So the other night my surgeons office held a ceremony for everyone that had wls in 2013. My surgery was 10/21 so I was excited to go and see everyone's progress. I know what they say about expectations but it was really kind of depressing. They had people seated in groups by month, December, November, October then September, August etc.. as each group got up I expected (haha) that for the most part each group would be a little skinnier. With the exception of a few people the October, November December group was the thinnest! I wish I hadn't gone to this ceremony. I feel so discouraged after seeing all of these still fat people. I was one of the thinnest people in the whole room and I wasn't expecting that! Arg... I really need to find a way to get that picture out of my head!

Last month I went to my surgeon's support group, and started talking with this woman who asked me if I had had surgery yet? I was taken aback since I have lost 107 lbs, but I am still overweight, and I have to accept that some people will not consider me to be a success unless I am stick thin. It just reminded me that I can't look to others to celebrate my success, I have to look within. I'm still proud of myself, regardless of what that woman might have thought!

I went to a support group when I was only 8 weeks out and I with the exception of 1 woman was by far the thinnest in the room. I was thinking, maybe everyone was very very large before surgery or maybe they just didnt lose well. One woman kept talking about how she loves drinking beer and drinking soda and how she cant stop and cant lose weight. I was soo annoyed to even be there that I havent gone back since. I'm now 7 months post op and doing well. Thinking of going back to the "support" group again to touch base with others...hoping for a better experience

Like someone else on here said, the "successful" people don't tend to go to the support groups. Why should they? They are doing fine on their own. Just keep that in mind when going back to a support meeting. You will find more of the strugglers than maybe you want. But of course that is the point... To find support from people who can relate.

This thread is getting out of hand. I was thinking about this conference as a sort of before and after pic. I plainly said that MY EXPECTATIONS were at fault. I didn't have as much to lose as some but I had 110 lbs to lose so I'm no light weight myself. All I was saying is I went for inspiration and I didn't find much of it. I don't know anything at all about any of their personal journeys nor do they know of mine. I wasn't judging any of their personal journeys. The fact is most of them were still fat and i wasnt "expecting " that. I'm sorry that that word bothers some of you so much, but i never considered it a bad word, because for me it just was a way of life. I feel like a lot of people on this forum are quick to start a fight but, sorry, I'm not gonna play. I've been on this forum for 6 months and mostly I given and received a lot of great support. Support is all I come here for so excuse me if I don't participate in being goaded into something more.

I believe the best takeaway from this thread is to ensuring we all keep our EXPECTATIONS in check. It is often said, expectations are future resentments. I believe most folks researching and those early post-op often have unrealistic expectations. It is a difficult pill to swallow sometimes, but alas, it is reality.

How we deal with the resentments ... Now that will be a test of character.

If your taking offence at the word fat....I can tell you it is one of the easiest terms to digest....How about obese, Moby d**k, gigantic, titanic, elephant, rhino, mountain and whale Pick anything huge and I have been called that. I have heard the medical field use some of these terms as well.

Like I said in an earlier post here. We are always looking for the aw aspect of this surgery because we all want to be there. Where ever we start it does not matter. It is knowing, KNOWING that others who took the leap before us were successful..

I know personally of a woman who had a by-pass about 15 years ago and after 60 lbs lost she stopped and started gaining weight. 2, 2 liter bottles of pop a day help her keep her from her original goal.

Now another woman who knows her is worried to death that she will only lose 60 lbs because well it happened to her....

No guys we are all looking for successes when we go anywhere or read any of these stories. That is normal!!!!!!! Maybe the title spurred some bad reactions. But I bet 10 to 1 that if you were hoping for a celebration for weight loss and it was not there to what your mind thought it would be. You too would have been disappointed...

I know I would have been thrown into some kind of fear, worrying that I might gain it back or struggle to keep it off....

Giving your mind rest by having positive feedback is a powerful motivator. For the poster..it wasn't a great experience. Can we learn from this...YES

We can look at the same potential situation and feel completely different about it....Learn that we are all different and we lose at different rates and are different makeups.....And maybe even reach out to some who you can encourage... After all that is the goal of this forum. Not to beat the tar out of someone who had a discouraging experience.......To her it was...

When we go through life and two people experience the same event. It is highly unlikely that they would have seen, thought, felt or would even write the exact same thing about it......If you would see it as wonderful, maybe another saw it as I let them cut me open and remove part of my stomach and was in so much pain and had to learn to eat again, learn to reteach my mind about healthy food...etc.

