ldswims

I always find some satisfaction in outperforming those judgemental pricks! My husband and I went on our honeymoon last year to Antigua. While there, we did an excursion that was a speed boat trip around the island. We stopped in one place to swim with stingrays and in another place to snorkel and in a third place for lunch on one of the top 10 world's most beautiful beaches. It was advised to not do this excursion if you were not physically fit. I swim 3 miles in the open ocean without getting winded. I'm FIT. 'Nuff said. So I get out of the boat to swim with the stingrays. I'm swimming faster WITHOUT fins than the "fit" people were WITH fins. Get back in the boat - and mind you, no one on this excursion will talk to me or if I move around to the groups, they are squeezing me out - cause I just don't look good - and they figure I'm done with my activity for this day long excursion. Get to the snorkeling place. We are on the windward side so the currents we had to swim against are pushing us back. Will be good when we swim back to the boat - but getting away from the boat was not the easiest. We were supposed to line up behind the snorkel guide so he could point us in the best direction for snorkeling. There is a place to snorkel for "weak swimmers" and a place for "strong swimmers". I'm strong. And I want to see MORE. So I head off with the strong swimmers. Another participant stops me and says, literally - don't you think you should probably stay in the boat? You don't need to be holding us back. Nope. That's not what I think AT ALL! I couldn't swim SLOW enough for that group. I was free diving to 45 feet while the "fit folks" couldn't even bob below the surface. We swam back to the boat after a hour long snorkel trip - and they ALL apologized to me. One person said, I just assumed because of how you look that you couldn't do it. I'm sorry for judging you. That's about the only time in my life I can think of people apologizing for being judgemental. Straight to my face. At the third stop, I ate far less than anyone else, of course. Someone said - after all this activity you've got to be hungry. Nope. Can't explain it. But not. And after lunch - ALL them fit people went to sleep on the beach - and I was out in the water playing in the surf. Got back on the boat and enjoyed the rest of the trip around the island. When we got back to the resort one of the tour guides pulled me aside and said he'd never seen such a strong swimmer and if I ever wanted a job in Antigua - look them up. When they have to eat their own judgements, inside it makes me jump for joy. All I can say - just remember how this all felt when you are skinny (not that you wouldn't). And I know what you mean, NewMechelle about family. They assume I'm lazy and a slob more than any stranger...although, unlike strangers who don't think twice about it later on, my family just talk about me behind my back and to my face say it's no big deal. My family is the WORST!

Xavier - that's a great idea! We have quite the assortment, too - so could still keep the parents who don't want their kids to have caffeine happy as well, with the root beers and cream sodas and big reds. I think we are planning to keep the 7-Up's and Ginger Ales around though. Imaluckydog - yeah, soda is CRAP. Bad crap! I LOVE water. Always have. My whole life revolves around water - I'm an Oceanographer by degree although am in exploration of the marine environment now - by title nowadays I'm a Geophysicist - but it's all marine. Swam before I could walk. Served in the Navy for ten years. I love being on the water, in the water, under the water - and I most certainly love love love having the water in me! I'm lucky - the water here at work is the water I love the best. I can drink it all day - and I do - and is part of the reason why I never crave sodas around here. My water at home is pretty good, too. Margaritadlc - yes - I definitely have a racing mind. I love my coffee, too - although since I can drink that black am not so worried about that one. I'm weird with the coffee - I only drink it Monday - Friday and not right when I get up but rather after I get to work. For me, otherwise, coffee is the perfect desert. And since I don't like desert - that works well. If we go out with friends, they order whatever they are getting and I sip some coffee. I understand about the fountain drinks - they can be better...and then again...they can also be worse. So the update on this is I didn't drink a soda yesterday, either. So it was three days with no soda. On the way out the door this morning, I was thirsty and wanted something with my breakfast so my husband and I split a Dr. Pepper. It did not even remotely taste good! YAY! I am not saying no more ever ever ever - if it sounds good, in the next six months, I'll drink one - or more likely split one with my husband. But I think I am getting back to my old me - the me I was raised as - that didn't drink sodas. And THIS is good!

I hear you on the process being discouraging. They sure don't make it easy and I'm sure this process (all the varied processes depending on the varied insurance companies) does turn away quite a number of people! Everything happens for a reason. So while it may never be clear what that reason is, maybe Dr. Gohil is the best option. That's very cool that you get to keep the same surgery date! I wish you the best!

If she hates you then you are doing a good job. Her job right now is to test everything. And as miserable as that is for you, you sound like you are doing very well with it all. And you are right - you have many years in the future in which to be friends. But if you become friends now, she really will hate you in the future.

