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LoseIt!

LAP-BAND Patients
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Blog Entries posted by LoseIt!

  1. LoseIt!

    Thanksgiving

    By LoseIt!,

    Hi everybody! Thanksgiving vacation was SO much fun and in even better news, my weight held steady. My goal was to lose 5 pounds this month and I lost 4. I will take that. Especially since I'm "taking a break". I have one more week like this, then I have my partial deflation on Monday. I will have a couple days with the ability to eat anything which I'm not too concerned about. I'm going to try and be good, but I guarantee you I will be having some pizza in there somewhere!! Tonsilectomy is on Thursday, 12/09 and after that, I'm guessing eating will not be an issue for quite a while...
     
    North Carolina was BEAUTIFUL!! I flew into Atlanta on Wednesday evening and drove up to Murphy, NC with my dad. The drive up the mountain was a little scary. It felt like the car was going to flip over backwards!! It was so good to see the family! Thanksgiving day started with a trek down the mountain which was steep so it was tough but highly doable. The walk up was MUCH harder, but I made it! I tried not to be annoyed with my nephews and SIL who RAN up. HA! Just kidding...they are some of my biggest cheerleaders.
     
    We had a bit of fun with dinner because the oven didn't work correctly. It was bad news for the turkey but everything else made it with success. I only cared about the mashed potatoes and noodles because that was all I needed for a yummy Thanksgiving!! Other than a short trip to explore the town, the rest of the day was spent watching the football games.
     
    Friday was quite chilly. We drove to Anna Ruby Falls and hiked up to see the waterfall. It was extremely beautiful. Then we went to Helen, GA for lunch. Helen is modeled after a German town and the downtown buildings all have a distinctly German fascade. We had to sit outside for lunch. Since it was cold, I think it made some people cranky. We walked around for a bit, but decided to leave soon. We headed Babyland General Hospital, home of the Cabbage Patch Kids. I love dolls, so I thought it was a neat little stop. It was a packed day, but we all slept well!!
     
    Saturday, we went hiking around Fires Creek. We had an absolute ball with the kids as they climbed around like mountain goats. In the afternoon we went to the movies. The group split up and I saw Tangled with my brother, nephew and niece. It was cute. Afterward, we went home and played games I had prepared. They were Minute to Win It style games and we had such a blast! My nephew Sam was crowned Family Showdown Champion!
     
    Sunday it was time to leave and I was ready for my own bed. It was a wonderful vacation!! Now I'm back to work to get everything I can possibly accomplish into the next 7 working days!
     
    I will check in before the surgery, but until then...Make every day a great day!!
     
    Beth
  2. LoseIt!
    I guess I should be glad that it only took me 30 minutes to figure out the new format today. Whew! I'm not so good with change. It's funny, because I have spent the last few days contemplating my band and my next steps. I had no idea the site was down!
     
    Many wonderful people I have met since being banded have talked about how great it is that they no longer have to diet. They just work with the band and the pounds melt away. I'm truly so glad for them and wish everyone had the same success! However, not everyone does. I, for instance, have had WONDERFUL success, but I have had to work at it.
     
    I have come to the realization that I'm tired of dieting. Now, dont' get me wrong, dieting this year has been SO MUCH BETTER than dieting in previous years. It was easiER than in previous years and I was able to be PRODUCTIVE. If I do my normal routine...which does include exercise...I can MAINTAIN steady with the band. But in order to lose, I have to watch my food intake just like any other DIET I have ever been on and I have to actively increase my exercise.
     
    Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint. Quite the contrary! I have never been able to stick to a weight loss plan for 10 months in the past. I have never been able to lose 75 pounds before. These are all gifts in my mind!
     
    But a diet is a diet and I'm tired of working at it. Soooo...y'all know me and my never ending need for a plan. And, I'm not just going to "stop". But I need to stop this frustrating water treading.
     
    So, I have 2 weeks and 2 days until my throat is (literally) cut. When it is time for my tonsilectomy, I know that Band or no Band, I will not be able to eat normally for 10-14 days. Until then, I plan to live normally. I plan to exercise. I plan to not eat like a crazy person. I plan to use all of the good habits that I have developed over the last year. Additionally, I will continue to log my exercise time and my daily weight.
     
    But Jax is going to take a vacation. I'm NOT going log my calories or any Bodybugg information. What I hope this does is to take the HYPERfocus off my diet and just let me chill for a bit.
     
    Two weeks until the surgery, then three weeks after. By then, it will be 2011 and like any NORMAL person with weight issues, I will have New Year's resolutions and I will be excited. Even with this break, I should be in Onederland by my bandiversary. I had hoped to LOSE 100 pounds by then, but I'm flexible and I refuse to be disappointed.
     
    Tomorrow I leave for Thanksgiving vacation. My parents, brother's family and I are renting a cabin in the mountains in North Carolina. It is going to be so much fun!! I will check in when I get back and let you all know how it goes. Have a happy and wonderful Thanksgiving! I certainly have much to be thankful for this year and you all are among my blessings.
     
    Thank you.
     
    Beth
  3. LoseIt!

    Changing perspectives.

    By LoseIt!,

    I chose not to post my "Casual" pictures yesterday. It was because I didn't think they were very flattering so I considered retaking them today. But then I thought more about it and realized that even though I don't think they are as flattering as some, I still don't dislike them!
     
    For years, I have hated having my picture taken because of my weight. I would work at getting a good angle, hiding in the back, or just avoiding the camera. Now, I don't hide at all. Sometimes the shot isn't my favorite, but I'm not embarrassed by it. And that makes a HUGE difference.
     
    I realized that is quite a big milestone. And now I'm PROUD to post my pictures. I have the full body shots from the beginning, last month and current and the head shots from last month and current.
     