That is how I see this posters thread...Nothing more then her being worried about the possibility of her not reaching the goal she has in mind....

She is allowed that guys....I think anyway!

Edited March 17, 201412 yr by RJ'S/beginning

She is absolutely allowed that.

In turn, others are allowed to express their opinion about what they read here. That's how we learn and grow, last I checked. Discussion, debate, disagreement, acknowledgement, compromise. Without an exchange of ideas, how would we grow?

Yup you are right @LipstickLady. No argument here! I did not write my post to discipline anyone...It is just my "opinion" hun!

Actually, this website, should be where we can ask those questions or bring up those issues. Stop bullying people for asking a simple question or are making an observation. If you want to educate them and help them better understand something, that's one thing, but to be out right mean is not okay! If you don't agree with something somebody posts, and you can't be nice, don't reply. For goodness sakes, show some decorum and grace to each other.

How was it NICE to get on here and call a bunch of people on a weight loss journey STILL FAT as if the people don't know their weight and how is that constructive in any way shape or form???

Edited March 17, 201412 yr by SlowlybutSurely

If your taking offence at the word fat....I can tell you it is one of the easiest terms to digest....How about obese, Moby d**k, gigantic, titanic, elephant, rhino, mountain and whale Pick anything huge and I have been called that. I have heard the medical field use some of these terms as well.

Like I said in an earlier post here. We are always looking for the aw aspect of this surgery because we all want to be there. Where ever we start it does not matter. It is knowing, KNOWING that others who took the leap before us were successful..

I know personally of a woman who had a by-pass about 15 years ago and after 60 lbs lost she stopped and started gaining weight. 2, 2 liter bottles of pop a day help her keep her from her original goal.

Now another woman who knows her is worried to death that she will only lose 60 lbs because well it happened to her....

No guys we are all looking for successes when we go anywhere or read any of these stories. That is normal!!!!!!! Maybe the title spurred some bad reactions. But I bet 10 to 1 that if you were hoping for a celebration for weight loss and it was not there to what your mind thought it would be. You too would have been disappointed...

I know I would have been thrown into some kind of fear, worrying that I might gain it back or struggle to keep it off....

Giving your mind rest by having positive feedback is a powerful motivator. For the poster..it wasn't a great experience. Can we learn from this...YES

We can look at the same potential situation and feel completely different about it....Learn that we are all different and we lose at different rates and are different makeups.....And maybe even reach out to some who you can encourage... After all that is the goal of this forum. Not to beat the tar out of someone who had a discouraging experience.......To her it was...

When we go through life and two people experience the same event. It is highly unlikely that they would have seen, thought, felt or would even write the exact same thing about it......If you would see it as wonderful, maybe another saw it as I let them cut me open and remove part of my stomach and was in so much pain and had to learn to eat again, learn to reteach my mind about healthy food...etc.

That is how I see this posters thread...Nothing more then her being worried about the possibility of her not reaching the goal she has in mind....

She is allowed that guys....I think anyway!

You might have your opinion, but it's not always the correct thing to state your opinion and if you do, there's a way to state that opinion. What exactly was the point of stating that a bunch of people that were on a weight loss journey were "STILL FAT"? Like I said before, these people could have been down 100 or more pounds not to mention that they could no longer be suffering from co-morbidities which is a successful journey in itself. My point is you don't know their journey, obstacles, experiences, etc. and to make a rash negative observation is unwarranted and unfair. And please know that people are probably looking at you (us) and saying that we would STILL be fat if we hadn't had surgery, which I'm sure feels about as good as someone saying we're still fat!

If your taking offence at the word fat....I can tell you it is one of the easiest terms to digest....How about obese, Moby d**k, gigantic, titanic, elephant, rhino, mountain and whale Pick anything huge and I have been called that. I have heard the medical field use some of these terms as well.

Like I said in an earlier post here. We are always looking for the aw aspect of this surgery because we all want to be there. Where ever we start it does not matter. It is knowing, KNOWING that others who took the leap before us were successful..

I know personally of a woman who had a by-pass about 15 years ago and after 60 lbs lost she stopped and started gaining weight. 2, 2 liter bottles of pop a day help her keep her from her original goal.

Now another woman who knows her is worried to death that she will only lose 60 lbs because well it happened to her....

