green

I'm pretty much a straight aggressive-aggressive by temperament. This is one of the reasons I see a psychologist; I have anger issues. This seems to have been something I learned from my father. It is probably a good thing that I don't have a lot of testosterone.

Marjon is right, I figure. The trouble is that we are all such flawed creatures. I personally like to examine our behaviour within the framework of social and animal anthropology, within this notion of genetic hardwiring.... In brief, I like the notion that although we human creatures we have certainly dramatically exceeded our mammalian mates, we are, nevertheless, hinged to our brothers and sisters: we do share the same hardwiring even though this may now longer be a good thing for us.

Manatee, if I were not twice yer age and an individual who is a) a foreigner and :tt1: already with mate, I certainly would feel awful interested in prowling around your avatar, eh. *Cue in lascivious smirk* Green is a grrl who does present herself as unattached without kiddies or, for that matter, without any frustrated maternal desire for kiddies. This is likely because she has the maternal drive of a reptile. Indeed, one of my many problems when I found myself back on the dating market after the collapse of my juvenile marriage was finding guys who were not lumbered down with complex family histories. Though it is true that the usual paradigm is this: women will want to have babies and men may find themselves detesting this female instinct, and will feel trapped by this, and will certainly attempt to run away from these fabulous fertile females, life does seem to be a little more complicated than that.

This is a sweet post, Gadget, and in an ideal world, one where this behaviour could be easily put into practice, it sure would solve a lot of problems. But as you know, even for those folk who do manage to remain pure until they choose a mate to marry, well, they are buying a pig in a poke. Each and everyone of us can exert some - questionable - degree of control over our own behaviour but we really are out of luck when it comes to that business of reining in the behaviour of anyone else. What does this mean? Well, as we all know, here in the western world most marriages are entered into in the spirit of romantic optimism. People who marry do so for love and because they genuinely believe that they have chosen well and that their unions will last a lifetime. But what this can mean is that they might end up by discovering that their mates are physically/psychologically abusive, or that the monogamy rule is not equally honoured by both mates. It only takes one ill-judged misstep to father a child on another woman or to find that you, a woman, is pregnant with another man's child. Of course marital dysfunction might mean nothing more than that the romantic couple eventually discovers that once they grow up they grow apart, that they have absolutely nothing, but less than zero, nothing in common. A landscape between such couples may be unsullied by physical transgressions yet be dreadfully bleak. Although I have always been a bit of free spirit when it has come to the management of my own life, I am believe that I might be on your page, Gadget, when it concerns this issue of raising children. I do run with the conservatives. I believe that children call for responsibility, thoughtfulness and love. Caring for children is a whole lot more complicated and a whole lot more important than caring for yer pets. This is why practising birth control is important. Don't have 'em unless you can look after them pre and ante natally. Be aware that the research says that they do tend to do better in two parent homes. Show them lots of love but show them discipline, too. Feed them healthy foods, talk to them. And make sure that they receive as much education possible. Education is both fun and, as Homer Simpson would say, very embiggening. I have worked hard to remain childless because I have always felt and still do feel that I lack the psychological, intellectual, and physical characteristics to be able to properly perform in this field. In an ideal world every child would be a wanted, loved, and properly cared for entrant in this often painful, always interesting, and sometimes splendid existance. I am inclined to think that those people who really do love children might wish to be more careful about selecting the circumstances under which they will have them.

Thanks, Kat, for those very generous words. You are right to wonder why that child's mother would choose to go all confessional on the question of the girl's paternity ten years after the fact. My hunch is that she simply wanted to hurt her ex and was heedless of the child's feelings. Now this poor girl is left suffering greatly, both pyschologically and with respect to this ugly financial brawl. Speaking of psychological grief, this kid, a child on the verge of adolescence, has just had her sense of self and, by extension, her sense of belonging and of security, dealt a grievous blow. Imagine, if you can, how you would feel if you were suddenly to learn that your father is not your father? And how much worse you would feel if the man you had come to love and trust as your father now wants to walk away from you? This poor kid will likely have to deal with some pretty big identity and abandonment issues. Had she learned of her paternity problems when she was either much younger or much older she would be in a less risky situation; but the thing about adolescents is that they feel everything with such intensity. I don't know all the details of this story but as I presently understand it, it certainly does raise a raft of legal and moral issues concerning the responsibilities of adults towards children who are not their own genetic product. This is why this tale is an interesting one for all of us to discuss. I must add, however, it seems to me that this child's mum has chosen to behave in a less than responsible fashion.