My BMI is 43...so I have some wiggle room but not a lot for loss. I have to follow the BMI of 40 as I have no comorbidities... What I am doing to not lose too much weight is actually backing off the weighlifting. I have always had good luck with losing weight via weightlifting so while I'm not not weightlifting, I'm not hitting the weights as hard. I will say, too - I've backed off of the eating - but I'm HUNGRY! Makes me wish for the band and better control. :thumbup: I think some of why I can do this right now is where I am in my monthly cycle. I suspect in a week or so I'll be FAMISHED and that will be the end of that. :tt2:

I'm a nut. I'm weird. I LIKE to blog. I even like it when people read my blogs. I like it even more when people comment on my blogs. Today's blog is all about what I have not had in two days. A SODA! I'm a Dr. Pepper junkie. I think that is truly my worst habit. And I know that where ever I go with this - I NEED TO GIVE IT UP! It may or may not be the root of my problems - but it doesn't matter. Just the expense should be enough to be happy about giving it up! When I went in for my first weight loss appointment last week I told the NP that I was going to start working on this, figuring, I've got six months to ween myself. And over the weekend, I did actually drink less soda. And I thought to myself, well, if I can keep this up, by the time we work through all the twelve packs we have saved for moving into the refrigerator that holds nothing but soda, well, I should be able to make it last for six months. I don't drink soda at work. Don't buy them out of the vending machines and don't bring one with me. Usually, I get home and grab one on the way into the house (that "soda refrigerator" is in the garage). Monday - I didn't grab one. Nor did I ever go out there to get one. Tuesday - I didn't grab one. Nor did I ever go out there to get one. To me, this is like quitting smoking. I quit smoking cold turkey when I'd decided enough was enough. Just quit. And never really looked back. About two days into that, I realized I was fine. And I've never picked up another cigarette since then. I have been a non-smoker now for four years. Ironically, my lung capacity has decreased...but that's neither here nor there. So. I'm thinking, if I'm two days without a soda now - and I'm fine with it - then maybe it's all good. Not craving one. Not missing one. Not anything about soda. I might just give them all away! Or not. Who knows. But what I do know is this is awesome to me! So far, about a week into my "supervised weight loss" - I've cut all my meals down to half. Half a breakfast. Half a lunch. Half a dinner. But not half the water...and now I'm working on three days of no soda...YAY!

I'm a nut. I'm weird. I LIKE to blog. I even like it when people read my blogs. I like it even more when people comment on my blogs. Today's blog is all about what I have not had in two days. A SODA! I'm a Dr. Pepper junkie. I think that is truly my worst habit. And I know that where ever I go with this - I NEED TO GIVE IT UP! It may or may not be the root of my problems - but it doesn't matter. Just the expense should be enough to be happy about giving it up! When I went in for my first weight loss appointment last week I told the NP that I was going to start working on this, figuring, I've got six months to ween myself. And over the weekend, I did actually drink less soda. And I thought to myself, well, if I can keep this up, by the time we work through all the twelve packs we have saved for moving into the refrigerator that holds nothing but soda, well, I should be able to make it last for six months. I don't drink soda at work. Don't buy them out of the vending machines and don't bring one with me. Usually, I get home and grab one on the way into the house (that "soda refrigerator" is in the garage). Monday - I didn't grab one. Nor did I ever go out there to get one. Tuesday - I didn't grab one. Nor did I ever go out there to get one. To me, this is like quitting smoking. I quit smoking cold turkey when I'd decided enough was enough. Just quit. And never really looked back. About two days into that, I realized I was fine. And I've never picked up another cigarette since then. I have been a non-smoker now for four years. Ironically, my lung capacity has decreased...but that's neither here nor there. So. I'm thinking, if I'm two days without a soda now - and I'm fine with it - then maybe it's all good. Not craving one. Not missing one. Not anything about soda. I might just give them all away! Or not. Who knows. But what I do know is this is awesome to me! So far, about a week into my "supervised weight loss" - I've cut all my meals down to half. Half a breakfast. Half a lunch. Half a dinner. But not half the water...and now I'm working on three days of no soda...YAY! :thumbup:

I understand the frustration completely. Just a little reminder, though. :thumbup: We aren't even halfway through Oct, yet. Almost - but not yet. :tt2:

Am I lieing to myself? I have generally always considered my weight struggle a hormone problem. I don't eat perfectly but I don't think I eat worse than the people I'm surrounded by who are thin and not struggling. We go out to dinner - they clean their plates - and they order feasts - and I nibble on salads. I cook for them once a week and they don't gain weight off of my food - but I do. I watch them eat desert night after night after night while I don't eat desert all that often. Not because I am holding myself back - but because I generally don't like sweet things. I HATE chocolate. I HATE ice cream. I dislike cake unless it's a very specific kind of cake with a very specific kind of frosting. I only like about three pies known to man. And in most cases, I don't bake them nor do I order them when we eat out. My one weakness for desert is creme brulee but I rarely end up in restaurants that offer it so would say I eat the stuff about three or four times a year. I don't generally eat bread except for with sandwiches. I don't go crazy with grazing throughout the day, in fact I eat three meals and one afternoon snack. Breakfast is a fruit smoothie with nonfat plain yogurt. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with a smidge of mayo. And dinner varies - during the week it's generally leftovers and on weekends is when I cook. It can range from pot roast to roasted chicken to sushi at our favorite sushi bar to Vietnamese grilled beef vermicelli to grilled fish... So am I lieing to myself? Is food my problem? Am I food addict and I don't know it? I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I DO eat out probably too much. But I also think I order wise things, for the most part. I'm not big on fried food - although on occasion some fried chicken IS good. Am I lieing to myself? Have the six nutritionists I've seen over the years been wrong when they said "your food is not your problem?" I've had TSH tests run on me multiple times just to find out I have HYPER-thyroidism. THAT does not make sense so no one treats it. I have had my metabolism measured a few times just to find out I have a fast metabolism. And yet the weight packs on. So am I lieing to myself? I swim, walk, lift weights three or four times a week. Swimming in the summer, walking otherwise. I garden - that burns calories when you are out there pulling out all those weeds with all the built up frustration you don't know you have. I am like a ping-pong ball when my husband and I TRY to sit down and watch a movie. I'm up every fifteen minutes to do this or that. My dog used to get so mad at me...he'd get all curled up and cozy and then ping, I'm off again. He thinks he has to follow me everywhere but by the time he was about three years old or so, he said 'forget it, do whatcha gotta do and I'll be here when you get back'. He has now found solace in the fact that my husband gets irritated by this, too. Just curls up with my husband if need be and they sit idly by watching me ping and pong about. So am I lieing to myself? Am I setting myself up for failure here? If I'm not lieing to myself - will this work for me? Can it help me? It almost seems like if I am lieing to myself, then yay. I can fix that!

