Okay, guys. I need your learned assistance.

My Mother is visiting.. (ergo the Jaws music - or, if you prefer - a bit of Carl Orf)

She doesn't know I've had surgery. No one knows, apart from my Fiance. (My choice, and with very good reasons for keeping it from her)

Anyhooo... There will be a requirement to attend a very nice restaurant at some point, as we have something to Celebrate.

I will not be able to get out of this. I will, however, be able to select the restaurant.

Since being 'done', I have eaten out at mid-level eateries. However, I have been in the presence of fellow sleevers/RNY-ers or my Fiance. Consequently and in those circumstances, I can 'pick' at will and eat as little as I like without anyone turning a hair.

My Mother, is different.

She is a hawk-eye. She will undoubtedly notice in the first instance that I've shed a load of weight. This will undoubtedly result in her analysing everything I eat and drink - to make sure that I haven't got some secret disease or am pregnant or something.

She's an ex-nurse, incredibly bright and has 'street-smarts' - so I'm not going to be able to BS my way through this one very easily.

I have tried a variety of foods and some I can eat more of than others. Clearly, dense Protein is hefty and fills you up quickly. However, I need to find a meal that is light and in being so, allows me to fanny around with it over a period of time and look like I've eaten a 'decent' sized meal accordingly.

I can't order a starter and be done with it - it has to be a main meal. I would also look odd to order a salad - given that it is approaching zero degrees here.

I don't like a lot of fish (and she knows I'm not a fan, so to order it would appear out of character). And for reference, it would unlikely be a an asian/chinese/thai restaurant we'd go to - more French/European.

Any suggestions folks?

I'd be grateful for any inspiration -at all - 'cause I'm bamboozled and starting to freak out just a little bit.

I can just imagine the mini 'show down' in the restaurant if she even smelt the whiff of deception.... :ph34r:

Since you've had such awesome success, maybe just tell her you're on a serious, doctor approved low calorie diet and really determined to stick with it? Maybe make a production of looking at the menu online before you go to pick out what's in your calorie budget for dinner or something?

Good luck - I wish my mom were still around to b***h at me

Well, she knows I've been dieting.. She knows I've lost weight. I just don't want her thinking there's something seriously wrong.

And yes, your longing is my greatest fear. That's why I wanted to protect her. Feel for you, honey x

Since your weight loss is obvious, it's not unrealistic to say that you lost weight by totally changing your eating habits...no starches, no alcohol, lots of protein. I eat out all the time and nobody has ever questioned me. (Only my husband know of my surgery) I take tiny sips of water and take home 3/4 of my meal all the time. I joke and say my 14 year old is so happy I eat less because he always looks forward to my leftovers!

If you are like the rest if us, you have been on 50 diets or more. As she will notice your weight loss, tell her you have been on Atkins, or weight watchers or on another "approved" diet and you are sticking to it! No need to tell her you carved up your fine self.

That way the weight loss is explainable and your lite dinner choice would be acceptable. She may even be proud of your accomplishment. (Not that you are seeking that)

And your continued weight loss would be explained and she won't think you have a disease or are "in a family way" lol

Best of luck and do let us know how it goes!

I suppose I should have read the last page! Lol

I may go for the nervous exhaustion thing.. That normally kicks the intestines into overdrive, doesn't it? <poop poop!>

Only if you have staples...

Okay so what happens if the all knowing brilliant mom actually calls you out on this??? You've lost a lot of weight, you're not eating...are you sick? Did you do something silly and hack off half of a perfectlY healthy stomach?

I have no idea...

Neither confirm or deny anything, I guess.... First rule of thumb for any defendant!

I think this thread is amusing though. I actually asked for food recommendations and got excellent lessons in avoidance tactics.

Hehe, I concede the inter-family shennanigans are more interesting..

I was just worried about what I can swallow in quantity to make myself 'appear' 'normal' (for a change)

We're a sneaky bunch...and proud of it! My mom would assume the worst and be convinced I'm dying of cancer...

That's why I 'pre-fed' the line about suffering GERD. This was further corroborated when I went to Ireland recently and said to my Uncle (who speaks to my mother every day without fail) 'Oh, look, you're on the same tablets as me for GERD- omeprazole'.. THAT would have gone back that evening.

My cover story is in place

I have no idea...

Neither confirm or deny anything, I guess.... First rule of thumb for any defendant!

I think this thread is amusing though. I actually asked for food recommendations and got excellent lessons in avoidance tactics.

Hehe, I concede the inter-family shennanigans are more interesting..

I was just worried about what I can swallow in quantity to make myself 'appear' 'normal' (for a change)

Fine...suggestion....slider food....you can eat a lot before you end up dumping or getting sick..lol

It is so hard to keep secrets. Why not tell her about your surgery? If she gets upset then let it be her problem. This was a good choice for you. She might even surprise you. Congrats on your decision.

Off topic, Revs, I would like to invite you (and our fellow sufferers) to join an imaginary group created by me and some of my friends: ACORN (Adult Children of Registered Nurses.) It's a support group for those of us who grew up under the watchful eyes of an RN. No one but us can understand the joys of never being able to fake illness, of our mothers refusing us medical treatment until we were on death's door or alternatively over-diagnosing us with diseases out of their Merck Manuals. Our motto, stemming from a teenaged car accident that one of my co-founder friends got into, is "Don't Bleed On My Couch."

My story is that when my Water broke in a non-obvious way with my first child, a week early, my parents happened to be busy that weekend (they live 700 miles away.) My mother's reaction to this was, "Oh honey. I'm sure it's nothing. Don't go over to Labor and Delivery and bother the nurses." I ignored this sage advice. C was born 10-12 hours later.

Since your weight loss is obvious, it's not unrealistic to say that you lost weight by totally changing your eating habits...no starches, no alcohol, lots of protein. I eat out all the time and nobody has ever questioned me. (Only my husband know of my surgery) I take tiny sips of water and take home 3/4 of my meal all the time. I joke and say my 14 year old is so happy I eat less because he always looks forward to my leftovers!

What? No alcohol? Excuse me ?

LOL I hate the taste of alcohol and I can't remember the last time I drank it. The closest I get is eating chicken Marsala!

The mother arrived. Looking quite old and very fragile.

Statements in order of delivery:

'My God, you look beautiful'.

"You keep a very nice house, Revs.'

'Whatever you're doing, you're doing really well. See, you don't need to think about surgery after all. <cue shame> If you can manage your food intake like you are, then you're doing it. You look stunning.'

I love my Mum.

I told her that I ate little and often and not to get on at me for eating little. I cooked and ate a roast chicken with all the trimmings this evening. They had normal portions. I had a smaller portion with all the veg, gravy, etc. She didn't say a word and 'cause there was gravy involved, I didn't feel 'stuck'. I did, however, feel like I needed a wee nap afterwards... 30 minutes later though, i was all good in the hood.

Maybe a meal out won't be insurmountable after all. Thanks for the advice, folks x