The city that I live in has had a pretty good recycle programme for a long time now. We recycle plastics including plastic bags, metal cans, and glass containers. All wet garbage including diapers, used kitty litter, uneaten suppers, bones, sanitary products, and paper tissues are recycled, as is garden waste. All paper products are recycled, of course. I have two composters in my garden and we bring our own cloth bags whenever we shop. I walk or use public transit. My tenant does the same. My husband only uses the truck to drive to work - it is difficult to access by public transit and he works off-shift - or to his parents' cottage or when we have a big shopping to do. I drink a lot of water but this is tap water. I only drink the bottled stuff when I am out on the town. I also use fluorescent light bulbs in a lot of my lamps.

I am indeed a woman. I put those questions out there simply in order that they might be debated. In the province where I live I know of one man, a stepfather, who is on the hook for paying child support for his stepchild. I cannot say, however, that I am aware of the general policies concerning child support in this jurisdiction. My personal belief, however, is that the child's welfare must always come first and that in an ideal world all adults would recognise this. With respect to the final comment in my post, I was stating what might well be the state's point of view, that when a couple marries they incur responsibility for each other's behaviour, and this would include all children produced during that marriage as well as financial debts. Of course this business of cheating does cut two ways: a woman might be in the position of finding that her husband's paycheck shrinking because he has to pay child support on a child he fathered on another woman while still married. A man like this I would be inclined to call a cheating bastard. Thanks, Laurend and Ghost, for getting my back, eh.

Oh, Trix, we all have buggered up body images, grrl! Weight issues are just so hideously complicated, especially for women. This is why we see skinny chicks dieting obsessively. This also happens to be one of the problems which many of us experience as we lose weight - we figure that we are still fatties even though our bodies have changed. This is one of the topics of discussion on this site, an interesting one for me because I am now a thin Green but still think of myself as a fatty grrl. (I simply cannot adjust.) I really don't think that taking passport-style photos of ourselves will result in a big psychological leap forward. We are all kinda fragile but we are also all working at whittling away at our weight issues, the external and internal ones, as best as we can. Do you really think that a misconstrued body image can be solved by subjecting yourself to one hideously accurate picture? Like I said, enjoy those pics for what they are. Each and everyone of those individuals has lost weight. That they have made other changes, more attractive hair-dos, happy smiles, a more careful pose, etc is only further evidence of the success which they are experiencing on their own individual weight loss journeys. I am nuts about those photos.

It seems to me that the issues which we are discussing here are very complicated. Let's break them down. 1) Should a man who is legally married to a woman but who is not the biological father be required to pay child support? 2) If this man has been raising this child as his own is he not now both morally and legally bound to continue his support? He has, afterall, already entered into an emotional and financial contract with the child. 3) In these instances how should the state deal with mothers who have lied about biological parentage? And should the state attempt to hunt down the biological fathers in order to force them to pay their fair share? Won't this kind of action on the part of the state contravene a big bunch of Constitutional Rights? 4) Should the state excuse a husband from his financial obligations with respect to child support when his wife has presented him with a baby that is proven to be not biologically his if the marriage break down occurs within the first year after the child was born? Before the poor sap has bonded with this kid, that is to say? The way I figure it, paternity tests achieve two ends: they will prove who is not the father, and they will prove who is. The trick with proving who is the father is that even when the mother fingers a guy he must still be willing to submit to a paternity test. Forcing a man to do this under Constitutional law will be a bitch; it will be costly and time-consuming. It is the state/the taxpayer who will pick up the tab. And if that clown turns out to be a dead beat, well then, it will be the state/the people who will be paying the tab to raise the kiddy. In many ways it is much cheaper for the state/the people to maintain the status quo and the logic behind this would be: you were the one who married the cheating bitch and now you will have to pay.