No guys we are all looking for successes when we go anywhere or read any of these stories. That is normal!!!!!!! Maybe the title spurred some bad reactions. But I bet 10 to 1 that if you were hoping for a celebration for weight loss and it was not there to what your mind thought it would be. You too would have been disappointed...

I know I would have been thrown into some kind of fear, worrying that I might gain it back or struggle to keep it off....

Giving your mind rest by having positive feedback is a powerful motivator. For the poster..it wasn't a great experience. Can we learn from this...YES

We can look at the same potential situation and feel completely different about it....Learn that we are all different and we lose at different rates and are different makeups.....And maybe even reach out to some who you can encourage... After all that is the goal of this forum. Not to beat the tar out of someone who had a discouraging experience.......To her it was...

When we go through life and two people experience the same event. It is highly unlikely that they would have seen, thought, felt or would even write the exact same thing about it......If you would see it as wonderful, maybe another saw it as I let them cut me open and remove part of my stomach and was in so much pain and had to learn to eat again, learn to reteach my mind about healthy food...etc.

That is how I see this posters thread...Nothing more then her being worried about the possibility of her not reaching the goal she has in mind....

She is allowed that guys....I think anyway!

You might have your opinion, but it's not always the correct thing to state your opinion and if you do, there's a way to state that opinion. What exactly was the point of stating that a bunch of people that were on a weight loss journey were "STILL FAT"? Like I said before, these people could have been down 100 or more pounds not to mention that they could no longer be suffering from co-morbidities which is a successful journey in itself. My point is you don't know their journey, obstacles, experiences, etc. and to make a rash negative observation is unwarranted and unfair. And please know that people are probably looking at you (us) and saying that we would STILL be fat if we hadn't had surgery, which I'm sure feels about as good as someone saying we're still fat!

Absolutely, i did mention some of the names I was called when I was obese. But I think that the OP understands that she posted the wrong word. And has apologized more then once. How long does she or anyone on here have to be chastised for making an error in words.

Most likely she has also learned some new things from the replies she has gotten regarding this subject!

Not everyone has an elegant way with words. You don't know what she has been through either and how important this meeting was for her.....

And your right and has been stressed a lot lately on this forum....This is my "opinion" I am not saying using the word fat was right. I just think the poster got the message! What else can she do but apologize which she has done.

I can only remind you that what you write is your opinion as well. Thank you for your feedback.

Didn't you know that you will become instantly thin the minute you have surgery? DUH!

I am one that has lost over 180 pounds and yes I am still fat. I do know some people that had the sleeve and needed to lose over 150 pounds and only lost 60. I just think how soon we forget that feeling of someone calling YOU fat after we have lost the weight. After being called that, amongst other things, I don't think I would call anybody fat after I've lost all that I needed to lose... Losing weight is such a struggle with every meal and every snack every decision to work out or not... It's very difficult... These people went to support because they obviously need support... When you walk into a room and you are the smallest one there that means it's time for you to encourage someone else. These folks are probably looking to you for support don't knock them... Help them.

I am one that has lost over 180 pounds and yes I am still fat. I do know some people that had the sleeve and needed to lose over 150 pounds and only lost 60. I just think how soon we forget that feeling of someone calling YOU fat after we have lost the weight. After being called that, amongst other things, I don't think I would call anybody fat after I've lost all that I needed to lose... Losing weight is such a struggle with every meal and every snack every decision to work out or not... It's very difficult... These people went to support because they obviously need support... When you walk into a room and you are the smallest one there that means it's time for you to encourage someone else. These folks are probably looking to you for support don't knock them... Help them.

Me too so far... still have some to go. your right. it is the most important thing to encourage one another and your comments were spot on.....

Maybe a small factor and maybe not: this forum.

Do not underestimate the support, information, and feedback that many of us get on a daily basis here. People in a physical support group do not always hit the computer for help and the monthly meetings may be it for them.

I can tell you this forum is a big factor in my success.

As for the original post....not malicious. Maybe insensitive... I don't know...I'm a man.

Seela, I remember one of your earliest posts last year when you said something and got beaten with sticks... I was one of the people who told you off, said apologise and move on but not to leave the site. And you have moved on, giving lots of encouragement and good support to others since.

Ok, people, she maybe wasn't as sensitive as she could have been with this post but she's apologised. I am not perfect and I haven't always got it right. I have been grateful for the tolerance of others on this site when I haven't - so how about it? Time to move on because none of us knows when we might say something that might unwittingly cause offence... and we might need forgiveness.