    I will NOT HIDE anymore!
  4. LoseIt!
    Weightloss has been a lifelong struggle for me as it has most likely been for most of you. In order to lose weight, I had to sacrifice and deprive myself of so much in order to be successful at it.
     
    It has been a challenge this year to completely change my perspective. Although weightloss is my primary goal, I want to enjoy my life as I live it. However, this week, my body seems to be rewarding itself for bad behavior.
     
    I had a fill last week and after a 1/2 pound gain the week before, I lost that plus and additional 4 pounds! I felt strongly that a lot of that was water weight and dehydration that would be put back on. But I got to this week and I'm still losing.
     
    Monday, I didn't work out at all. I had a work lunch and a work dinner, both at delicious restaurants with richly prepared food. On Tuesday, I ran a couple miles at lunch, but I had a decadent dinner. Both nights I also had a drink before dinner and coffee with cream after dinner. Yesterday, I had TWO Otis Spunkmyer (aka HIGH CALORIE) cookies at lunch and finished off the leftovers from Monday night. I did work out, but I finished the night with BOTH ice cream AND two pieces of dark chocolate. All of that and I'm still down over a half pound since Sunday.
     
    Today we are having our Thanksgiving pitch in at work. There will be casseroles and carbs galore! I plan to enjoy it. :smile: I know I tend to be conservative when I log calories. I will put down the calories for the entire serving even if I didn't eat all of it. Or I will put down calories for 1/2 if I eat more like 1/3. I figure there are always hidden calories I miss, so I want to be conservative. However, I wonder if I am being more conservative than I realize. Am I getting so used to eating smaller portions that I don't need to "pad" the numbers so much?
     
    I know that my mom is constantly making comments about me "eating all that food". I think I talk about what I eat as if I ate it all and maybe I even have that in my head, but in reality I didn't. I told her this morning that I had a bagel for breakfast yesterday, but I actually had half a bagel and I don't think I even ate the last 2-3 bites. There is a big difference there.
     
    I guess it comes down to my concern that suddenly I will wake up tomorrow up 4.5 pounds higher which would make me sad. My scale is telling me to keep doing what I'm doing, but my head is yelling at me that I'm not sacrificing enough to be this successful and it will all come crashing down.
     
    I will enjoy our pitch in lunch today, but then I will also work myself out like crazy at Jazzercise. Maybe that isn't bad/nuts/indulgent...maybe it is just normal. I guess only time will tell!!
     
    Beth
  5. LoseIt!

    I'm still a foodie!

    By LoseIt!,

    So even though I had to get up an hour early this morning, I already feel like it is a better day! I think sometimes Mondays are just kind of overcast type days. Weekend hangovers abound. :bored:
     
    So, yesterday was a normal day at work. I had a working lunch with the Controller at my Property Management company. He & I used to work together when my company owned the PM Company, but we sold it. He went with the PM and I stayed with the Asset Management company. We went to a place called the Ranch and it was delicious. I had the meatloaf which worried me a litte because I sometimes have trouble with ground meat. But it was so tender and had a delicious chipotle salsa to make it almost melt in your mouth. Plus, there were mashed potatoes! The waitress was very concerned that I didn't like my meal since I only ate half. I'm very excited to have the rest for lunch today!!
     
    Then I had a meeting with my boss and our insurance broker. He was in town networking. We met for about an hour then went to dinner. We went to Pappa Bros. steakhouse. They had a salmon option, so that's what I went with. I also had a glass of wine. This is one of those places where you buy a $50 steak, then have to order your side items separately. The guys ordered asparagus (which melted in your mouth), crab macaroni & cheese (unbelievably good), & au gratin potatoes (just in case we didn't already have enough cheese.)
     
    The side orders come family style, so our broker was piling them on my plate. I ate maybe a third of what was on my plate when I was done. He was SO UPSET that I didn't like my meal. I assured him that I eat very little at dinner and that I will love eating the leftovers. Life has so changed! In the past, I would have eaten everything on that plate and then leapt for dessert when he offered.
     
    When my boss got up to use the restroom, the broker (who is entirely too old for me) started telling me how awesome I am. Ha! Good to know that I'm appreciated. It was only slightly awkward. :-)
     
    I went to bed early so I could get up early. I had a CPE class in North Dallas at 8am! I left around 7am and got stuck in traffic. I didn't even make the class. That's annoying. BUT...I still feel like it is a good day. I'm going to work out at lunch and then I get to enjoy my leftover meatloaf. Then I have my monthly girls dinner tonight! I will have leftovers for the entire week after tonight. :-)
     
    Have a good day everyone!!
     
    Beth
  6. LoseIt!

    Random Thoughts

    By LoseIt!,

    First things first...I just got a call from the doc and they told me that the ultrasound showed two nodules on my thyroid. They are both very small and probably nothing to worry about. In four months, I will have another ultrasound to confirm that they aren't growing. So, I will circle back with you all in March! But until then, I feel strongly that all is well.
     
    Onto random thoughts...
     
    Exercise - I have just been lazy lately. I was doing SO WELL with exercise for so long and then I just became complacent. I'm very glad that I made my Jazzercise class manager committment because it is about the only thing I'm doing. I was supposed to be running twice a week, but I'm not even averging once. I'm supposed to work out twice a week at lunch and I'm barely doing it once. I'm lucky to get two Jazzercise classes in. I guess I should be glad that even though I'm not doing all I would like, I'm still working out more than I used to. Gonna have to work on that in 2011! :bored:
     
    Compliments - I am so enjoying the compliments that I get from everybody about my shrinking body. It never gets tiring to hear how great you look! HA! But sometimes, when people go on and on and on and on and on about how proud they are of you and how different you look that I start to get a little defensive. I mean I know I wasn't a beauty before, but I was still a good person. I was smart and funny and hard working. I'm glad you are proud of me for this, but hopefully before you were proud of me for that... I get over it quickly, but I've noticed that I felt that way a couple of times.
     
