ldswims

I sure have a lot of catching up to do but this looks like a great thread. Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. Hi. I'm Lori. Ok, with that said - I'll be back tomorrow to see what great info I can gather from this.

Congratulations! I can only imagine the relief you must be feeling! I wish you continued success! :thumbdown::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::huggie::thumbup::wink2::thumbup:

Can I eat sushi (on occasion)? Can I drink black coffee (Monday-Friday)? Can I eat rice with my favorite Japanese rice topping (on occasion)? Can I drink a soda (on occasion)? I suspect soda will soon stop tasting good to me and so don't think I'll really miss this, but I'm just wondering... Can I eat a small sandwich of wheat bread and turkey for lunch (on occasion)? How long will I have to not lift weights following surgery? Can I lose this weight? For good?

Can I eat sushi (on occasion)? Can I drink black coffee (Monday-Friday)? Can I eat rice with my favorite Japanese rice topping (on occasion)? Can I drink a soda (on occasion)? I suspect soda will soon stop tasting good to me and so don't think I'll really miss this, but I'm just wondering... Can I eat a small sandwich of wheat bread and turkey for lunch (on occasion)? How long will I have to not lift weights following surgery? Can I lose this weight? For good?

Relationships are not built on secret fantasy's they are built on communication. When I met my husband I was just starting to REALLY enjoy being single. I thought to myself, as we shook hands during our introduction, "please don't like me". And it was downhill from there. :thumbdown: I'm glad I didn't tell him that secret until later. Now we laugh about it. But I still told him. Do you want to or can you be friends with him if the feelings aren't mutual? I had a friend in college who was exactly like you are describing - we'd go on trips together and we spent almost all free time together in addition to scheduling all our classes together. I had a crush on him but the feelings weren't mutual - I did tell him I wanted more at some point. The friendship feel apart because he thought I was always thinking something - even though I wasn't. He couldn't trust that I was just a friend after that.

Congrats! I understand about it not being a goal you thought you had - I can't cross my legs without sitting on my side, if that makes sense. I can't remember when I had to start sitting weird to get the legs crossed - but I'm aware of it now and am aware of what chairs it won't work in. I can't wait to not have to think about it anymore!

I struggled with having a large frame as a teenager/early-20-something year old. On my mom's side of the family all of the women are tiny little (BUT VERY TALL) petite things. They all thought that since I was large framed that meant I was fat. And they all told me about it all the time until I actually started to become fat. At 18, I weighed 136. According to happy weight calculator I should weigh 142 nowdays. Using my answers for 25 and 21, I should have weighed 141 at 25 and 139 at 21. At 18, I was 136 with A LOT of muscle as I swam 4-5 hours a day three days a week, and on the off days from training I swam 2 hours. On those off days I also lifted weights and ran for another hour. I actually thought I was fat, too. I wasn't fat. I have what I call powerhouse legs. Very large VERY muscular thighs. At 18, I had measurements of 36/26/36. My friends called me Barbee, which I didn't understand at the time. Afterall, my family wouldn't lie to me - I WAS fat. I couldn't find pants that fit because my waist didn't match my hips. Nonetheless, my pelvic bone stuck pretty far out. I REALLY thought I was fat. Now I KNOW I was not. Thank you family! Anywho. It was in my late 20's that I realized and then accepted that I did not get my bone structure or my easy ability to create muscle from my mom's side of the family but rather from my dad's side. On my mom's side of the family, no matter how hard they try, they cannot build muscle. As they are getting older that inability to create muscle with ease is working against them. I would love to get back to 142. I will happily accept 154 - which is the high end of my ideal range. That's a little over 100 pounds for me to lose as of today...

