Confessions of a 'Scaredy Cat'

1. I am terrified of having this surgery. Everything about it scares me to death.

2. I am an extreme emetaphobe (fear of vomiting) and I am afraid this will send me over the edge.

3. I can completely give up the food but I don't want to give up my stomach, its been good to me over the years and I feel a strange attachment to it. It seems unfair to punish my stomach for sins of my mouth...

4. I hate the unknown...what if the new tummy doesn't like this or that? What if I can't drink Water again? (My favorite)

5. I loathe the thought that someone might judge me...think I took the easy way out...give me less validation for my efforts.

6. I am afraid that it could be a huge regret and I can't ever recover from. I will have to live with a new body part that I do not know or do not like.

7. I realize this will not solve my problems. It could make things better, but I'm scared it will make things worse.

8. It seemed like a good idea for a last ditch effort to save myself from myself.....but with this sheer terror, I may not be able to do this.

The lawyer in me HATES uncertainty....

Sheldon

Hey Sheldon, I feel your fear. I was pretty scared prior to surgery, too, but I felt very ready for the new me and I am almost 10 months out and I am so glad I did it. There are changes on the horizon but they are good changes and healthier ones. I feel so much better and can function so much better. I was worried about drinking lots of Water, and that is not an issue but rather getting enough in. I love water and now I can even drink lots when I am thirsty. Some of my tastes have changed but it really is the unhealthy stuff that I used to love (like pasta) that has less appeal to me. As far as people go, I work in a hospital and it just felt right, for a lot of reasons, to be honest. There have been a lot of people commenting to my weight loss and ask how I did it, and I told them. Some are very interested and want more information. Others are a little surprised but not rude. There has not been one person who has said anything since surgery about it after seeing the weight loss. There were those ahead of time that had those rude comments or looks, but I knew what I wanted and was not going to let them stop me. Since then there have been no rude comments (at least not to my face) but they cannot really say much when they see the change. Anyway, I hope your fears are eased and you are happy with whatever decision you make. I just thank God that I made the choice I did. Good luck.

Hi Lori thank you so much for your encouragement.... Yea I got really really scared when I got like within 48 hours of the surgery however by the time they rolled me into preoperative care I had resigned myself emotionally that the surgery was going to happen. It was God's will was my will and I would be okay with whatever the outcome was but it turned out just fine. I spent four days in the hospital I'm home today. I did get an outpouring of support which was very welcome and needed. The water issues are interesting ones because when I was in the hospital, I was taking too big of gulps and it was upsetting my tiny tummy so I realized I had to take little baby gulps. However, even in the four days since I had the procedure I can now take a half of a full mouth of Fluid which feels huge to me. That was such a huge psychological win for me, I just wanted to be able to put liquid in my mouth at a reasonable volume and and be able to swallow it.

So insofar I'm feeling pretty good....still have lots of gas pain but I am working on that, doing lots of walking. I think it's awesome that you work in the hospital. I have a huge appreciation for people who work in hospitals. I felt so incredibly vulnerable in the hospital. the last time I had been hospitalized was when I had my C-section when I gave birth to my twins, so hospitals are not a place I spend a lot of time. The nurses that supported my care were incredible, my doctors were absolutely incredible, sympathetic, nurturing with outstanding bedside manner at a time where I was feeling so vulnerable. I was so pleased to have a sympathetic medical staff... Kudos again, I appreciate your words and I hope to be on the losing bench with you looking fabulous 10 months from now!!!! Thanks! so much Lori