Am I lieing to myself? I have generally always considered my weight struggle a hormone problem. I don't eat perfectly but I don't think I eat worse than the people I'm surrounded by who are thin and not struggling. We go out to dinner - they clean their plates - and they order feasts - and I nibble on salads. I cook for them once a week and they don't gain weight off of my food - but I do. I watch them eat desert night after night after night while I don't eat desert all that often. Not because I am holding myself back - but because I generally don't like sweet things. I HATE chocolate. I HATE ice cream. I dislike cake unless it's a very specific kind of cake with a very specific kind of frosting. I only like about three pies known to man. And in most cases, I don't bake them nor do I order them when we eat out. My one weakness for desert is creme brulee but I rarely end up in restaurants that offer it so would say I eat the stuff about three or four times a year. I don't generally eat bread except for with sandwiches. I don't go crazy with grazing throughout the day, in fact I eat three meals and one afternoon snack. Breakfast is a fruit smoothie with nonfat plain yogurt. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with a smidge of mayo. And dinner varies - during the week it's generally leftovers and on weekends is when I cook. It can range from pot roast to roasted chicken to sushi at our favorite sushi bar to Vietnamese grilled beef vermicelli to grilled fish... So am I lieing to myself? Is food my problem? Am I food addict and I don't know it? I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I DO eat out probably too much. But I also think I order wise things, for the most part. I'm not big on fried food - although on occasion some fried chicken IS good. Am I lieing to myself? Have the six nutritionists I've seen over the years been wrong when they said "your food is not your problem?" I've had TSH tests run on me multiple times just to find out I have HYPER-thyroidism. THAT does not make sense so no one treats it. I have had my metabolism measured a few times just to find out I have a fast metabolism. And yet the weight packs on. So am I lieing to myself? I swim, walk, lift weights three or four times a week. Swimming in the summer, walking otherwise. I garden - that burns calories when you are out there pulling out all those weeds with all the built up frustration you don't know you have. I am like a ping-pong ball when my husband and I TRY to sit down and watch a movie. I'm up every fifteen minutes to do this or that. My dog used to get so mad at me...he'd get all curled up and cozy and then ping, I'm off again. He thinks he has to follow me everywhere but by the time he was about three years old or so, he said 'forget it, do whatcha gotta do and I'll be here when you get back'. He has now found solace in the fact that my husband gets irritated by this, too. Just curls up with my husband if need be and they sit idly by watching me ping and pong about. So am I lieing to myself? Am I setting myself up for failure here? If I'm not lieing to myself - will this work for me? Can it help me? It almost seems like if I am lieing to myself, then yay. I can fix that!

Awesome! It's always the simplest things that can make it all seem worthwhile, eh?

That is a great idea. I will suggest that this evening, in fact. The one hard part here is he is just under the 40 BMI line. And he has no comorbidities. Our insurance plan requires two - I suspect he does have sleep apnea, but other than that, he doesn't have the other required. So at this point, he'd have to actually gain some weight to start the program. And I'm figuring that would put him about a month off of me. Nonetheless...tis quite worth suggesting!

