I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.

But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:

Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.

Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.

Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.

If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

Lifting you up in prayer.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to post. Life is short and we must make the most of the time we have...sometimes I need that reminder. I wish I had words with which to comfort you in your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

My deepest condolences for your loss. Death of a loved one is hard enough to deal with let alone a death that is tragic.

I hope you don't mind but I work in psychiatry and I think you could really benefit from some grief counseling now to get you through this. Please consider making an appointment with a psychologist or clinician in your area who specializes in grief counseling. It may help your tremendously. I am praying for you.

Oh sorry to hear what happen....its great you have a support system...God Bless

I am sending you prayers, hugs and good vibrations. I lost the love of my life 2 years ago in March. I find it hard to breathe at times, but I feel so happy looking back at our good times. My heart goes out to you. Like you said, you will be ok in time. Just remember there is no time limit on grieving. Some people don't understand and will expect that you "move on". Just keep the positive people close and the negative people away. It's all about how you want to grieve. I pray you find happy memories at your saddest moments.

Lifting you up in prayer. I'm so sorry... hugs

I am so very sorry for your loss! Lifting you up in prayer. And you're right, you will be OK, in time. Allow yourself to grieve, but do reach out to those that can support you & just listen. Please take care of yourself. Your husband would have wanted that.

<<<HUGS>>>

Please accept my condolences. Your story and advice to us serves as a reminder to me to try to put all of life in perspective as I embark on my weight loss journey. I send you good vibes and thank you for your thoughts.

Sothernsoul, I am so sorry! I had to re-read this before it could sink in. I have read many of your posts and we were both sleeved at around the same time. I always found you to be interesting and informative. So reading this was like I know you. I so admire you words of wisdom and that you are able to put them together at a time like this. Man, life can suck sometimes. I wish for you the comfort of loved ones and can see that you are a very strong person and will eventually pull through this. The people you have touched with your posts are here for you too (like me) please feel free to vent to us at anytime. Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain. You are in my thoughts

Southernsoul, I am sending you hugs and offering up prayers for your aching heart. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We just never know from day to day what life will throw at us. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us and to allow us to grieve with you. Thank you too for your words of wisdom and guidance that will help us to put life in perspective, and to remember that even though we're going through a life experience (WLS) that tends to make us self absorbed, we all need to treasure our loved ones while we still have them. May your husband's memory be eternal and you find consolation in those happy and special memories.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and will be thinking and praying for you. I have appreciated learning from you and your posts and hope you take the time you need to come back to us. I'm glad you have support and home. Please also know that we support you as well.

My mantra for you is GOD'S GRACE. My 30 year old son had this tattooed on his chest 6 months before he died of a heart attack in November 2006. He knew. I will never be the same, the pain will never stop. God Bless. You will find your way and I wish you so much comfort, and lift you up in prayer.

So sorry for your loss, positive thoughts and good energy flowing your way. ..

Thank you for thinking of us when you are going through so much grief right now. You are so right about living in the now. I lost my niece in Sept and struggle daily and I was just her aunt.

Please keep leaning on your family and friends.