I'm right there with you, renebeau. I have started the six month weight loss program that my insurance requires - but my insurance is changing so my requirements might change. But I figure I want to see how I do with these six months. A life of no sushi is not appealing to me! I don't eat a ton of it - once a month or so - but never again? That seems harsh. I'm struggling with that idea. With the band, sliding backwards will be much harder. Without the band - there's nothing there telling me I'm going wrong. And you are right - if I could do it myself - wouldn't I have already AND kept it off? On the other hand - have I ever been this serious? I definitely want to ask these questions next week, though, when I go see my NP again - about sushi and rice. Really? Never? My surgeon says champagne and beer are ok - but to remember those are cheating calories because they just slide right through. It IS interesting how all the surgeons say such different things.

I have a job that is fun and interesting. But it can also include a lot of waiting on computers to get their act together. So I tend to blog and write emails and play games in those times... This is one such time. And I have been doing this all day long and have read back through some of my blogs and want to update where things are TODAY. Still not sure what's happening on the insurance front. From yesterday's blog, I was UP four pounds - after being DOWN four pounds on Sunday. Today I am DOWN three. The pantry is getting cleaned out slowly but surely. The potato chips are gone and I am glad for that. Still have tortilla chips in there but I am not so worried about them. You see...I LIKE tortilla chips and I do NOT like potato chips. Potato chips are NOT satisfying and yet you always want more. Tortilla chips, on the other hand, do satisfy an urge and they are filling and depending on what you buy, may not be so bad for you, either... Once upon a time I wrote a blog asking if I was lieing to myself. And here's my answer. Yes. And No. I think the reality is that I DO know how to eat well and healthy and I DO know what proper portion size is. I think that the reality is that somewhere around about two years or so ago I decided somewhere deep in the pea I have for a brain that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well throw what I know out the window. And around about two years ago - I started letting myself, almost making myself, actually, eat those potato chips I actually don't even really like and actually never crave. Does that make sense? No. But it's how I resolved myself to what was happening. If you can't beat it, join it, was the premise. With the cleaning out of the pantry well underway, things ARE changing. My husband is eating in a way I don't think he ever has before and the weight is quite simply melting off him. Good for him. If I do what I inherently know - and am discovering I have seriously missed - I should be ok. An interesting conversation came up with friends last night. One friend is married to a power lifter. He competes and he owns his own gym so he can teach others the differences between power lifting and body building. He's cooky. He lifts TIRES instead of weights. Big ol' huge 750 pound tires - turns them over instead of rolling them along. Anywho. He has a competition in about a week and a half and so is on a no-carb diet for the rest of the time until the competition so that he can beef up as much as possible before hand. Great. Good for him. Except - it is a major undertaking for him to give up those carbs. Ok, so what's wrong with this, you ask? Well. As he sits there and eats all the "bad stuff" (in normal times, not prepping for competitions) he WILL NOT let his kids touch it. And so, of course, that's all they want - is what DAD eats. Mom cooks healthy, lean, good food. And they don't want that - cause DAD doesn't have to eat that. So, that's the background. In this conversation we were talking about the double standard and how that is likely to rear it's ugly head later in their lives. And I think that's true. And I think I had never really thought of it THAT way before. My mom cooked healthy, lean, good food. It was a very balanced diet. And we did not pack in sugar - wasn't allowed to have regular Kool-Aid, wasn't allowed to have sweetened cereals like Lucky Charms. Wasn't allowed this or that or this or that. And the truth is, I don't like the this or that's that were excluded from my childhood. BUT. My DAD did get that stuff. And he did eat that stuff. And he also died from diabetes and heart disease. But when I moved out and on my own - I said you know what - Dad ate it, so so can I. And almost to prove a point, I bought the stuff. And I ate the stuff. And here I am. And the irony? The "stuff" doesn't taste good to me. That good, lean, healthy stuff DOES but that "bad stuff" does NOT. And I'm finding, as I'm making the switch back to what I did for so long - that I AM GLAD AND RELIEVED to be making this switch! And my husband. He's so cute. I swear by sugarfree Kool-Aid. He thought :crying:. And then I made a pitcher of it. And he took a sip (cause he'd never had it before and wanted to be sure it really WAS :thumbup:). But he LIKED it. :smile: If he cuts the sugar out - that's huge - cause he DID grow up on the stuff. I don't know why it matters what you grew up with - I keep saying that - but there is personal choice in that realm, too. That matters as much as anything. One would think. Anywho. I am glad the pantry is getting cleaned out. I am glad my husband is so onboard with this lifestyle change. I am glad I actually do know how to do this and that it's turning out to not be a struggle, even. I am glad I have this time, this six months mandatory supervised weight loss time, to work this all out because I DO think this would be HARD HARD HARD if it was just all cold turkey, all just done, all just over with all with the snap of a finger. And that's what I know. As for me and the scale - believe it or not - it just cracks me up. How do you lose four pounds over night and then gain back four pounds the next night and then stay steady for two days and then lose three pounds overnight? I really get on the scale for the humor - so what humorousness will I discover tomorrow?

