Why do we do that? Why must we compare?

You too butter! Lol I didn't see you there when I was posting

Off to do some cross addiction shopping

Ok, Laura, no problem. I'll find one of my shirtless pictures from a few years ago when I was 320 pounds and I'll send it to you. And it would be wise not to compare.........due to my boobs being bigger than yours!

Ok, Laura, no problem. I'll find one of my shirtless pictures from a few years ago when I was 320 pounds and I'll send it to you. And it would be wise not to compare.........due to my boobs being bigger than yours!

I'll find one of me at 400 pounds. I bet my boobs were even bigger.

Ok, Laura, no problem. I'll find one of my shirtless pictures from a few years ago when I was 320 pounds and I'll send it to you. And it would be wise not to compare.........due to my boobs being bigger than yours!

Yeah...well,I bet my ass is bigger than yours

I try really hard not to compare myself to others. When I do I feel bad about myself.

I try really hard not build myself up by putting another person down. It makes me feel bad about myself and cheapens my own success.

When someone does it to me I remind myself that that's their hang up, not mine. It works about half the time.

Yeah...well,I bet my ass is bigger than yours

And my ass is bigger than YOURS.

Wait. Maybe he isn't. How tall is your husband?

Love me sum ample a$$es!!!!

Because we're insecure? Because we're taught to be competitive? Because that carries over and we're taught from a young age that the best girls are the prettiest girls and the smartest girls?

Unscientific, but a friend shared this on FB the other day: http://io9.com/evolution-is-steered-by-aggressive-competition-between-1462442537

I will say it's stupid and I hate it.

It makes me feel as if there's never enough. I have to look young, be thin, be fit, be a great mom, have beautiful, fit kids, have a few degrees, wear fashionable clothes, drive the right car, have a husband, have a rich husband...on and on and on.

It's just plain stupid and divisive and is the number one reason my close female friends number in the single digits and my female acquaintances in the teens.

I don't have time for the one-up game. I do not need to witness a dear friend venting about her impending divorce, only to have some other, insecure and attention-hungry woman jump cut her off to talk about how much worse it was for her to divorce. Enough, already!

~Cheri

You go Cheri! That was a very interesting article and I feel much more informed.....yet a little bummed out now knowing that this often happens in female circles. I feel so naive at times. Very cruel and harsh. Just because it's "natures way" or because it's hard wired into us, doesn't mean we have to comply and give in to urges to shun others. I commend you Cheri for choosing not to get caught up in this foolishness.

I know all of this is really referring to women competing with each other and perhaps nothing to do with men or very little reference to men. But just a guy's perspective here........... a lady not getting sucked into the girl drama or......... a woman's aversion to drama is usually quite attractive to most males. Drama = stress for guys and most guys try to stear clear of that.

I also work at home and never got involved with my PTOs until recently. I am on the executive board of a local foundation and had a meeting with the incoming president (a man who is raising his children but used to be a big time executive) and our ED. He related a story about some of the competitiveness and cattiness of the women on his local PTO and then said, "I like you two because you act like men." Sad commentary. But I do live in a relatively well-off area, and the competition is crazy. Who drives the newest Escalade. Who has the best hair, best body, most sex, richest husband, brightest children. It is crazy-making as well. I get into trouble sometimes because I present my children as they are: good kids, bright but lazy, clocking in right in the median. Myself: yes, that's the same pair of jeans I usually wear and one of about 5 very similar black long-sleeved t-shirts. Yes, I live in a "small" house that has seen better days. So what? I don't pretend my life is perfect and try to keep it real.

As far as competition with WLS? Bitched, please. I have a good friend who was sleeved in June. Started out 10-15 pounds heavier than me; has been in a horrible stall for a couple of months. I passed her on that stall at 2 weeks. I have not mentioned it. You know why? It has nothing, NOTHING to do with her and I know it would make her feel like crap. What I suppose I need to do is plug this into GG's formula for her, but I've been worried it will just confirm the stall.

