Why do we do that? Why must we compare?

Hahahaha idk what she was talking about either. I breast fed all three kiddos and I don't remember any wars...hmmm. Did I miss out on something?? :-P

Hahahaha idk what she was talking about either. I breast fed all three kiddos and I don't remember any wars...hmmm. Did I miss out on something?? :-P

What? No la leche militants in your mothering classes? Telling you how you were a bad mother who didn't care about her kids if you bottle fed? Lucky you. I breast fed the first one but the second one was adopted and I didn't have enough notice to get my own breast milk going (2.5 weeks from starting search to having him in my house) so him I had to bottle feed. Poor baby had a lot of trouble with formula. But I digress. The militants are difficult for new moms who are already struggling with every decision. So not helpful. How about the why do you work when you can stay home competitions? Ugh. But honestly men are no different. The topics are different the attitude is the same.

What? No la leche militants in your mothering classes? Telling you how you were a bad mother who didn't care about her kids if you bottle fed? Lucky you. I breast fed the first one but the second one was adopted and I didn't have enough notice to get my own breast milk going (2.5 weeks from starting search to having him in my house) so him I had to bottle feed. Poor baby had a lot of trouble with formula. But I digress. The militants are difficult for new moms who are already struggling with every decision. So not helpful. How about the why do you work when you can stay home competitions? Ugh. But honestly men are no different. The topics are different the attitude is the same.

I didn't take mothering classes!!! Obviously it was a good thing, I don't need anyone telling me how I need to feed my kids. People are so judgemental sometimes. I stayed home with my kids for the most part - which, once again, was MY choice. I do know what you mean - and men are definitely the same on different topics!

What? No la leche militants in your mothering classes? Telling you how you were a bad mother who didn't care about her kids if you bottle fed? Lucky you. I breast fed the first one but the second one was adopted and I didn't have enough notice to get my own breast milk going (2.5 weeks from starting search to having him in my house) so him I had to bottle feed. Poor baby had a lot of trouble with formula. But I digress. The militants are difficult for new moms who are already struggling with every decision. So not helpful. How about the why do you work when you can stay home competitions? Ugh. But honestly men are no different. The topics are different the attitude is the same.

I suffered from really severe postpartum depression with my last child . I was hospitalized and had to go on meds. I have a militant breastfeeding friend who told me I was "being selfish and was sacrificing my child's health for my own selfish needs. "This is a quote! It ruined our friendship. Oh, and my bottle fed son? He's 6'5" and highly gifted. Good thing he wasn't breastfed....he' d be a giant...lol

LV, I think you are truely amazing, I always look for your posts, they make so much sense to me. You are one of my heros on here, why would anyone try make to make this about a competition, we should all be here to support each other. Love you LV, keep your chin up!

I think it's especially damaging to our fragile in transition psyches when this competition takes place here.
Yesterday was a day of behind the scenes comparisons.. I felt a comparison and competition where there should be none.
I am older? I am lazy? Yes you've done better than me?
Which one? I will say it. To be free of the comparison that does nothing but tear down my own personal success.
Or was that the intent..
Be proud, and I will be proud. You are not me, I am not you..

Ooooh ... on the breast feeding thing:
I couldn't w/ number one - the milk NEVER came in - and the "consultant" at the WIC office REAMED me for it!! She said it was impossible for me to not make milk and that I needed to be breast feeding more. If I'd tried any more I'd have been walking around with a kid attached to my boob 24/7!!!

And #2 REFUSED to breast feed. He turned his head away and wouldn't take it AT ALL - after multiple times!!

And my husband's cousin is one of the militant ones ... Yeah ... I feel ya' there.

So ... I tried. And failed. But, both kids turned out just fine!

I missed this post and by the time I read through it all I can only remember the breast feeding comment. Hell yeah there's always the do goodies who think their crap don't stink. They're always on their high and mighty horse preaching about what's best for children who aren't even theirs. Well, unless they're standing in your shoes or unless you ask .. they should just keep them pretty lips sealed. PERIOD

Now, as for the need to compete? Simple. Self satisfaction.

Not all women are like this, of course, but there certainly are enough of them that this image is out there. Men compare too, but they just do it in a different way (pissing contests I believe they are called). I consider that in either case it is insecurity. And there are certain insecurities that involve pettiness. I dislike pettiness immensely, wherever I find it. So my point being is that this may be less that women in particular are the only ones doing this, but that it is a fault of some people - male or female. What i try to do is to be an example of a person that is not that way, and fortunately, I have plenty of people - men and women - in my life that are truly great people.

I do dislike the comparison thing and I even at times feel hostile - especially when I get the "up and down look" from some women (not the majority) when they meet me for the first time. I hate that. I know what they are thinking and I get that only from women who are insecure about their own looks. Some men will also be insulting, though, by just treating me like a non-person or lesser than, but that is a different rejection. I have grown a tough skin, but I hate that comparison thing more than anything. At the end of the day, though, it reveals a person's soul and what they value. I will unequivocally say that these people are in the minority and I try not to focus on them (but it's easier said than done sometimes).

The best people look beyond at the person inside, without all that. But those people are SECURE. It is the insecure and those who frequently feel powerless inside that do the comparing. If you are too busy enjoying life, and/or have come through difficulties yourself, you've learned to dig much deeper and thereby grow as a person and in strength and self esteem. Certainly you treat other people better and are not superficial nor petty.

Just my take! Good subject.

Edited December 9, 201312 yr by patrice1