Thursday night last week I went to the seminar. I don't know that it would have ever been required of me but I'm so glad I went. My husband went with me. And we both learned a lot. A lot almost seems like an understatement. And what's weird, was I already knew a lot - but it makes a difference hearing it from the surgeon. It makes a difference being able to ask questions of someone QUALIFIED to answer the questions. My husband learned a lot, too. And my husband and I both learned that he is on the border of being eligible for this himself. He thinks he can lose the weight on his own - by following the "diet" I am doing and continuing with his exercise program that he likes. I think there is potential for his yo-yo'ing to continue, though. I also think if we were doing this together, at the same time, on the same page - that would make it "easier". If we both had to do the liquid diet at the same time, for example, t'would be "easier" than if I do it and then six months later, he does it. If we both do the six month supervised weight loss together, t'would be easier, than if I do it and then he starts his program. He is like me - I KNOW he can lose the weight. But he's gained it back before, like me, multiple times. There is no easy answer for this, that's for sure. I surely can't push or cajol or try to convince him. He needs to decide on this for himself and no matter what he decides, I am and will always be by his side - just like he is for me. And no matter what, I know he is just as in this as I am. We had a long conversation this morning and some last night about cleaning out our pantry, about changing our approach to grocery shopping, about setting a menu on a Sunday, for example, doing our grocery shopping accordingly, and what we will no longer buy. Before I met my husband I was not an impulse buyer. I was also not in the shape I am currently, either. :wub: After I met my husband, I was able (as we wifes do) to retrain some habits - mostly not buying the little debbie crap and things like that. But he retrained me, too (as husbands do) and I now keep chips on hand, whereas the single me would not have. I now keep a second freezer full of meat and a second refrigerator full of sodas. We now both completey agree with each other that we quite simply CANNOT DO THAT! I grew up eating well, cooking well, exercising frequently (some might say too much), and generally active even when not exercising. From the age of four through high school I was on a swim team and I was good. I still am. I had to be on two sports teams all the time and the second thing bounced around from soccer to basketball to volleyball. Around junior high I switched to drill team and chearleading as my second thing. Around high school I was just doing swimming and drill and in my spare time I was in the choir and drum line. My mom ALWAYS steamed our vegetables - they were not soaked in broth and bacon fat or cheese or anything else. My mom always baked our fish and chicken - it was never fried and very rarely was it poached. We ate very small servings of carbs, if at all. We did not keep sodas in the house - we drank sugar free cool aid. I didn't eat my first dorito until I was 8 years old - and while it was good, I didn't care about them. And then I went in the Navy. Who in the world goes in the military to see their activity level DECREASE? Their food quality go bad? Their portions go up? The Navy is aware, though, that they have a problem. They were aware then and they were trying to fix it. But suffice it to say, in the Navy - I gained weight. In the Navy, in BOOT CAMP of all places, I lost a LOT of muscle tone which was my first step in the wrong direction. Anywho. I know how to do this. That's the story there. I have spent more of my life living healthy than not. However, add in some hormone complications of my late 20's and here I am...unable to lose it AND keep it off. And sadly, it, in the last year or so, has gotten to the point where I think, apparently, that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well eat what I want. And that's the part that's changing NOW! So Friday, I went to my first "weight loss appointment". I met the Nurse Practitioner in the new place - the practitioner that will be following me for my six months of supervised weight loss and exercise. I like her. Friendly. Non-judgemental. And straight forward. And she said - you already know what to do. So do it. And I'll see you in a month. She didn't sit there and preach to me about the importance of portion control. About the importance of balanced meals. About the importance of not drinking sodas. About the importance of exercise. She said "YOU ALREADY KNOW". And she's right. We ALL do. I read on here somewhere last week "If you want to know how to lose weight - ask a fat person" and that is so true. We KNOW how to lose it. We can't keep it OFF! I told a "friend" that Saturday night - a skinny girl who eats FIVE, yes FIVE pieces of PIE in one night and doesn't gain an inch and yet is always trying to lose weight - and she scoffed at me like :confused:. So I asked her - knowing she is ALWAYS wanting to lose weight - do YOUR "diets" work? No. See. Mine DO. I just can't KEEP it off. And hopefully this is the tool to help me be able to. Her answer. "Whatever". She seems to think that human beings cannot live on restricted calories. Since she can't (and doesn't need to) therefore no one should/could. Anyway... Friday was good. I was happy to be getting everything OFFICIALLY started. I go back on Nov 5 for the next check in. Now time seems to have slowed down. In the meantime - I should be able to pick up the letter of medical necessity from my PCP this week. Since my OB/GYN is someone with ongoing care, I should get a letter from him, too. I see him later this month. I need to also see a cardiologist since I have had issues with heart palpitations in the past. I see him later this month, as well. Finally, I've started trying to get into do my psych consult as well - although that's not been easy. I got a list of In-Network Providers from my insurance company and when I attempted to call SIX different practices on Friday, they were ALL closed for the day! Seriously. Not ONE mental health practitioner in my area works on Friday? Really? Whatever. My goal is to be able to turn in as much as possible when I go back on Nov 5th. This weekend was strangely emotional to me, though. Friday I was excited, happy, and certain. Saturday morning as I was waking up I was vaguely depressed. I just kept thinking in the back of my pea brain - no more bread EVER? But by the time I was fully awake I was back to my normal opinion - whatever. I am not a bread-aholic... Saturday night, had friends over for dinner - and skinny minny stood there in my family room judging me. I've had issues with her judgements already and am now of the opinion that she is just not ever going to understand. Sunday I had the vaguely depressed notions coming up again as I realized - no 'this', no 'that'. How to juggle this and that. Can I really not just do this on my own? That skinny minny got to me. Finally got to talk to my hubbie last night and he thinks that I CAN do this on my own - but thinks that this might also be a fail safe that would be worth it in the long run. He thinks that I should nevermind that skinny minny and chalk this up to experience. He thinks that no matter what, I should do this six month thing and then make a better informed decision then. So I woke up this morning thinking - we need to change how we grocery shop. We need to change our pantry. We need to change our refrigerators. And I need to go back to what my mom taught me, what I was raised with, what I know. And my hubbie is along for the ride. He's such a great man!

