I have not always needed you.... and one time in my life.. i was a "normal" person. Size 0-3... weight a whopping 100lbs. Back in my single day... then one day you meet a wonderful guy and you fall in love... ahhh things are great. You get married and have a beautiful son. and life is good.... but then you notice that your not happy as you use to be. some days are worse than others... you find the strength to get up every day and go to work and live a "normal" life. Things are good at home... but something is missing... that spark, that feeling you use to get when you and your spouse were together intimately .. and you notice that those time have gotten further and further apart. and you think, what is going on? and one day the reason is staring you right in the face... the mirror... but in that mirror is someone else... surely it's not me... I don't look like that... that's a ugly fat girl... i'm not ugly and i for damn sure am not fat. Can't be... i told my self years ago i would NEVER like myself look like... those people... but then you look closer... and closer and there.. i know those eyes.... those are my eyes... but why do they look so sad. I have happy eyes. and i see, i see the real me. the one others have been seeing for years.... how did i not see this... how did i let myself get like this ... how did i become that girl that now had to shop at the plus size store... when just yesterday i was a size 3... How did i become the girl the skinny girls are not looking at and saying... i'll never let my self look like HER... and i'm the HER. this feeling takes the very last shred of self-confidence and stomps it into the dirt and spits on it. and you think...i am ugly i am fat i am unworthy of love.... unworthy of feeling good. and you start to eat... more and more and everything keeps getting worse. you stop taking care of your self, stop dressing up stop wearing make up and fixing your hair.... stop putting forth the effort at all... You are now sitting in a deep dark care, alone and no one or nothing can show you the light....

But one day... you open your eyes expecting to see nothing... complete darkness and there it is... a speck of light.... it's tiny, but just right there in front of you. and you squint to see it.... making sur its really thee. that speck was my friend Paula... she had lb surgery and everyday we talked and everyday my light grow brighter.... I went to the doctor and did all the test... did it all and the the news that i was approved... OH ... JOy. I looked in the mirror and saw a glimmer of hope. But as the days grew closer... I started to think... WHAT IF... what if i die on the table, what if i fail at this too, what if i stayed fat forever... Then i saw this site...trolled for a long while. I didn't want to sign because, well what if someone knew me... the horror... Then i saw all the successive people... the beautiful woman and handsome men that in their before pictures looked so sad... sad like me. Then i saw the after pictures.. and all the happy smiling faces... people who were bigger than me... now wearing size 6 jeans (lellow)... and i thought.. i can do this i can get my life back.... I will be happy again. so on November 10, 2009... i awoke.. was re-born. and i did do it... i lost 80lbs... it took me longer than most, but i don't care. I have donated all the 12-14-16 & 18 and moved in to my own size 6... On Feb 15, 2012.... after a long hard fight.... i won and awarded my self a tummy tuck... i deserved it. I earned it....

so to my band... thank you... for sticking with me and always keeping me on track.

and too all you out there thinking about doing this.....search with in your self and be happy again... which ever way you choose.....

blessings.....

Waiting for the nurse to call to schedule my nutrition class and surgery date!!

You have too keep on top of them. That to me is the most important appt

feeling down today and went back and re read what i wrote in April... Thanks everyone for supporting me....

This too shall pass

Thanks so much for bring this post back. I hope you get to feeling better in mind and spirit.

It is so encouraging to read something that will make a difference in the long run.

The journey or life style is just that there will be good days and bad days, good choices and bad choices.

When we allow those bad choices to overtake the good choices then we tend to run and hide and stay away from this board or whatever accountability that we have set up for ourselves.

Where success really comes from in that we should make more good choices then bad choices so that when we do have those days that we are not feeling all that good about our selves we can remind ourselves from where we have come from.

starting a new day... today. Thanks jfc

Bayou, we all have bad days. I have some really awful days where I couldn't eat healthily if you paid me to. Sometimes this lasts for a week or more.

I think banders do each other a disservice if we pretend none of us have days where we fall off the wagon. Hell, even the thinnest people eat crap sometimes - you read my FB, you KNOW I eat chocolate, drink wine, eat badly sometimes if I have a stressful day.

The difference though is not letting your bad day defeat you, so that one day becomes a bad week, and then that bad week becomes a bad year, and that bad year becomes your new lifestyle.

It's ok to fall off the program sometimes, we're all human after all. As long as you don't give up trying to get back on program. So instead of being ashamed that you stopped, be proud that you're starting again!

What a great post !

Tom, Toronto

Banded July 6 06

Wt. Loss: 160 lbs

you guys are so wonderful to me and always so uplifting.... Thanks thanks thanks

Such a great post! I can DEFINATELY relate. I too felt like I lived in a deep dark cave with no way out---depressed about the way I looked so I would eat, I would feel a little better, then look in the mirror and see a fat ugly person and get depressed, so I would eat to feel better. Finally the eating part DIdnt make me feel better anymore but worse! So all that was left was deep darkness. It was a vicious cycle with no one to blame but myself. I'm never going back to that cave! Thank you for your post and congratulations! Your an inspiration!

Banded nov 7th 2012. Loss -79 pounds. Finally a size 12!

I miss my old friends that use too come here

What a great post! I'm so happy for you. I'm so excited I'm having my lap band placed on 4/6/15 any last min it pointers?

I think the story coverd a lot of my feelings that are important to my experience that is looming very soon on ,are important to my experience that is looming very soon. Again an amazing post. Very uplifting.Thank you. ????

Ak.... congrats on deciding to make a change in your life.

I re read my post and im terrible in grammer... lol.... but it made me cry a little... to think back at how sad i really was. And too admit, i have started feeling that way again.... Not that i am "fat" by normal standards, im still a size 8. But i have put back 20 and feel defeated somewhat. Scared.. too. Scared of the unknown, of the what if's.... What if i can't get my ass back in gear and do what i know i can. Depressed because i have no support at home with my husband. Who just yesterday said that my LB was a "hobby"... can you believe that... A Hobby... He hates that im no longer "fat"... he said.... your not fat, your thick.... where other men will tell me im Hot, beautiful, sexy... not him... im thick. We went through a time where sex was great... 2-3 times a week... which was a vast improvement from 1-2 a YEAR... We are now back at 1-2 a month.... if im lucky.

So as you can see... my problems have not been with the band... it's me. My emotions, me letting people get in my head when i was at what i felt was my best and they said.... Your too thin, you look sick and your face look sunk in.... Stopped going to the gym because my husband refused to pay for membership and every time i went to go... something always comes up.... Shame on me for letting him get away with that...

I hope that you have a great support system at home... it makes things so much easier. I have been lucky (knock wood) that i have had no major issues with my band and have only had one unfill 1cc ever. I do feel better and my eating is getting back on track. So i know as soon as i get back to exercising... i will lose this 20... hell maybe 30.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope i didn't discourage you...... WLS is a God send for me no matter what...

So when is this band going to kick in and start working......???? Sigh.

Girl, YOU are an inspiration. YOU are a success. You are beautiful and amazing and have the biggest heart ever.I hope people read this post as they're starting out and realise that we all started out unsure about what the future held for us, but with hard work and a bit of luck, those size 6 jeans are possible for them too!xxx

I hope i can inspire someone the way you have me...

You certainly have.