<p>I collect and analyze data for a living, so I'm almost as neurotic as a lawyer! :-) Fear is completely understandable. </p> <p> </p> <p>I'll tell you part of my story...My husband and I traveled out of our area for surgery because I was self pay. When we got to Las Vegas 2 days prior to surgery we got a convertible. We drove around Las Vegas with the top down and I didn't enjoy it - not one minute. I kept thinking about my surgery- if it was the right thing for me to do and having those 2nd thoughts. Not only was I scared, but I was pissed off. I was angry because I let myself get to this point - how did it get this bad that I need to remove most of my stomach in order to lose weight and get healthy?<br><br> Day 2 in Las Vegas I was going to call it all off. I was going to cancel the surgery and just have a nice vacation in Las Vegas, probably hitting every all you can eat buffet in town. Then I went to the mandatory meeting for patients having surgery the next day. Being surrounded by others in my same situation helped - I was still scared, but I felt better.</p> <p> </p> <p>Then on the day of surgery, while I was in admitting, I thought, "I could walk out of here right now and only be out $500." I was scared to death - I wanted to flee. Then I looked at my husband, who was scared too and I thought about my son back at home. I thought about all the reasons I decided to go down this path. And then I thought about my mom who has been obese her entire adult life and the medical issues she has because of it - that will be me. </p> <p> </p> <p>At that moment I CHOSE to go thru with it. I was still scared - I think that's perfectly normal. But recommitting myself in that admitting room, made everything else easier for me. Once I started walking down that hallway to start the process, I didn't have any more 2nd thoughts - it was determination that kept me walking.</p> <p> </p> <p>After surgery - for about 2 days, I had some buyer's remorse. I attribute it to feeling bad directly after surgery. Since day 3 I have had no 2nd thoughts or regrets about getting this done. At 4+ weeks out I can tell you this was the best decision of my life, barring marrying my husband and having my son. I already have a better life. I feel better, my blood pressure is already down and I'm not on any diabetes medicine any more.</p> <p> </p> <p>Only you can decide if this is the path you want to take. For me, I'm glad I didn't back out. I learned that I was stronger than I thought I was - I suspect the same thing will happen to you.</p> <p> </p> <p>I wish you luck. Please keep us posted!</p>

Hi Miss Butterpants I loved reading your testimony here. I agree with you completely and i too almost backed out at the last minute as well, but like you and many of us, I did this for my family. I have two small children at home that I love dearly. I also want to do whatever I can to avoid bigger risk factors such as cancer or severe diabetes.

Fortunately from doing lots of research I knew that I could have a rough time after surgery. For some people it's a breeze but for some people like me it was really rough as I had not been in an operating room for 10 years. I have never had elective surgery and I have not been overweight my entire life so there's always that ounce about this I do know could be better different route. Once I read my responses from the night I had my meltdown from you you guys, I realized I didn't have anything to turn back to. I don't want to go back to my poor eating habits, I don't want to go back to sugar and carbohydrate addiction, I don't want to go back to feeling so tired and so sluggish that I don't want to do all the fun stuff with my kids so, it was very helpful to hear those words because I knew I didn't have any Safehaven other than having this done so that I could have a better life.

So now I am post operative....the first two days were very very difficult... on the third day I started to feel like myself a little bit and today I'm feeling pretty good... I still have a lot of gas in my belly and my incision is little tender but that's muscle. Now my biggest job is to make sure I keep all of my liquids up because I'm not on any more Fluid support so sip sip sip here I go. I really like your story and I'm really grateful that you shared it with me.. it was very helpful in making me look internally at how I was feeling and why I was feeling this way I'm glad I move forward with the decision to have the procedure and I'm glad I'm past the physically most painful part.... thank you for everything Miss Butterpants.

Sheldon - 4 days post op...

It is natural to feel scared about your surgery after all it is elective. However you must have been in the right frame of mind when you first made the decision to go for surgery. Do you have other health problems? I am only 12 weeks out after surgery. Water has never been a problem for me. food and trying to eat it is my problem. I feel full very quickly, probably after two spoonfuls. But then food was my downfall to begin with. I am so, so glad my previous poor food choices have all now been removed. If I eat out the majority of food goes home with me! I've saved a ton of money by not going to the grocery store. I don't regret my operation for one moment. It was the best money I've spent in all my life. Down from 7 HBP pills to 1, no more lymphoedema in my legs, I can walk more, have more energy and I like myself for the first time in a long time! You go for it girl and reclaim your life back.

I hear you loud and clear LoobyLou, I am don't have any existing health problems except for the diabetes that I got when I was pregnant. But because I didn't change my eating habits, it stayed and was getting worse. I think that's awesome that you're drinking (water/fluids) I love to drink myself and as I start to feel better I start to realize that this was a good decision. I just hate to be in a lot of pain. I'm always going to have a great anxiety around pain because I don't have a high pain threshold....

Even knowing that I'm Clear Liquids, I'm happy to not be thinking about food or Being stimulated by it....and if a commercial comes on the television has food I'll change the channel... and not because I think it's going be a problem.....I just don't want to deal with food right now ....I need just want to focus on my healthy choices ....getting active ....getting the fit and ....then I don't want to be put myself in a mindset where I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat when I'm able to eat...... I don't want that life anymore..... I want to have a healthy Life for myself and my children so I love not feeling hungry or craving food and I love having my blood glucose control.... your words are dead on sister...

