Hello.

For years I have considered weight loss surgery but finally started the process in July of 2013. My surgeon is Dr. Robert Quinlin at Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown, WV. My surgery is Monday, January 13, 2014. Quinlin and his team have been phenomenal so far.

My highest weight was 334lbs in July. I have since lost 14lbs and am at 320lbs. I am 5'6" and 41yrs old.

I have been big most of my life but that never kept me from participating in life nor were there any limitations until the past few years. When I weighed 270 five years ago, I began to realize the consequence of aging and carrying the weight and gained 60 MORE pounds. This last 60lbs has basically left me exhausted and miserable. It's all I can do sometimes to get to work, keep the house clean, and ...exist. The limitations happened within 5 years and then I was faced with the reality of consequence of working night shift, convenient eating, eating at night, sleeping during the day. It sounds silly but one day I just looked in the mirror and wondered when and how did this happen? Or better yet, how did I let my weight get so out of control?

I am a food enthusiast, not so much sweet things but more drawn to bread and doughy things. And soda!

This week I am on the pre-op liquid diet [high Protein, sugar free Jello, sugar free popscicles, and broth]. It has been very difficult but it is almost over. I made it! Tomorrow morning it's Clear liquids only. Kudos to those of you doing two weeks of liquids.

99% of the people in my life are supportive of this decision. The others think I can lose the weight on my own. But they cannot possibly imagine the convergence of misery that has resulted in this decision. Sometimes I even think "oh my god, you are really doing this!?"...then I nod and think "YES I AM!"

My parents are my biggest support. I thank the Lord everyday that they are here for me.

My anxiety comes and goes. I find myself more anxious in preparing...having the dogs taken care of for three days, the packing of the hospital bag, having clean sheets on the bed for when I arrive back home but I am sure Monday morning I will battling my inner frenzy. Even so, I am ready. Whatever it takes. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

Tomorrow I will do before pics. And maybe I will figure out how to get a profile picture.

Thanks for reading. It's truly wonderful that technology at least provides this channel of support, experience, sharing, and understanding.

It has been a rough week for food consumption...almost two months out and I have no interest in eating. Too bad it's necessary. That doesn't mean I have no interest in food...I want to know what my co-workers order, what my parents had for dinner, what the specials are at the diners I used to frequent.

Truth is, even nibbles of the forbidden items don't taste like they used to. And that is just fine because I don't want it.

So this entire episode of not wanting anything (paired with working afternoon shift) has left me with a real struggle to get the necessary Protein. My trick of adding a tablespoon of sugar free coolwhip to my greek yogurt isn't even appealing anymore...and adding Bear Naked protein granola used to help, but not anymore. I just had some for dinner, forcibly.

The scale still sits at 265. I am not sweating that so much as I am enjoying fitting into those old jeans and sustaining an entire night of work without the pure misery that enveloped every day of my life pre surgery.

I received the hospital bill today. After insurance and in-network discounts, I owe $805.00 which will be covered with my flexible spending account savings through work. What a gift to myself, for myself!

Despite my struggle to want to eat and force feeding myself out of necessity, I wouldn't change a thing.

The stack of jeans that finally fit again...glad I stored them in a spare bedroom (for YEARS). Most are 24W and once these are too big, I only have two pair of 22W. But that is a good problem.

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Another victory is my A1C is 5.7...down from July's 8.0.

No caffeine since early January so that is one addiction put to rest...

Hang in there and don't stress too much over your lack of appetite - it's temporary! Congratulations on your weight loss! Great job!!

Thank you, DL! I will trust your wisdom on this.

At least my vitamin, calcium and ice water regimen is strong. It's strange to have no desire to eat...in my six months of nutrition classes, the nutritionist mentioned a couple times that it could happen but, then, I figured "not to me"

I am looking forward to...well actually, just looking forward.

Thank you again.