What I'm saying is how on earth can any person say they are doing it right and you are doing it wrong? With the exception of making stupid choices (and even those can be met with empathy and sympathy rather than censure), isn't the point of WLS putting ourselves in the control of the program and trusting our bodies to do the rest? No patience.

Laura, you have been a huge help to me since I started lurking on the forum. Do not listen to the nabobs and ne'er-do-wells. Please.

I also work at home and never got involved with my PTOs until recently. I am on the executive board of a local foundation and had a meeting with the incoming president (a man who is raising his children but used to be a big time executive) and our ED. He related a story about some of the competitiveness and cattiness of the women on his local PTO and then said, "I like you two because you act like men." Sad commentary. But I do live in a relatively well-off area, and the competition is crazy. Who drives the newest Escalade. Who has the best hair, best body, most sex, richest husband, brightest children. It is crazy-making as well. I get into trouble sometimes because I present my children as they are: good kids, bright but lazy, clocking in right in the median. Myself: yes, that's the same pair of jeans I usually wear and one of about 5 very similar black long-sleeved t-shirts. Yes, I live in a "small" house that has seen better days. So what? I don't pretend my life is perfect and try to keep it real. As far as competition with WLS? Bitched, please. I have a good friend who was sleeved in June. Started out 10-15 pounds heavier than me; has been in a horrible stall for a couple of months. I passed her on that stall at 2 weeks. I have not mentioned it. You know why? It has nothing, NOTHING to do with her and I know it would make her feel like crap. What I suppose I need to do is plug this into GG's formula for her, but I've been worried it will just confirm the stall. What I'm saying is how on earth can any person say they are doing it right and you are doing it wrong? With the exception of making stupid choices (and even those can be met with empathy and sympathy rather than censure), isn't the point of WLS putting ourselves in the control of the program and trusting our bodies to do the rest? No patience. Laura, you have been a huge help to me since I started lurking on the forum. Do not listen to the nabobs and ne'er-do-wells. Please.

I totally get this...I have so many male friends...always have b/c I ABHOR drama and men just don't have nearly the drama as women

......... a woman's aversion to drama is usually quite attractive to most males. Drama = stress for guys and most guys try to stear clear of that.

Careful. I tried mentioning this once and got accused of being an insensitive toad.

Comparisons with other females?

B'iatches, there aint no comparing!

If there is someone in this world that wants to attempt to bring someone down with the 'my cats blacker'/'Jimmy two-sh*t routine - you have to question just how utterly SAD their lives are, don't you?

If they have an innate need to feel 'superior' to someone, in any thematic area, it is usually born out of their own sense of inadequacy or just plain jealousy.

When people attempt to do that to me, it actually makes me laugh. Which, invariably makes them seethe with frustration, as it is patently clear my 'give-a-shit-ometer' is broken and by laughing it off, I've made the 'aggressor' look like the doughnut they are.

However, if I see that someone is genuinely desperate in their actions, my sympathy mode can often kick in and I'll either a) leave them be (after all, normally they are the architects of their own embarrassment/demise, so don't need me making them look any more desperate than they already are), or b ) I see where their sensitivities lie and I'll change tack and offer counsel and solace instead. I'm kinda like that. Blame my mother and my catholic guilt-laden upbringing.

If, however, someone (despite receiving the obligatory 'shot across the bow') continually insists on attacking me, those who are defenseless, or those whom I respect and love?.....The gloves are f****ng off. Fact.

Laura? Don't sweat it. You're better than that snidey rubbish, honey

Careful. I tried mentioning this once and got accused of being an insensitive toad.

Butter.....perhaps I AM a bit insensitive at times....which kind of makes my point I guess. If I were more sensitive, it would tend to lead to more drama. I know there's probably a good middle ground at which I need to aspire. So, I'm a "recovering insenstive toad"..... who is trying to do better. At least I'm past the denial stage.....acknowledgement is the first step towards recovery right?