I have a job that is fun and interesting. But it can also include a lot of waiting on computers to get their act together. So I tend to blog and write emails and play games in those times... This is one such time. And I have been doing this all day long and have read back through some of my blogs and want to update where things are TODAY. Still not sure what's happening on the insurance front. From yesterday's blog, I was UP four pounds - after being DOWN four pounds on Sunday. Today I am DOWN three. The pantry is getting cleaned out slowly but surely. The potato chips are gone and I am glad for that. Still have tortilla chips in there but I am not so worried about them. You see...I LIKE tortilla chips and I do NOT like potato chips. Potato chips are NOT satisfying and yet you always want more. Tortilla chips, on the other hand, do satisfy an urge and they are filling and depending on what you buy, may not be so bad for you, either... Once upon a time I wrote a blog asking if I was lieing to myself. And here's my answer. Yes. And No. I think the reality is that I DO know how to eat well and healthy and I DO know what proper portion size is. I think that the reality is that somewhere around about two years or so ago I decided somewhere deep in the pea I have for a brain that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well throw what I know out the window. And around about two years ago - I started letting myself, almost making myself, actually, eat those potato chips I actually don't even really like and actually never crave. Does that make sense? No. But it's how I resolved myself to what was happening. If you can't beat it, join it, was the premise. With the cleaning out of the pantry well underway, things ARE changing. My husband is eating in a way I don't think he ever has before and the weight is quite simply melting off him. Good for him. If I do what I inherently know - and am discovering I have seriously missed - I should be ok. An interesting conversation came up with friends last night. One friend is married to a power lifter. He competes and he owns his own gym so he can teach others the differences between power lifting and body building. He's cooky. He lifts TIRES instead of weights. Big ol' huge 750 pound tires - turns them over instead of rolling them along. Anywho. He has a competition in about a week and a half and so is on a no-carb diet for the rest of the time until the competition so that he can beef up as much as possible before hand. Great. Good for him. Except - it is a major undertaking for him to give up those carbs. Ok, so what's wrong with this, you ask? Well. As he sits there and eats all the "bad stuff" (in normal times, not prepping for competitions) he WILL NOT let his kids touch it. And so, of course, that's all they want - is what DAD eats. Mom cooks healthy, lean, good food. And they don't want that - cause DAD doesn't have to eat that. So, that's the background. In this conversation we were talking about the double standard and how that is likely to rear it's ugly head later in their lives. And I think that's true. And I think I had never really thought of it THAT way before. My mom cooked healthy, lean, good food. It was a very balanced diet. And we did not pack in sugar - wasn't allowed to have regular Kool-Aid, wasn't allowed to have sweetened cereals like Lucky Charms. Wasn't allowed this or that or this or that. And the truth is, I don't like the this or that's that were excluded from my childhood. BUT. My DAD did get that stuff. And he did eat that stuff. And he also died from diabetes and heart disease. But when I moved out and on my own - I said you know what - Dad ate it, so so can I. And almost to prove a point, I bought the stuff. And I ate the stuff. And here I am. And the irony? The "stuff" doesn't taste good to me. That good, lean, healthy stuff DOES but that "bad stuff" does NOT. And I'm finding, as I'm making the switch back to what I did for so long - that I AM GLAD AND RELIEVED to be making this switch! And my husband. He's so cute. I swear by sugarfree Kool-Aid. He thought . And then I made a pitcher of it. And he took a sip (cause he'd never had it before and wanted to be sure it really WAS :scared2:). But he LIKED it. :wub: If he cuts the sugar out - that's huge - cause he DID grow up on the stuff. I don't know why it matters what you grew up with - I keep saying that - but there is personal choice in that realm, too. That matters as much as anything. One would think. Anywho. I am glad the pantry is getting cleaned out. I am glad my husband is so onboard with this lifestyle change. I am glad I actually do know how to do this and that it's turning out to not be a struggle, even. I am glad I have this time, this six months mandatory supervised weight loss time, to work this all out because I DO think this would be HARD HARD HARD if it was just all cold turkey, all just done, all just over with all with the snap of a finger. And that's what I know. As for me and the scale - believe it or not - it just cracks me up. How do you lose four pounds over night and then gain back four pounds the next night and then stay steady for two days and then lose three pounds overnight? I really get on the scale for the humor - so what humorousness will I discover tomorrow?

