My granddaughter lives with me (age 14). She has a younger sister (age 11) who lives with their mother (my daughter). The girls have a paternal aunt who is getting married (finally....the groom had to finalize his divorce first, and they had two children during their "courtship", but never mind that). Auntie called me a couple of months ago and asked if Cheyenne could be one of her bridesmaids. Auntie asked me not to mention it to Emily (the other granddaughter) because "I haven't figured out a part for Emily in the wedding yet". I (foolish me) took that to mean there WOULD be a role for Emily in her aunt's wedding.

Spring Break is coming up. Auntie wants to take Cheyenne (the bridesmaid granddaughter) to San Antonio for the week and have the bridesmaid's dress fitted. Okay....but I mentioned this to my daughter, only to learn that nothing has been said about Emily....no dress fitting, no asking permission for her to be in the wedding....nothing.

So last night I told Cheyenne to find out from Auntie what Emily's part will be in the wedding. Auntie says she still "doesn't know". So I said to Cheyenne, "I'm concerned that your aunt may leave Emily out of her wedding entirely and if that's the case, you aren't going to be in it, either. You're sisters, close in age, and that's just not right. Emily is going to think Auntie likes you better than her."

It was as if I had dropped the bomb to set off WWIII. Auntie called me, screaming that I was "butting into her business"...."trying to ruin her wedding"....and informed me that "this isn't going to happen".

Her reason for not including Emily, she said, was that she couldn't afford another dress. "I'll pay for the dress," I said. Then she said she couldn't include her in the bridal party because there was no male counterpart for her on the groom's side. I reminded her that at her brother's wedding, when she was 8 years old, we included a young boy we would not have otherwise, for the exact same reason - so she would not be left out. And I paid for her dress. She told me, in response, that this was her wedding, "not your daughter's".

Cheyenne is furious with me, and with her mother (for not bucking my decision). I, however, think this is just a really inconsiderate act on Auntie's part. Turns out she invited Cheyenne to participate because the groom has a 10 year old brother who will be a groomsman and they needed someone close to his height on the bride's side, so the wedding party looks symmetrical. Cheyenne is 4' 10" and Emily is about two inches shorter.

So....what do you guys think? I believe family is more important that symmetry. Am I being unreasonable?

Ok Carlene,

I see your point, but I have to speak the truth. My mom is a Florist as well as my best friend being one. SO I have seen all kinds of brides, and the thing I have learned is, it IS ALL ABOUT THEM. As it should be. What they do, say or choose may not have reasons to the rest of us.

They have this picturebook dream in their head that spells out their wedding. Nothing anyone else can say or do can change that. Those dreams are what brings out the Brideszillas.

In my opinion I think you were right to be concerned about the other girl, but if she doesn't fit in to Auntie's picturebook, there is nothing you can do to help that. There is no cut and paste! I am sorry for the little girl, who really is the one who deserves to be upset and can't understand.

Ok Carlene,

I see your point, but I have to speak the truth. My mom is a Florist as well as my best friend being one. SO I have seen all kinds of brides, and the thing I have learned is, it IS ALL ABOUT THEM. As it should be. What they do, say or choose may not have reasons to the rest of us.

Where did this myth start? A wedding is about two people. Where does it say (in some Holy book or international law) that women are so precious and SPOILED that they have a right to be a tyrant on their wedding day?

BS, me thinks.

They have this picturebook dream in their head that spells out their wedding. Nothing anyone else can say or do can change that. Those dreams are what brings out the Brideszillas.

In my opinion I think you were right to be concerned about the other girl, but if she doesn't fit in to Auntie's picturebook, there is nothing you can do to help that. There is no cut and paste! I am sorry for the little girl, who really is the one who deserves to be upset and can't understand.

These are not reasons why a bride should be so arrogant on her wedding day; these are examples of the arrogance and self-centered notions of brides and women in general, and they are traditions that put money in the pockets of businessmen who are more than willing to sell the wedding participants all kinds of junk at triple the price (it would cost at any other event).

I wish people would expend as much energy on their marriages as they do the wedding. There would be far, far fewer divorces.

This whole production is ridiculous, anyway. These people have lived together for over 4 years and they have two small children. Their true love story began as a sleezy office affair between a married man and his much younger employee.

They are keeping their daughters out of the wedding pictures, by the way, so that they won't be "confused" when they see the photos in the future. I certainly hope these children grow up to have better math skills than their mother gives them credit for.

I wish people would expend as much energy on their marriages as they do the wedding. There would be far, far fewer divorces.

This whole production is ridiculous, anyway. These people have lived together for over 4 years and they have two small children. Their true love story began as a sleezy office affair between a married man and his much younger employee.

