Is it just me or does the divorce rate of post extreme weight loss people seem high? I find myself thinking about divorce as I go through this process because I am constantly on the grind to better myself for my family...psychically, mentally, educationally...this man is not. He's perfectly happy with his high school diploma and man tits...blah

I understand how you're feeling, but you married him knowing this about him. Right? Perhaps he needs more time and he very well may be astonished AND inspired by your END results.

Divorce should only be an option when there are no other options available. You married him for a reason... love...? He loved you and picked you to marry him and accepted you just the way you were...??? Let me know if I'm wrong. Don't get discouraged, have faith and patience; sometimes men are like children and both of these traits will help you get through the muck! Cheer up, it does get better IN TIME. ACCEPTANCE/FAITH/PATIENCE

I'm a people fixer. I thought I could inspire him to be better. That was dumb.

We can't change people, no matter what we think. Give it your absolute "ALL" before making any permanent decisions. I guess kind of like before you were sleeved, right? Do what you have to do to be happy tho in the end. No sense in staying with someone who makes you absolutely miserable AFTER you've tried everything. This way there are no regrets. Good luck to you.

Well this divorce you really can't "blame" on surgery and losing weight since it sounds like you are done already and you haven't even had the surgery yet!

Yes divorces happen but I truly believe its because of major problems that existed BEFORE the surgery, like in your case.

Healthy loving relationships survive fat and thin.

Well this divorce you really can't "blame" on surgery and losing weight since it sounds like you are done already and you haven't even had the surgery yet!

Yes divorces happen but I truly believe its because of major problems that existed BEFORE the surgery' date=' like in your case.

Healthy loving relationships survive fat and thin.[/quote']

I'm not really blaming it on surgery, but making the decision to go ahead with surgery really opened my eyes to how I would literally do anything to be the best mom and wife and person I can be. So how come I work so hard and try and try again but he's just comfortable exactly the way things are?

Now let's be fair about this. Speaking from a guy who no longer has anything resembling Man Tits. Not any more. And that is your point, right, you are improving yourself, and do not see why he is not interested in doing the same. Here is what I felt after reading your post. Okay, you have made a decision to change your life - AWESOME and conrats to you. BUT you would not need that change if you (and I and many many more) had not let ourselves go and made many a bad decision. So you have decided that you want more out of life. Here is my question. How long did it take you to make that decision? Presumably a while. What about him? how much time does he get? If you start looking great - or at least a ton better, is that an encouragement for him? I would only say that none of us - peeking into you life with 5 lines of information - have the answer. But I think a spouse has a little duty to help make changes in us as well. I was a stud athlete, professional, world ranked - that is what my wife married. Then 10 years in I got fat, not big, fat. She stuck by me and put up with my beer drinking and over eating. Now I look good again and I am so glad she is here. But you know what, she is 30 pounds over weight - maybe more - but that is okay. I love her for her. She stuck by me when I was a pig. 30 pounds on her at 5 feet tall is a lot - but I will work with her to get her lower - she wants that and I want that - why? because we are still in love. 25 years of her putting up with my retarded self - and we still care. My guess would be that there is more than just the weight issue. It may be an indicator of the relationship - maybe the weight is not the issue, it is that desire you have for more, and he does not have that. Again, it is easy to be Dr. Phil with 10% of the info, but make sure that it is the weight that is a problem, and not the lack of drive and ambition. Here is why, anyone (with great effort) can lose weight - not everyone can have that desire to move up and be determined for success. So I will get off my "Mr. know-it -all" soap box and wish you the best of luck - love is easy - marriage is hard - make sure you are carefully assessing you issues. And best of luck on your weight loss journey.

I'm a people fixer. I thought I could inspire him to be better. That was dumb.

Like I said, you may just be his inspiration, but it will be in HIS time, not yours. You sound like you have your mind made up already and that you aren't willing to give him the time he needs. Set a time goal; ie 1 or 2 years etc..

I'm not really blaming it on surgery' date=' but making the decision to go ahead with surgery really opened my eyes to how I would literally do anything to be the best mom and wife and person I can be. So how come I work so hard and try and try again but he's just comfortable exactly the way things are?[/quote']

I don't know... Only he would really know that. If your talking about his fat? I'm guessing he's not in the same place as you, wanting to change his lifestyle and health?

As far as education? Well that's a whole different story. Some people just don't care to "aspire higher" does lack of education make him less than? I think not... But it does sound like you want more out of yourself and life than he does.

You can try talking to him about these changes and lead by example and see if he follows.

Or you can leave and start over.

It's a "heavy" decision though because you have a child...

Life is too short to waste time. If your not into it anymore, get out of it. The one true love is bullshit and everyone knows it, but tries to deny it. Kids complicate the matter, but a happy momma is a happy baby. Enough with this forever married crap. We have a short time here and if we are on this board, chances are, we are trying to improve ourselves. which most of the time will mean, we will improve those around us.

Go for it girl, and be a good friend to him if you can, but go out and get your own life. no regrets. no wasting of time or your life.

It's your life. If you're not happy leave him and find a life/you/circumtance that makes you shine the brightest.

It sounds as if you're already checked out. This surgery will change you completely. Either he shape up or ship out.

I forgot to say he's 5'10 and 170 lbs. he just always complains about having man tits, which he doesn't just a little jiggly..but it's like he complains and complains but doesn't wanna do anything to change anything. Idk maybe I'm overreacting.

Divorce is a huge deal and I agree with those that say you should think back to when you fell in love in the first place. Also, time, space and some professional help might be worth it. At least if you try those things and you still end up divorced you'll know that you tried everything and didn't just give up.

I'm a people fixer. I thought I could inspire him to be better. That was dumb.

We are in the same boat. I divorced my husband now we are "dating". He is the only person who knows about my upcoming surgery. I keep trying to make him someone he isnt but he tries to please me in many other ways. We cant have kids bc of him and his family is horrible to me. Whatever!!!! Just pm me!!

I believe marriage is hard work and not always something everyone is committed to doing. Whatever your trouble, I hope that you take the time to make sure it's the right decision. Divorce stats are high and if you have kids it will be harder for their whole lives and yours. Not that a person should stay in a bad marriage but it has effect on everyone. Counselling is a good place to start so you can express some of your concerns with the safety of having another person there to listen and to help you both. Good luck

Just for the record my husband of 24 years has been saying that he thinks I am going to lose weight and leave him. He is insecure because he has had me a certain way for many years. I think the surgery is only going to make both of our lives better.