sugar free Kool-Aid. There aren't a ton of options but I think they are better flavors than Crystal Light. Brewed tea over ice (iced tea)...one of my fave's is a mango tea. It's very tropical and naturally sweet tasting - without the sugar.

You can do this! It will be over before you know it (I hope).

I LOVE your closet! I can only imagine the fun you'll have "restocking" it!

I hear you on the frustration. I have not been banded yet and this is one of my fears is that I'll do this and it still won't help. But, in your case, it IS helping. You HAVE lost weight and I don't hear that you are struggling to keep it off - it's just not coming off quickly. Maybe that's ok. Maybe that will help, in the long run. One thing I might suggest is to keep the protein intake high. Are you hungry between meals? Maybe another visit to your surgeon would help. As far as exercise - I think that weight bearing exercise is the most beneficial - and by that I don't mean your feet bearing your weight. I mean increasing the weight. Building muscle is one of the biggest cornerstones of weight loss and increased metabolism - so maybe try working with more weight. Increasing the weight won't make you a body builder by any means, but it will change things up from the "status quo" that your body is used to. I have a regiment I use that I love love love and it is this: Week 1 = high reps, VERY low weight Week 2 = moderate reps, moderate weight Week 3 = as many reps as you can do at incredibly high weight - (but keep safety in mind!) - and it may only be one rep. Week 4 = moderate reps, moderate weight Week 5 = high reps, VERY low weight Week 6 = only cardio workouts And then start all over. It keeps your body in suspense about what happens next and that aids in avoiding plateaus. It's great for maintenance, weight loss and building muscle (if you are body building) - you just change up the amounts of weights that you start with for the different purposes. By high reps and VERY low weight, say for example, that you are doing bicep curls. In week 1 - I do 20 reps of two pounds. It feels like nothing. In week 2 - I do 12 reps of 8 pounds. It's a bit of a burn and after three sets it's a bit of a struggle. In week 3 - I do 2 reps of 20 pounds. I can barely do it. But in week 4 I go back to what I did for week 2. It's easier than it was in week 2 but still burns. And in week 5 I go back to what I did in week 1 and it's so piddly but my heart rate is still getting up. By taking the week off - just cardio - you let the muscle mass calm down so that when you start over with week 1 again, it feels like it did the first time around. That's just one exercise example. And I love it, personally. The other thing is to remember that you want to build the muscles in your legs. A good core will do many wonderful things for you but strong legs will greatly enhance your metabolism. Squats and lunges for that... Just some ideas. Keep your chin up! You ARE losing weight! And that is the thing that matters, not how much and how quick. (Says I, the one who hasn't even been banded yet.) :scared2: (If you want more info on this regiment and different ideas please let me know, I'd be glad to share, otherwise I'll just hush up.) :wub: The only point I'm really trying to share is that you can exercise without the impact and that should help you feel better after exercising. This and anything in the water is all I can do right about now with all this weight on me (and six months to go before I can even submit my "package".)