Sheldon is a loser....well i will be in time...lol

It sounds to me that you may not be ready for this. I never threw up afterwards but I know a lot of people who have and if you do it's just the way you heal, however... mentally is REALLY REALLY tough for the first 2 months. I think you need to come to grips with that before you do this tomorrow because there no NO TURNING BACK after you have this done. So you better be sure and you better be prepared to experience a complete life change in the next couple of months.

Hi Endless! You words are direct and accurate....i thought about backing out, but realized i don't want go back to the old way i have been managing my health.... I thought about the point you drove home....its irreversible.....that kinda thing scares me....but one of the other ladies on the board reminded me that its still my stomach and will continue to function as such....that was also helpful for me to wrap my head around this...

So I'm 4 days post op, and feeling much, much better....i am working on getting my fluids in and completely focused on that head game....that is a challenge! You said it best!

Appreciate your candor....all the folks on this board are amazing!

Sheldon - 4 days post op...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, your actions and ALL of your journey!

It sounds to me that you may not be ready for this. I never threw up afterwards but I know a lot of people who have and if you do it's just the way you heal, however... mentally is REALLY REALLY tough for the first 2 months. I think you need to come to grips with that before you do this tomorrow because there no NO TURNING BACK after you have this done. So you better be sure and you better be prepared to experience a complete life change in the next couple of months.

Hi Endless! You words are direct and accurate....i thought about backing out, but realized i don't want go back to the old way i have been managing my health.... I thought about the point you drove home....its irreversible.....that kinda thing scares me....but one of the other ladies on the board reminded me that its still my stomach and will continue to function as such....that was also helpful for me to wrap my head around this...

So I'm 4 days post op, and feeling much, much better....i am working on getting my fluids in and completely focused on that head game....that is a challenge! You said it best!

Appreciate your candor....all the folks on this board are amazing!

Sheldon - 4 days post op...

I'm glad you decided to do it. It takes courage to walk through the fire. Heads up.. The first month just drink as much as you can, whenever you can, dehydration slows healing. Also be prepared for 2 unfortunate first month nuances. #1. A brief but eye opening depression (usually includes some sort of reckoning, 'Why did I do this to myself?') It's normal. And #2. the third week stall.

Edited December 21, 201312 yr by endless80

Hello Sheldon,

Congratulations on your surgery. I am happy to read that you had no complications. I hope this continues for you. I was scared also going into surgery. I was a revision patient having my lap band removed and the sleeve performed in the same procedure. Going in there was a 10% chance my doctor could not do both at the same time. This unknown bothered me a lot. I now work in project management and you try to identify risks in advance and have a plan for when they happen. Working in this area now has also helped me with patience.

I think what I imagined was a lot worse than reality.

Hello Sheldon, Congratulations on your surgery. I am happy to read that you had no complications. I hope this continues for you. I was scared also going into surgery. I was a revision patient having my lap band removed and the sleeve performed in the same procedure. Going in there was a 10% chance my doctor could not do both at the same time. This unknown bothered me a lot. I now work in project management and you try to identify risks in advance and have a plan for when they happen. Working in this area now has also helped me with patience. I think what I imagined was a lot worse than reality.

Hi Ribearty, thank you so much for your kind words ....I feel incredibly lucky to not have had any complications as well...... I know lots of folks that were successful revision patients ......I'm glad that you were able to get rid of your lap band as I understand that it can cause quite a few problems ...I'm happy to know that everything came out okay For you too :-)

clmftw - I am having surgery on the 19th too! Sheldon - I have many of the same fears you do, but I am 100% sure that this is something that I want to do. The only thing I can say is BE SURE! If you aren't, take some time and put surgery on hold. You can always revisit it later. I have told EVERYONE about my surgery. I am so excited about it, and I have had some, "Why would you do that?" but NEVER has anyone said (to my face anyway) that surgery is the easy way out. Once you educated people on the process, they get it! I hope you come to a decision that you are comfortable with!! Carol

Thank you Carol for your kind and insightful words ....you're correct .....I actually ended up going through with the surgery and after about 10 days I'm feeling pretty good...it was rough at first but now I have no regrets .....a lot of that is due to the support from this site thank you for for everything :-)

Sheldon