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Hi Bigdog, Welcome! I'm sorry, I dont know what PE is, but as far as your dad being unsupportive, I'm sorry. He probably doesn't understand what you are going through, and how safe the band is. You can try to educate him, but if he doesn't come 'round, just remember, its your body and your life! I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.

Its normal. My mother was TOTALLY unsupportive! To the point of I did not tell her I was having it done. That right was forfeited by being unsupportive. I was frantic, desperate, and consumed with finding a way to get a band!! My every waking hour was pining for the band- so I understand COMPLTELEY!! Is it an exclusion on your insurance? The process is complex and not quick so, as hard as it is try to take a deep breath and hang in there!! If you have to cash pay- cosider it like a car payment. Hopefully they wont use control to prevent you from attaining health. I would present it that way- calmly. You may not support my decision, but this is a necessary step to attain long term health

So I've been reading posts on this forum for months now and am just getting around to setting up an account. I am currently scheduled for surgery on March 15th with Drs. Cabrera and Valenzuela at Mi Doctor Hospital in Tijuana, MX through Mexico Bariatrics. I am mostly nervous right now because I am planning to travel alone and it doesn't help that I have a pretty unsupportive family. My mother has told me I'm selfish for not thinking about the fact that I could die from having this surgery and my beautiful 22 mth old baby girl would have to grow up without her mother (I'm a single mother). My dad has told me I just need to exercise and that weight loss surgery is crazy and the easy way out. My sister doesnt think it makes sense for me to go to Mexico for surgery and especially not by myself but I don't have much of a choice. No one is available to go with me and my insurance will not cover it in the states. At this point, I really just need a bit of encouragement, guidance, prayers, a buddy, something! What should I pack? Has anyone had surgery with these docs? Any complications? I'm planning to travel in on Thursday. Scheduled for surgery on Friday. Return home on Monday. Back to work on Wednesday. Is that enough time? I can't take off work any longer than that right now. Will I be able to hug/lift my daughter after surgery? What is post op recovery like? Anything in particular I need to be prepared for traveling alone....this is my first time ever going out of the country. \

I can't say this is my 'surgery story' as I have not had my surgery yet, however this is my story. Whenever someone told me they were having weight loss surgery done, I felt compelled to talk them out of it. I felt it was my duty to do so. See, my father died after having a gastric bypass in 1982. He was only 31. He had broken his arm after a fall at work, and he was told he needed to lose weight to prevent another accident. Given the devastating impact his death had on our lives, I felt I had a righteous mandate to preach the dangers of weight loss surgery. DOOM. DISASTER. DEATH. Yeah, needless to say I was judgmental and unsupportive to people I knew who sought this treatment. As an interesting turn of events, my mother--the woman who lost her husband in 1982, underwent a gastric sleeve a few years ago. The night before her surgery I let her have it. Blamed this on her trying to impress her boyfriend. Gave her a guilt trip--heck, I gave her the guilt all-inclusive grand tour. But, oh, how I was wrong! The first time my children saw her after the surgery (a few months later), they did not recognize their own grandmother. I hardly did. Her sleep apnea (her snoring was the stuff of legend) is practically gone. She more active in her 60s than she ever was when we were growing up. Now that my cholesterol, apnea, higher blood pressure and my weight are worsening, I have done more research, seen friends have remarkable success with this option and have decided this is an option for me. And when I read some of the stories on this forum of family not being supportive, I wince. That was me. Now I'm looking at the world with new eyes. I'm seeing how food regulates our lives, the worst of it is everywhere. Just this weekend it really hit home how long we have to sit through too many commercials for coke, popcorn and M & Ms at the movies. I'm seeing that obesity IS a disease, and I need a better weapon to fight it. My surgery is in early December. I'm ready to get started. Here's to optimism, strength and tenacity to all!

Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself to this forum. I just got back from my Seminar, and had a private consultation with UC Davis Bariatrics center. And as I have known all along I qualify for WLS, with the Co-morbidies I've struggled with for years. HBP I'm on 3 medications, I have sleep apnea and GERD. Like all of us I've attempted diet and exercise with moderate success, even spent a year on phentermine (speed as they should call it) felt like a tweaker.. Anyways weight came back more and more. So I agree with the Staff, I'm ready for a permanent change in my ways of eating, and I'm ready to make the sacrifices needed in exchange for a longer time stay on this earth. Problem is I'm all alone. My Wife and I cannot even attempt to approach talking about this with out turning into a screaming match. She refuses to read any literature. She's of the opinion that I'm "being a pussy" and that I am taking the easy way out. My mother who because she copies "medical records" she qualifies herself as a health care professional. Who seems to think living with HBP and sleep apnea is better that this "risky" surgery.. I'll admit that I do not have as much to loose as others. My BMI is 36.. I'm 5'7 and 233 lbs today.. But it climbs every month. I am also "young" according to my family approaching 40, but I am the only one that takes 5 pills a day everyday. My wife and family are of all a healthy weight. It's amazing the people that have the best diet and exercise advice, eat the same as you do, and ride the couch the same time you do and never gain a pound. Sorry for being long winded, I'm just trying to vent here, and maybe get some words of advice from people that have been through this with unsupportive people in your corner. I know I'm doing this for ME. I told my Wife I'd like to be doing this for her too and our Son. But I'm not backing down., I'm all aboard.. Just hope this won't damage my marriage..

Maybe I'm just direct, but when did being candid with people become unsupportive or insensitive? You ask, I'm going to tell you how I feel and I may not agree with how or what you want me to say. When did that not become ok on this forum?

Hey Gojo! We all understand why you're having the surgery, we have the same reasons! Unfortunately, there's a stigma against wls and those who've never had weight issues really don't understand. Not too many people knew I was getting it done before I got it done. My husband was unsupportive and I just didn't talk to him about it. I knew this is what I had to do and he wasn't going to talk me out of it. He's 1000% supportive now. My aunt tried to spew her negativity behind my back but my dad shut her down quick! You're doing this for you and no one else! This is a great place for support and we understand what you're going through! Good luck!

I agree with the others. I'd start looking for a band friendly doc. The last thing you want is an unsupportive surgeon!! best of luck to you

The horrible taste in your mouth is most likely a good sign believe it or not. If you are buring fat and Protein instead of carbs, your body is in a state of strong ketosis. That means your kidneys are giving off acetone as a byproduct of fat burning. It's gross and I still have it almost daily 4 weeks post op, but I am down 14 pounds as well. Sorry about the unsupportive husband. As payback when you are a skinny hot looking woman, go shopping and spend thousands on new clothes and give him the receipts! Melissa

I think fear makes those closest to us seem unsupportive. I encouraged my family to ask as many questions of me as they could until their mind was at ease. If you feel like it is interfering with your progress just distance yourself for a while. As far as your husband goes only you can reasure him as time goes on. That is just his own fear and insecurity talking.

I'm up in Ventura County, have been banded for 6 1/2 years and would be happy to walk you through this process. In addition to this site you may want to check out Lap Band Support, Lap Band Forums and Information for some information about the process. If you can, bring your family either to an informational seminar withyou or to a surgeon's office visit with you so they can get their questions answered too. Often, they are just worried:crying: about YOU have surgery and express it as being unsupportive when they are really expressing love and concern. I'd love to stay in touch with you. You can email me directly or send me PM's...

Yesterday I had the first visit with my doc to discuss the LapBand... much to my surprise, she seemed very unenthused about the whole thing. She said she has had a few patients with the lapband and they are doing very well, but was very... I don't know, unsupportive I guess, though she said "yes, I think the time is coming that you need to do something" I'm wondering if that is because of the whole 6 months supervised diet thing that my insurance requires, she was sorta "well... we've never run into an insurance company that requires that before, most doctors are too busy for that". So now what? She gave me the number for the hospital near here (still an hour and a half away) that does the surgery so that I can attend a seminiar, but what good is it going to do me if my doctor doesn't have the time? I'm in a very rural area and doctors here are pretty few and far between... so I don't know what to do...