They are keeping their daughters out of the wedding pictures, by the way, so that they won't be "confused" when they see the photos in the future. I certainly hope these children grow up to have better math skills than their mother gives them credit for.

Exactly....

I wish people would expend as much energy on their marriages as they do the wedding. There would be far, far fewer divorces.

This whole production is ridiculous, anyway. These people have lived together for over 4 years and they have two small children. Their true love story began as a sleezy office affair between a married man and his much younger employee.

They are keeping their daughters out of the wedding pictures, by the way, so that they won't be "confused" when they see the photos in the future. I certainly hope these children grow up to have better math skills than their mother gives them credit for.

My next door neighbor (before we moved from Brooklyn) invited me to his daughter's wedding since we knew her from when she was still in diapers. She also had been living with a man for a number of years and had the audacity to wear a white dress, but worse than that, her 4 year old daughter was her Flower Girl. The Priest was not told of these circumstances (and did not know the relationship between bride and flower girl), so his homily sounded almost comical. The priest never figured out why there was laughter at so many points in his homily. He even made a joke about the fear of both partners on their wedding night, which brought down the house like never before.

I wish people would expend as much energy on their marriages as they do the wedding. There would be far, far fewer divorces.

This whole production is ridiculous, anyway. These people have lived together for over 4 years and they have two small children. Their true love story began as a sleezy office affair between a married man and his much younger employee.

They are keeping their daughters out of the wedding pictures, by the way, so that they won't be "confused" when they see the photos in the future. I certainly hope these children grow up to have better math skills than their mother gives them credit for.

We know a couple that has added a few years to the anniversary years. They were married with the kids were 2 and 3, in a private civil ceremony in Las Vagas. Not a big to-do. Now the kids are 12 and 13 and the parents celebrated their "15" anniversary last year. They even lied to the grooms parents as they live across the country and told them they were already married when the first was born. We all make the joke that if they added 5 years to the marriage they also added 5 years to their ages. The wife dosen't find that funny at all. It's a shame that the kids will discover it one day, and probably resent them for it. ~Mandy

Where did this myth start? A wedding is about two people. Where does it say (in some Holy book or international law) that women are so precious and SPOILED that they have a right to be a tyrant on their wedding day?

BS, me thinks.

These are not reasons why a bride should be so arrogant on her wedding day; these are examples of the arrogance and self-centered notions of brides and women in general, and they are traditions that put money in the pockets of businessmen who are more than willing to sell the wedding participants all kinds of junk at triple the price (it would cost at any other event).

I am entirely with you, TOM, on this one. Why should the bride behave like a bitch? What gives her the right, objectively speaking?

Viewed through the lens of social anthropology, weddings, like funerals, are communal events; that is to say that the intent of these rituals is to bring the immediate community together in order to assist a family who is a member of that community in celebrating or mourning a change in their status. At one time this community would be the tribe or the village. Today this community usually consists of family, friends, and, possibly, business associates.

The irony for me is that those performances which these bridezillas generate on their special days are all so boringly uniform, all so very much the same. The memories of these weddings will for most of us all blend into each other but the memories of the brides' bitcheries will last forever. And of course most of 'em will be divorcing later on because the marriage didn't live up to the wedding!

I am entirely with you, TOM, on this one. Why should the bride behave like a bitch? What gives her the right, objectively speaking?

Viewed through the lens of social anthropology, weddings, like funerals, are communal events; that is to say that the intent of these rituals is to bring the immediate community together in order to assist a family who is a member of that community in celebrating or mourning a change in their status. At one time this community would be the tribe or the village. Today this community usually consists of family, friends, and, possibly, business associates.

The irony for me is that those performances which these bridezillas generate on their special days are all so boringly uniform, all so very much the same. The memories of these weddings will for most of us all blend into each other but the memories of the brides' bitcheries will last forever. And of course most of 'em will be divorcing later on because the marriage didn't live up to the wedding!

I agree that they do not have the right to behave this way, but they do. I have consulted with many many many. My dear cousin is/was one of them. Everything was driven to perfection, and she spent over $120,000

on the whole affair. She is a nurse, and he is not much more. SO I am guessing even after they divorce they will be paying off the wedding still!!!

I agree that they do not have the right to behave this way, but they do. I have consulted with many many many. My dear cousin is/was one of them. Everything was driven to perfection, and she spent over $120,000

on the whole affair. She is a nurse, and he is not much more. SO I am guessing even after they divorce they will be paying off the wedding still!!!

Holy mackeral! That's a lot of bucks!! That's a fine down payment on a piece of property or some pretty sweet cash to put into an investment portfolio! A grrl could also buy very some fine household furnishings for that kinda cash or some terribly respectable jewellery.

I am very curious and have a question for anyone who can answer it. Do these bridezillas actually settle down and enjoy the "magic" day once it comes or are they still so charged up over this issue of perfection that they don't? I would love it if someone could supply me with an answer.