Thursday night last week I went to the seminar. I don't know that it would have ever been required of me but I'm so glad I went. My husband went with me. And we both learned a lot. A lot almost seems like an understatement. And what's weird, was I already knew a lot - but it makes a difference hearing it from the surgeon. It makes a difference being able to ask questions of someone QUALIFIED to answer the questions. My husband learned a lot, too. And my husband and I both learned that he is on the border of being eligible for this himself. He thinks he can lose the weight on his own - by following the "diet" I am doing and continuing with his exercise program that he likes. I think there is potential for his yo-yo'ing to continue, though. I also think if we were doing this together, at the same time, on the same page - that would make it "easier". If we both had to do the liquid diet at the same time, for example, t'would be "easier" than if I do it and then six months later, he does it. If we both do the six month supervised weight loss together, t'would be easier, than if I do it and then he starts his program. He is like me - I KNOW he can lose the weight. But he's gained it back before, like me, multiple times. There is no easy answer for this, that's for sure. I surely can't push or cajol or try to convince him. He needs to decide on this for himself and no matter what he decides, I am and will always be by his side - just like he is for me. And no matter what, I know he is just as in this as I am. We had a long conversation this morning and some last night about cleaning out our pantry, about changing our approach to grocery shopping, about setting a menu on a Sunday, for example, doing our grocery shopping accordingly, and what we will no longer buy. Before I met my husband I was not an impulse buyer. I was also not in the shape I am currently, either. :tt2: After I met my husband, I was able (as we wifes do) to retrain some habits - mostly not buying the little debbie crap and things like that. But he retrained me, too (as husbands do) and I now keep chips on hand, whereas the single me would not have. I now keep a second freezer full of meat and a second refrigerator full of sodas. We now both completey agree with each other that we quite simply CANNOT DO THAT! I grew up eating well, cooking well, exercising frequently (some might say too much), and generally active even when not exercising. From the age of four through high school I was on a swim team and I was good. I still am. I had to be on two sports teams all the time and the second thing bounced around from soccer to basketball to volleyball. Around junior high I switched to drill team and chearleading as my second thing. Around high school I was just doing swimming and drill and in my spare time I was in the choir and drum line. My mom ALWAYS steamed our vegetables - they were not soaked in broth and bacon fat or cheese or anything else. My mom always baked our fish and chicken - it was never fried and very rarely was it poached. We ate very small servings of carbs, if at all. We did not keep sodas in the house - we drank sugar free cool aid. I didn't eat my first dorito until I was 8 years old - and while it was good, I didn't care about them. And then I went in the Navy. Who in the world goes in the military to see their activity level DECREASE? Their food quality go bad? Their portions go up? The Navy is aware, though, that they have a problem. They were aware then and they were trying to fix it. But suffice it to say, in the Navy - I gained weight. In the Navy, in BOOT CAMP of all places, I lost a LOT of muscle tone which was my first step in the wrong direction. Anywho. I know how to do this. That's the story there. I have spent more of my life living healthy than not. However, add in some hormone complications of my late 20's and here I am...unable to lose it AND keep it off. And sadly, it, in the last year or so, has gotten to the point where I think, apparently, that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well eat what I want. And that's the part that's changing NOW! So Friday, I went to my first "weight loss appointment". I met the Nurse Practitioner in the new place - the practitioner that will be following me for my six months of supervised weight loss and exercise. I like her. Friendly. Non-judgemental. And straight forward. And she said - you already know what to do. So do it. And I'll see you in a month. She didn't sit there and preach to me about the importance of portion control. About the importance of balanced meals. About the importance of not drinking sodas. About the importance of exercise. She said "YOU ALREADY KNOW". And she's right. We ALL do. I read on here somewhere last week "If you want to know how to lose weight - ask a fat person" and that is so true. We KNOW how to lose it. We can't keep it OFF! I told a "friend" that Saturday night - a skinny girl who eats FIVE, yes FIVE pieces of PIE in one night and doesn't gain an inch and yet is always trying to lose weight - and she scoffed at me like :thumbup:. So I asked her - knowing she is ALWAYS wanting to lose weight - do YOUR "diets" work? No. See. Mine DO. I just can't KEEP it off. And hopefully this is the tool to help me be able to. Her answer. "Whatever". She seems to think that human beings cannot live on restricted calories. Since she can't (and doesn't need to) therefore no one should/could. Anyway... Friday was good. I was happy to be getting everything OFFICIALLY started. I go back on Nov 5 for the next check in. Now time seems to have slowed down. In the meantime - I should be able to pick up the letter of medical necessity from my PCP this week. Since my OB/GYN is someone with ongoing care, I should get a letter from him, too. I see him later this month. I need to also see a cardiologist since I have had issues with heart palpitations in the past. I see him later this month, as well. Finally, I've started trying to get into do my psych consult as well - although that's not been easy. I got a list of In-Network Providers from my insurance company and when I attempted to call SIX different practices on Friday, they were ALL closed for the day! Seriously. Not ONE mental health practitioner in my area works on Friday? Really? Whatever. My goal is to be able to turn in as much as possible when I go back on Nov 5th. This weekend was strangely emotional to me, though. Friday I was excited, happy, and certain. Saturday morning as I was waking up I was vaguely depressed. I just kept thinking in the back of my pea brain - no more bread EVER? But by the time I was fully awake I was back to my normal opinion - whatever. I am not a bread-aholic... Saturday night, had friends over for dinner - and skinny minny stood there in my family room judging me. I've had issues with her judgements already and am now of the opinion that she is just not ever going to understand. Sunday I had the vaguely depressed notions coming up again as I realized - no 'this', no 'that'. How to juggle this and that. Can I really not just do this on my own? That skinny minny got to me. Finally got to talk to my hubbie last night and he thinks that I CAN do this on my own - but thinks that this might also be a fail safe that would be worth it in the long run. He thinks that I should nevermind that skinny minny and chalk this up to experience. He thinks that no matter what, I should do this six month thing and then make a better informed decision then. So I woke up this morning thinking - we need to change how we grocery shop. We need to change our pantry. We need to change our refrigerators. And I need to go back to what my mom taught me, what I was raised with, what I know. And my hubbie is along for the ride. He's such a great man!

