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Yvette1026

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Blog Entries posted by Yvette1026

  2. Yvette1026
    The pounds go down on the scale...so it's been awhile since I've been on or blogged but just a quick update. I haven't had a fill since December... which was great at first then I got to the point where I was throwing up then ok then throwing up then ok... Not wanting to waste the co-pay and not get a fill I just decided to go it on my own.. Come late April/May I evidently hit my sweet spot because I've lost more weight in the last 3 months than I've lost the entire time I've had my band. I was starting to feel like I was a band failure hovering at the same weightloss since 6 months out of surgery... not really gaining, but not losing either.. or if I gained 10lbs losing it (hormonal) then just balancing out at the same range..
     
    So now I am 1 yr 7 months out since surgery, it's been 8 months since my last fill and about 2.5 to 3 months since I hit my "sweet spot" I no longer HAVE to shop in fat girl stores, I am now able to shop in the skinny girl stores even if it's they're biggest size, it fits... So now my band is just truly giving me portion control...the way it's intended and now I'm losing losing losing.. I've also stopped weighing myself since the 1st...So I have absolutely no idea what I weigh at this point but everyone keeps telling me how I look like I've lost so much weight and I actually see the changes on an almost daily basis.
     
    I guess I've just stopped worrying about it and just doing my best to live right and eat clean... always room for improvement and it's a process but it's getting better everyday! Hope you're all doing well.
  3. Yvette1026
    So being banded 12/18/09 I've been doing great, restriction, loosing weight, feeling great and still able to eat bread, rice, etc...
     
    My last fill on the 5th I went very aggressive as much as my dr. was willing to put in 1.5 ccs and I FINALLY felt true restriction...
     
    They say it takes about 2 weeks to be able to tell what your fill really did...
     
    So this morning... I decided to have a turkey sandwich...I eat half of the half of the sandwich and I feel it... the BREAD.. STUCK.. trying to come back up... ICK... say it isn't so? I LOVE my bread.. love love love bread.... I did what we're not supposed to do and drank some water to help it go down but MAN... say it isn't so, what's a girl to do with out her bread?
  4. Yvette1026

    Note to self:

    By Yvette1026,

    Starbursts do not count as "Gummies".
     
    Pasta especially covered in cheesey fattening goodness, in even a small bite or two are NOT your friend.
     
    Sugar cookies dissolve in your mouth before you even realize you put one in there and you're REALLY not supposed to be eating them.
     
    No those ghirardelli chocolate and caramel squares will not just melt and slide...
     
    Christmas parties and potlucks are the devil when you're a day short of being a week out of surgery.
     
    All of the above results in gas, and gas pains coming back even though you've been pain free for a week.
     
    Today I will do liquids all day, until dinner and then I will be VERY VERY VERY careful and then go back on to liquids to repair any damage I did last night... UGH...
  5. Yvette1026
    Is what I find myself saying about food all the time almost on a daily basis!
     
    Something that once almost ruled my life is now so far removed. I eat because I "NEED" to now instead of because I WANT to, don't get me wrong I still enjoy a DELICIOUS meal and cooking but prior to my surgery I never understood how people could say "Oh I forgot about that" when it came to food.
     
    Like bringing in something like donuts or mcdonalds to work, the people who take a bite or don't even open it and just leave it on their desk for the day. I would always say something to them in a joking manner to let them know um HEY it's there and YOU need to eat it!
     
    But now I'm that person. I don't get it, but I am. Food no longer rules me and it's SO liberating. I keep finding things in my bag that people have given me like candy, chips, snack bars, etc... I just throw it in my bag and days later I'm like "Oh yeah..."
     
