I have the most amazing friend. She was so excited and open and told everyone about her decision to get her sleeve. It was because of her courage and strength that I have decided to embark on my own journey. I will be meeting with the surgeon in a few weeks and I am so excited, ready to embark on the road to a healthier me. I even found out my insurance does cover it!!! That said the one thing that I have struggled with is deciding if I was going to tell everyone or not. My husband is very supportive and so is my awesome friend, but after a lot of thought I have decided I am not telling anyone, with the exception of some friends and anyone I meet or know that is struggling with obesity themselves.

My MIL is a nurse and she will not be supportive and I know she will say I need to do it on my own as she did 30 years ago. When I mentioned my friend having surgery all she said was "well...you have to be careful so many of them become alcoholics, or shopping addicts, I see them all the time at work" . Mind you I wasn't saying I was thinking about it or anything. She also talks about everything and everyone, not in a harmful way at all, she is not mean spirited, but is always talking about various peoples health and medical issues ect.

After discussing this with my husband I have decided to not tell my in laws or anyone in his family. This is a very personal choice and I feel I want to keep it private. I wish I too could scream it from the mountain tops like my friend, but I fear that any form of negativity will keep me from being successful.

Am I a coward??? :confused5:

My three best friends, my mom and husband. That's it. I like to lurk in the background, not be the center of attention. This kind of announcement would have waaaaaay too many people being up in my business. This forum is the one place where I feel like I can put it AAALLLL out there. And here is where it's staying! But that is a very personal decision for everyone. Not cowardly at all, either way!

No, you (we) are not cowards. I was sleeved on 1/17. I also struggled with telling people or not. I told my work I was having' female surgery' and that is it. Today is my first day back to work and everyone simply just seems happy that I am back and in good health. I've only told two of my closest friends, my sister and my husband. I only told my husband I was going to have the surgery done like a week prior. The others I told after the surgery as I didn't want them to worry (I am rather independent). All four are super supportive. My husband was freaked out a bit, but he is so happy that I'm happy. I figure it is my life, my decision and I don't have to tell my business to anyone else unless I want to. I feel absolutely fine with not telling people. Plus, I just don't want to talk about it all the time and I don't want judgement from others. It is what it is and I'm getting healthy for ME. I might tell others down the road. Who knows. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I'm concentrating on ME for a change.

Best of luck to you.

I work as a cashier in a very busy hospital cafeteria and personally for me it was just soo much easier telling everyone the truth..I constantly have people asking me how I'm losing the weight and Its just less complicated telling them I had surgery ..everyones situation is different tho and u have to do what makes you feel comfortable ..

You're not a coward at all. Choosing to tell people is a very personal decision. =)

This is very much a personal decision - there is no right or wrong. When I was banded in 2001 I intended to keep it a secret - my hubby, two sons and my very close sister knew. I was so embarassed about having WLS and rightly so, worried about failing (which ultimately the band did fail me). It broke my heart when I overheard her telling some people that i hardly knew about my surgery, in a very disapproving tone and saying hurtful things on the topic. It hurt me deeply, but I learned my lesson - if you tell ANYONE it is potentially public knowledge. Well, maybe it is if you tell ANY women, my guys have kept it very private. My husband accidently let it slip after I revised to the sleeve 10 years later - he told another of my sisters about the lapband - and felt so awful about it. By then, I was over it, so it didn't matter.

I have been pretty open/telling people about the sleeve, as my attitude and headspace is way different then it was 10 years ago. I have no sense of shame or embarrassment, I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I STILL sometimes have trouble with this. I have lost 100+ and people notice it! I don't necessarily want to discuss the details with every person I have ever met in my life, in every single situation i am in, but some of them are PERSISTANT. I found that the statement of a high protein/low carb, working with a nutrtionalist, doctor and exercise trainer - some people don't find that to be an acceptable/complete answer. I was on a group camping trip (horse camping and so fun!). I knew about half the people there, and sitting around in the evening "persistent Penny" was just badgering me.

I actually thought about just telling her I had weight loss surgery to shut her up, but, that isn't fair to me or anyone else sitting there. When I talk to people about it, I try to educate. I spent a lot of time/engergy understanding why I can't keep weight off with just diet and it is a complex subject. I had metabolic syndrome and my body just always wants that weight back - against my will...lol. I am driven to eat and always regained. It isn't willpower, it isn't a personal weakness, it is more like an imbalance in my body that I could not "rebalance" as much as I tried. I feel that talking about WLS means being willing to hear the backstory - those are my terms...lol

anyway, she bugged me several times over the weekend and because i am stubborn, the more she pestered me,t he less I felt inclined to talk to her about it. she is skinny, it isn't like she is someone that can benefit from it. She is a cool lady and someone that I hope to remain friends with, so I will tell her, just not on a center stage (around the campfire) with a bunch of complete strangers who are mostly quite athletic (horse people often are).

On the other hand, I have more then once told a retail clerk about the surgery - like they open the door by asking about something I am buying or whatever... I tell them I lost 100#, my labs are great, no pre-diabetes, no high blood pressure etc etc. I want to give others, especially if they are obviously obese, the education about this if they want ot hear it. I know that other people who are 100++ overweight THINK about WLS even if they aren't ready to do it. I don't push it after the initial short little speech, but I have had a couple ask me more. I even met one clerk who is scheduled to get her sleeve later this year - she was so excited to meet someone who had been successful.

So, in summary, you are totally right to respect your own comfort level with communicating this. i wouldn't tell your MIL either based on what you just said! I told my whole family, via email, the day after my surgery. I didn't want any doubts or fears to be planted in my brain. In the email, I asked for support, but asked them to simply keep any doubts or negative feedback about it to themselves. i didn't hear from my brother R and his wife - so I knew which camp he as in...lol. Otherwise, I was OVERWHELMED with support, they love me and have watched me fight this fat for decades. It gave me joy to feel that love right when I needed it - recovering from surgery. My brother R and his wife saw me at the family summer campout/reunion and they were so happy for me, so they were supportive, even though they had their doubts about surgery as a solution.