    Sleep - you would think that I would start getting more energetic, but that isn't the case. I feel like I need at least 9 hours to feel decent. 10 hours makes me feel great. That just seems like too much. I wonder if my sleep apnea is changing and my machine doesn't work properly. I know that I still snore because I woke myself from a nap snoring. :-) Once I heal from my tonsilectomy, this is something I'm going to look into. Maybe I just need my settings changed.
     
    Clothing - last week I tried on some brown suede boots I had bought when I lost weight in 2005. They are sweet! I remember that they were super tight back then and I weighed roughly what I weigh now. When I tried them on last week they still wouldn't zip up. I tried them on last night and they did. It is amazing to me that one week would make that difference!
     
    Today I'm wearing a skirt I bought when my mom was visiting in September. I remember picking it up at Kohl's and thinking that it looked so small. It was tight, but doable and I bought it. Today, I'm wearing it and it fits great! I feel like $1,000,000. I have a business dinner tonight and I feel professional and hot! It is just so hard to imagine that I will probably be too small for this cute little skirt by Christmas.
     
    Busy - I have so much planned between now and my tonsilectomy! There is something ever single day or night between now and then. I guess I wanted to get everything in before I'm down for the count. I mentioned that tonight is a work dinner. I'm sure we are going to go to some super fancy steakhouse which is going to be lost on me. I just haven't been able to do steak. Maybe they will have a fish option or something. I'm sure it will be delicious!
     
    Sorry for the incohesive thoughts today. It's Monday. :thumbup:
  7. LoseIt!

    Size 14s! Yippee!

    By LoseIt!,

    I wear jeans to work so I have a ton of them. 9 pairs, I think. Which seems crazy until I think about the fact that I literally wear them everyday. I remember a time when I didn't even OWN a pair of jeans!!

    I have had to retire a few pairs this week and I noticed that others were getting a little baggy. Last night I was running early for my dinner with a friend, so I stopped by Cato. I am now the owner of 2 new pairs of size 14 jeans!! (And a $6 slim fitting size 14 skirt which is still a little snug...but $6! And I know it will fit in a few weeks!!)

    I have gotten smaller a couple times in my adult life. I graduated high school around 185 and by the end of college I was 250. Around 1999, I got to 197 for a short time and in 2005 I got to 203 for a short time. Interestingly though, I don't think I ever bought size 14 jeans. I think 1999 was around the time I just didn't wear jeans and 2005 I didn't stay small long enough to get a proper fitting wardrobe. I know I won't be in these jeans long, but it is nice to know that this time it is because I will be heading for size 12s!!

    I was trying to remember when I bought my current size 16 jeans and I think it was only a month or so ago. And I know that I didn't fit into the 14s at that time. I only lost ONE POUND in the last month, so it just goes to show you that you can't always go by the scale. :-)

    I'm having such a feel good day! It is such a rush to wear something new and SMALLER!

    I'm out tomorrow and the weekend for the NASCAR races getting my redneck on, so have a wonderful weekend, my LBT friends!!

    Beth
  8. LoseIt!
    Tuesday, I went to the doctor because I was sick. While the doc was feeling up my tonsils, he seemed to get serious and really started pressing on my neck. He said that he was feeling small nodes on my thyroid.
     
    He went on to say that I needed to get an ultrasound to confirm. He said that he has found several of these types of nodes on patients and only twice has it turned out to be anything. But in both of those cases, it was found so early, that they were easily treatable.
     
    So, today I went for my ultrasound. My first prayer is that my doc's fingers are too sensitive and there isn't actually anything there. :-) Until I hear otherwise, I will do my best not to think about it.
     
    On another note, I had a nice time with my cousin last night. We have so many biological (?) things in common, but our personalities are very different. We talked some about our weight struggles. It definitely runs in our family.
     
    I do enjoy my downtime at home by myself, but I really like to surround myself with people. Joni, on the other hand, is more of a loner. She was showing me pictures of her last few years and she spends a lot of time camping on her own. I admire her a lot for doing so much on her own and not letting it stop her.
     
    Although I don't think we have enough in common to be the best of friends, I am glad she is back in my life. I think family is important and I do hope that we keep in touch.
     
    Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
     
    Beth
  9. LoseIt!

    Yay for fills!

    By LoseIt!,

    First, I want to stress that I truly wasn't compliment fishing yesterday. I was just so happy that I had seemed to get past a mental block of mine. But your comments just made me feel so good. Especially you, Janet! Your email made me decide to change my avatar, so I will be doing that soon! Thank you all, truly.
     
    Okay, onto the rest. I was sick yesterday. I'm afraid that until I get my tonsilectomy (29 more days) I will be constantly fighting this. But I went to the doctor and got some meds. About 2 hours after I took them, I started feeling better. I think it was the steroids. I feel SO MUCH better today. It is like I am a different person.
     
    But I was determined to get my fill yesterday. So I went and told the doctor that I wasn't as concerned with how much I was eating at once as I was that it didn't keep me full for very long. He took a look and gave me .25 cc's. The last few times I got fills, I only got .1 cc, so this is quite a bit more. I was a little nervous that it would be too much. I sipped my water just fine and I left.
     
    I had asked my PCP for liquid antibiotics, but it turned out that none of the pharmacies (including the compounding pharmacies) have them in stock. I would have had to wait until today (probably this evening) to start taking them. So I went with the horse pills. The steroids were small and caused me no issues. I crushed up the pill and put it in my frozen custard. It tasted disgusting, but went down just fine.
     
