SuperDaddy: Back to the Starting Line(?)

[SuperDaddy! 1]

*The following is a personal journey that I need to share with someone...somewhere. So many of us have NOT experienced a picture perfect success. My hope is that through this thread, I might have the opportunity to acknowledge where I'm truly at, and perhaps you will identify with it. This is not a challenge, and no prize patrol will follow. It is simply one more humble food addict willing to once again, and with all of my might, DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND...and pray for transformation. If that resonates with you...read on, friends.

I have read so many inspiring stories, seen many beautiful metamorphasis pictures, and witnessed great moments in positive support on this board. In recent history, however...I have avoided even visiting the site at all. Matter of fact....I avoided dieting, I've avoided mirrors, I've avoided the gym...and I've avoided the warning signs that my body has changed.

...See, I've seen many success stories, but I have not been one. Last year I lost my mother to breast cancer. I allowed that be my excuse for not focusing on my body's needs. This fall I started my master's classes and allowed that and my 2 jobs to be the reason that I stopped putting forth effort. Now, we have enjoyed every moment of welcoming a brand new baby girl into our home...and that has been the catalyst to me ignoring all the rules instilled in me when I started this band. Drinking while eating, snacking between meals, eating the wrong food, eating late...basically all the things I did before surgery to be fat...except I had somehow subconcieously figured out a way to "beat" the machine. And so, after a few years of holding off a mere 45 lbs. since surgery....I have crept back to within 7 pounds of my surgery weight. I have proven to be a complete and utter band failure.

That is...until today.

Today is the day I start again. Today, for the sake of my health, for the preservation of my family, and for the fulfillment of my desires....I am praying for God's strength to be a new physical creation again. I know exactly what to do. I know what I have not been doing. They say that it takes an average of 21 days to successfully create new habit. For the next 21 days I'm going to create many new habits...and reintroduce some old ones.

I'm going to measure my food...and be honest about that measurement. I'm going to stop eating between meals.

I'm going to stop working at night early and sleep for 6 hours or more.

I'm going to exercise hard 3 days a week, and lightly 2 days.

I'm going to drink all the Water I'm supposed to.

I'm going to commit to making time daily to pray and focus myself.

I'm going to quit lying to myself and others about what I've done.

I'm going to pick myself up, brush myself off, and start over again.

And I AM going to win.

I certainly welcome you to comment if you have something to share, but I have no expectations of feedback. I plan to add something daily to this thread. If nobody but me reads it, It was still worth it.

It's time to be a good steward of the physical gifts I've been given. My heart is strong, my limbs are mighty. I hate being fat still, and yet there are people in this world that would give anything to be as healthy as I am. I will no longer take for granted my potential.

Wow...that whole thread looks like a speech from a motivational speaker, huh? Oh well...bring it on anyways!

So...I'm going to start with my weight loss at a zero today. Let's see if you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Thanks for listening. Go get 'em, gang!

Jon - SuperDaddy!

[2bthinagn 3]

Good for you. Congratulations for choosing to be healthy so you will be around for your little one!

[beckamarie 0]

Jon,

I am so proud of you for sharing what you have gone through and what your plan of action is. I am not banded but have been around and hope to someday have wls. You are taking the 1st step and that is admitting you have a problem. I think you will succeed.

[Teresita 0]

Supperdaddy I have missed you being around. I have to commend you on your new start. You are not alone. I ralized I only lost 32 pounds for year of 06. So I have been exercising everyday because I will not let 07 be anything less then 75 pounds. The support here is more then I would ever be able to get at home and it keeps me committed.

Good Luck:clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

[StephC 0]

Jon -

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self descipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

This verse has helped me, I have it on my fridge, bathroom mirror and wallet. And most importantly in my heart.

[marjon9 6]

Superdaddy, I wish you all the luck in the world, and thanks for sharing your story. But I do have to say I have a slightly uneasy feeling that I want to share with you.

You have set forth a list of major changes that you intend to make all at once. This is a huge challenge. You know the history of success people have with New Year's Resolutions. People do not follow through with them about 95% of the time. And that is even when they have just one resolution. You have half a dozen major ones listed in your "fresh start." This is a little scary to me. It seems to me that you have bitten off such a huge bite here that there is almost no way you'll be able to chew it. I am worried that if you start to have difficulty with any of the major changes on your list, you will start to feel like you are a "failure" with your "fresh start" as a total package, and just start to tailspin, thinking "Oh, well, I blew it again. I guess I'm just a failure."

I recommend a book to you. The Four Day Win by Martha Beck. I believe you would really find it useful in your present situation.

Best of luck to you. And please keep us informed regularly how things are going.

[Iluvharleys 15]

Good luck Jon, a lot of us has walked in your shoes when it comes to eating things we shouldn't. The one good thing is when we come back, our band is waiting to help us once again. I know you will succeed!

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Just know that we are here, holding your hand and ready to cheer you on.

I too slipped off the path and have been working to rededicate myself. Including comeing back to LBT for support.

In an odd way, I think slipping up and getting it back together is a vital part of the bandster journey.

[mousecrazy 2]

You've had the power all along.

I'm sorry about your mother; I lost mine a year and a half ago.

One new trick: don't demand perfection from yourself. I think it sets us up for the failure complex. If we can't be perfect, we might as well just go ahead a blow it big time. Does that sound familiar. Maybe let it be okay if you do just 80% of the things you set forth as goals...consider it a good thing, and keep going.

