Until this moment, I had been planning to keep my rny a complete secret, and being vague to those who knew I was having surgery, saying I was having a procedure to help my esophagus.

The more that I think about being vague, I'm starting to stress about those who are going to press me for details: FIL, who is going to stay with us for 4 weeks post op to help me with my 3 children, and SIL, who is an MD. Then when I see the relatives that I only see every 3 years or so, a sudden change of my weight will undoubtedly be a source of discussion. They continue to ask me about my 3 c sections, the last of which was 2 years ago, so I doubt I will get off so easily.

I wish I had a thick skin to just tell the world and be able to deal with remarks, sneers, judgements. As a lightweight, I'm afraid people will try to say, "what made you think you needed it in the first place? Don't you know you're beautiful no matter what size you are?" Or some BS like that.

I so do not want to have to justify it to absolutely everyone who feels the need to ask about it and I know I'm not supposed to, but I totally care about what others think about me. Maybe this will change as my self esteem changes post op, but at this moment, I just want to curl up in a ball and avoid it altogether.

I wish I had some cajones and could stand up to the world and own my decision, particularly as a lightweight. The only friend I've told about my surgery is also MO and said to me when I told her, "Do you even qualify?? Are you 100 lbs overweight?" I said, " yes, I am. I'm morbidly obese. Thanks for asking."

Why am I so ashamed of this surgery? Please tell me I'm not alone.

You are not a lone at all. I felt that way before. I got over it by telling friends but not ones i was super close too. I just tested the waters. Now i am a little more open. But it is a very scary thing to do. Some people will not be supportive, others will be very supportive...

Its a decision you made for you, not anyone else.

You are not alone!! OH I was so mad at myself. Not that there is anything wrong with the surgery. I was so ashamed I let myself gain back all the weight I had lost over and over again over the years. I only told a my hubby, mom, one person at work and BF prior to the surgery. Now I have only added a few very close friends. My family can stick it. They will tell the world and it is not the world's business. Plus I don't really want to talk about it. I am very sensative and I was scared the negative talk would drive me not to do it. I had to do this for myself and I did it pretty much on my own. My hubby is supportive but it is my journey for me.

I'm rowing in your boat right along with ya!

Only my dad (because he has gone through RNY 3 years ago), and my husband know. I've told work I will be having surgery and I was vague- one asked if I had cancer and I said no, this is a good surgery, nothing like that. They know I can no longer take Advil- and that's it!

My sister and mom have no idea. I called my mom tonight but couldn't tell her. I'm not ashamed, I just don't want to be judged, frowned upon, gossiped about, questioned, or basically watched! I want to have surgery, total change of life style and always make the correct choices-

I know next August when school starts back up and we've been out for the summer I (HOPE) to look a lot different, then maybe I will shed some light of what I've been going through. Who knows.

I kinda feel like I'm not being truthful because I'm holding back information and that's the real part that bothers me the most. I feel like I'm lying to everyone I'm not telling.

My plan was to also tell as few people as possible. My husband and two daughters know, and a few good friends. I've been trying to decide if I need to tell anyone else. The closer I get to my surgery date, the more I think I'll tell others after the fact. I'm not ashamed of the surgery, I'm ashamed of the fact I got this big to begin with and now need to have surgery to help me loose it.

Honestly, I don't care if people know I'm having surgery. I know I'm in the minority here (or so it seems). I look at it as a necessary surgery. I wouldn't be ashamed to treat a broken arm, or wear glasses and I'm treating my weight the same way. People make snarky comments on my weight now, I have had some resistance and negativity about the surgery, so I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

After all these years I fail to see how my weight issues offend people, or why my choice to address the issues would offend them either.

I mean, I'm not wearing a T Shirt proclaiming my choice everywhere I go or anything, but I don't care if people know or not.

Yes! That's what I need! I want some of that attitude, BustedBeauty. How do I get that?

I don't want to hide the surgery from people who know me and are going to notice something is different.

I want to be able to just blow off the nonsense, negativity, and notyourbusiness remarks.

Yes! That's what I need! I want some of that attitude' date=' BustedBeauty. How do I get that?

I don't want to hide the surgery from people who know me and are going to notice something is different.

I want to be able to just blow off the nonsense, negativity, and notyourbusiness remarks.

[/quote']

I'm sure you've got it in you... Just embrace your inner drag queen! What would Rubdo??Lol

Really though, there's no shame in wanting to be the best version of you that you can be. Whether you want to share the journey or keep it amongst people on the same path as you is a personal decision, there is no right or wrong.