I just love those before and after pics. I think that they are all truly sensational. Why spend time worrying about such issues as the subject's pose and this biz of flattering angles? Why view the care that may have been taken in order to have that photo shot from a flattering angle as being suspect? As being untrue? We will all, whether we are fat, thin, supermodels, movie stars, or whatever, take care to present ourselves in our most attractive light. This is nothing more than a normal human response to having your picture taken. We all want to look our best. I think that those before, during, and after pics are wonderful. I am flabberghasted by the courage that it takes for these individuals to place themselves out there on the net in order to be examined, sometimes critically, by the rest of us who have access to a computer and to the internet. My advice to you would be to have another look at all of those photos and to forget about flattering sight lines, etc. Examine them carefully and make a point of reading, too, the background memoranda. Those photos really are extraordinary testaments, I think. I hope that you will come to appreciate all of these wonderful shots.

What about offering to pay for a couple of boxes of the cookies with the stipulation that they do not actually end up in your possession? This way you can contribute to a worthy organisation, demonstrate that you are a good friend and a team player vis-a-vis the office environment, and you get to skip out of having the temptation of those cookies inside your house. Of course the other thing which you can do is decide to take a short holiday from eating in a responsible manner, buy the cookies, eat them all, and then go back to business as usual. I feel sorry for those boy scouts (do you have 'em in the States?). They are stuck raising money by flogging apples. Ugh! This is one short step up from selling turnips. The girls have a much more marketable product: They have The Cookies!

Green adores midgets and dwarfs.

I thought that I would give you an account of my own experience with skin and weight loss. I have always had great skin (I am so pale that I have always spent my summers indoors and this is now paying off) and I was one of those band folks who started off with a lower BMI. Within ten months I lost 50lbs which meant that I achieved my goal weight. This was truly fabulous but I was unpleasantly surprised by the damage that this weight loss did do to my skin tone. I had always looked years younger than I really am and suddenly I found myself looking kind of crepey and stringy but able to wear nice clothes thanks to the weight loss. I was able to solve the face issue by undergoing through a face lift. This was an expensive and horribly painful stunt but it, along with my weight loss success, has left me looking pretty bluddy good. What I am now left with, however, is old lady skin on my upper arms and my thighs. This really did surprise me. You see, I am one of those women who gains her fat on her torso. I never did get chunky in the arms and legs but, nevertheless, here I am, stuck with crepey skin on my upper arms and thighs. Fully dressed I look just fine. Stick me in a bathing suit and none of my parts match, eh. I got a 40 something face, wrists, hands and calves, and a 70 something set of thighs and upper arms. Of course my skin collapse could have been due to my age; I am an old fart and nobody gets a free ride forever.

Deeply weird. I love it. Especially the Siamese twins FX part. Thanx, eh.

I might be prepared to go for a military hair-cut look, turn my park into a golfing green, eh.

After I threw him out, my ex-husband moved in with the woman with whom he had been having an affair during our marriage. She had a toddler whose "real" father showed no interest in him. During the time they lived together my ex grew to really love the little boy. When they broke up he was no longer able to see the kid. He mourned the loss of this child for a long, long time. The loss of this little boy was very difficult for my ex-husband's parents to deal with as well. They said to him: No more girlfriends with children, please. My current husband has become in the way of being a surrogate father figure for his sister's two girls even though they live in France and we live in Toronto. (They spend their summers in Canada.) Though their own father insists on them spending time with him, whenever he does have custody of them he is careless with them and as a result they dread seeing him. I have heard that he is also careless about paying support on time. Their parents' divorce is a bitter one and has been going on for years now. The girls are paying a price for this. The older girl has a streak of bitterness towards her parents and suffers from anxiety; the younger one has difficulty concentrating on her schoolwork. This is very sad to see. They are lovely girls and their close relationship with my husband gives him and myself great pleasure. While I can understand this man's rage - the man discussed in the opening post - at being duped by his ex-wife into raising a child who is not his, genetically speaking, I cannot understand why he is attempting to punish his ex-wife this way. The individual whom he is really hurting is the child with whom he has had a father-daughter relationship ever since she was born. It is tragic to see that smashed, I think. Children really do need all the love that they can get.

Haha. Yup, I totally agree with you.

Thanks for answering my questions, Jennie.

I shaved myself bald once when I was young - this was during some kinda erotic fun - and suffered from a severe case of the itchies for days afterwards. I phoned up my mum in order to whine about this and she fell over laughing. The itchies were awful bad. I found myself dry humping the corner of my desk in order to try to find some relief. Since then I have left that region alone. It looks like my own personal part of the Canadian wilderness. As long as it remains wildlife free I am cool with it. I was thinking of applying to the federal government in order to get it recognised as a national park. Now I simply don't think about it all that much. But I had spent many years watching Sex and the City and I am curious about crotch wax jobs.