    Yesterday I was at a festival and I didn't go to ANY of the food booths *GASP*, even the one vendor who was giving away FREE cake.. yeah I know.. CAKE.. and I LOVE CAKE.. This morning, I woke up a lil' hungry and was like MAN I FORGOT ABOUT THAT CAKE!!!! lol
     
    It feels SO good, so so good to just be you and not you with food. To be able to eat a few bites and put something up and know it's ok if you want more it's there if not, that's ok too. I spent so much of my life consuming food while it was obviously consuming me. This is just AMAZING! So glad I did this for myself!
  6. Yvette1026
    So year out... couple weeks over.. this time last year I was on liquids only so the spiritual fast I do every January was very easy...protein shakes and more protein smoothies.. I had been doing it for weeks prior to my surgery and just kept on it while I healed. So here we are this year... January and this year's spiritual fast is here.. no meat, no bread, no sweets. Just all natural fruits, veggies, etc... essentially vegan for a month.. NO animal products. This means alot of gluten free, wheat free and organic eating.. Oh look that was in the aftercare diet..
     
     
    So now here I am eating veggies and "whole" foods, all organic and gluten free and in the 3 days (started on the 3rd) I've been doing it, I haven't had one single issue with my band, getting stuck or getting that overly full feeling sneaking up on me. Wouldn't you know that in 3 days I've lost 10lbs?!?!?!? PRAISE THE LORD.. last year I lost 42lbs on the fast but I did it for 6 or 7 weeks if you include the pre-op diet.
     
    If I keep up at this rate for the month... Hmmmmm I'll be ALOT closer to goal...
     
    In my prayer time, I heard to stop eating wheat, it's the gluten that keeps me fat because of my blood type. Then I went online and researched and sure enough... there it was clear as day, O blood types shouldn't eat wheat products because the gluten reacts with our bodies and we pack on pounds...
     
    As someone who has lived most of their years on the planet eating sandwiches, hamburgers and pasta.... it ALL makes sense... either way the point to this post is.. I totally get it now and will be making these changes, and adhering to the true aftercare diet...this time next year, I'll be on a billboard... Watch!
  7. Yvette1026

    Ok sooooo

    By Yvette1026,

    Just shy of 5 months post-op... Down 40lbs, when I was down almost 80... my doctor says "Don't worry Yvette, this is normal. Especially in people with your body type, your weight gain is muscle not fat, don't be upset."
     
    Ok so I'm not gonna lie, I'm a lil' upset. I KNOW I build muscle really fast, and I KNOW muscle weighs more than fat.. I get all that.. I KNOW my weight is down and so are my clothing sizes and inches.
     
    I'm just I dunno.. a lil' skewed on all of this. I finally got to a fill point where I was almost "too tight" but it was working.. I missed my follow up fill because I was traveling.. and so I went to my month appointment yesterday and although I was down 8.8 pounds which I know I should be happy about and I am.. I'm just like shouldn't it be MORE...
     
    I don't even know why I'm complaining.. I shouldn't be. I guess I'm just feeling the pressure of my 6 months and then my year coming up and my own personal goals in there.. relax Yvette...slow and steady wins the race...
  8. Yvette1026
    Kids are SO honest, it's a great thing truly...even if/when it's a lil' TOO honest.
     
    So today my friend's 7 yr old son saw my new look and says "Who's that?" to his mom.. she very confused, asks him "what do you mean? Who's that? Who's who???" and he points at me..
     
    This is a child I spend 2 days a week with if not more, however I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks... and he was CONVINCED I was NOT the same person. His direct quote... "That's not Ms. Yvette, Ms. Yvette is fatter."
     
    His mother now mortified looks at me embarrassed and all I could do was laugh and tell her you know what? Kids are honest... if you ever want to know how you look, ask a child. LOL
     
    This goes on with my other friend's 7 (and a half - as she says) yr old daughter telling me all of my clothes were HUGEEEEEEEEEEE as she helped me do laundry. Now after seeing my current size she says "Ok those look normal" lol... funny what a few inches of material can mean to a child's perception, or anyone's really. On the upside, I'm encouraged to continue on with my weightloss and continue on with this "transformation" I'm making... besides I know if I were to go back, I'd have two SUPER honest 7 yr olds to point back in the right direction lol.
     
    In other news...fill on friday, still trying to figure out if I should get one.. i think so since I was able to eat two turkey dogs on whole wheat buns with no problem... Hmmmmmm just how much is the question... decisions, decisions...
  9. Yvette1026

    Progress...

