Hey! My name is Jessica and I am 22 years old. I have been posting on here for a little while now but have not actually posted my story yet so here it goes!

I started to become overweight when I was in 5th grade. Not too much overweight but definitely bigger than my friends and my classmates. I have always been very tall and have a larger body frame and bones. My parents kept telling me that it was "baby fat" and it would come off as I got older so I didn't think anything of it.

I got into middle school and grew a little bit more so I slimmed out some because I was taller. That actually kind of made things worse because I was so tall I was called sasquash and giant and stuff like that. I was a very likable person and in with what you would call the popular crowd until about 8th grade. I put on some weight in 8th grade.

Starting my freshman year I actually became bullemic (sp) and that went on for about a year and a half maybe. I would binge eat to eat my feelings away and then immediately feel guilty. It was hard to stop it...still to this day if I eat to much I feel like I want to do that...but when I was 16 and I finally got better I told myself id never do it again. When I was 16 I got down to a size 12 or 13 and weighed about 180 pounds. Something I have mentioned yet was that I was a swimmer for 12 years. So when I was 16 I was into my second year of varsity swimming and actually got pretty good. I soon started smoking and partying a lot and started to gain a little bit of the weight back.

My junior year one of the worst things possible happend to my family. My brother (19 yrs old) was killed instantly in Baghdad Iraq on christmas day 2006, when his vehicle was hit by an IED (improvised explosive device) and his vehicle burned for 5 hours before they could get out of the "hot zone". I grew into a deep depression and actually wanted to kill myself. I started gaining weight fast. That's when I decided to shut off all emotion and forget about it...so for about 2 years I pretended he never died.

11 months after Andrew was killed I found out I was already 3 months pregnant and had gone through my whole senior swim season pregnant. Luckily I hadn't gained any weight in the first trimester because I swam twice a day. I delivered on June 12th 2008, only 11 days after I graduated highschool. Having my daughter bailey took my mind off my depression about my brother. But as time went on and significant things were happening in my life such as getting married, my daughters first birthday, and the fact that everyday my little girl was looking more and more like my brother I began to breakdown. For the longest time I couldn't go to the cemetery or look at his pictures. Just in the past 2 years I've started grieving his death and that's when I've put on the most weight.

I currently weigh 10 pounds more than I did when I was full term pregnant. Right now I am 332 pounds and embarressed to even say that. I feel like im going to die if I don't do something. The simplest things are sooo hard such as clipping my own toenails or painting them....my mom has to help me. Its sad my husband is such a good person for sticking by me...we started dating when I was 17 right around the time that my brother was killed and he's been there for me ever since. He weighs 145 pounds so he definitely tries to keep me motivated but says he will love me no matter what size I am. But will I love myself at this size? I haven't yet....I don't think I ever will. Something needs to change.

The thing that really made me realize I needed to change my lifestyle was when my husband and I tried to get pregnant for an entire year and nothing happend. I was devastated and my drs. Told me it could be due to my weight. To not be able to have another child because of me losing self control isn't fair to myself, my husband my daughter or my family. I have never been more motivated until I decided to look into this surgery.

Sorry my story was soo long, but now everyone kind of has an idea of who I am and where I started. I hope to meet some other young girls on here that can relate to me...but ill take any friends I can get on here. At least I can have someone who knows what im going through

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Thanks for sharing your story. The decision is yours as to having a RNY, but I have improved my health and life by having the surgery in Aug 2011. I am at my goal of 195 after starting at 327. If you have any questions for me just ask. Good luck on your decision. Russ

Thanks! Wow that's an awesome weight loss! Great job!

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Thanks for sharing!!! I'm here if you ever need to talk and excited for you on your new journey!!!

Thanks! Means alot to me

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Wow! I am sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I lost my father 2 days before the start of my senior year in high school. I am here to support u if you ever need it.

Thank you that's horrible about ur father. It was hard losing my brother but I really cannot imagine losing a parent or a child.

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You sure have been through alot. Just hang in there. You sure do deserve everything you want in life. Hold on!!!! Good luck to you!!!

So sorry for your loss. People on here have been great. I am 2 weeks tomorrow and having people that have gone through it helps. I too am still embarrassed of my start weight, but at least we are doing something about it. I'm here for whatever I can help with. It absolutely helped me to have had friends and family that have gone through it to be a sounding board. So I want to do the same in return. Kelly

I can't imagine losing any of my brothers sweetie! How terrible that must have been but what a blessing that your daughter looks like him. I'm certain this will be a great honor to her too when she gets older.

I am only 2.5 weeks out from having the surgery and I have already seen my life changing in good ways. Whether you decide to have it or not you have us all for support. I had to pray a lot about it and despite many telling me for years that I should, no one could convince me. I really think God opened the door for me because when I decided to do it I ran into it head first without looking back. The best thing you could do is to go to a seminar about it and get your options and questions answered. That started the ball rolling for me!

Either way hon I'm glad to meet you!

Onyx

Thank you it was very hard to lose someone so close to me. Congrats on your surgery! I have made the decision to go through with doing it...but the waiting game is so hard, I just want it now! I do understand why they make you go through everything you have to go through but it just seems like it takes forever. They are telling me that probably in the fall ill be able to get it done. Anyways I gotta get to sleep sorry its so short lol. Thanks for all the support and I am here to chat anytime if you ever need someone to talk to within your journey!

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Welcome Jessica! I'm so sorry

For your loss of your brother. You have come to the right place for support! The men & women on this board are wonderful and very inspirational & encouraging! Forgive yourself of your past and move forward towards your future! I'm here if you ever want to chat!!

Thanks! Every now and then I come back to this post and read the kind words people have said to help me get through this. Lately im starting to question myself and ask if im doing the right thing and can I really change all these things I need to change to make this successful. Im scared. I haven't been since I started this process until just in the past week and I can't explain why. I've been really sick lately (cold and what not) and haven't been out of the house much or to the gym so maybe that's why I am feeling down. I go to my next appointment tomorrow so hopefully that will get me motivated again. Thanks again everyone for the support and I am glad to have u all as friends

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Going to the gym was tough for me. I love to swim and the gyms here that are cheap have no pool and I hate the treadmill. Anyway I went yesterday and did more than I thought I would. I think for us "slim impaired" folks it is hard to go to the gym or work out because we rarely saw results before. I have just decided that finding ways to work out is a new adventure.

Having doubts is natural but it's just because your mind is telling you you will be depriving yourself and you won't be. Every now and again you will crave something you cant have but it won't last long. You have so much support and do much to look forward to! We have all been through it. ((hugs)))

Onyx

So sorry to hear about your brother Jessica. I'm here to talk if you need . Rny is def the way to go. I have a lap band but it just didn't work for me. My surgery is on Monday