Me. And it should be me. This is MY life. This is MY future. This is MY well-being. No one else's. I was told yesterday to, in my own words, sit patiently by the phone and wait for THEM to call me. I'm not patient. Can't do it. Won't lie and say I can. So I searched and dawdled and explored and cajoled and got myself a phone number out of thin air. And I called it. And I said - I can't wait. :thumbup: Ok, not really, I was a WHOLE LOTTA nicer than that. But that was the general jist of it. And they made me an appt. Not for two weeks from now. Not for two weeks from two weeks from now. Nope. For TOMORROW. Friday. 10/9. At 10:30. And here's what I know about this. My six months starts TOMORROW. At the end of the conversation with the lady who really didn't care that I had called even though I was told not to, I asked - is this going to cause a problem? She said no, it's a good thing actually. I then asked if they'd have my paperwork on time? She said she didn't know but if they didn't they'd call the other office and get it. Oh. Ok. That was so NOT difficult! I went to a friends house for dinner last night with my husband. She is recently retired and was an office manager for a asthma and allergy clinic. That clinic is a lot like this place I'm being sent to. They had offices all over Houston. So this place I'm being sent to - it seems to me they have satellite offices in all the corners of Houston and once they know you're a candidate they send you to the main office for all the workup stuff. And then when it's time for surgery, you go back to your satellite location, if you want to. And fills may or may not be done there. And support may or may not be done there. Her office was similar. It was a bunch of satellites. She said here's what happens. The Nurse Practitioner has to get her notes done. Because she's a Nurse Practitioner, she has to get the surgeon to sign off on them. Once he does that, then the paperwork can be sent into this main office. Once it's in the main office, they will call me and schedule the appt. They generally say two weeks so that if anything goes wrong, they are covered, but it doesn't generally take that long. She said, though - that in scenarios where offices or clinics are set up like this - they love love love people like me. Instead of sitting in a quagmire of paperwork, I'm saying "this is what I want, this is when I want it, this is how I want it" and they are happy to comply because now they aren't waiting, either, AND they know I'm serious about moving forward. Enlightening. So - as is generally the case - although not always, there are always exceptions - it's a good thing to be in control of my own life and my own outcome and my own future. :biggrin: So I'm excited, eager and ready for tomorrow!

Me. And it should be me. This is MY life. This is MY future. This is MY well-being. No one else's. I was told yesterday to, in my own words, sit patiently by the phone and wait for THEM to call me. I'm not patient. Can't do it. Won't lie and say I can. So I searched and dawdled and explored and cajoled and got myself a phone number out of thin air. And I called it. And I said - I can't wait. :tt2: Ok, not really, I was a WHOLE LOTTA nicer than that. But that was the general jist of it. And they made me an appt. Not for two weeks from now. Not for two weeks from two weeks from now. Nope. For TOMORROW. Friday. 10/9. At 10:30. And here's what I know about this. My six months starts TOMORROW. At the end of the conversation with the lady who really didn't care that I had called even though I was told not to, I asked - is this going to cause a problem? She said no, it's a good thing actually. I then asked if they'd have my paperwork on time? She said she didn't know but if they didn't they'd call the other office and get it. Oh. Ok. That was so NOT difficult! I went to a friends house for dinner last night with my husband. She is recently retired and was an office manager for a asthma and allergy clinic. That clinic is a lot like this place I'm being sent to. They had offices all over Houston. So this place I'm being sent to - it seems to me they have satellite offices in all the corners of Houston and once they know you're a candidate they send you to the main office for all the workup stuff. And then when it's time for surgery, you go back to your satellite location, if you want to. And fills may or may not be done there. And support may or may not be done there. Her office was similar. It was a bunch of satellites. She said here's what happens. The Nurse Practitioner has to get her notes done. Because she's a Nurse Practitioner, she has to get the surgeon to sign off on them. Once he does that, then the paperwork can be sent into this main office. Once it's in the main office, they will call me and schedule the appt. They generally say two weeks so that if anything goes wrong, they are covered, but it doesn't generally take that long. She said, though - that in scenarios where offices or clinics are set up like this - they love love love people like me. Instead of sitting in a quagmire of paperwork, I'm saying "this is what I want, this is when I want it, this is how I want it" and they are happy to comply because now they aren't waiting, either, AND they know I'm serious about moving forward. Enlightening. So - as is generally the case - although not always, there are always exceptions - it's a good thing to be in control of my own life and my own outcome and my own future. :thumbup: So I'm excited, eager and ready for tomorrow!