$120,000?!?!?!!?!? $9000 more, and she coulda bought my house.

And people wonder why I have no respect for humvee drivin' prima donna soccer moms.

I was so laid back about my wedding, that my hubby and I went the night before the wedding and got manicures at the local nail school. It was funny, the caterer was fussing over the table settings and I was sneaking a bite of fried chicken with the wonderful gravy that they provided for the mashed potatos. My only request was that we had extra butter in the potatos and plenty of gravy. I guess I will never lose my southern roots..... I also made sure that the preacher had enough to eat. I was more concerned with him getting a plateful than cutting the cake. I don't get the bridezilla attitude. My cousin spent over $40K on her wedding and the food sucked, the DJ didn't have most of what was requested and the hall was in a so/so neighborhood. 2 weeks before the wedding she called me crying, her hair was falling out from the stress. She finally did relax half way through the reception, tok off her shoes and danced in her house slippers that she had packed in the car. I actually felt sorry for her, she spent so much time planning and so much money for that wedding and it was average at best. The $40K didn't include time off work without pay and all the time, energy and gas she used going to the places to make all the arrangements. My wedding was planned in an afternoon, we made our own ivitations on nice card stock, I made my own flowers out of silk and I still have most of them. A local baker did the cake out of her home (she did my baby shower cake, our little one's b-day cakes, and all of our holiday cakes) I got my dress at JC Penny, Hubby got a new suit at one of those mega suit places for like $150 (he wears it still). Our DJ was a stack of CD's that I made of various songs that I knew would go over well, then everyone took home a copy of those CD's as our wedding favor. A friends dad is a minister and he did the service, we are of different faiths, the minister is a different faith than either of us. We were married in a bowling alley, our reception was candle light bowl. It was the greatest time, eveyone still talks about it and it was over 7 years ago. ~Mandy

Hey, this thread is an interesting one, isn't it?

Wavy, the 120 grand looks extra big to my eyes because I am a Canadian and our dollars are mini-dollars. And even in Can bucks a 120 grand is nothing to sneeze about. It won't buy you a house in my city but it will give you a down payment and that is, as Martha says, "a good thing."

And your wedding, pierced, sounds great. Good food, a laid back environment, and a laid back bride and groom - what more can any guest want, eh?

Even though I didn't want to get married, I just wanted to live with my man, my one official wedding was pretty good. We had a buffet so that everyone, even the vegetarians, could find food that they would enjoy. My (then) husband was a musician and a number of his friends played at the wedding. They were talented guys and they played a lot of jug band music along with the standard rock stuff. The bar was open and that is always a hit. It seems that my father was approached a number of times by the staff; they wanted to know if he wished to close down the free bar but he said no.

As for me - the bride - I wore a tobacco brown velvet suit with hip high suede boots. I wanted something that I could wear again and the wedding took place in February. I also threatened to carry a cauliflower up the aisle in my bouquet. I said that I could cook it later. I was a practical kid!

I wore the boots and the velvet jacket, they both looked great with jeans by the way, until they rotted, and then I threw them out.

Shortly after this I threw the husband out. :phanvan I got married when I was 22 and the marriage collapsed when I was 27.

Oh, and by the way, the reason we got married was because it meant the world to my then husband's family. My family were atheists and would have been entirely comfortable to see us live together. His family were Catholics and our marriage meant a lot to them and so we were married in the Catholic church. And at this point I will mention, as I always do, that I was treated with great respect by the Church.

The irony for me is that those performances which these bridezillas generate on their special days are all so boringly uniform, all so very much the same. The memories of these weddings will for most of us all blend into each other but the memories of the brides' bitcheries will last forever. And of course most of 'em will be divorcing later on because the marriage didn't live up to the wedding!

They have "wedding mills" in the NY area. I was an usher at a wedding and everything was timed to the minute. Our wedding had to be out at 3:45 so that the 4pm reception could start. 4 hours and move. Well, 3 hours and 45 minutes and move. It is amazing to watch them change 200 place settings so fast. They do it my using multiple rooms with staging areas. My basement wedding was so much more (for lack of a better word) HUMAN. Some might call it a bargain basement wedding, but it only cost $10 per year for each year of our marriage.

The wedding I was the usher at cost over $100,000 and was over in 3 years. Well the wedding was over in under 4 hours, but the marriage was finished in 3 years. Lets see, Let me get out my calculator. $33,000 per year compared to my $10 a year. Yes, I am rubbing it in.