    By Yvette1026,

    So something else I was doing made me start to think about all of my progress.. I think I need to print this out and put it on the fridge or something.. It's not goo quality, I don't know how to photoshop or anything like that.. but umm yeah.. WOW
     
    *Please see attachment*
  10. Yvette1026

    Quick Check-in :)

    By Yvette1026,

    Hey bandland!
     
    Weird to realize I haven't been here since August 5th.. Life has kept me pretty busy!
     
    I am almost to the 10 month mark, (the 18th will be it) I've been told I'm doing well by my dr's so I'm happy about that. Before the end of the year I have to have an upper GI to make sure everything looks good with my esophagus...yeah that sounds fun.. lol..
     
    In other news, I attended my friend's birthday party last night and saw lots of friends I hadn't seen since my surgery. They all went on and on about how great I looked so THAT... THAT right there makes it all worth it! LOL :cursing: and totally gave me the motivation I needed to keep going and reignite my fire!
     
    On my last fill I had them go aggressive and so now I'm having some issues but for the most part all is well.. I'm doing 2-a-days at the gym and loving it, pilates, yoga, zumba, cardio, weights, kickboxing, swimming, you name it.. I'm doing it and it feels great!
     
    I'm actually feeling the effects of being out of town for the past week without access to a gym.. I can't wait to get back in there tomorrow :thumbup:
     
    Other than that, I think that's it for now.. this is my busy time of year so I don't spend alot of extra time online, but I would love to catch up with all of you, hope you're all doing well!
     
    Love & Faith,
    Y
  11. Yvette1026
    So I came across this AWESOME recipe...and as fat kids, former fat kids and on our way to being former fat kids... you know there's one thing we all have in common... WE LOVE CAKE! lol
     
     
    So I came across this awesome recipe for "Red Carpet Ready Cake" they're individual cakes that are SUPER band friendly and easy and the best part it's a 100 calorie snack ok 150 if you go crazy with the toppings.. but don't! If you're following weight watchers it's 3 points (I'm not but the creator of the recipe is soooo figured I'd add it in for those of you that are.)
     
    Ok so here's what you'll need:
     
    1 Box of Angel Food Cake Mix (I used Duncan Hines)
    1 Box of Flavored Cake Mix (I used Pillsbury Strawberry because I know it's SUPER moist and it goes well)
    Water
    Optional: (but in my opinion SO necessary lol)
    1 container of Cool Whip Free - yes FREE not lite, FREE.
    Fruit to garnish.
     
     
    Go home open both cake mixes and mix them together in a ziplock bag or container that you will hold the rest of the mixture in. Once it's mixed you're ready to go.
     
    Now the cake part:
     
    In a microwave safe container mix the following: (I used a big coffee/soup mug)
     
    3 tablespoons of cake mix
    2 tablespoons of water
    1 minute in the microwave
     
    Top with Cool Whip Free and Fruit (I use blueberries or sliced strawberries but just a couple)
     
    Enjoy!
     
    Save the rest of the mix for the next time you want a sweet treat that's both band and weight loss friendly, while being quick and delicious!
     
    Like the title says.. You'll thank me later! lol
  12. Yvette1026
    Ruby Reds are a GREAT invention, they give you a full day serving of fruits & vegtables in a small scoopful and they taste great. They were a gift to me and they've lasted quite well through my on again off again healthy fads/trends.
     
    You can put the RubyReds in anything, water, juice, etc.. I've noticed it's especially good with Berry Propel and the Healthy Balance Brand Pomergrante/blueberry/Acai blend juice.
     
    I originally found the Healthy Balance juices as an alternative for my diabetic mother, but quickly found out they taste great. Even my 9 yr old nephew likes them and has for last 2 years we've been buying them.
     
    That being said today I made my best shake yet, it tasted just like a smooth from Planet Smoothie or someplace like that...
     
    2oz vanilla lowfat yogurt
    1 scoop designer whey french vanilla protein powder
    1 scoop ruby reds
    4oz Healthy Balance Pomergrante, blueberry, acai blend juice.
    Handful of ice
    Stir or blend either way is delicious.
     