    I had a lot of gurgling through the evening, but I didn't have any reflux problems while I was sleeping. YAY!
     
    Today, I had my coffee and smoothie for breakfast. I took my steroids and even popped my full antibiotic without thinking about it and it went down just fine. I guess I'm not TOO FULL at all! :scared2:
     
    I'm eating some soup for lunch today and I will do that tonight too. Tomorrow I will start on some mushy soft stuff like mashed potatoes or something.
     
    I'm sitting out of Jazzercise tonight. It is hard for me to really get up the energy when I haven't eaten anything solid. BUT, my cousin is coming for a visit tomorrow and I am going to go home and organize at home. My housekeeper comes tomorrow and she will clean, but I need to sort out the clutter. That should burn a few calories for sure!
     
    Last night I got on my Wii Fit for the first time in MONTHS. I'm surprised my little Mii believed it was me. Anyway, I had lost 60 pounds since the previous time which was AWESOME to see!! But I had to laugh when the Wii still made sad noises and told me I was obese. Stupid Wii. BUT I was happy to see that the line didn't go off the charts anymore, it just hovered in the obese section.
     
    And finally, I get to today's clothing choice. My favorite part! The last time I had lost a lot of weight was 2005-2006. In 2006, my company took on a new partner company and my group tripled in size. I was in charge of the hiring and averaged 2 interviews a day. There would be some days I would have FIVE! I felt like an HR person...it was good experience though. Anyway, I had no time for myself and I put on about 50 pounds in 6 months. I hung there for about 3 years before I gained another 30 pounds and started this journey.
     
    Sooo...at the end of Winter 2006, before I had gained anything, my mom and I went shopping. I tried on a XL sweater dress that I never dreamed would fit me. Not only did it fit, but it looked spectacular! Unfortunately, since it was the end of the season, I couldn't wear it and I put it in the closet until the following Winter. Well, we all know what comes next. By that time, I was entirely to big to fit into the dress.
     
    BUT I kept it all this time and today, I took it out of the closet, took off the tags and wore it! Woo hoo! I wanted to take a pic for my mom, so I thought I would go ahead and include it. I'm 2 pounds away from the lowest I was at that time and only 8 pounds from the lowest I have ever been as an adult (1999). It is so close that I can taste it!
  10. LoseIt!

    Space & pics

    By LoseIt!,

    What a wonderful weekend at the NASCAR races! We always have a good time, but this weekend seemed particularly fun.
     
    I have noticed something interesting about thin people vs. fat people. Now don't get me wrong, this is going to be a generalization (and honestly, there is no good or bad) but just something I noticed. Overweight people (especially women) are typically very aware of the space around them and how they fit into that space, more so in my opinion than thinner people.
     
    Example #1 - My BFF Cori is not only thin, she is petite. At 5'0" tall and small build, she doesn't often have to worry about much in the size department. There were four of us at lunch the other day sitting in a booth. Cori & I both scooted in to each end. I put my purse on the floor and my jacket on my lap to make sure that the other person in my seat (a super petite person) had plenty of room. I was sitting with my arm touching the wall so I was as far over as I could be. I noticed that Cori put her purse by her side against the wall of the booth and was seated more toward the middle. They seemed to have plenty of room, so it certainly isn't a big deal. But it did make me realize that I think about the space that I take up (even though it is WAY less now) more than smaller people.
     
    Example #2 - I was at a company event and we were all in a big room standing in a circle. There were these desk tables around the room and I decided to sit on one. I precariously perched on it and settled in with as little weight movement as possible. A guy I work with who probably weighs 60 pounds less than me came over and jumped on it with the full force of his body. I cringed as I waited for the desk to settle. It didn't break and I was so relieved. It is funny because Chris didn't think anything about it, but if the desk would have fallen down, I would have been mortified. I would have felt that people would have been looking at me...not him. Again, he didn't do anything wrong at all. I just noticed that we approached doing the same thing very differently.
     
    As a fat person(for I will always be that in my mind, I feel), I think I will always be more concious of my surroundings. I think sometimes that will be a very good thing and sometimes I think it will be a bad thing. It is just something that will make me a little different from someone who has never experienced literally not being able to fit in.
     
    Now...picture time! Today I will post my spandex pics and tomorrow I will post my casuals. Changes are way more subtle now, but I can still see them.
     
    I have attached my front pics from last month and this month. And I included side pics from the start, last month and this month. I think I'm actually feeling better about my arms. :-)
  11. LoseIt!

    Hot & Cold

    By LoseIt!,

    After my run yesterday morning, I was SO hot. I even took a cold shower to help cool me off. I was fine most of the day until the afternoon. My office is always cold, but since I'm so hot natured, I never needed anything more than a fleece jacket. But yesterday, I was freezing. I made it through the afternoon (SHIVERING!) and went to Jazzercise.
     
    While I was warm through class, I wasn't ridiculously hot like I usually am when I work out. After class, I felt chilled to the bone. When I got home, I turned my heater on 74 (it is usually on 68-70 in the colder months) and wrapped up like a burrito in my blanket. I finally warmed up in time for bed. But then I was so hot I couldn't sleep!! HAHA!
     
    This morning I tried to dress appropriately. I'm wearing a long sleeved T-shirt. Over that I have on a short sleeved sweater. Over that I have on a boiled wool jacket. That should be enough layers to take care of any situation!! :-) Right now with all of these clothes on, I'm comfortable.
     
    It's possible that I've not been this small as an adult in cold weather. Or at least not for long. It will be interesting to see if at 36 I turn into a cold person after being hot all my life or if this was a one day phenomenon.
     
