Today in an half hour to be exact I will be going to pick up a good friend to take her out for lunch.

She is someone I've known for 18 years. She is very morbidly obese. I've always looked up to her because she never let it stop her from doing the things I wish I could of done when I was fat, like swimming in public even when people laugh and point.

I have lost weight many times in the eighteen years and it always made things weird between us because she felt if I hated my big weight what must I think of her? I always love her I have told her many times I just don't feel comfortable in MY skin.

This last time well I got sleeved.. She did not understand why I would do a thing like that to myself.. And I haven't seen her since. Not because we are mad at each other it's just not happened. She texted and asked if I still eat, and I said "yes silly of course I do!" Well now we are going out to lunch.

We used to eat great together, what will today be like I wonder? Guilt on her part for eating? Self conscience on mine? I over ate last night (long story I'll tell later) and I'm not feeling well today trying to get anything down. Should make things even weirder I'm sure...

Good Luck Laura... I hope things go well. Maybe try to just stick to soup or something... I know when I am not feeling well and have to eat in a public place I try to stick to ordering soup and a side salad which is a perfectly normal lunch! I hear you on the possible awkwardness, I actually had a friend call me out who is bigger then I was pre-sx... She actually said "God if you think you're big enough to need surgery then what do you think of me... How are we even friends" I havent talked much with her since my surgery... A couple texts back and forth here and there...

Just be a friend and let her guide the conversation. There are a million other things to talk about. Try to order something that you can handle today and if t won't go down well, the oh well, we all have days like that from time to time, sleeved or not.

You may be over thinking it, if not, let her know you care about her and that you know she cares about you and you are sure she is happy to support your decisions just as you support hers. Then it will be time for a big hug.

Have fun!

Good luck and have fun! My daughter is morbidly obese and some times I have a tough time knowing how to express myself and not hurt feelings. She was banded years ago with me and it NEVER worked for her. She won't consider being sleeved. :-(

Today in an half hour to be exact I will be going to pick up a good friend to take her out for lunch.

She is someone I've known for 18 years. She is very morbidly obese. I've always looked up to her because she never let it stop her from doing the things I wish I could of done when I was fat' date=' like swimming in public even when people laugh and point.

I have lost weight many times in the eighteen years and it always made things weird between us because she felt if I hated my big weight what must I think of her? I always love her I have told her many times I just don't feel comfortable in MY skin.

This last time well I got sleeved.. She did not understand why I would do a thing like that to myself.. And I haven't seen her since. Not because we are mad at each other it's just not happened. She texted and asked if I still eat, and I said "yes silly of course I do!" Well now we are going out to lunch.

We used to eat great together, what will today be like I wonder? Guilt on her part for eating? Self conscience on mine? I over ate last night (long story I'll tell later) and I'm not feeling well today trying to get anything down. Should make things even weirder I'm sure...[/quote']

Good luck Laura!Hopefully you guys will

be so busy catching up on other life goings on that there won't be a chance for things to get weird.

Well I'm back it went well,,, there were a few weird moments, but all and all it went ok.

She said she felt a bit weird eating with me but it turned out more informative than anything else.

She talked about body dysmorphia in the sense that she doesn't see an obese person when she looks at herself. she does understand why I did it though (kinda)... I had high blood pressure and was taking meds, whereas she does not have any of these type of issues.

She in no way would ever do anything so drastic though. I have to respect that she knows what she wants in life and she's happy.

Observations.

I'm happy with my choice. I feel more free moving around in public, something she always felt by the way.

We sat in a booth, after we sat the waiter asked if she wanted a table for comfort and she said no without batting an eyelash. I remember a couple of months before surgery going out to eat with my family and the booth was uncomfortable for me. The table was squished against my stomach.

Today I felt room all around me.

When I picked her up I had to help with the seatbelt because she couldn't do it by herself.

Flash back for me.. I buckle much differently now when I get into my car. I can see what I'm doing now whereas before it was more a "feel" situation buckling in.

I love her, she loves me and we both have different comfort levels.

But I keep going back to my admiration for her, I want to work on having something that she has but still eludes me. Self esteem.

Big or small I want to get to a place of self acceptance.

Interesting post and observations. I'm glad that you both were able to have a good lunch and remain friends. It can get awkward when someone has made drastic changes. I really wonder if she is actually as comfortable with herself as she appears to be. We tend to put up big screens at times to deflect what hurts us deeply. When I was my biggest, I never once acted like it bothered me. But deep down it really did. I don't know if that is denial, or just pushing the hurt down so far.

Interesting post and observations. I'm glad that you both were able to have a good lunch and remain friends. It can get awkward when someone has made drastic changes. I really wonder if she is actually as comfortable with herself as she appears to be. We tend to put up big screens at times to deflect what hurts us deeply. When I was my biggest' date=' I never once acted like it bothered me. But deep down it really did. I don't know if that is denial, or just pushing the hurt down so far.[/quote']

I wonder.... I don't know ? her weight has never in this 18 years been something that she's complained about. Though she did tell me today that she gave up her coke a-cola habit several months back for health reasons. She gets great joy out of indulging in all things life has to offer. That includes food and she is just not willing to give up, what to her, is one of life's joys. She would never do what I did and doesn't understand fully why I did it. I will say I love food too, but I also hate it.

Food can be one of life's pleasures, but not the way I (used to) eat. Anything at hand and stuff, stuff stuff???

Happy for you that it went well