    If you try the shake let me know what you think.
  13. Yvette1026
    Smashburger 1- Lapband 0
     
    UGH I haven't been stuck or had an episode since the first week - today is my 3 month anniversary - wow I sound like the annoying desperate girl who counts every day in a relationship lol - anyways I decided to grab a smashburger (if you haven't had one - TRY IT - SOOOOO GOOD) for dinner. I was in a hurry and multitasking and evidently ate too fast or didn't chew enough because OMGOSH... STUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
     
    Trying to be good I didn't order a drink with my meal, just the burger, no fries or anything. Man let me tell ya I couldn't get to the nearest drink fast enough.. OMGoodness... Thankfully I wasn't THAT stuck, to the point a drink didn't help.. I have a fill tomorrow scheduled for tomorrow as well, but after this lil' epidose ummm yeah we'll have to see lol.
  14. Yvette1026

    So fulFILLed....

    By Yvette1026,

    So I had my 2nd fill and welp yeah it worked, I'm not hungry AT ALL like never.. I make myself eat only because I know I'm supposed to, but I have that satiated feeling constantly which is great until I actually eat and I/my body/brain has a hard time saying when to stop because I've felt "full" for days now...
     
    In other news, I joined the gym.. yeah we'll see how this goes... For $50 bucks a month I BETTER go.. lol
  15. Yvette1026

    So....

    By Yvette1026,

    A big HEY GIRL HEYYYY! Out to all of you in bandland :scared2: I know it's been a while since I was here.
     
    I have some how managed to gain 4lbs in the last 2 months. Well I guess I shouldn't say some how, I know exactly how. STRESS causing me A.) to not eat enough and B.) stress eat when I do eat.
     
    And you know what? It's just not worth it, so EFF IT. I've decided me and my health is worth way more than someone else's project so I'll give it another week to see if they get it together, if not.. See ya! And I'll be busy working out and working this weight off.
     
    Totally lost my train of thought... 8 hours later... eh I'll come back to it
  16. Yvette1026
    I've had the strangest cravings for potato chips and soda lately. This was never anything I craved pre-surgery and yet here I am just shy of 14 months post op and I am CRAVING them.. I of course, know this isn't something I should be eating.. but recently on a trip to Kona Grill they had taro chips. I'd tried these once before but didn't really remember them but now I'm HOOKED. It's just like a potato chip you can season it and do all kinds of flavors with it but it's great just plain with sea salt... Then last night thinking I was grabbing Taro chips I grabbed Terra chips - Exotic Vegetable Chips... this is a packaged blend of Taro, Yuca, Sweet Potato, Ruby Root, Batata and Parsnip chips...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good and works on that whole "sweet/salty" thing.
     
    But eating this makes me want soda.. diet soda but still soda, which I rarely drank prior to surgery and the few times I've tried it post surgery has been hard... but I've figured out if I pour it over ice and let it sit, it's drinkable and don't hurt to drink...
     
     
    And then... then there's the cake... some of you make have seen my blog about the recipe or the RED CARPET READY 150 calorie cake.. which is SO good, but I wanted real cake, with frosting so I decided to make one myself.. I made a yellow cake from scratch using mayo and applesauce, sounds gross but it was DELICIOUS and I made a cream cheese frosting to put over it... I'd eaten nothing but cake and beef jerky for 3 days and still lost 3lbs... how is this possible?!?!?
     
    I mean not that I was wanting to gain weight, obviously not, but with results like that.. it makes it hard to not want to go on a cake diet lol...
     
     
    At any rate, my food choices obviously need to improve, but I think I'm making up for being on that fast or 30 days lol... but I'm still losing so I'm happy!.
  17. Yvette1026
    I made my best protein shake yet today. My friend turned her nose up at first but then decided to try it, "I just want a lil' bit..I might not like it" she says as she tastes it she looks at me surprised and is like OMGOSH this is really good!!! And it's all healthy?!!??!?!" as she darts back toward the blender for more.
     
    It tastes just like a strawberry milkshake and it was delicious! The recipe I'm posting made 2 shakes.. The first time I split it with someone, the 2nd time I've just been sipping it all day... The upside it has SO much protein in it and doesn't taste like it at all.
     