Yah! Eve offering her apple and grabbing her own tit! What is that all about?

Yup! You sure have got that right! On the other hand, if I were to croak tomorrow my estate has on offer a truly fabulous vajajay. This bit of anatomical bizness is in mint, but not cherry, condition. It has only been used for recreational purposes. I will remind you that the blood type required is B positive should you wish to take advantage of this exciting offer. The other condition is that the current owner of the vajajay will no longer have any further use of it.

By the way, I don't believe that a level playing field exists. I don't believe that all men are born equal for we are not. I do believe that all men should be given an equal chance, that no one should be blocked only because of poverty, skin tone, gender, sexual orientation, religious/non-religious affiliation, and, well, you get the idea. As for being born equal, duh, we are not! Some of us are brainier, healthier, taller, more athletic.... And most of us who are reading this are lucky enough to be born holding the right passports! We are Americans, Brits, Canucks, Australians: we are not Somalians, Nigerians, Iraqis, Kenyans, Rwandans...enuff said, eh.

I find your post interesting. Will you expand on your ideas for me. Referring to your first paragraph, I would like to know whom you feel live in constant fear of terrorists and how they might fight this. Are you referring to the Iraqis? If so, which Iraqis? I am also curious to know more about those folks who live in the United States, the ones who live in constant fear. Who are these folks and what are they afraid of? You state that as a Christian you personally have a moral obligation; what is this moral obligation?

I like your post for a number of reasons. Let me explain.... It seems to me that Americans have moved very far away from their roots. Your nation was built on the backs of pioneers. We foreigners used to think of Americans as folks who have a tough, independent, good-humoured, generous, creative, "can do" spirit. This Yankee spirit sure was appreciated by folks like my parents, Europeans who were caught up in the horrors of the 2nd World War. Yes, the price of fossil fuels is skyrocketing. This is a result of a number of factors. OPEC certainly has a big say in setting prices and the countries which make up OPEC are not inclined to cut the wealthy west any slack. Moreover, OPEC now has an attractive competitor for their product: this would be China. It is also true that the trillions that this war - or whatever you want to call it - with Iraq is costing the American taxpayer has not resulted in a big break in fuel prices. It has, however, resulted in serious long term damage to your economy because you have now acquired international debt in order to pay for this war; this has caused the destabilisation of the Ameri-buck in the international money markets, and yet you are still paying big coin for a fill-up at the gas station. The truth is that people can carpool, can take public transit, can ride bikes. The truth is that this generation of Americans (and Canadians too) have become very attached to all the mod cons. We are entirely unwilling to rough it. And we feel entitled to bitch about any perceived inconvenience which we may be forced to suffer. And kudos to Trixie for commenting on the terror which she experienced on the day of 9/11 and then extrapolating how life must be on an on-going basis for those individuals who are trapped living in a war zone. My own mum was a Brit and lived in England throughout the 2nd World War. She lived with the terrors of night-time bombings, with strict food rations and with little heat throughout the winter months. Like all Brits, she also lived with the possibility of a successful invasion by the enemy. She lived with this terror throughout the duration of this war. As for my dad, he was a Polish Jew. He survived the Holocaust only because he ran away from his family and Poland in 1937. He arrived in Britain as an illegal but once he was vetted as being a legitimate refugee he was permitted to join the British army. By the end of the war he was working in British Intelligence. He was valuable because he spoke a bunch of languages, including German. When he was in intelligence his job was to make friendly with Germans. This was sometimes very difficult for him. You see, he was aware that most of his family had been destroyed although he was not aware of the grotesque details. Now, the events of 9/11 were truly terrifying for all of us who live on this continent. I found myself frozen in horror in front of my television. I have never personally experienced anything quite like this since the assassination of Kennedy. At the same time I think that we must realise that we who live on this side of the pond have led and continue to lead privileged lives compared to those who live in most parts of the world. We continued to live sheltered lives and we must consider ourselves lucky, I think. Wars and terrorist activities have been and still are sadly more the norm for oh so many of our fellow human companions. And yep, these days ain't Happy Days for the Iraqis.

Our moonbatty family are all for organ donation. Too bad - or maybe not! - that we tend to die off due to cancer, usually when we are quite old. This means that there ain't anything of value when it comes time to harvest.