My Dad doesnt know yet and my Mom is totally unsupportive. She says you lost 80 lbs on Nutrisystem last year and put it all back on. What about this?? 10 years from now you say the band will probably fail by then per stats, are you going to have to get these fills for the rest of your life? My mom has to force herself to eat and weighs less than 100 lbs. My Dad got down to 136 lbs, he couldnt force himself to eat and we had to put him on a feeding tube. Both have prided themselves on being so thin and make really awful comments about fat people. If I say anything she says "cant I have an opinion?" I have a slow sister I told her tonight was discussing someone at the Center and making comments about their weight (who weighed less than I do). I told my mom and instead of recognizing that this is wrong, she launched into how upset she is my sister put on 15 lbs. My 5 7 sister is all of 130 lbs or so. My support system is nil. I have no one to lean on who understands. My mom says why not just do nutrisystem again? Last time my Dad almost died twice and I had to feed my sister and was dropping in at fast food places and at the rehab where I couldnt eat right and then I broke my shoulder. She says today, well you just admitted you put on the weight when things got stressfull, Im just not convinced this is needed. Someone who doesnt care about food or like it cant understand someone like me who loves to eat and long term facing tempations. Iv yo yo'ed so many times my skin is all stretched out and I already know I will never look good again, even if I lose the weight and keep it off. But I still need to lose the weight or its going to kill me. I wouldnt know what to do with a supportive family.

been havin such a hard time with my boss lately. she used to be a friend, but she just never was good to me and i had enough. so for about a yr now i've disstanced myself from her. she's my boss so i have to talk to her, but my jobs pretty free where i can go a few days without having to see or talk to her. she's delusional and still calls me a friend. well, with that being said, she thinks she can put inputs about my decisions on a personal level. i informed her last month that i would be getting lap band in february and will need to take a week off. she then said something so shocking that i wanted to clock her... ..she told me i was going to die from the surgery. now it didnt scare me. but i was shocked that any kind of person would tell someone before surgery that. she then proceeded to call it the "death surgery". i was annoyed, but not scared. she's crazy. and i've never hated somebody so much before in my life. ..then today, she said it to me again, told me i was going to die and she would not be attending my funeral. i just lost it, i let her break me. i burst into tears because of fustration and shock that someone would say these things. i dont know if she just doesnt want me to get it, or she's trying to make me break down. either way..she's really low. now dont get me wrong. im not scared by any means, i know things can go wrong, but im pretty confident and am not worried or scared. my question is, she is a personnel manager, so shes in human resources..now i dont think this is right to talk to people like this being in human resources. is anyone out here in human resources? if so, or if anyone has any knowledge about it, is there something or anything i could do? she needs to know she cant talk to people like that, but i just dont know if theres any rules. any help would be appreciated. and thanks for listening to my rant.

My family ( predominantly my mother) have been very interested and quite supportive of my choice to get the rny until I actually had my surgeon appt and made my insurance application. Now she is refusing to even acknowledge the topic and constantly changes the subject when I update her on progress. Im still waiting to hear if my insurance application has been approved ( submitted yesterday) and today I made the decison that if im declined, I will go ahead and self pay (eek! huge loan). My mom's reaction is now even worse. I know she'll be understandably worried or dealing with her own regrets over weight and health. ..but its a horrible feeling to not have her support suddenly. It's making me wonder if I'm making the right choice. Anyone else had close family turn a bit strange the closer they got to surgery??

I just turned 35 on December 7 I had my sleeve on December 5 my husband was really unsupportive but we have to do what we can to feel better about ourselves And become healthier people for our families. If your insurance is approving you and you can do it,do it if your husband Doesn't want to miss work he will find a ride. Sometimes we just have to do what we can and work with what we got. When you have lost all the weight you will not regret it.

Hi Jenn, It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with the responsibilities of taking care of children and having a busy lifestyle. It's almost always hard to find the time to take good care of yourself when you are busy taking care of everyone else in the family--and it becomes even more complicated when your partner is sabotaging your success by bringing unhealthy foods into the home. My children are older, but I babysit for my grandchildren (2 & 4), and it seems like the things that I need to do for myself always get put aside on the days that I have them...Maybe I don't have time to take a shower until bedtime...or there's no time to exercise...or I forget to drink my fluids because I'm so busy chasing them and cleaning up messes...I definitely can't take the time to record my food... My experience is that everything that you can do to simplify your life will help. You can't change your husband...but sometimes talking to a counselor can help when our spouse are unsupportive. It might not change your circumstances, but it might help you get to the root causes of feeling unhappy, and begin to make changes that you would feel good about! Hope you start feeling better soon!