That's all I've got for you, but I think it's important.

Much love to you...mind if I check in on you once in a while?

(((hugs)))

Cindy

[Ms. Vicki 0]

Dear SuperDaddy,

Your story is so familiar to mine, with the exception of having different "stories" that I have used for excuses. I was banded 11 months ago and initially losing 35 lbs, am now back to within 11 lbs from where I began.

I have been reading a book "Food and Love" from a Christian author, Gary Smalley that has been giving me a lot of "food" for thought. Please excuse the pun. He states that once you get so far down on yourself, you eventually will cry out to God and admit it is all beyond your control. I have realized I can not do it alone...I am too weak and my addiction to food is too strong. Only God in His supernatural power can create in me the strength to conquer my "demons". I have been "strong" for 5 days now, and trust that He will continue working in me.

I will keep you in my prayers. Oh, congratulations on your new little treasure.

[CLAUDIAGDLMEX 0]

Everyday is a new beginning for lots of us .

Congratulation for accepting your past and congratulations on a bright and sucessful future . Day by day you will do better I here for you !!!:clap2:

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Superdaddy, thank you for the story. You are being very honest and direct with your circumstances. I really hope you can get back on board. Have you considered getting a fill? That always jump starts me again. You can do this. I think just cutting out the Snacks and measuring will help you tremendously. Good luck to you. Keep us posted on your progress.

[missy4gordon 0]

Jon, you have given me the courage to admit the same thing. The difference is I have absolutely no excuses, except I am just that lazy. I have lost nothing since my initial loss after surgery. I am an absolute failure at this. I eat crappy because it's easier, I watch too much TV, I do everything I did before surgery.

Thank you for giving me the courage to admit this, even to myself. Sorry to make this about me when it should be about you, so good luck to you in your new start! I wish you nothing but the best, and congrats on the new baby girl!!!

[juliegeraci 7]

Missy, its okay to think you haven't done as well as you could have. I would suggest stepping up and going to your surgeon to discuss. I would definitely consider a fill to jump start the weight loss again. If you start to eat healthy and have good restriction the weight will start to come off again. You can do this.

[SuperDaddy! 1]

Day one!

Wow, dear friends....the response to this thread was unlike anything I would have expected. I have some wonderful suggestions, beautiful encouragement, and people who are admitting to similar struggles. I have a renewed faith in the power of this board and our like-minded pursuits. It is so good to see some names I've recognized in the past.

First...let me tell you that this thread doesn't have to be about me. My story of the ups and downs of success is not unique. I encourage you to add to the thread as you see fit...and I will do the same. I am just so thankful that we can lift each other up, and have a dialogue about change.

Those of you who have not seen all the posts on the thread, there are some excellent verses and book suggestions within. I plan to find that Gary Smally book when I'm at my local christian bookstore next week.

Mark, you brought up a very good point: I cannot fix all the problems of the world (well...even of my little world) at once. I set out some initiatives that I think I can achieve at the same time, such as when and how I drink and eat. I have a new food/water journal, and for the moment, a newfound desire to help me write in it. Much of the other goals I hope to build in over time...but I guess I only explained some big idea stuff I was working through yesterday. Thanks for the reminder....I know that slow and steady wins the race. I just had to rejoin the race!

I don't expect perfection....but I'll pray for persistance!

So...here are some random thoughts as my new "day one" rolls on.

In the world of real-life dilema's....here's one thing this week for me to overcome: We have a very supportive church, and the blessing (but for me....also a curse) of my supportive church is that they send meals for all new babies. I have had a house lovingly filled with meals, treats, and Snacks every other day for two weeks. We have hardly cooked once since little Ella came home...and I know we have meals coming until Sunday. You can imagine that when families want to share a meal with you...they send nothing but fattening, carb-filled favorites. A food addict's personal purgatory! So I can pretend that I'm going to ignore this food, throw it out, and gnaw on a carrot....or I can limit myself to a measured portion, commit to not eating anything late, and realistically restart my diet with healthier food choices in three days. I already have a game plan set, and I believe that mentally I'll be ready to start on Monday with this new resolve.

One trick that I've thought a lot about is how I need to not allow myself to play the "JUSTIFY GAME!". How many of you have done this, pre-or-post banding: You know there is an unhealthy dinner that you need to go to at night, so you justify eating something unhealthy early...and then you might as well justify somethign unhealthy for lunch, and then you justify not exercising that day....etc, etc. I have a new thing I've been doing as these meals kept coming from church- COMPENSATION! In other words...if I know that people are coming with big, unhealthy meals at night. So, I taper off my eating to healthier choices and smaller portions during the early part of the day, and then try to eat a smart amount of the food that is sent.

Truthfully, I have a relatively tight band fill...so I can't imagine what pain I would feel with another fill. The problem has not been that I overeat. It's been that I've been drinking a little when I eat...which of course helps food slide right through. Also, I graze more as these big meals sit in my fridge. It's so stupid, isn't it? I have a $10,000 device in my stomach to help me drop weight....and I've found ways to work around.

....But then again, this is the whole reason I wanted to start this thread: To admit that what I've done has failed...and that the time to change is now

Enough ramblings for today. I wish you all the very best this weekend. I'm going to commit to exercising two days in a row this weekend, and kicking up my Water. I will post my weight loss on Monday. To be honest, I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to having these wonderful meals stop being delivered. Monday the world starts looking a lot different. in some ways...that will be my day one.

Strength, Grace, and Peace to You-

Jon