They have "wedding mills" in the NY area. I was an usher at a wedding and everything was timed to the minute. Our wedding had to be out at 3:45 so that the 4pm reception could start. 4 hours and move. Well, 3 hours and 45 minutes and move. It is amazing to watch them change 200 place settings so fast. They do it my using multiple rooms with staging areas. My basement wedding was so much more (for lack of a better word) HUMAN. Some might call it a bargain basement wedding, but it only cost $10 per year for each year of our marriage.

The wedding I was the usher at cost over $100,000 and was over in 3 years. Well the wedding was over in under 4 hours, but the marriage was finished in 3 years. Lets see, Let me get out my calculator. $33,000 per year compared to my $10 a year. Yes, I am rubbing it in.

Green sez wow!

I neatly avoided going to my niece's wedding a coupla years back (I could pull this stunt off because my family is dysfunctional:heh: ) but found myself agreeing to go to my nephew's wedding last summer. This seemed like a good move on my part because our mum and my kid brother had died. The family was still dysfunctional but it was badly bruised and I - lol - became the senior member.

This involved more money than I could have spared had I not come into an inheritance - so this was kind of creepy - but my husband and I flew out to Halifax on my mother's dime for the family gathering and the wedding.

It was a lot of hard work even though my poor nephew and his bride and her family had worked hard to make everything nice. His mother and his sister's child arrived about three weeks early. His mother set about dissing his bride and her side of the family. She also went on about how the poor girl was looking fat and kept telling everyone that the marriage wouldn't last more than a year or two.

Well, it turns out that the bride was pregnant and this was something that both my nephew and his bride were quietly thrilled about because she had fertility issues and they both were anxious to have a big family.

By the morning before the wedding the groom, his mother, his sisters and his grandmother on his mother's side are all in a physical knock-down brawl.

His father, who is my brother, his second wife, my husband, and myself were secreted in a cottage on the coast of Nova Scotia. There was no telephone except for my brother's cell and that was long distance because he lives in Virginia. It was heat wave humid hot and I had to go outside for a smoke and there was a gazillion flesh eating bugs outside.

My brother ended up feeling pissed off because we were living in a bug infested shack and he was the one who had helped the couple buy their property in the first place. I was cranky because I was covered, really covered in bug bites and because I am allergic to them I was itching all over.

My husband was much worse off. He had eaten bad shellfish. He was trapped in this shack and he was spewing from both ends and he was running a temperature.

In fact he ended up being dragged to various events, stuffed full of dope in order to stop him from vomitting and pooping, and was stuck being warehoused on beds in homes of people whom he had never met.

He missed the wedding of course.

And as for the groom, my nephew ended up brawling with his mother. As a result one of his sisters refused to do her reading. My brother got hurt because he has underwritten so much of my nephew's life and then during the inevitable this is your life episode of the wedding event he was edited out.

Yep, my brother never did appear in any of those slides and the guy found himself hurting. And yah, my nephew did spend his later teenage years living with his father.

As for me, I was happy to see my nephew married to a woman whom he loved and I was happy to see that he had married into a family who obviously adored him.

I also respected the fact that there had been loads of local social events planned for all of us who had taken the trouble, time, and expence to make our way out to the east coast of Canada. But, nevertheless, the family psychodrama was very bluddy hard.

It might be kinda interesting to note that we had a Scottish relative in tow. He ended up with me, my husband, my brother, and his second wife. I say "ended up" with because he had been promised better and then abandoned. The dude was good fun and I proposed to him that he could write something about this experience: I said that he could call it My Big Fat Canadian Wedding.

He thought that this was pretty funny and we spent some fine hours together smacking bugs, smoking cigarettes, and drinking coffee and scotch.

Can I add a little story about my wedding that I just remembered?

Well, not really my wedding. My reception. Since lots of family et. al. didn't have a chance to attend, we held our reception a month later, back home. I left the music selection up to my husband, the audiophile. Hubby, not being an American citizen, well... let's just say it's hit or miss on what movies he has seen, what "connections" he knows about, what cultural references will make sense to him, etc.

So anyway. Reception goes, all is well. Music is playing in the background. Right is we go up to cut our cake, Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells starts playing, and everyone just kind of freezes. People are literally dropping their glasses, and food is literally falling out of their agape mouths. See, this song is one of my husband's favorites. It reminds him of spring, of fishing at his parents' mountain cabin, and of picking raspberries with his grandmother. He thinks it's one of the happiest and most upbeat songs he's ever heard. But this song is also known as the eerie "doodoo doo doo doodoo" theme in The Exorcist. Husband, having never seen the movie or heard any jokes referencing the "doodoo doo doodoodoo", had no idea what associations we had with that song. And of course 95% of my family are devout Catholics, and the other 5% pentacostal. A long explanation ensued, and most went back to normal, but there are still some in our family who have never looked at us quite the same.

Ah well, that's my story. Carry on. I remembered this because he just played the song, and started laughing, and asked, "Do you remember this??"