Hello.

For years I have considered weight loss surgery but finally started the process in July of 2013. My surgeon is Dr. Robert Quinlin at Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown, WV. My surgery is Monday, January 13, 2014. Quinlin and his team have been phenomenal so far.

My highest weight was 334lbs in July. I have since lost 14lbs and am at 320lbs. I am 5'6" and 41yrs old.

I have been big most of my life but that never kept me from participating in life nor were there any limitations until the past few years. When I weighed 270 five years ago, I began to realize the consequence of aging and carrying the weight and gained 60 MORE pounds. This last 60lbs has basically left me exhausted and miserable. It's all I can do sometimes to get to work, keep the house clean, and ...exist. The limitations happened within 5 years and then I was faced with the reality of consequence of working night shift, convenient eating, eating at night, sleeping during the day. It sounds silly but one day I just looked in the mirror and wondered when and how did this happen? Or better yet, how did I let my weight get so out of control?

I am a food enthusiast, not so much sweet things but more drawn to bread and doughy things. And soda!

This week I am on the pre-op liquid diet [high Protein, sugar free Jello, sugar free popscicles, and broth]. It has been very difficult but it is almost over. I made it! Tomorrow morning it's Clear liquids only. Kudos to those of you doing two weeks of liquids.

99% of the people in my life are supportive of this decision. The others think I can lose the weight on my own. But they cannot possibly imagine the convergence of misery that has resulted in this decision. Sometimes I even think "oh my god, you are really doing this!?"...then I nod and think "YES I AM!"

My parents are my biggest support. I thank the Lord everyday that they are here for me.

My anxiety comes and goes. I find myself more anxious in preparing...having the dogs taken care of for three days, the packing of the hospital bag, having clean sheets on the bed for when I arrive back home but I am sure Monday morning I will battling my inner frenzy. Even so, I am ready. Whatever it takes. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

Tomorrow I will do before pics. And maybe I will figure out how to get a profile picture.

Thanks for reading. It's truly wonderful that technology at least provides this channel of support, experience, sharing, and understanding.

I'm having surgery February 4, 2014! Feel like the pics you posted are of me! I'm on my 2 week diet right now

Hi Esthor!!! Girl, those pictures...phew. I never even thought to post one with real pants on and didnt.even take one. lol. Oh well, these are true stories and that body is no lie. Everything is coming up roses...and I say that metaphorically because there is over a foot of snow right outside my door.

Good for you in deciding surgery is the tool you need to conquer the weight! You are gonna do fantastic! Best wishes and blessings to you. Be sure to keep us updated.

And teacherlady, 60lbs lost!!! That is phenomenal...dont let anyone steal your thunder. You are beautiful and deserve peace of mind.

"and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" -Anais Nin

It's your day. You got this!

As I just read

...denial is the easiest way to NOT reach your goals.

You have it worked out as far as I can see.

Edited January 26, 201412 yr by Kookichu

teacherlady, derailments is what has gotten us all to this point, the surgery will give you the tools you need to regain control with out spiraling so far that you feel all is lost...

I love the quote about blooming!

I decided to have a good cry and then start again.. Today food choices were good. Even have food prepared for tomorrow... Getting back to drinking Water at right time and battling hunger but that is the name of the game right now until I get all this crappy food out of my system...

I am going to let hurtful words go and decide if I can forgive then I can move on...

Thank you all for listening to my rant and understanding those moments when your wind leaves the sails...

Mosaicforyou, I am thinking about you...sending all kinds of positive energy your way as Wednesday is approaching. xo

Today is two weeks post op for me and I couldnt have expected to feel so great, but am grateful that I do.

My first follow up appointment was Jan. 22nd and I moved into the pureed stage. I am not pureeing my food but rather chewing it into a pureed consistency. So far that is working great. The diet is somewhat boring but my appetite is not strong. I have tried scrambled egg with a drop of hot sauce [mentally missed the toast], sugar free pudding, pears in their own juice, Protein shakes [not my favorite but I hope experience and experimenting brings this around], cottage cheese, greek yogurt, and today I tried 1/4C. of Wendy's chili...success. I have set out the ingredients to make my own but wanted to be certain I could handle it. It was also nice to be able to research the protein content online.