    Happy Wednesday everybody!
  12. LoseIt!

    November begins

    By LoseIt!,

    November is off with a bang! Last night was my standard Jazzercise and it felt good. We did a lot of jumping which my feet grumbled about, but I was able to do most all of it! We did a move called a reverse plank where you are sitting with your feet straight out and you lift your body off the floor using your arms. That wasn't so bad. But then we had to take turns raising each leg in the air...that was hard! And I'm quite sure I wouldn't have been able to do it 50 pounds ago, much less 75!
     
    Last night I sadly watched the Texas Rangers finish their spectalcular season. They were SO fun to watch and they truly made a fan of me. Once the game was over, I switched to MNF to watch my beloved Colts. It was nice to have a win to offset some of the World Series sadness. :-) Thank goodness I'm not a Cowboys fan!!! HAHA!
     
    This morning I got up extra early and went for a 1.75 mile run. It is still really hard, but I feel better when it is done. I got ready and went to vote.
     
    Cori & I usually ride together on election days, but we have different schedules today so I headed to the polling place alone this morning. Once I got there to check in, my name wasn't on the list. As they were calling it in, Cori walked in and she wasn't on the list either. Luckily, Cori had her voting card and it turns out that our precinct moved. Excellent! So off to the next polling place. I did my civic duty and STILL made it to work early.
     
    Happy Election Day! If nothing else, all the negative ads will be behind us for a few months.
  13. LoseIt!

    My Beautiful Cousin

    By LoseIt!,

    I had an interesting and meaningful experience this morning. It is a little outside my normal blog feel, so I’m posting separately. But it meant a lot to me and I wanted to share.
     
    As a child, I looked up to my older cousin Tammy. In a big family, she was the oldest girl and hung out with all the older boys. There were 13 of us cousins and growing up we spent a lot of time together on my grandparent’s farm. We were so blessed to have that time together. I remember idolizing Tammy when I was in elementary school…she was probably in high school around that time. I thought she was so beautiful. I caught the bouquet at her wedding to handsome Mike. She was radiant that day.
     
    Several years later, Tammy was attacked at her job. I was somewhat young and wasn’t privy to the details, but I know it wasn’t good. From that point on, she was never able to pull out of the spiral that began. She was in unsuccessful therapy, on too many pills and lived with her enabling mother. She lost her husband, her job, her friends, and her happiness. She was terribly obese. At our family get-togethers, she would eat and eat and eat. It was devastating to watch. I understand now that Tammy always had an eating problem…just like everyone else in my family, including me. I honestly believe it is hereditary. We all have weight issues, although some have a better handle on it than others. She had just gotten to the point where she couldn’t or didn’t want (or didn’t have the energy) to control it. Several years ago, Tammy passed away in her sleep. I’m not sure if they every actually figured out the true cause. But in my heart, Tammy just gave up on life.
     
    This morning, I was dreaming about Tammy. I was having a conversation with her and her two sisters (sisters that do not exist in reality and I’m not sure what/who they symbolize). I don’t really remember that conversation, but I do know that it was a positive and happy one. Still in the dream, I called my mom. I told her about the conversation and although she didn’t mention the sisters she did remind me that Tammy had died so it couldn’t have been her. I told her that I forgot Tammy had died, but I KNEW it was her. Of that I was sure. The conversation ended.
     
    Still in the dream, I was standing at a bathroom mirror. I laid my hands flat on the counter and bowed my head. I said to Tammy that I know it was you and I know you are here with me now. I asked her to give me a sign that she was with me. I looked up into the mirror with my hands firmly on the counter. My reflection was there pointing straight at me. It startled me, but then my body became warm and I started to wake up. Before I completely let go, I told her that “I knew it.”
     
    Whether I believe that Tammy’s spirit was truly with me or whether I believe it was simply a dream is irrelevant. I know that Tammy would be behind me and appreciate what I am doing to change my life. It also helps reaffirm what I am fighting for. Although I am not Tammy, I do think that we share many similarities. I could very easily follow her path. But I’m choosing something different. I’m forging my own way and I WILL be successful. I love you Tammy and I promise that you will always be in my heart.
     
    Beth
  14. LoseIt!
    First and foremost (ripping off the bandaid), the bad news is that I only lost one pound in October. Yikes! I know you are not supposed to say "only" because a pound lost is a pound lost. And for that, I am thankful. If I had worked hard for this pound, then I would be thrilled! But you all know with all of my vacations and Halloween, etc., I have spent a lot of time off the wagon this month. That's okay and I'm not beating myself up about it, but that is why I am only one pound down. Time to pay the piper!!
     
    HOWEVER, there is a lot of good news too. That one pound took me out of Class 2 obesity and into Class 1. That is a nice goal to reach! Also, I lost 7 inches on my body this month, including 2.5" on my bust, 1.5" on my waist and over a half inch on each upper arm. So, I'm tightening up and getting smaller which is the real goal anyway. Also...2nd 5K! I attached a picture from the race. I'm getting stronger and increasing my stamina, so that's great!

    November, here I come!!
     

  15. LoseIt!

    Anther 5K in the books!

    By LoseIt!,

    I had a hard time getting to sleep last night since I was anxious about the run. When I did get up, I felt ready to go. Liz picked me up at 7:15am and we were off. It was a chilly morning, so I wore long pants and a sweatshirt over my Tshirt along with some gloves. When we got there, I didn't want to carry my sweatshirt around, so I shed it and just wore my Tshirt but I kept the gloves. Brrrr...
     
