... to be wasteful.

I was never a member of the Clean Your Plate club, that was never enforced in my family growing up, though at the same time food was considered the only justifiable expense. But I was admonished/critisized/guilted for any act of wastefulness, to the point of being denied access to many things because it was deemed a wasteful expense (including being seen by a doctor but that's another can of worms).

So, as part of my WLS journey, I am learning to give myself permission to be "wasteful". Spending 10 dollars on cheap cosmetics at Walgreen's, instead of a trip to Burger King - that's okay!! So I "wasted" my money and an antire can of Coke because all I wanted was that first frosty bubbly sip - so what, it's my money and a small sip is better than 8 oz! It's okay!! It's not as easy as it may seem, the indoctrination of youth is difficult to shake, last year I was unemployed for a few months and had to be on a budget and I found myself reverting to self-abusing habits: Not going out because that would mean a couple of dollars cover charge, but spending that same money on food - because it is justifiable. My enjoyment wasn't justifiable, isn't that just sad? I'm sad -and embarrassed- as I type this.

A new lipgloss or bottle of nailpolish from Rite-Aid costs about the same as a fast food meal or drink at a bar, with much more positive results. I struggle to believe that my desires matter, that my having ANY desire for self-care or tenderness is NOT a sign of ego or a$$holery. It is time to wash myself clean of my parent's toxins.

Gosh, what would I do if I could tell the world and several people in particular to go take a flying fu** ...

Lol, let me tell you, it is very do-able and very therapeutic :-)))))