The best thing I can say is get in there to do the consult with the surgeon's office. They will spell out for you exactly what you need to do - and they will hold your hand while doing it. It might help to find an office that is like that, if not. Even if it is 2 years, so what? For two years, this surgeon's office will be weighing you in and hearing what you've tried - and will give you ideas for new things to try. They will, over the span of this, get you used to how you will HAVE to eat after surgery. So this two years might not be the immediate result you want, but so what? It's a step in the journey. And it may not be two years anyway. When you go in for your consult they will have verified what the requirements are to see if you are eligible on the insurance side. I am right there with you. I just started this process last week and thought there would be a quicker turn around on this process. But there isn't. For me it was six months - and six months was enough to make me freak out, too. But over the past week I've realized this is an incredible opportunity. Instead of having to go cold turkey on everything I do - sodas being my worst habit, I'll have some time to ween myself before these habits can truly cause pain. The surgeon's office I am going through referred me to a clinic that has everything in place for people to hold my hand all the way through this, including submitting and probably resubmitting my paperwork after the six months are over. And when I think about it, I'd be setting myself up for failure if this wasn't required. It will be fine - and what's the worst that comes with supervised weightloss, really?

Went in for my appt today. Thought I was excited and thought I was so ready to go and couldn't wait to get started. And I have to wait... Turns out, if I'd already done my six months supervised thing then I could just move on and go on with the process. But since I still need to do that - they need me to go somewhere else. I can still have the same surgeon. But the location just became a pain in the something. Whereas I thought I'd be going to an office about 10 miles from home, now I get to fight traffic to get to the medical center which is not even remotely near my normal beaten path - and my normal beaten path encompasses a lot of Houston. I can still do the surgery at the same hospital which is close to home. But I will most likely have to do the fills there at that place I did not want to go to. This Dr. is trying to get a program up and running with all of the extras - the fills, the nutritionist, the mental health professional, you know, all of the above - at the hospital where his office is. So there might be a chance that by the time I can have the surgery they might be able to do fills there. This Dr. just moved into this office that I visited today. Boxes of medical records are still sitting everywhere. 'Just moved in' means - a month and two days ago. I asked because I found it odd that the pictures are not on the walls, just propped against the walls, found it odd that the records are not filed in a nice looking file cabinet syste, found it odd that entire counters are blank. You'd think they'd want to get settled... On the good side, the Nurse Practictioner I saw told me about this surgeon's philosophy and I like it. So between what I've heard from my friend the nurse anesthetist and my own primary care, I am feeling comfortable with the surgeon and these groups. And this office is affiliated with the one they referred me to. That same Nurse Practictioner told me that office has a group of office staff that absolutely KNOW how to get these things approved and having them on my side will be good. She told me I DO need to prove a comorbidity even though my insurance company is claiming I only need one if the BMI is 35-39. Since my BMI is over 40, shouldn't need one, but I will follow their lead on that! She told me this office has everything in place to do everything basically. And a number of their people who are on staff for the various aspects of this have had the procedure done themselves. She said there's a great support structure that comes with this office, whereas the office I visited cannot make the same claim. So now the part that I really don't like. I have to wait for them to call me to even get the appt to get things going. And it can be up to two weeks before they call. I don't care if my appt is next month, I'll just feel better when I know I have an APPT! Please call, please call, please call!!!