    Ice (I fill the blender about a 3rd of the way)
    4 tbsps Fage 0% greek style yogurt (I use the plain but you can use the vanilla)
    2 scoops Designer Whey Protein Vanilla
    6 frozen strawberries
    1 splenda packet
    1tbsp Agave Nectar (can use stevia or honey, etc...)
    4-8 oz of skim milk (depending on how thick you like yours)
    Blend and enjoy!
     
     
    The 2 scoops of protein powder = 36 grams
    The 4 tbsps (I do heaping ones) = 20 grams
    The 8 oz of skim milk = 8 grams
    The strawberries are around 1 gram so we won't count those..
     
    In this one mix you have 64 grams of protein. Easy, delicious and filling.
     
    It's around 500 calories for the entire blenderful, split it and it's 250... either way that's great.
     
    Protein powder 100 calories per scoop serving
    Skim Milk 100 calories 8 oz serving
    Fage 0% yogurt 120 calories per 8oz serving
    Strawberries 50 calories per 12 oz serving
    Agave Nectar 60 calories per 1tbsp serving
     
    For me that's all I've had today and a sugar free jello... and I've met my protein for the day while staying full and feeling like I have a delicious strawberry milkshake :tt2:
  18. Yvette1026
    Anyone else get SUPER tight restriction when they're stressed or upset?
     
    In the 7 months I've had my band I've been blessed to have it pretty easy, the past few days I've been having some personal issues that are a cause of stress and anger. For the past 3 days it has been difficult for me to eat anything even though I'm hungry and try to eat it, within 3 bites I'm full or in pain from trying to eat/restriction.
     
    Does anyone else experience this? And keep in mind, I missed my scheduled fill on the 15th.. so it's not that..
  19. Yvette1026
    I have often told those dieting or making an effort to lose weight to be sure they DON'T weigh themselves daily. This habit becomes obsessive and can be disappointing. I really need to take my own advise.
     
    I woke up this morning anxious to see the scale move down another pound again... I got on the scale.. I was .8 from it moving... frustrated I remembered what the skinny girls I used to work with would go on and on about.. "Oh I never weigh myself until after I have a BM, it makes such a HUGE difference." Hmmm works for them, may work for me. I go about my day..... and the time comes.. after I run and get on the scale now .6 away from the scale moving down... "Hmmm poop sure doesn't weigh very much does it?!?!?" I think to myself.
     
    A few minutes later I'm having an over share moment and I'm talking to a friend of mine who has the same weight loss struggles I do, we laugh about how different it must be when skinny girls poop cause she had tried the same thing and had the same result I had. We've decided all of their fat is stored in their intestines and that's why they always look thin, but evidently have REALLY heavy poo.
     
    My day continues and another BM comes...ok now THIS...THIS has got to make the difference.. I run and jump on the scale .1 from the scale moving... Are you kdding me?!?!!??! Ok I give up.. I give up.... I'll stop for the day. I end up taking a nap and waking up to have a dinner of black bean burgers and hummus, water and a small glass of organic soy milk.
     
    I decide to weigh myself again... I gained .7 that can't be right... I get a call and forget about it... a couple of hours later.. I'm on the scale again... WHAT?!??!?! HOW COULD I HAVE GAINED 3LBS?!?!?!??!?!?!
     
    So the moral of the story is, dont' weigh yourself everyday and if you do make sure it's at the same time everyday but don't stress if it goes up or doesn't move because our weight fluxuates by a few pounds through out the day and there's absolutely NOTHING we can do about it.. also we tend to weigh more at night, as we're water and just as the ocean tide is effected by the moon, so are we. I know all of this, I've done the research for YEARS and yet I think I was becoming addicted to the high of seeing the scale go down every day.....today was a reality check and reminder to TAKE MY OWN ADVICE!
  20. Yvette1026
    Totally realizing that weight loss is more of a mental battle than it is a physical. Going through my closet getting rid of clothes that are too big for me, and instead of having tears of joy, I have tears of something else. I know they're just clothes, and can be easily replaced...I can rationalize but it doesn't change how I'm feeling. *sigh*
     