The one thing that tastes absolutely delicious to me is ice water! Some of the things I am trying is leaving a strange aftertaste that I never noticed pre surgery.

Today I ordered my Vitamins and sublingual B12...a little later than I wanted but have been using samples distributed by my nutritionist. I ordered from Celebrate the forest berry chewable multi Vitamin and Quick-melt cherry sublingual B12. I am set with chewable Calcium. My next investment will be an unflavored Protein powder to add to the things I eat...it is already proving to be a challenge to get my protein in, but I am trying. Happy to be at least staying hydrated. Any suggestions on an unflavored powder would be appreciated...might try powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury. I still have a sample vanilla packet of unjury and a Cookies and cream one from syntax nectar. I will try these soon. I have been using the EAS prepackaged strawberry and chocolate ones with 17g of protein for convenience and, frankly, there has to be a better remedy.

My incisions are closed and nearly healed. The truth is I physically feel good enough to return to work, but I have already been approved for 6wks short term disability at 60% of my pay so I am going to ride it out. The weather has not been kind for outdoor walking but I have been able to shop energetically.

This is truly the best I have felt in years...I really suffered pre surgery with pain, exhaustion, and depression. Aside from some cabin fever, all of that misery appears to be behind me. Starting back to work in late February will be a real test.

As of Friday, I had lost 20lbs since surgery [290lbs]. That is the first time being under 300lbs in four years...AND IT FEELS FANTASTIC!

So, I am hanging in there.

I just downloaded myfitnesspal today so if anyone wants to add me, my username there is also kookichu. I dont know what I am doing there yet, but intend to figure it out.

Also thinking about investing in the ifit wristband [i think that is what it's called]. Anyone have experience with this? If so, tell me what you think.

Blessed be!

Edited January 28, 201412 yr by Kookichu

I did have 5 minutes of OMG when I failed to chew a deviled egg well enough and it stuck...hovered over the throne for a minute while my dog, Maynard, barked at me...thankfully, it passed without incident but it was a close call. Lesson learned. And I may never look at a deviled egg again with longing...or jello, not because it tested my pouch but because I feel like I ate my weight of it.

chew.chew.chew, kookichu

_{Kookichu, I did try the fitbit last year and did return it. I was hoping that it would give better results on my sleep habits, but unless you moved it figured you were asleep...I find there are better apps for your smartphone, just as I am sure there are probably some people that will swear by the fitbit...}

Canam60, I am mostly wanting a pedometer but thought, in months to come, that I would amp my exercise up...as for sleep, I am not certain anything could track my habits. When working and before surgery, my hobby was sleep out of pure necessity. Since being off work, I sleep at night for 8hrs (like "normal" people). Thanks for your sharing your thoughts about it.

I had my another post op appointment. Things are still going well. I invested in some Isopure Zero Carb Protein drinks (flavored water) packing 40g of protein per bottle and Amplified Wheybolic Extreme 60 (chocolate) packing 60g of protein for 3 scoops in 12oz. of Water...they let me sample it @GNC.

As of today, I have lost 18lbs since surgery on the 13th of January. My surgeon said that I can take up to 6 stool softeners per day to aid in bowel movements which has been a problem this week.

Steady as she goes!

Yesterday was my one month post op appointment and I have lost 24lbs since surgery (down to 286lbs)...I will take it. The Phase III Adaptive Phase is now in effect and can start introducing other foods into my diet.

Two things I was advised to avoid is bread (unless toasted) and raw vegetables with a reminder of Protein first!

I will be returning to work in a week and a half. Recovery vacation has been good for me. At least at work there will be more opportunity to walk and do stairs as the weather here in WV has been old-fashioned...the winters I remember as a child. Beautiful!

As time progresses I hope it becomes easier to get my protein requirements from food rather than my morning Protein shake. It's very tasty but when I make it with 1% milk (which I prefer over water), I rack up about 500 calories in one shot.

Appetite is not great most days so, for now, this is not a big concern but excited to see what the future holds.