People respond to your positivity and increased self-confidence. Healthy is seen as attractive. It’s sad that I feel more valued in society because I am at a healthy weight. I see a difference in how I’m treated. A few things I experienced. Some positive: Strangers look me in the eye and smile more I’ve had attention from the opposite sex, Unnerving at first when you have been invisible. Men hold doors open more often Sales people seem more helpful I’m excepted as a part of the fit gym crowd. Many do not know I was formerly obese. Job opportunity’s/promotions have been offered. Some negative: Some close friends no longer associate with me. It reminds them of their own struggles. I have been judged by a few people in my local support group. (stopped going) I fell in the lower BMI category. Comments. “you didn’t have to work as hard” “working out/running as much as you do is an eating disorder” “if you gained some weight you would look less skeletal” An unsupportive family member “you know you’re just going to gain it back” She is my motivation to never gain it back. Years out, life becomes normal. I don’t notice how differently I’m treated anymore. The compliments and focus on your weight loss are over.

The doctor did say that when you lose weight that fast that you lose muscle tissue, so that when you gain it back, you gain back all fat...being 14 and with unsupportive parents she probably wasn't taught much about exercise or nutrition. I never understood how a person can gain weight back after a bypass.

Hi all- I am just beginning the process, contemplating being banded. I had looked into it, attended an info session, 3 years ago, but had Blue Cross of NJ at that time, and they required 6 months of a medically supervised weight loss program. I was inpatient, as well as engaged to a very unsupportive man so I didn't pursue it. Fast forward 3 years, I now have Amerihealth POS Plus, and am living with a wonderful man who will support my decision 100%. I called my insurance company and they were very vague as to what's involved for approval. I am attending an info session tomorrow with a different surgical group (the one 3 years ago seemed a bit like a factory to me - too big and too busy). I did already make an appt with the doc for a consultation in 2 weeks, and he's listed as a network provider on my insurance company website. Does anyone have any experience with Amerihealth? BTW my current BMI is 40 plus I am on medication for high blood pressure. Also, if I attend info session tomorrow, what kind of timeframe can I expect to actually having the surgery?

I think that our bigger friends are unsupportive because it showcases the changes and hard work that they are unwilling to put in to their own lives. The truth hurts, and they would just rather look the other way than face it. The only person who hasn't been very supportive to me is a larger friend as well. When I excitedly told her yesterday that I got my surgery date she threw it in my face that I wouldn't have any better success at losing and keeping it off than someone who hadn't had surgery. All my other friends and co workers who are normal sized, or who have been through the procedure themselves, are cheering me on. Sent from my SGH-I337M using the BariatricPal App

My husband was unsupportive before surgery to the point that he told me to eat less and exercise more. Now that I've lost over 120 pounds, he's the first person to sing the praises of WLS. He's still a huge jerk and will soon be my EX, but he did come around on that issue. Don't let your hubby keep you from doing this for you!