So I'm just about one month in to my six month weight loss program. HA! HA HA HA! I'm still not sure where this is all going to go. My employer is changing my insurance options so drastically that this might get taken off the table. My husband's employer is releasing next years options sometime this week or next and so we will see what that offers. If we switch to his insurance - it might actually make this "quicker" meaning only that I'd only have to do a three month program instead of a six month program. His employer, though, may very well be switching to something drastic like my own employer is. And the common sentiment is that this is all "designed" to force us into a public option. Yay. Thanks. Politics aside, yes, something DOES need to happen with our insurance companies. Politics aside, I WAS happy with my insurance policy - and yes, I was lucky to have coverage! Anywho... The next week or so will tell a lot. But there is also a chance that my husband and I will go with one of the two crappy options I'm being given and this will STILL work out, too. There's a chance. But with only chances to be embracing - it's hard to stay "motivated". And by "motivated" I mean - to keep going to all the goll-derned appointments I have all over the place. Last week I had two. This week, I have one. Next week I have three. The following week I have one...that I know of so far. I think my supervisor is getting tired of this! I certainly am! And as I sit here, at my desk, begging (internally) for work - but why SHOULD they give it to me? - I wonder WHY I'm going to all these appointments if there's only a sliver of a chance? Because even if the insurance works out - doesn't mean they will ACCEPT me. On the other hand, if the insurance WILL work out - better to get these appointments taken care of while I still have the coverage I do. Less out of pocket and all that. So, like I said, hard to stay "motivated". Now, I'm parenthesizing that because I AM motivated to lose weight. I don't know that I am "motivated" to pursue this procedure anymore, though. I am STILL not drinking soda. I did have one on Saturday after a long day volunteering at a children's Halloween nature festival thingy. Had a blast doing it but man oh man my feet were killing me after all was said and done. So drank a soda. It DID taste good - but I DID NOT want another one. YAY! That's huge progress. Prior to Saturday - hadn't had one since Monday and I couldn't even drink that one because it DID NOT taste good. YAY! That's progress. One soda in a week? I'd call that good! When I got on the scale on Sunday I was DOWN four pounds. YAY! When I got on the scale today I was UP four pounds. BOO! Such is life. Such is the journey I have been on for years. Haven't changed a thing and yet.... Interestingly, with not drinking sodas anymore - as that's the single-handed biggest change I've made so far - my FACE looks better. It's not puffy. And I hadn't even realized THAT was what the problem was. It's interesting to see my jaw coming back out. My cheeks. Still more work to be done, but it's progress. I LIKE PROGRESS. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and have magically lost those four pounds again. Maybe. But the general gist of my almost entire month of "supervised" weight loss is that...I STILL weigh the same as I did the day I checked in for the first time. I guess I can say "at least I'm not gaining...." And so the journey continues....