    We got there about a half hour early so we tried to keep moving to keep warm. Finally it was time for the race to start. We lined up at the back and followed the herd. There was a lengthy and kind of steep hill to start. At about the half mile mark, I was wondering why in the heck I was doing this!! I muscled through it and around the mile mark, I was able to settle in a bit. The start of the 2nd mile was a shorter steep hill which I was able to take easily. Liz kept up conversation for both of us which helped keep me distracted. About halfway through the race, I ditched my Target $1 gloves.
     
    Once we hit the two mile marker, I knew I was doing well. The third mile had one more medium hill and then it was time for the end which was down the hill that started the race. The last couple tenths I kicked to the absolute delight of Liz, ha! Liz timed us finishing at 45:14 and the official results showed 45:12. Since my last one was 48:03, I am very excited! My ultimately goal was 45:00, so I was REALLY close!!
     
    After some coffee, we made our way home. I'm so happy and proud of what I am accomplishing. My next run is on 12/04, so just over a month.
     
    Halloween is an evil holiday. People keep giving me candy and I just keep eating it. At least I'm logging it...
     
    Have a wonderful weekend!!
  16. LoseIt!

    Think "I AM a RUNNER!"

    By LoseIt!,

    Busy day ahead, so I don't have time for much. But I wanted to check in and ask for everyone to wish me luck on my 5K tomorrow! Although I have practiced a bit more, I'm still not ready to run 3.1 miles. Ha!
     
    But it will be fun since I'm doing it with a dear friend. I picked up my packet yesterday, so I'm ready to go!!
     
    I have a little bit of Halloween spirit today. I'm wearing a Rangers shirt (they are going to do SO much better at home) with some little devil horns (since I'm an ANGRY Ranger). I need to go by Target tonight because I need some Halloween socks and a long sleeved Tshirt to wear to the run. It's getting COLD in the mornings!!
     
    Have a super weekend everyone!
  17. LoseIt!

    Ready for a fill.

    By LoseIt!,

    I'm SO glad that I made the fill appointment. Yesterday, I really focused on what I was eating and my hunger. Morning was okay. I had my normal coffee then smoothie which generally gets me to lunchtime. I drink my coffee when I get to work and usually start my smoothie around 9:30. So, I'm not finished with it until 10:15 typically, and sometimes I'm not finished with it until 11:15 which is when we go to lunch.
     
    Yesterday, I had lunch in and gave up working out as I mentioned in my blog. I had some soup (which isn't a good choice for staying power) along with a few tortilla chips and hummus. In retrospect, something solid would have helped keep the hunger at bay longer. In this case, I was hungry by 3:00. I had some greek yogurt and was fine until dinner.
     
    By the time we got to the restaurant, I was starving. I did have a drink. It was called Between the Sheets. I asked the waiter (who I'm pretty sure was gay) how he liked Between the Sheets. Honest to goodness, I wasn't trying to be flirty, but it came out that way and my girlfriends thought it was hilarious. For the record, it was delicious! I was proud of myself because even though I'm able to eat bread, I passed on the deliciously-smelling rosemary bread that was delivered to our table. I ordered the tilapia dish which was grilled fish with the tastiest citrus caper sauce. It came with super thin cut fingerling potates and blanched arugula. I ate about half my fish and all of the potatoes. The problem came when my new waiter boyfriend gave me a complimentary red velvet cupcake. The place was known for their pastries, so who was I to say no?? I took my leftover fish (and the extra 2 cupcakes to my BFF who couldn't make it to dinner.) I stayed up to watch the disappointing Rangers game and by the time I went to bed, my stomach was growling. :-(
     
    Jax tells me that between my calories consumed and calories burned (I didn't work out at all yesterday), I should have broke even. I was up 2 tenths on the scale this morning, so that make sense. I fluctuate 2-4 tenths with bloating, easy.
     
    This is part of the process, I know. I will have to by hyper aware of what I'm eating. I will have to eat healthier because I'm requiring bigger portions to keep me full. That...and exercise...is what I will have to do until I can get some help with my fill. i will NOT let this set me back.
     
    As frustrating as it is, I will probably not realistically reach Onederland by Thanksgiving. But that's okay. As long as I don't gain anything until my fill, I will consider it a success. After that, I will reevaluate. :-)
     
    On a final note...I saw a friend last night that I hadn't seen in two months (actually, more like 10 weeks) because she was unable to make it to our last monthly dinner. She went on and on about how much weight I had lost and how good I looked. I've lost 12 pounds in that time which is more that I realized. I told my mom that I had only lost about 7 pounds since I had seen her. Ha! Anyway, 12 pounds is still less than 20% of my total weightloss. But I think those 12 pounds really made a substantial difference.
     
    Okay, really the final note...today I'm wearing some skinny jeans. I've never worn skinny jeans before because they make my butt and thighs look to big. But I bought these and paired them with a black shirt and longish black and white cardigan. I have on tall black leather boots outside of the jeans. This is a real fashion risk for me, people! :-) I feel myself ready to make some bolder choices. Maybe it is the hair!
     
    We are almost to the weekend, everybody! Hang on!!
  18. LoseIt!

    Flexible or lazy?

    By LoseIt!,

    One beautiful thing that has come from my transition over the last couple of years is that I am much more flexible and I can work through my stress in a more productive way. I have a contract employee that is supposed to work for me 3 days a week. She is wonderful person and capable of doing a fabulous job. However, she is pregnant and very sick...legitimately, ridiculously sick. My heart goes out to her and what is even worse is that with her first baby she was sick through the ENTIRE pregnancy. I just can't even imagine! But in the meantime, the work just isn't getting done and I'm starting to feel the walls closing in.
     