What a beautiful weekend! I helped prepare and clean up after my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary celebration. I did force myself to eat a few bites of everything except the rigatoni.

After the dinner, I had company...mostly to pass off the tons of leftovers, but it turned into what I dare to call a "magical" night. You just never know what life is going to give you.

On Saturday morning, I still weighed 265. Last night, I was down to 260.

That is 50lbs since surgery and 74lbs since July...seems surreal.

The greatest gift is giving myself back to the life that was going on without me.

Whatever it takes!

My weight loss tool is teaching me to live!

The appetite is hot and cold.

This week-hot mess.

My favorite things this week have been pears, unsweetened applesauce (which is still delightfully sweet enough) and sunflower kernels. It's the salty/sweet week. Where's the Protein?? Well, I am diligently trying.

Yesterday, the scale said 257...this morning 260. I feel like August roadkill, bloated and moody. lol. But all that being said, still too blessed to stress.

My basket of size 24 jeans has been fun, but they are becoming loose.

Sunday night, I roasted chick peas in the oven (lightly coated with fat free ranch, chili powder, garlic powder, and black pepper) as an experiment...turned out delicious. I used half of them to make chicken salad with mustard and a dab of mayo. Ah, there is the protein. It is so much easier to prepare my food and Snacks for the work week than I anticipated.

this week's biggest disappointment-- "not a significant source of protein" on the pork rinds I looked at...

Addictions now in full force:

photography

vinyl records

ice Water

This is my handsome rescue, Maynard.

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Welcome Maynard! Handsome fella and a poster child for healthy eating and exercise!!

I'm right there with you Kookichu - can't wait for those high protein, low fat, low calorie pork rinds!!

Haha, DL. I recall a friend who had lived on pork rinds and bologna doing the Atkins diet. Knowing they are no carb, I figured them the best option in the vending machine at work, I bought a .50 bag. They were delicious, but...so many buts!

Yet another reason it is wise to prepare small meals and Snacks in advance.

Maynard is reaping the benefits of my increasing activity. I take him with me when I walk in the wee hours of morning. He used to walk me but is learning not to pull. He doesn't get to enjoy any leftovers anymore, however. I guess he is getting healthier too.

Thank you.

I just experimented and made the most delicious smoothie with 32g of Protein.

In blender, add:

1 bottle of EAS Advantage Edge carb.control protein drink-strawberry cream

1 container of Dannon light and fit greek yogurt-strawberry banana

about 6 whole frozen strawberries

1/2 room temp banana

1/2 C. of 1% milk

4 or 5 ice cubes

Blend on smoothie mode. Stop to stir, then give it another short blend.

Makes about a 20oz smoothie that is going to revolutionize my protein intake.

Kookichu, I am making lists of good shakes, Protein powders, etc, and your recipe is definitely going on my list! Thanks for the share, and holy cow, just saw your glorious 77 pounds lost!!!!! Happy Dance for you!!

Tgarden, this was my first real step into experimenting with Protein Shakes and plan to try different variations. I just threw this together on a whim. The EAS Protein shakes alone are a bit too sweet, but this icy concoction was beyond heavenly!

Today I bought more Dannon light and fit (strawberry banana) so I have enough to make 5 more.

Next time I might use a pineapple yogurt, vanilla Protein Shake, and frozen bananas and pineapple chunks...not sure but will keep you posted. You could probably skip the 1% milk but I wanted as much protein in it as possible...so it had at LEAST 32g.

It filled a 20oz glass but I had no problems finishing it over a 45 minute span. Yum.

I lost 3lbs some where today and I am not about to look for it.

That is 60lbs since surgery in January and 84lbs since July.

These numbers blow my mind, but what really blows me away is the general malaise is mostly gone. There are still days where I just am not "in it" but I have always embraced some melancholy. It's been a moody couple of weeks but seeing 250lbs on the scale is a nice pick-me-up against the battle with myself, life, and all the"what if" and "what now"