Ya'll I'm scared. Like real scared. Like don't know what to do, crying scared.

I don't like being fat but I really don't have too many health problems yet. Just high cholesterol, I snore, I get tired easily, and my legs fall asleep a lot. I know other health problems are coming but they're not here just yet. Vanity is definitely a part of why I want this surgery but so is peace of mind. I'm tired of worrying about my health. Today it's high cholesterol but tomorrow it may be cancer. I lost my sister, my mother, and my grandmother to cancer within a 7 year period so cancer is consistently on my mind. My mom and sister were relatively healthy and thin and they still died so I know it's only a matter of time before my bad weight and bad genetics meet up. It's like a ticking time bomb and I'm always looking for it to go off.

But the complications of this surgery, when they happen, are pretty horrible. And I don't think a lot of us make peace with that really. We just assume they're not going to happen to us. At least that's what I was doing. I can only speak for me. Now I'm really thinking about what I could be putting myself though and I just don't know. What if I'm the leak, the abscess, the stricture, the pneumonia, the excessive swelling, the blood clots, the 1001 things that could go wrong. By God's grace people like Iggy are here to tell us their stories, they have overcome, and they're way better but they went through hell and none of them think the surgery was worth the benefit. No one ever says if they're overall health is better but I'm guessing it's not since they're still being treated for the complications.

Then some people don't even get those benefits. They're losing 20 lbs in 3 months, they're still hungry, they don't have a lot of restriction, etc, etc. WTF?!! All that money, time, and pain and you don't get the benefits? I know most people do but some don't and that's another negative I have to weigh. What if I go through all this for nothing? That would be so freaking awful.

But the only alternative is to call off the surgery and try to lose the weight on my own, again, like I've tried 100s of times before. But even that's scary. What if I call off the surgery and I'm still in the same place next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, until I look up and 10 or 20 years have passed, but now my health is awful and I'm 100 lbs heavier and I'm living in regret for what could have been if I had just had the gastric sleeve performed back in May 2013.

It's so much to think about and so much to consider and my fear vs my wants are blocking my prayers. I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just had ot get it out of my head. I'm hoping someone else has been crazy like this, or is currently freaking out themselves, and understands what I'm going through.

Hugs.

I was scared and I was sleeved on may 8th and...I feel awesome now! Sure, there is a little post op pain but the meds are good and it doesn't last long. I stopped taking narcotic pain meds after I got he because they were making the gas pain worse. As soon as I stopped those, I had hardly any gas pains at all. Walk a lot--it helps! Drink your fluids, and try to do some normal stuff it will make you feel, well, normal!

Best of all I am not having any head hunger or real hunger! I can smell the good food my hubby is cooking, think "yum, that smells good" without craving a bite! I feel so much freedom from the control cravings had over me. Who knows what the future holds, but today I am sooo happy I did this! And I was definitely scared pre-op. Now, I'm just grateful!

I am to be sleeved on Tuesday and so, so, scared to the point that I'm making a list of things just in case i die.

It's 100% normal to feel nervous or scared. I'm 6'5 and inside I was quivering like a toddler. I wrote the whole "something must have gone terribly wrong letter" and as soon as I got home from the hospital I realized how stupid and silly it was. Listen to your doctor, follow orders and of course listen to your body and you will all do fine. Good luck everyone!!

Awww, but I don't think it's stupid or silly--if it helped you to feel calmer to know that "The Letter" was written, that's great! As long as doing it didn't feed your fears or make you even more nervous. In that case, yeah, better to skip it, because it's not productive or helpful.

I'm actually considering writing one too, just in case--and when all is said and done and I don't need it, I'll happily shred that puppy and get to sipping my water and protein shakes!

I have a serious phobia of medical things that I would say borders on PTSD. For realz. I've never, ever had a good experience with doctors and that has only worsened as I've gotten older. In Dec. 2011 I had a hysterectomy and it was a very difficult surgery with some complications that made for a very unpleasant inpatient hospital experience. I was sleeved on May 6th and I can tell you I was terrified right until the Versed was injected into my IV line and I was being wheeled into the OR.

I have a fantastic medical team that I can honestly say I am completely confident in letting them touch me. And that's a huge thing for me to say.

Trust the choice you've made, trust the Dr you've chosen. Ask as many ridiculous questions as you need to satisfy your anxiety. I know I did and I don't regret it one bit. My Dr was made aware on the first appointment that I was a high anxiety patient with a severe case of White Coat Syndrome, he has never once made me feel ashamed about this, nor has he dismissed my fears as frivolous. I cannot begin to say how grateful I am that I chose him.