My surgery is scheduled for April 9th. Ever since I found out my date, I've had trouble sleeping. Last night my stomach was in knots and I woke up in a cold sweat. Today I'm second-guessing myself and experiencing a lot of fear and confusion. My fear is such that I'm actually reconsidering doing this at all! Any advice? I'm a total wreck! Thank you, thank you, thank you for any words of wisdom...

Anna

You must be just like me! The second I decided in my head that I was definitely having the surgery, I went a bit bonkers and was freaking out and very frightened I wouldn't survive the surgery, etc.

I have found that the more I educate myself, the more I read, the more questions I ask...the better I am. As I've had my pre-op appointments (I've seen a hematologist and had my legs ultrasounded because of blood clots running in my family) and as those appointments go smoothly, I'm getting more confident.

I still have my moments, but they are less frequent and I'm getting more and more excited and want my surgery date now.

Yep. Totally normal. I was convinced at one point that i wouldn't live through it! I had NOOOO medical evidence to back this up. I'm very healthy other than needing to lose 200 lbs. I was on a TOTAL emotional roller coaster before surgery. All the same thoughts you describe. I even thought I should give it one more good try without surgery! HAHAHAHAHA....yaaaa, right. Even if I lost ALLL the weight on my own....I'd gain it right back without surgery. I've proven that to my self over, and over and over and over and OOOOVER!!!! Haven't you??? If you've come to this point, then I'm sure you have. You'll be ok, and you won't regret the surgery. (A lot of people get "buyer's remorse right after surgery, but just mentally prepare for that and you won't.) Some of these emotions you just have to go through. I think it's all normal.

I felt the same exact way. They kept telling me if you didn't feel that way you wouldn't be normal.

yup- just got my date today (4/4/12) and I feel the same way- like I may be that .02% that dies during surgery (if thats the case, I should just go out and buy a lotto ticket right now! lol)

Like Cookies said, I find the more I read and look at before/after pics- the better I feel. Also, I have been making a pinterest "vision" board of all the activities I want to try and clothes I think would look cute on my new body. Whenever I get nervous and my mind starts to swim, I log on and check out my "vision board" and it helps me remember why making a change is better than staying the same.

My surgery is scheduled for April 9th. Ever since I found out my date, I've had trouble sleeping. Last night my stomach was in knots and I woke up in a cold sweat. Today I'm second-guessing myself and experiencing a lot of fear and confusion. My fear is such that I'm actually reconsidering doing this at all! Any advice? I'm a total wreck! Thank you, thank you, thank you for any words of wisdom...

Anna

Well the only thing I can say is, Who are you doing this for? You are working out the pro and con through your dreams! Take a Picture of the look you want and replace the face with yours and Put it on you door and write yourself a letter every nite about the positive things that will be different for you when you lose the weight. My date is April 11th and no cold feet here and a high risk person because of medical reasons.You will do fine and the dreams turn from bad to good. I now dream about me in a two piece bathing suit on the beach in rio.

I felt the same way but I thought about how I would feel if I did not have it done and truly that was a worse reality for me. I also wrote my kids a goodbye letter, not only did I not share that I was having surgery (they are grown) but just knew I was going to die and did not want them to wonder why I did not share , so now 7 weeks post op. I ripped up the letter when I got home. I am almost 40lbs down since I started my pre op diet and get nervous about other stuff now, like can I really fit in this new bathing suit. It says my size now but no way can it be.... lDon't be scared.

Anna and group (yecats glad to see you are doing well),

This is such a personal decision. I was scared the entire 11 months I was on this board, but funny thing happened along the way. I gained knowledge..which became powerful, from people here like Tiffykins, who was a band to sleeve success, from mememe, Libbe who had a leak found weeks post surgery and others who shared their personal journey. I knew I was at the end and had to take a stand for my life, no matter what. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

One day someone asked me "Sandy, How many morbidly obese elderly people do you see?"....that was my "ah-ha" moment. I continued and still continue to stay positive, follow doctor directions and I left it all in God's hands. Even with my complication (which could have killed me), this is the first time I have acknowledged this aloud, I have no regrets and I just knew everything would work out. Look what you have been through thus far...as a child, youth, young adult and into adulthood. There is risk, make no mistake but your life now is a risk.

My best to you all, I hope you find the calm you need.

Sandy

My surgery is scheduled for April 9th. Ever since I found out my date, I've had trouble sleeping. Last night my stomach was in knots and I woke up in a cold sweat. Today I'm second-guessing myself and experiencing a lot of fear and confusion. My fear is such that I'm actually reconsidering doing this at all! Any advice? I'm a total wreck! Thank you, thank you, thank you for any words of wisdom...

Anna

JUST THINK ABOUT HOW GOOD WE ARE GOING TO LOOK FOR THE SUMMER!!

OMG you read my mind. I'm freaking out now that I made the choice to do this. I haven't quite scheduled a date but am in the process of scheduling the endoscopy and cat scan prior to surgery. I can't believe I'm doing something so extreme.

Also, on these forums I've been reading about leaks and i'm so scared of this happening to me. Will it be worth all the trouble if I wind up with a leak?

I have to admit, coming on this board has helped a lot. I just have to remain positive. I am getting married in June 2013 and I want to start my married life as a healthy woman without health issues as my shadow....

Thanks for this thread. Glad to know this is "normal"

-Alex

Thanks, everyone. Your honest comments are so helpful. Feeling better about things today. I find that the more I talk about it openly with people, the less worried I am. You folks are great!!! <3

I second guessed my decision to have the sleeve too. I backed out once. Cancelled the surgery. Managed to have the surgery done and was the less than 1% with a major complication...lol. I really understand how rare I am. And rare is the right word. I can tell you. This surgery was one of the best decisions that I have ever made for myself. I am so grateful for it. I weigh 138 with a two lb bounce. Thats ok because I am 5''7. And a size 4 lululemon pant. lol. I am really healthy my bloodwork came back excellent last week. I am never ravenously hungry anymore. But can eat pretty much everything just not a massive amount. The funny thing is you dont want to anymore. But I still enjoy food. You know I feel so good about myself. I really wish my happiness for everyone.

I am 5 months post op. I have never felt so good in my life! I shock myself when looking at clothing to buy. I head to the size I still think I wear in my head...4x, and find it is way to big....I am down to a size 12 and I still can't get it through my head that that REALLY is my current size!! I still have a ways to go to get to my goal weight (that I was convinced I would never reach) but the end is in sight and I am so glad I went through this. It was the best thing I ever have done for myself!!