Went in for my appt today. Thought I was excited and thought I was so ready to go and couldn't wait to get started. And I have to wait... Turns out, if I'd already done my six months supervised thing then I could just move on and go on with the process. But since I still need to do that - they need me to go somewhere else. I can still have the same surgeon. But the location just became a pain in the something. Whereas I thought I'd be going to an office about 10 miles from home, now I get to fight traffic to get to the medical center which is not even remotely near my normal beaten path - and my normal beaten path encompasses a lot of Houston. I can still do the surgery at the same hospital which is close to home. But I will most likely have to do the fills there at that place I did not want to go to. This Dr. is trying to get a program up and running with all of the extras - the fills, the nutritionist, the mental health professional, you know, all of the above - at the hospital where his office is. So there might be a chance that by the time I can have the surgery they might be able to do fills there. This Dr. just moved into this office that I visited today. Boxes of medical records are still sitting everywhere. 'Just moved in' means - a month and two days ago. I asked because I found it odd that the pictures are not on the walls, just propped against the walls, found it odd that the records are not filed in a nice looking file cabinet syste, found it odd that entire counters are blank. You'd think they'd want to get settled... On the good side, the Nurse Practictioner I saw told me about this surgeon's philosophy and I like it. So between what I've heard from my friend the nurse anesthetist and my own primary care, I am feeling comfortable with the surgeon and these groups. And this office is affiliated with the one they referred me to. That same Nurse Practictioner told me that office has a group of office staff that absolutely KNOW how to get these things approved and having them on my side will be good. She told me I DO need to prove a comorbidity even though my insurance company is claiming I only need one if the BMI is 35-39. Since my BMI is over 40, shouldn't need one, but I will follow their lead on that! She told me this office has everything in place to do everything basically. And a number of their people who are on staff for the various aspects of this have had the procedure done themselves. She said there's a great support structure that comes with this office, whereas the office I visited cannot make the same claim. So now the part that I really don't like. I have to wait for them to call me to even get the appt to get things going. And it can be up to two weeks before they call. I don't care if my appt is next month, I'll just feel better when I know I have an APPT! Please call, please call, please call!!!

If you are asking if you are a candidate, you may be. Your BMI calculates at 39.5. From what I know, if you have any comorbidities, that qualifies you - you need a BMI of 35 if you also have comorbidities. If you have no comorbidities, you need a BMI of 40. From other things I am reading, if you are self-paying and find a surgeon willing to go along, then there seems to be that option, too. I don't really know though. As for deciding whether or not to do this or not, that is completely up to you and no one, really, can help you with that other than to share their experiences. I can't do so yet as I'm just getting started in the process, but personally, I no longer can see NOT doing this.

of supervised exercise and diet - what kind of diet was it? Were you given a menu and then had to cook accordingly? What about exercise? I'm oh so curious about what happens next. When you went to your consult - was that the start of the six months? Or did you have to get in for another appt with someone else to get things started? I'd love to hear what things were like for you! Although, I know every doctor is different...

Hi Waynooo, You can call your insurance company and find out the answer to that specifically, but what mine told me is that it's the BMI at the start of this process that matters. MY BMI will certainly fall below the threshold before my six months are up - BMI is only 40.4. But it should be ok because my BMI was high enough when I started everything. There are also things like your height that might play a factor. I am 5'6" and 7/8. Everyone has always rounded that up to 5'7". But for this, we are using 5'6". Using 5'6", my BMI becomes 42. Should still fall below that, but it was a better starting point. As for comorbidities, is that what your insurance company is saying? 40 AND a comorbidity? From what I'm running across, over 40 - that's enough. If you are between 35 and 40, then you need the comorbidity. Again, I'd call your insurance company and hear it directly from them. When you go in for your consult they should have those answers then as well. I would imagine you can have your tests done with your PCP and you can hand carry the results to your surgeon. I am using my PCP for some things but will be primarily using my surgeons office - as in my case, the surgeon's office is closer than the PCP - 5 miles instead of 10 with some dreadfully long traffic lights. :tongue: I hope this helps.

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet! I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back. She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this! She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people. She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic. She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster. I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound. She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further! To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator. And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture! Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about... Anywho... She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue. And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame. And if not, I'll take it as it comes. My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!" YAY!

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet! I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back. She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this! She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people. She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic. She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster. I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound. She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further! To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator. And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture! Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about... Anywho... She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue. And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame. And if not, I'll take it as it comes. My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!" YAY!

I may be out of line here but I would absolutely NOT recommend contacting him. I was raped while in the Navy and have had to deal with years of my own personal he!!. I know what you are talking about and I can say in no uncertain terms that confronting him will not make this better. Nor will it stop it from happening to others. In fact, it's more likely to make it happen to others as he attempts to justify what he did. You can go to the police about it (which isn't really going to do much given how much time has past) or you can go to therapy. Furthermore, holding onto anger towards your parents will not resolve anything either. I remember when I told my mom what happened to me, she just listened stoically and then went on with life. I didn't find out until AFTER she died that it tore her up and so in order to stay strong for me, which was what I needed then, she did nothing. My mother was molested as a little girl and so knew what I was enduring, to an extent. Personally, I went after the food after all was said and done to "make myself unattractive" thinking it would save me from a possible rape repeat. Ridiculous thinking. Therapy was my answer. And now the weight won't leave. As for the grief you think you aren't feeling - that's what numbness is. You can't be happy, even with all this. You have anger at your parents and at Kenny but not Edna and deep down you know that. When my mom was on her deathbed after a long hard battle with colon cancer I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I could and did understand that feeling anything wasn't going to change it. And you will enter a new stage of grief when it's over. But this is part of the process, it isn't abnormal and you have a choice here - support your mother or give yourself something to regret later. Believe me, hard as it is to "let go" of the past, it's even harder to hang on.... Again, sorry if I'm out of line, but I couldn't keep mum on this. You are right for everything you are thinking and feeling. And you are not out of line for having your very own perspective in your very own world.