my face, and my BFF and my mom have also both been complimentary. But at work, I wasn't prepared.

Forgive me for not remembering who said this recently, but I read a post on these boards about two days ago that I needed to see. The gist of it was that in the early stages of weight loss, it's a bit of a thrill to answer folks who ask how much you've lost... 20, 30,..60. But for the morbidly obese, one day that answer can become 140, 150.... and the novelty has worn off, and you can feel people doing the math in their heads.

That post got to me. I deliberately didn't tell people at work and extended family about my banding because I didn't want to be watched, to be analyzed, to be quizzed, to be whispered about. But eventually the weight loss itself will trigger questions. And yesterday it did for me.

The VP was nice, and asked if I've been losing weight. "Yeah, a bit. Gotta get healthy - ugh!" "What are you doing?" "Walking the treadmill every day, eating less. It's a drag sometimes, but what can you do?" "Well, good for you. You can tell." "Thanks, that's nice of you."

I hung up the phone and I was literally shaking. It's started. I need to get a game plan so I'm not rattled and caught off-guard like that. There was nothing bad about it at all, but I felt watched, and now I feel like I'm being observed. My instinct was to downplay it and end the conversation. I feel good about that, but it's a matter of time before someone else mentions it I guess.

Interestingly, I have no guilt about not mentioning the band, which I never intend to do, because this 52 pounds all came off before my first band fill this week. So I feel like my band has only been helping me out for the last couple of days. I do walk my treadmill faithfully and I do eat less. That wasn't what unnerved me. It's that somebody noticed my body. As an obese woman, I lived in denial for years that even though I was large, I was somehow invisible. Yet yesterday somebody reminded me that no, they can see me.

And if they noticed I'm smaller, they earlier noticed I was pretty big.

So my first compliment from a stranger left me a little shaken. Can anybody relate?

James, that is good reason too!

Hi JustWatchMe,

I think it was my post you were talking about. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

Even though I started out at 210, I get what you are saying. For me, I spent most of my life only slightly overweight. When I started working at my current join in 2002, I was 149 pounds. Over the years, my weight crept up and up, and my heallth deteriorated due to many autoimmune issues. I'd watch the thin, healthy people I worked with stuff themselves with doughnuts, hamburgers, and pizza everyday while I ate cabbage Soup and worked out HARD with a trainer several times a week, to no avail. In the past few years I started to worry, for the first time in my life what people were saying about my weight. Who was judging me and what were they saying? It was a new experience for me, but very painful.

So again, thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry if my post troubled you in any way!

.

Edited May 4, 201412 yr by JustWatchMe

@@Teachamy, LOL quoting text is dicey on my android. Anyway, meant to say no trouble. It was an eye opener, and I love reading your posts, so keep them coming!

For myself, I have not kept my plans for surgery a secret. I am excited and proud that I am doing something for my health and the way I feel about my weight. I have gotten nothing but support from those around me. Everyone is different I guess. If you don't want others to know about your surgery then just keep telling them your loss is due to diet and exercise, but if your losing a great deal they will probably suspect surgery anyways. Good Luck to you and Congrats on your success.

Oh, I so get this thread. I've lost so much weight that people don't recognize me. Some of it is also because I'm off that damn cane thank goodness, and I no longer wear glasses, my hair is much shorter, and I'm wearing makeup again. But really....they don't know who I am. My own son says he is thrown every time I get off the train and he doesn't recognize the person who gets off.

People at work have walked right past me without knowing it's me. A co-worker even asked my name after I got on the elevator with her after I said hello to her. Once I reminded her of who I was, the look on her face was incredulous. It's both wonderful and very off-putting because it makes me wonder who I am. I know I've changed...but how much? I hope I'm the same person I was, just a little better. I do know that I'm more outgoing with strangers. Just chatting and such but still, it's not something I did before.

Even a good friend of mine told me yesterday that she can't help but stare at me because I've changed so much. Again...it's nice to hear yet what I also hear is I've changed so much because I was so very heavy and now I'm not. There's one girl at work who likes to hear the numbers. I know she doesn't realize I don't like it but she's very good to me so I let it go. But it's true...I don't like to tell people it's 120+ pounds. It's embarrassing.

Just shows that reaching goal weight does not mean you've come to the end of your journey.

Edited May 4, 201412 yr by gowalking

Thanks to all who responded.

It's so individual. I might have made a different disclosure choice when I was younger. But I've been through a huge weight loss (130 lbs) once before, 26 years ago. It was when I was in OA, and for the reason of my 12-step privacy, I only told a few people in my social circle, and my immediate family. I was the star for a couple of years with everyone commenting and complimenting me. My life took a fast forward then as I started to date, met my husband, got married and had two kids. As the weight came back after I dropped out of OA, the shame of obesity came back with it. I was only at a normal weight range for less than two years. I call it the "bounce" syndrome. Many people in my life now only know me as fat.

What I learned that first time is that many, many people felt no reservations about giving me advice, questioning my eating plan, commenting all the time about how I looked in this outfit, that outfit, how my neck looked, my arms, my ass, etc. And don't get me started on how many people were judgmental about the 12-step program 26 years ago (including my husband, who called it brainwashing), and asking, "How long do you have to keep going to those meetings?"

And always asking how much now? What's the total now? Granted, it was mostly family doing this. But in retrospect, I realize that I contributed to it because in the beginning, I was so happy to share the numbers. Then the numbers got really big as I was getting small, and I felt like I couldn't just be a thin person. I was forever answering people as an obese-turned-thin person.

I hope to lose this weight one last time with my band. And then I want to live as a thin person, and stop talking to outsiders about the obese person I used to be. Just let me be thin and go look at somebody else's body.

Hope this makes sense.