     
    I'm a bit of a clothes horse and when I buy something, I buy it because I absolutely LOVE it, so watching it go to someone else, or parting with it is hard, but really it's not about them or the clothes. It's more about I feel like layers of me are be peeled away and I'm not sure what we'll find or what will be exposed. It's so weird, I never thought I'd feel this way. I thought I'd be doing the HAPPY DANCE, and there's times I do, but tonight, I don't know.. it's just affecting me different. I think because as many times as I've cleaned out my closet and given away clothes, there's certain items I've hung on to, and kept "just in case" maybe that's it... maybe it's because somewhere deep down I'm feeling like, I can't go back, like before, I've yo-yo'd my whole life. Making jokes out of true stories about how I went on a cruise at a size 18, but packed my "Fat clothes" and came off a 20/22. I think maybe it's because releasing those items on some level means I'm releasing the permission I once gave myself to be fat, that it was OK, that I could go up and down and would figure it out and be fine as long as I stayed under 300lbs or a size 26 or smaller.
     
     
    Going into stores I'm so used to shopping in and realizing I'm toward the end of my days there... maybe I just feel exposed and afraid of the unknown, a size 18 is the smallest I've ever been in adult life. Well since I was about 14 actually.... I don't know anything else beyond this. I see my body changing every day, even if the scale doesn't change, I lose inches, go down in size etc..
     
     
    A custom t-shirt I had made not too long ago is now a little big, I just realized I may actually HAVE to get another shirt made soon, just these little things, usually they make me happy. But tonight, for some reason they made me sad, like I literally had tears... I was laughing at myself because I couldn't figure out WHY I was feeling this way, but I no matter how hard I tried... I still felt the way I felt.
     
     
    This is a long journey and it's so much more than just a physical one, but at the same time.. to be honest, I haven't really worked out since I've had my surgery.... in this exposed feeling tonight, I think it's evident why... I've been afraid of the unknown, of the life that awaits me below a size 18 of the life where I'm not longer really seen as "fat" or overweight by most people. Where I'm no longer the biggest person in the room. The last time I was here... I creeped my way back up to a 26 in a year and half... their were some extenuating circumstance but still....it happened.. thing is, the whole reason I got this done was so that it would NEVER happen again.
     
     
    So ready or not, here I go...tomorrow (or today) is a new day, I'll take each day, one by one, do something for myself everyday, move everyday, do something EVERYDAY and see what changes come out of it. Who would have known at a year and 3 months out I would be feeling this flood of emotions?!?! Like I always say....this is a journey... I've obviously got mine cut out for me, but I'm more than up to it!
     
     
  21. Yvette1026
    My best friend is super excited for me now that my surgery date is getting near. She's been with me through the I think I want it.. no wait I don't.. no wait I do's.. I've been through over the last 2 years we've been friends.
     
    When I finally decided to do this, she was shocked but super supportive. She began looking into it herself but due to insurance, it's not the right time for her.
     
    Last night we were talking and we came up with the idea to do a banded vs. unbanded challenge. She's going to eat the same foods and amounts as me or try to, and we're going to document the differences between the two. I think this will be interesting for the two of us, and for everyone considering the banding. We started today and will do this process for 1 year.
     
    Today is a ease into day. I don't technically start my pre-op diet til Monday, but I decided to get used to it by easing my way into. So for example today I had 2 protein shakes, but I also had cucumbers and crackers w/ ranch. The cucumbers not so bad, the crackers and ranch.. .well I think you already know lol.
     
    I also had soda which oddly enough I rarely drink, but because I "know" I'm not going to be able to, I suddenly just HAD to have it. lol
     
    Other than that it's been a normal day, the 2nd shake was MUCH better. Everything tastes better out of a wine or martini glass lol (that's really funny considering I don't drink lol)
     
    But I made a protein shake with a lil' yogurt, skim milk, ice and strawberries and it was almost on the verge of delicious. After the first one though it was like heaven to my mouth lol.
     
    In other news.. some people said my previous post was almost "pornographic" but obviously they don't understand that that's the point, I wanted to show how UNHEALTHY my relationship with food is/was.
     
    This is what I do... if my writing makes you think, laugh or hiss it's all intentional. Chances are that's the EXACT reaction I was going for.
     
    I know my writing style and personality isn't for everyone.. and that's why they invents the X at the top of the screen lol :biggrin:
     
    Just kidding, I have :wink2: for everyone!
  22. Yvette1026
    Ok so I'm by no means thin or skinny but my surgery has definitely helped, if not made me change my outlook on food and over eating.
     