    I took a minute to just stop and evaluate. First, I realized that I was stressing a lot about getting my exercise in. While I DO NOT want to give up on my exercise, I do need to be realistic. I have been working out more lately to offset the extra I eat because of my hunger. I decided that it makes sense to take a lunch hour and go get a fill. I'm not sure why I felt that I should put it off. I eat well over a cup of food at each meal and I'm still quite hungry between meals. Common sense says, time for a fill and that is what I'm going to do. I have to wait until 11/09 because that is first opening, but it is scheduled and that is one thing off the list of stressers.
     
    Second, I am going to have to work some overtime. That's quite okay, but I have to figure out what I'm going to give up to do it. Today, I'm not willing to give up dinner with friends, so I gave up walking at lunch. I will make a concentrated effort to do SOMETHING when I get home. Maybe 100 crunches and 20 pushups? And I will be okay with that and not beat myself up.
     
    I'm still Jazzercising tomorrow and running on Saturday. That is still over 3 hours of exercise for the week, so nothing to sneeze at.
     
    I will also endeavor to make good choices at dinner tonight. I have done quite well with food this week, so far...especially since I have been so hungry.
     
    So, to summarize, I have to find the balance between JUSTIFCATION and FLEXIBILITY. I have a feeling that it is going to be a long lesson.
     
    Sidenote: several people have asked me about Jax. Jax is my Bodybugg. You can learn about it at bodybugg.com. They aren't for everyone, but I have found (as a person who thrives on data) it to be extrememly helpful. Two thoughts...first, the separate display screen isn't necessary to purchase. I haven't used mine since the second week I had it. Second, you will have to log everything you eat to be successful. I never did that before, but I do now. The numbers don't lie and it forces me to truly evaluate myself.
     
    Peace out!! :-)
  19. LoseIt!

    On an upswing today!

    By LoseIt!,

    So far, so good. I woke up this morning and, as usual, weighed first thing. All but 2 tenths of the vacation weight gain had melted away...yay!! I was able to get up a little later than normal because I'm staying home this morning while I wait for my new chair. I attached a picture. It is a little wild, but the rest of my room is kind of plain so I'm hoping it looks good!
     
    Anyway, I went for my run. It took me 27 minutes to run 1.75 miles. Since I would like to run my 5K on Saturday in 45 minutes, I'm off the pace. This morning's pace is more like my Labor Day run pace. So, yay for doing it, but boo for not improving much.
     
    The whole first mile, I kept thinking that there would be no way I could do this tomorrow. I just hurt too much. But as soon as I was done, I was totally planning to do it again. Ha! No pain, no gain! :thumbup:
     
    I have just over 9 pounds to lose by Thanksgiving, so I have to keep at it. Yesterday, I did well with my calories and I was proud of my choices. I really wanted some ice cream last night, but I refrained! It's the little things that make me happy.
     
    So, my run is Saturday and it is Halloween weekend. I have a Halloween shirt and some devil horns, but I was hoping to find something more. I bought a pair of "one size fits most" halloween tights last weekend, but they were too small. I will keep them for next year! I would like to find something like that though.
     
    Have a great day everyone!!
  20. LoseIt!
    According to my scale, I gained 2.5 lbs this weekend while on vacation. Whoops! Now, much of that (I think) is bloating which happens to me when I travel. Based on history, I feel sure I will be down at least 2 of those in the next day or two. So, while it is an annoyance, I'm not really freaked out.
     
    However, what I am starting to notice is my general lack of discipline. I haven't been acting "out of control" per se, but I have been following more of a maintenance plan than a "losing" plan.
     
    Interestingly, from the day I got Jax at the end of July, I logged information every single day. That is, until the first weekend in October when I went to NOLA. Then there is a gap the next weekend when I went to Indy. Then another gap the next weekend when I WAS HOME! And another gap this weekend while I was in NC. I find it interesting because for the nine weeks I wore Jax and recorded info, I lost weight every week but one.
     
    In the four weeks since, I have lost twice and gained twice. So what does that tell me? It is obvious to me that I need the accountabilitiy.
     
    So, I went back over this weekend and tried to log absolutely everything I ate and it is not a pretty sight. Did you know that Starbucks lemon pound cake has 500 calories?? I don't even like it that much!!
     
    I'm sure it comes to no shock to you at all that I have a plan. :thumbup:
     
    1. For the next 4 weeks prior to Thanksgiving, I'm going to focus on good food choices. I'm not saying it is going to be all chicken breasts and veggies, but I will truly shoot for that 1,000 calorie deficit a day. (My goal is to consume 1800-2000 calories and burn 2800-3000.)
     
    2. But that requires exercise. So I'm adding the morning runs. This is going to be SO HARD for me. But it is time. So, twice per week (and I can choose the days that work best with my schedule), I will run in the mornings before work. This week I plan today and tomorrow.
     
    3. Also, I will not lessen my other workouts because I have added the morning runs. That means 2-3 Jazzercise classes per week and a total of 5-7 work outs per week. This week, I will Jazzercise tonight and Thursday. I will also work out at lunch (bike or walking) Tuesday and Wednesday. Plus I have my 5K on Saturday. So, that will be 7 separate work outs for a total of 4 1/2 hours.
     
    I know I can do it. I don't even question that anymore. I just have to make myself get it done! I need to focus on how it is going to make me feel.
     
    By the way, I had a FABULOUS time with my friend and godson! The Outer Banks area is beautiful and the weather was spectacular. We went on a Wild Horse tour which was a lot of fun. I have included some pictures from the trip.
     
    Happy Monday!
  21. LoseIt!

    Monday it is...

    By LoseIt!,

    I don't like to dwell, so I'm dealing with the hair situation. I know it isn't a bad cut because some people REALLY seem to like it. But I've figured out that it just isn't me. I think it will take about 3 or 4 months to really get it grown out enough to get the cut I want. I think there are a lot of people that look super cute with short hair, I just don't think I'm one of them.
     
