Hello, I was banded in '09. Although I'm struggling now to get back on track, I remember what was said in my pre-op support meetings. They wanted to make sure that this is what you really want to do because people will treat you differently once you lose weight. I said I'm sure of what I wanted and needed to do,and that my family and friends would be happy and support me. Now I'm beginning to wonder. I still have weight to lose But I can feel a rift from my co-workers and bowling friends. At work, they're not talking as much and I catch them staring. At my bowling league, they do the same. The females walk by without speaking as they use to and they are no longer inviting me to go on tournaments out of town the way we used to. I can't think of a single thing that I may have done. I'm feeling a little abandoned and lonely at times, but I still have at least 20 more lbs to lose. What will happen then?

Im really sorry to hear that you're being treated like this.

A couple of years ago i started this shake diet, my very very best friend who i spent every day with just stopped speaking to me completely. I lost over 100lbs and tried to get our friendship back but she made no effort whatsoever until i started regaining all the weight then she apologised for what happened and said it's because she was jealous i was doing something she couldn't. Then we went back to being best friends and eating buddies again and since I've had my band guess what's happened! Not a peep.

I feel so annoyed and abandoned but i figure that was her last chance.

Im sorry I've nothing more constructive to say just that i understand.x

Wow. That really sucks guys. I am so sorry.

The experiences you share are very depressing in what should be a happier time in your life. True friendship is about love and support - no matter what. These "friendships" may not pass that test - only you can decide. Everyone deserves to be happy and have meaningful relationships and friendships - this you must seek.

I was really hoping that jealousy wasn't the answer but truthfully, I believe it is also. I suppose it's been seen so much that the psych Dr. knew what she was talking about and what was ahead to come.

@BamBam, Depressing? You're right. so in order for me to seek the true friendship that you mentioned, I suppose I have to start all over with a new set of people that never knew me before at all. Is that the answere?

Sadly it seems that some people value their so-called friendship with us because it makes them feel better or superior and when we improve our lives, they no longer feel as if they are better than us. Just remember that you can control your reactions, not theirs. Don't let their reactions change your commitment to improving your life. True friends will be with you through thick and thin, just as you will be for them.

Omg I'm sure not looking forward to that

Sorry to hear you are going through this, as well as others who have. It happened to my sister as well after she had the Bypass WLS. Fortunately for me, my small group of close friends..there are 2 others who have had WLS one did the band, the ohter did the band, gained it all back, then had the bypass. The entire group has stuck together so hopefully that will remain the same for me.

those who do not remain your friend, never were true friends in the first place. Hopefully for those who have left your side due to jealousy, will soon see you made the right decision, and maybe get motivated to do the same thing for themselves.

good luck with the rest of your weight loss and remember, you always have support here.

I understand and have been where you are at, and it was hurtful at first, but then after dwelling on it, and looking at the problem, I figured out sometimes people treat us a certain way because that's how we treat ourselves. Don't worry about them, if you are feeling good about yourself stay feeling good, let it show!

I hear you! My two best friends have totally shut me out in the past 6 months. As sad as it is it is jealousy. I used to be "that friend" you know what I mean... the one they could say "well at least I'm not as big as Beth". They no longer ask me to go shopping with them or invite me out to dinner. It is very hurtful and it's hard to think about starting over at 29 years old. These were people in my wedding! It is a very difficult topic

I really don't understand what is with everybody's friends! My best friends are totally opposite, one is skinny as hell and always has been, and the other is a bigger girl and always has been. Neither has given me any kind of jealousy signs or anything...in fact they both tell me how proud of me they are...esp. the bigger friend! Its really sad how these people are treating you for simply bettering your lives, and if I were you I'd be telling them whats up and if they didn't like it you'll find someone who does...because lets face it ladies and gentleman we don't need ppl like this in our lives right now...we need supportive people who actually care. Not get jealous cuz they look worse than you do now. I remember when my Mom lost all her weight, I was bigger than her! It kinda sucked but do you think I said gee mom I can't go out with you in public anymore cuz I'm fatter than you now. No! I dealt with it, and eventually took care of myself on my own time. I would never take that new exciting feeling away from her...because really that's what these people are doing..trying to break you down and make you cave and be unhappy again. Don't let them do it to you.

ppl SHOULD be supportive of our weight loss and not jealous, and it is hurtful to feel shunned. One of my co-workers said YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO LOOK SICK. Well, I still have weight to lose and I'm determined not to give up. Thanks for all of the encouragement and support.

Oh boym I am not banded yet & I am going through this with a good friend of mine. She is thinking I am over doing this weight loss thing doing the surgery. She thinks I am obsessed now, I told her I am, how could I not be!! Her and I used to go to dinner all the time now she is going out with her neighbor for dinner and drinks. I guess I am already being shunned for trying to better myself. I am a Diabetic and so is she. I can't tell her she should be doing this too.

I feel she is also jealous and I hate that! I plan to do what I need to do foe myself, I just find it hard to believe people change like this. I so can relate to this post!

I tried to keep it quiet but now since I was banded in 2010, I'm proud when people say I look great. I tell them I was banded and I feel so much healthier. I try not to talk too about it unless people want to know more....ask me anything!

@BamBam, Depressing? You're right. so in order for me to seek the true friendship that you mentioned, I suppose I have to start all over with a new set of people that never knew me before at all. Is that the answere?

Well only you can determine if these people are truly friends or not. Sure seems like jealously is the issue and if they shut you out based on jealousy then it's hard to say they are a true friend. I can say, from my own experiences, that people tend to congregate with like subjects. When you were big you were just one of the girls, but now that you have made so much progress your presence is an immediate reminder of what they don't like about their own life - excessive weight. Conversely, there are a lot of fit people who never gave me the time of day when I was heavy - but now seem to consider themselves my friend. That doesn't exactly sound like true friend material either. Wouldn't it be so much easier if life had defined lines in the sand? lol