    I now know and understand how the rest of the world looks at us and why some almost feel a disgust for us. I never understood it until now... and now that it's finally clicked I never want to be there again.
     
    Before I continue let me first say I don't believe in discrimination against anyone for any reason. I also do not believe in judging a book by it's cover and I realize this may be hard for some of you to read or accept but it's my thoughts and my blog and if you're bothered by what I say, feel free to kindly hit the x, or take part in a respectful and intelligent debate. I'm up for either.
     
    All of that being said...let me continue.
    The problem with fat people is...
    1.) We're killing ourselves
    2.) We (meaning most) do nothing about it
    3.) We've developed such shameful eating habits that we've also developed denial right along with it.
    4.) We encourage others to eat with us, as if when we eat with other people it doesn't count.
    5.) We seek out others like us, so we have eating buddies.
     
    I can go on and on about all of this.. but it has really just got to stop.
     
    So, my ever so rude awakening came when I opened my home to a young lady from church. I invited her to stay with the hopes of helping her grow spiritually and financially and remove her from the living situation she was in.
     
    Everything was ok at first, until I started noticing her eating habits. Just greedy and fat and not in a cute lil' have a fat day and pig out kinda way. In a I eat like this EVERY day at EVERY meal kinda way.
     
    Understand this is not a rant about any one person, I just use my examples as a reference point.
     
    It's hard for me as a foodie to live with someone who eats so extreme, especially when I'm still recovering and being delivered from that area myself.
     
    For years I had myself fooled that "I didn't really over eat." because I went all day without eating and then thought nothing of going through the drive thru at 10pm for 2 double cheeseburgers, fries and sweet tea. Rationalizing it in my head that I hadn't eaten all day. When the truth of the matter is, that was too much freakin' food at one time, for anyone at any given time. I was eating like a linebacker and wondering why and how I ended up with the physique of one.
     
    I really thought there was nothing wrong with my behavior, or at least I thought, I thought that.. looking back on it I realize now that I would ALWAYS mute my phone while ordering so the person on the other end didn't hear. Or eat it in the car and throw it away before I went in the house, even though I lived by myself... All acts of a shamed and guilty person.
     
    So now I have a young lady in my home who thinks nothing of downing 3 fried hotlinks at a time. These are not small hotdogs, I mean the hillshire farm kind that can be split in two and used as a hotdog...that type. Someone who I made 2 boxes of mac & cheese for easy leftovers, I had 1/2 of cup and went back to put it away only to find an empty pan.
     
    Someone who as I'm making cookies for church (simple breakaway readymade ones) can't control themselves and takes a block of unmade cookies and thinks it's funny.
     
    Someone who has lunch, then comes home and ransacks whatever is in the fridge not an hour later, eating a dinner I prepared for someone else.
     
    And to be honest....it's disgusting. I had to stop and have a moment and repent for thinking so poorly of someone but then I realized being obese really truly is a disease. The trouble with fat people is, we don't see it often times until it's too late. We're literally eating ourselves to death and it's disgusting to watch.
     
    I wonder how many times did someone think the same of me? People would always make comments to me about how they don't consider me "fat" that being "fat" was gross and that I wasn't, I was just overweight. Skinny/thin people would make these comments to me and I never understood why, or what made me different. Was it the way I carried myself? How I dressed? How I was shaped? No what it is, is that I NEVER ALLOWED them to watch me pile food into my mouth like some out of control cross between a hungry hippo and a garbage disposal.
     
    Even if I was eating out with people I would eat normally. Sometimes over indulging in bread, but always having a takehome bag/box. UNLESS, I was having a "fat day" with one of my "fat friends" who had lured me out to eat something fattening and just indulge in it. This is where we sabotage ourselves and each other.
     
    While it's fine to have a cheat day or meal, we shouldn't encourage it with each other. I have a good friend who lives in another state and we would both get Oreo shakes and bacon cheddar wedges from Jack in the box and eat them while on the phone together when we were having "bad" or "fat" days... WHO DOES THAT?!?!??! Fat people...that's who!
     