Edited February 13, 201412 yr by Kookichu

Just an update: went back to work on February 26th and was tired the first night but things since have gone well.

This past Sunday, I was dealing with.a stomach virus and could not keep anything down- anything was a banana and Water.

I am down to 272lbs which is 38lbs since surgery on January 13th (64lbs since July)

...this latest bowel movement (which essentially felt like pooping a watermelon) may have brought me down to 270lbs.

Saturday, my mom treated me to a new outfit. Down 2 pant sizes and 3X shirts fit so good that a 2X may have worked but I have always prefered my shirts loose and long.

I've noticed that I am so cold most of the time, okay ALL the time. Ridiculously COLD especially compared to before surgery when I felt spontaneous combustion could occur at any moment.

I have an order for bloodwork which includes thyroid testing. Perhaps weight loss combined with my .300mcg of Synthroid has thrown me to the hyper end...OR maybe cold is just a reality of life now. Maybe, just maybe, I will finally enjoy summer weather.

And a funny observance, thank goodness I have an abundance of spoon and bowls because everytime.I wash dishes, this is what I wash and dry.

Blessings to all!

Whatever it takes!

Fall down seven times. Stand up eight!

Koochiku, I am so glad I found your initial post! I have enjoyed reading all of the responses, and have started making a list of Protein drinks and powders to try. I am about a month from my surgery date, and have felt every single one of your analogies about life and weight. You are so good with words!! I will read something you wrote and think, now THAT's what I have been trying to say! Good luck to you as you progress with your healing and your new life. I look forward to hearing about your continued successes! Blessings to you!

THolland, hello and thank you for being so sweet. Congratulations on being so close to your own life changing day.

In ways, it was life saving for me. My level of pain and misery pre surgery is still fresh in my mind but the turn around has been nothing short of miraculous. Don't get me wrong because there have been struggles and discomfort (such as cravings, eating Soup while others eat steak salad and garlic bread, painful bowel movements, occassional nausea) BUT this has been the best decision I have ever made. My body aches are finally managable whereas before it was nearly debilitating. My energy level is amazing which leaves me knowing that I am responsible for making living and being healthy a priority. J needed help getting here but, now that I am here, no more excuses. I say this because I am single, live alone in a huge house with two fur babies...pre surgery me didn't have the gumption to do much. Post surgery me still wants to do it all, but I find myself content with my simple life. I am currently trying to break out of this complacency and just DO.

Hopefully soon, I will be able to get the bulk of my Protein from food but my GNC shake mix truly is just like chocolate milk so I am sticking with it until I can eat more...and maybe even afterwards. Thankfully, I've had no lactose problems since surgery so milk is helping me reach my protein goals. I use 1%...can't go lower...mental blocks. haha.

The Syntrax nectar is good but I ordered fuzzy navel hoping that peach would now taste good to me. Well, not so much. I now have a 2lb tub of it that will probably never be used again. Buy and try samples! GNC let me sample before I bought the Amplified Wheybolic. My nutritionist gave our class samples of unjury vanilla (tried this yesterday & it was good) and Syntrax Nectar Double Stuffed Cookie (also good). I've done the Atkins shakes and french vanilla was my favorite, but they do tend to be on the sweet tasting side with less protein than mixing one yourself, but they are good in a pinch and on the go.

I have found so many protein shake recipes that I need to try...spice it up a bit.

T, I appreciate you commenting and letting me know you relate. It means a lot to me. That is the one thing that has helped me is relating to others through reading their journies, thoughts, and struggles. We are all here to share, validate, and learn as much as we can about how we got here and where we are going. The road has not been easy but it has been worth it!! (so incredibly worth it).

Blessings to you. Keep me updated and if you need anything, let me know.

You are going to do fantastic!!

Just a quick update:

highest weight in July 2013: 334

weight day of surgey: 310

today: 265

I feel like dancing...so that's exactly what I am going to do.

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Before and today. I may not look happy, but I certainly am...when I smile, I squint and look high. Today, I am high on being healthier and into a pair of jeans I haven't worn in 4 years!!