My favorite quote is "Its not arrogant for a flower to bloom" and I've tried to remember that when dealing with people who are closed to the idea of surgery

I also don't mind who knows my business.. I've told total strangers! I want and need wls so badly that if people want to judge me for "not doing it on my own" they can go eat shit! I've tried for many many years diets pills not eating and exercising and instead of the weight coming off i've seemed to pile it on. So i've told anyone and everyone. I'm not ashamed of this there is no reason. Sure people talk but does it really matter what they say? Hell no! Although I've not had really anyone be unsupportive but I have had a couple people who were retarded and jerk offs about it but just let it in one ear and out the other. Good luck and hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

When I had my lapband I told only those closest to me (close friends, family, coworkers) after I started losing and patients (I'm a family practice physician assistant) started asking me how I was losing, I decided to come clean...I couldn't look them in the eye and say diet and exercise while knowing how hard they've struggled. I got a few 'why'd you do that, you're not that big' and 'OMG that's so unsafe' comments but was really blown over by the support almost everyone gave me. Then my band and I started fighting...and things went south and I had a emergency removal....when I started talking RNY, again, a free people freaked but my response is 'I know the risks, I'm educated in the procedure, this is what I need to do for me' and if they start suggesting Adkins or WW or whatever I just smile and wish them well....I'll answer any questions they have,but I won't argue a personal decision that ultimately only effects me and my 8 year old (well and my mom and dad that get to babysit all of us and our 2 dogs that week!). The difference between being 290 and 230 was amazing, I was so much more involved in my sons activities and got to be a part of his life so much more....I can only imagine what 250 down to where ever I get will be like! Thankfully my family supports me, my dearest friends support me, my co-workers support me. My son is a character and always telling me I'm not fat, I'm just a little chubby but I don't need the surgery to get beautiful because I already am, but he's happy I'm getting the surgery because he wants me to be healthy and live a very long time. Love that boy!!!

Do what's best for you. I'm glad I can claim it....and ultimately be a role model for some.

HW 312, pre-op (lap-band) 294, pre-op (RNY) 251, surgery date 2/11/13, goal weight 154, current weight 251

Like bustedbeauty said there is no right or wrong its YOUR personal decision to tell or not tell whom ever you want! Again good luck

I have not been shy about who I told. I was proud to stand up and reclaim my life. Almost like it was a declaration of freedom. I Samantha No longer want to be in this fat suit. I want the world to know who I am!

I have found that most people that find out have questions about it. I thought my in laws would be the most judgmental and instead they asked me questions for hours because my brother in law was thinking about doing it.

It is a personal choice, and for me I wanted people to know about this great procedure that could help me take my life back.

You will gain confidence during this process. The first time a cute guy hits on you for no reason, all the compliments you get from people. The big one for me is that all the new people I meet in my life never look at me as fat.

I have been very open about it...Al Roker is my hero because he came out on tv and told the world...whereas Star Jones caught a bunch of flack for lying about it...it's a personal choice...I have had no negative reactions so far, and I have actually has some people come to me for advice because they are thinking about it.

I was very adamant initially about keeping it a secret, but eventually gave up on that. With the exception of two people, I have received amazing support. I needed it just to help my nerves. After years of looking the same- overweight- I'd be sorting through so many excuses.

I'll tell pretty much anyone. I'm proud of this choice that I've made for myself. I don't go around broadcasting it, but I'll talk about it with anyone and if they have questions I'll answer them. I am doing a great thing for myself, I don't want to hide it. I've gotten negative reactions from 2 people, but I won't let it bother me. I'm doing this for me, no one else.

I'm glad to hear this. I think I will keep it quiet for now, and then consider sharing with anyone who inquires afterward, once it's already done. I'm just so skeptical that this won't become a BIG DEAL. My 6 year old was diagnosed with autism last year, and seriously, everyone and their mother has something to say about it, and it's like they expect me to detail every symptom and behavior. These people aren't TRYING to be negative, but when they hear about this diagnosis, after inquiring about one of his quirks, they are incredulous and want to know every detail, and try to explain away all of his behaviors. "What do you mean, 'he does xyz??!! My son does that too and he's FINE!" or "So what if he does xyz! That doesn't mean anything!"

It gets really exhausting and I get pretty pissy even with good friends and end up saying, "I don't need to justify his diagnosis to you." That usually shuts them up, but then everyone is awkward after that. But their doubt about the whole thing feels a little judgmental. I guess that's a better example of my concern, people feeling like I should be justifying my decision, particularly after the fact.

The best part is, I will be going back to work in August (as a teacher) after 5 years of being a SAHM. No one will know me as fat (let's hope all goes well in the first 6 months).

Hey Debbie- your avatar looks familiar. Were you on a SugarBusters forum?