Very interesting article that I thought I'd share. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Some of the most firmly held beliefs about weight loss are unproven or downright untrue, according to an analysis comparing concepts promoted in the popular media with data from the scientific literature. The findings were published online January 31 in a special article in the New England Journal of Medicine. "False and scientifically unsupported beliefs about obesity are pervasive in both scientific literature and the popular press," write Krista Casazza, PhD, RD, from the Department of Nutrition Sciences, University of Alabama at Birmingham, and colleagues. The authors discuss a total of 7 myths, along with refuting evidence. Here are some examples: Small changes in food intake and/or exercise will produce large, long term weight changes — This idea was based on the old idea that 3500 kcal equals 1 pound of weight. But it does not take into account the fact that energy requirements change as body mass changes over time. So, as weight is lost, it takes increasingly more exercise and reduced intake to perpetuate the loss. Realistic weight-loss goals will keep people motivated — This idea seems reasonable, but it is not supported by evidence. In fact, several studies have shown that people with very ambitious goals lose more weight (eg, TV's The Biggest Loser). Slow, gradual weight loss is best for long-term success — Actually, a meta-analysis of randomized, controlled weight-loss trials found that rapid weight loss via very-low-calorie diets resulted in significantly more weight loss (16% vs 10% of body weight) at 6 months, and differences in weight loss persisted up to 18 months (Int J Behav Med. 2010;17:161-167). A bout of sexual activity burns 100 to 300 kcal per person — With intense sexual activity, a 154-pound man burns approximately 3.5 kcal per minute. However, given that the average amount of time spent during one stimulation and orgasm session is about 6 minutes, this man might expend about 21 kcal total. But, he would burn about 7 kcal just lying on the couch, so that amount has to be subtracted, which gives a grand total of 14 kcals of energy expended. The article also explores 6 "presumptions," or widely accepted beliefs that are neither proven nor disproven. Among them: Eating Breakfast prevents obesity — Actually, 2 studies showed no effect of eating vs skipping breakfast. Adding fruits and vegetables to the diet results in weight loss — Adding more calories of any type without making any other changes is likely to cause weight gain. Eating fruits and vegetables is healthful, however. Weight cycling, aka "yoyo dieting," increases mortality — The data are from observational studies and likely confounded by health status. Finally, the authors offer 9 facts about obesity and weight loss that are supported by data, among them: Moderate environmental changes can promote as much weight loss as even the best weight-loss drugs. Diets do produce weight loss, but attempting to diet and telling someone to diet are not necessarily the same thing. Physical activity does help in promoting weight loss and has health benefits even in the absence of weight loss. For overweight children, involving the family and home environment in weight-loss efforts is ideal. Providing actual meals or Meal Replacements works better for weight loss than does general advice about food choices. Both weight-loss drugs and bariatric surgery can help achieve long-term weight loss in some individuals. According to Dr. Casazza and colleagues, "The myths and presumptions about obesity that we have discussed are just a sampling of the numerous unsupported beliefs held by many people, including academics, regulators, and journalists, as well as the general public. Yet there are facts about obesity of which we may be reasonably certain — facts that are useful today." And they conclude, "While we work to generate additional useful knowledge, we may in some cases justifiably move forward with hypothesized, but not proven, strategies. However, as a scientific community, we must always be open and honest with the public about the state of our knowledge and should rigorously evaluate unproved strategies." Original article: http://www.medscape....warticle/778600

That's what my husband said to me today. He doesn't want to touch me because he said he may hurt me, when words hurt more. I'm a very touchy feely wife. I was like this before surgery, and today I feel 80% better and I wanted to be held but he wouldn't touch me. I wanted to guide him to my scars which have gauze over them. He drew back like I had some abnormalty or something. Before I went in he was fine, until a coupe of days before then he was all like "I don't think I want you to get this done." I thought maybe it was from the death factor, which he said it was, but I'm alive, and here. But now he's all like I've lost my eating partner, and I watch you take 1-2 hours to finish a bowl of oatmeal when it would have normally have taken you about 15 min if that. I told him it's supposed to be this way, in the liquid phase I drink until the hunger is gone. Then I drink more when it comes back. Basically. Then he's all like " For the rest of your life you'll have to see a doctor to make sure what you're eating and drinking isn't affecting you, and you'll have to take pills for the rest of your life." I told him that what he was saying wasn't exactly true, and if he would have been open to going to the meetings with me and the doctor's visits then he may not have felt this way. But I guess to see someone in pain and actually going through it is different. He hates to see me in pain or be in pain himself. But now he's got me crying and he's all apologetic, but his words really hurt me. I thought he was supportive, I mean it's great in theory but when it actually comes time to be supportive you have to be there for a person, not let me eat 4 pretzels :nono:knowing I shouldn't just because I'm having an unbelievable craving. I mean I'm incredibly happy that I began this journey to a better me, but I still can't say that if I would have known that he really felt this way and was just saying that he didn't just so we could stop and so he can stop seeming so unsupportive, that I would have not gone through with this. Does this make me a bad person, a bad wife? Am I pushing? Someone :help: I'm so I just want to scream :angry :pout: what to do :think Marcelle

Have you tried looking through the Self-Pay & Mexico Vertical Sleeve Surgery forum? Many of us are or have struggled with the same sort of decision and you can read about that and also reviews of Dr. Aceves there. There are lots of threads in many forums about unsupportive friends/family members. My bf wants me to stay in the States, but I can't afford it financially and I honestly don't feel like I can afford to wait any longer Healthwise, so I'm going to Mexico in March. Good luck on your decision!