    I went and bought a few little barrettes and headbands to jazz it up a little bit. It is what it is. From here on out, I will just work it the best way I know how. :thumbup: Like several of you said, it is just hair and it will grow back. No big life change.
     
    So, other than the hair debacle. the weekend went well. Friday, I sat at home and watched the sad, sad Rangers game. Saturday, I sat at home and watched the super fun Rangers game! It was a nice treat to cheer me up. Then we went for tacos, which is another treat!
     
    After church and breakfast yesterday, my BFF and I went to see a show. We have season tickets to a regional theater in Dallas. They are quite a liberal group and can get a bit risque, but they always put on an excellent show. And they are never boring!! Yesterday was no exception.
     
    Last night I finished my weekend with the Colts game. Since that ended well, I would say I had a good weekend.
     
    Hope your Monday is a good one!
  22. LoseIt!

    I'm tired.

    By LoseIt!,

    Since the surgery and losing so much weight (and being more active), I have had so much more energy. I think that is why when I'm feeling drained these days, I really notice it more.
     
    I think I just packed October with a little too much. I have enjoyed my trips and such, but I like my down time. I'm so looking forward to seeing my friend Ann and my godson, but the thought of getting on another airplane tomorrow is exhausting. Oh well, once I get there I will have a ton of fun!
     
    Besides, Jazzercise tonight should pick me up a bit. I think I have been so busy I haven't been focusing on my work outs which is adding to the lethargy. I guess I just need to get used to it. Things won't get "back to normal" until 2011!
     
    Hair update: I think I'm finally used to it. I still don't LOVE it, but I am starting to dig it just a little bit. That's progress!
  23. LoseIt!

    More progress pictures.

    By LoseIt!,

    It is unbelievable how busy I am at work this week, so this blog entry will have to be quick. :-) I hope to get caught up on all my blog reading tonight!!
     
    I'm meeting my sorority little sis for dinner tonight. It will be the first time we have seen each other in almost 15 years!! We reconnected through Facebook and figured out that we both live in the DFW area. That was over a year ago!! But we are finally getting together and I'm so excited. I can tell through her FB posts that she has lost a lot of weight this year and she has really been working at it. She's been an inspiration to me! Her pictures now look like the same Shannon I knew in college. :-)
     
    As promised I'm attaching my spandex progress pics. The changes are definitely more subtle, but I can tell that the once "sausage casing-like" shirt is now getting baggy. Yay! Plus, I'm starting to have a break between my chest and belly, so that's nice.
     
    Have a great day everyone! Hope to catch up more tomorrow.
  24. LoseIt!
    Thank you all very, very much for your sweet comments about my hair. I'm officially on board with it (well, at least 80% and that's more than passing). I'm loving the fact that it only takes about 3 minutes to dry! The next test will be how it works out after my lunch runs. I'm not too worried about it though because my work folks have seen me about ever which way. :-)
     
    So, I'm completely obsessed with the Rangers. I will admit that I'm a Bandwagon fan. I never got into baseball. But I LOVE watching the Rangers in the playoffs. First, the boys are super cute, so that never hurts. But I also love sports and competition and watching the Rangers and Yankees is just fun. Claw! (For those not in the know, the Rangers have the symbols of antlers and claw. Antlers represent speed and the claw is kind of a "high five".) So if you see a random CLAW in my posts over the coming days, that what it means. :-) Go Rangers!
     
    Today is a bit of a tough day. One of my coworkers (from our East Coast office) is leaving my company. I have worked closely with him for over 10 years and he has played a big hand in shaping my career. We are friends as well as coworkers so I think we will keep in some kind of touch, but it won't be the same. Life moves on and everyone needs to do what is right for them, so I hold him no ill feelings and wish him the best. But I will miss him very much! At least he is going to be in town today (with another coworker from the East that I'm friends with as well), so I will get to say goodbye.
     
    On another note, I measured the block around my apartment complex and it is 1.7 miles long. I want to start doing some running in the mornings, but I probably won't start until at least next week. Maybe 2 days a week?
     
    Again, thank you all so much for your support and kind words. I love feedback! It makes such a difference knowing you are out there pulling for me. Know that I am here for you too!!
     
    Beth
  25. LoseIt!
    Well, I got the big haircut today. There were piles of hair everywhere! I would post a picture of the winning style, but I can't. My wonderful stylist of 15 years went rogue. Chop, chop, chop. After venting to my mom for 30 minutes and crying about it for an hour...I took a shower spruced up and starting looking at it objectively.

    What I was originally seeing was just short hair. My mind was screaming "boy", "butch", and "soccer mom". Sigh. All of the pictures I had were of medium length. Short in the back but with the sides and top long so it was roughly all one length. What I got was short all over, just shy of a pixie cut.

    I am proud of myself because I did express my displeasure and did get her to get rid of the scary "roundness" of it all. She did admit that she cut it too short on top, but I can't get too mad at her. She has been an AWESOME stylist for so many years. I think she may have been distracted today because she had to tell me she was dropping me as a client. I knew it was coming because she has been wanting to scale back. I wish she wouldn't have been so nervous about it... :-) Ha!

    Anyway, now that I look at it, it is a cute cut. Just VERY short. Thank goodness I'm 75 pounds lighter and feeling better about my body. This cut last year would have put me in the looney bin, i think.

    I tried to take a picture but I can't get a good one of myself. I will try and have someone take one on Monday.

    I guess one silver lining is that it is going to inspire me to lose more weight just to stay confident with it. All in all, I wanted something different to emphasize my transformation and I got that. It certainly makes a statement. I'm determined to make that statement "I'm a confident and sassy woman!" and not "I hate my hair."

    Have a great weekend!

    Beth

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