    I notice too how my friends plan their vacations around eating, I've had 3 people say to me "Oh when I get there, we're gonna eat this this this this ____ this this this blah blah blah..." I just kinda laugh it off when the reality is ummm NO WE'RE NOT... you might, but I'm not.
     
    Then the funny part is when you don't indulge your fat friends will then start to try to gode you into eating with them, by saying things like "Oh you think you're too good now cause you lost some weight?" or something to that effect, even though it's in a joking manner.. they still mean it.
     
    Or friends who look at you funny because you've lost weight... and say things that they mean as a compliment but really just come out sounding bitter.
     
    We do it to ourselves...all of this to ourselves and the problem with Fat people is we're sick and we don't even realize it. Looking back on it I know and realize I was addicted to food. The tastes, the flavors, the textures.. I would almost get a high off of it. I think that's why it's so hard for me to watch others now who are still sick.
     
    It's like when someone stops smoking, they can't stand to be around other smokers.. it's the same feeling..
     
    Ok I'm rambling.. feel free to respond or not I just needed to get this out.. these thoughts were blocking my other thoughts I needed to get to for another writing I'm doing.. but man.. whew.. I feel better :smile2:
  23. Yvette1026

    This is it....

    By Yvette1026,

    Less than 4 hours til I go in... I'm still up, not tired, not anxious, not scared, just have lots to do before I go in since I know I'll be down most of tomorrow and Sat.
     
    Finishing up cleaning and doing some laundry. More I do now, less I'll have to do after. I should have cleaned my room this week but I didn't was busy with other things.. If I have time I'll get to it before I go.. Well whatever I can do for the next 2 hours.. I gotta shower at 5 or 5:30, then prayer conference call from 6-7.. by the time I'm off the call I'll be at the surgery center. So umm yeah. I keep feeling like there's something I'm forgetting, but there's not.
     
    CPAP machine that I've never used (Check in box still)
    Medicines (Check)
    Loose fitting clothes (check)
    Lipgloss (Check)
    I should have got a pedicure.. I need a pedicure, I've been putting it off.. UGH.. I could do the paint over, but that's just tacky...sigh
     
    Ok Kitchen clean, office clean, living room working on it, guest bathroom done, just my room, bathroom and the rest of the living room to finish. WOO HOO..
     
    Then shower and be ready to go. I wonder why I didn't get any "pre-surgery" don'ts as far as like lotion, etc... I have coconut oil in my hair...it's not going anywhere...
     
    I've already used a gas x-strip... I think my body doesn't know what to do with itself, gas in my chest, I guess from that "Whey Up" energy drink... If you haven't tried them you should 20gms of protein low sugar no carb. If you can drink a 5 hour energy drink, you can drink this, tastes about the same to me.
     
    Let's see whatelse... I guess that's all for now.. going in.. see you on the other side. I'll be praying and confessing over myself until it happens. I confess that all goes well, that I come out of surgery without incident. That I experience rapid recovery and healing with no sickness and great success, in Jesus name...
     
    Ok let me go be productive. I'm sure I'll be back later to fill you all in or document it for myself here in my blog.
  24. Yvette1026

    Uck...

    By Yvette1026,

    OMGOODNESS.. scrambled eggs and spinach were NOT a good idea. OMGOODNESS if I ever wondered if I had restriction since surgery umm yeah no need to wonder.. OMGOSH... ugh.. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....
     
    I almost just want to throw it up... but I distain throwing up... I can't do it.. ugh... OMGOSH when will this pass???
  25. Yvette1026
    So after 5 or 6 fills (I forget which, I could be lying, maybe 3 or 4, ok 5 whatever) I have yet to TRULY feel restriction, it works for a day or so then eh I could really eat what I wanted it, if I wanted to... I finally.. finally have restriction and this couldn't be better after a 15lbs gain in the last month - my doctor says not to worry because it's muscle - my measurements are way down... so they say there's nothing to "do" per say besides eat right and exercise, which I'm doing. But I gotta admit I was upset to see the scale going UP, but I think it'll be on it's way back down here.. I have no appetite.. FINALLY! YAY RESTRICTION!!!!

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