Beautiful post. And yes...it makes perfect sense. I too just want folks to let it go and for me to stay this size so that it becomes normal and no one thinks about the fat me. I'm actually making it my business to see people who I haven't seen since the hip surgery just to get the shock and comments over with. Then hopefully, we can all move on.

And I tried the like button on my phone for your posts, but I might have accidentally unliked some of the comments. Please know I "like" them all! Darn phone. Time for an iPhone.

I've never kept my surgery a secret. I actually didn't want any of my coworkers to know prior to my surgery date but had every intention of telling them afterwards. I work in the same hospital where I had my surgery and so it would've been hard to avoid having people know. The other thing that made me feel I shouldn't keep it a secret was a post a read on here a long time ago that mentioned how it feels as an obese person to hear someone else talking about weight loss and saying they've done it through diet and exercise. I know that, for me, every time I heard this from another "formerly obese" person, it made me feel like a failure. If they could do it, why couldn't I? I don't want to make anyone feel that way so if they ask, I tell them I've had WLS and that I've also made a lot of dietary changes and that I'm walking, running, and exercising more.

As for the compliments, you will eventually get used to it. In the beginning, I was surprised at the compliments and questions but I've learned to just answer their questions honestly and accept compliments gracefully and move on. Who cares that they noticed that I was huge before? I'm not huge now and they're noticing that and most people who bring it up are genuinely happy for me so I'm just enjoying the ride. My self esteem is no longer tied to what everyone else thinks about me. It is now completely related to how I see me and how I feel about me. If they see me for what I am and they love and respect me, that's great. If they don't, that's ok too.

I still feel a little uncomfortable also when someone talks about my weight loss, but I'm trying to just take the compliment. I also feel a little weird because I feel that when I was overweight I never got attention. It also feels a little weird when men look at me or compliment me. (I'm happily married)

I don't feel embarrassed at all to tell people I'm down over 100 pounds, and I don't think I'll be ashamed of it when I have lost the whole 175 of extra weight. What people see isn't the scale number of what you used to weigh, what they see is achievement, a strong person, and usually someone who has done something they admire because they struggle, too.

It might be helpful to look at it differently; instead of thinking "they noticed my body" its more accurate to think "they have noticed the hard work and effort I've put in."

I have lost a lot of weight before as many of us have...I actually became bitter because i was treated so differently. Why am I ok to talk to now? I'm the same person I was before? I don't get it. An associate even told me "I liked you better when you were fat" after turned him down. Its amazing how different 1. People see you, and 2. How you're treated.

I like to think Im older and wiser now and my truth now? I could give 2 $#@ts what anyone says or thinks. Their opinion is none of my business, just as my decisions are none of theirs.

I'm days away from my insurance approval and ready to set my surgery date. Im ready and waiting. I will have no bitterness this time around...only happiness for my health and quality of life. Im not aiming to please anyone but myself & if my friends and family are with me...all the better. If not, life has a way of working itself out. I wish everyone the best and to embrace happiness instead of reaction. This is my plan.

I am and have been open about my gastric bypass surgery to people. For me it's important to educate people on how hard it is for a lot of us to lose weight and we have tried many many many times and it has not worked. And what we are doing is taking care of our health issues and not just weight loss. As I tell people I rather take lots of vitamins vs taking meds for bp, dm2, pcos, etc etc...and I have gotten a lot of support from family, friends, colleagues etc. Plus I work in the medical field so I want to also teach my patients to be healthier, just like what I have done for myself. Also WLS is not a quick weight loss, it's a tool to help us get to our goals which a lot of people don't understand. So why not teach them? And the reason why insurances cover the WLS because they don't want to pay for long term health issues like kidney failure, cardiac issues, liver problems, etc. So best for insurances to pay now vs a ton of money later. I was not ashamed of my weight before nor am I now but I did go through this surgery for myself so I am accountable for my intake, I don't have to worry about health issues anymore, and I can feel sexy again. And I am very proud of the steps I have taken and the changes that are happening in my life for the positive...At least that's my take on it...

JustWatchMe...when I read your posts I feel like I am reading a novel...so well put together and said!!! I am rethinking alot about what I say to folks...because I am not losing like others on here, but I do feel that some look at me with that oh so you've lost that much look and say WOW that means you weighed in at ??? so lately outside of a few folks that care about me nothing more is said. I do post on here when I make small achievements though...like this weekend was my first ride on my new trike. My biggest fan (my hubs) though said something before we left the house to go for our ride...that he didn't know why I was so excited, since after I take this ride that will be it...I'll just put the trike up and not want to get on it again. I did something that I have never done before and that was I told him..."you know what honey, you are suppose to be here to support me through this, actually you promised me you would be, and now you are talking all this negative?" "well guess what negative beget negative and I don't need to hear that!!!" we went for our ride and he didn't do so well, I did my mile and then had to go back to find him...I felt so badly for him, but couldn't help thinking in the back of my mind and you said I couldn't do it!!! but I helped him up and drove back and that made another 1/2 mile...so I felt really good. I know that is far from your topic, but actually it isn't. I don't do compliments well...after losing and gaining and losing and gaining all my life I merely stay clear of those that would say anything. because to me once they said it I would be going right back to my old behavior-because I didn't want to be noticed. I really don't care what folks think about me any longer...this surgery and my new band life has made me a different person. compliments are okay, but I say thank you and move on...tell only those I feel like telling when that occasion occurs. you are a very special person and I look forward to reading your posts...so you GO...I think you are doing perfectly both in your band life as well as your responses...I wouldn't have been able to think up anything near what you responded. so I can relate as many on here have already said...and thanks for making us all rethinking about how to respond to those around us-who will notice, have noticed and to even those who haven't said a word. your confidence just booms out from your post. hope you have an awesome day!!! take care!!!