So I'm just about one month in to my six month weight loss program. HA! HA HA HA! I'm still not sure where this is all going to go. My employer is changing my insurance options so drastically that this might get taken off the table. My husband's employer is releasing next years options sometime this week or next and so we will see what that offers. If we switch to his insurance - it might actually make this "quicker" meaning only that I'd only have to do a three month program instead of a six month program. His employer, though, may very well be switching to something drastic like my own employer is. And the common sentiment is that this is all "designed" to force us into a public option. Yay. Thanks. Politics aside, yes, something DOES need to happen with our insurance companies. Politics aside, I WAS happy with my insurance policy - and yes, I was lucky to have coverage! Anywho... The next week or so will tell a lot. But there is also a chance that my husband and I will go with one of the two crappy options I'm being given and this will STILL work out, too. There's a chance. But with only chances to be embracing - it's hard to stay "motivated". And by "motivated" I mean - to keep going to all the goll-derned appointments I have all over the place. Last week I had two. This week, I have one. Next week I have three. The following week I have one...that I know of so far. I think my supervisor is getting tired of this! I certainly am! And as I sit here, at my desk, begging (internally) for work - but why SHOULD they give it to me? - I wonder WHY I'm going to all these appointments if there's only a sliver of a chance? Because even if the insurance works out - doesn't mean they will ACCEPT me. On the other hand, if the insurance WILL work out - better to get these appointments taken care of while I still have the coverage I do. Less out of pocket and all that. So, like I said, hard to stay "motivated". Now, I'm parenthesizing that because I AM motivated to lose weight. I don't know that I am "motivated" to pursue this procedure anymore, though. I am STILL not drinking soda. I did have one on Saturday after a long day volunteering at a children's Halloween nature festival thingy. Had a blast doing it but man oh man my feet were killing me after all was said and done. So drank a soda. It DID taste good - but I DID NOT want another one. YAY! That's huge progress. Prior to Saturday - hadn't had one since Monday and I couldn't even drink that one because it DID NOT taste good. YAY! That's progress. One soda in a week? I'd call that good! When I got on the scale on Sunday I was DOWN four pounds. YAY! When I got on the scale today I was UP four pounds. BOO! Such is life. Such is the journey I have been on for years. Haven't changed a thing and yet.... Interestingly, with not drinking sodas anymore - as that's the single-handed biggest change I've made so far - my FACE looks better. It's not puffy. And I hadn't even realized THAT was what the problem was. It's interesting to see my jaw coming back out. My cheeks. Still more work to be done, but it's progress. I LIKE PROGRESS. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up and have magically lost those four pounds again. Maybe. But the general gist of my almost entire month of "supervised" weight loss is that...I STILL weigh the same as I did the day I checked in for the first time. I guess I can say "at least I'm not gaining...." And so the journey continues....

So I checked the mail yesterday. And there was something from my employer. I don't know why but they always send a monthly newsletter to both my email and my house. I get to it when I get to it. So I threw the mail on my desk and headed off to make dinner. After dinner, I went back and opened the large envelope to remove the newsletter so I could flip through it - and probably throw it away. But it wasn't the newsletter. It was a brochure informing my husband and I of what our health insurance options will be next year. It was a brochure discussing the merits of the two plans we will be able to choose from. We currently have three plans and I have a plan that requires a copay and no deductible. My current plan will no longer be offered next year. My current plan will pay for the Lap-Band® procedure and requires a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. I am two weeks into that six months. The plans being offered next year will also require a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. The plans being offered next year will also require a hefty deductible. HEFTY. As I sit here and think about it - that deductible is over half the cost of being self-pay. So hmmm. My husband and I get to thinking. Can't speed up the calendar. Can't convince them "it's just not fair". So what to do? My husband and I are both on my employer's plan. So maybe we switch to HIS employer's plan. My open enrollment is the month of Nov and his is the month of Dec. His insurance only requires THREE months of a supervised weightloss program. So we shall see. We have more questions than answers right now, that's for sure - but because of financial reasons, this may get better, this may get worse, or this may get shelved. I sure didn't see that coming...

So I checked the mail yesterday. And there was something from my employer. I don't know why but they always send a monthly newsletter to both my email and my house. I get to it when I get to it. So I threw the mail on my desk and headed off to make dinner. After dinner, I went back and opened the large envelope to remove the newsletter so I could flip through it - and probably throw it away. But it wasn't the newsletter. It was a brochure informing my husband and I of what our health insurance options will be next year. It was a brochure discussing the merits of the two plans we will be able to choose from. We currently have three plans and I have a plan that requires a copay and no deductible. My current plan will no longer be offered next year. My current plan will pay for the Lap-Band® procedure and requires a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. I am two weeks into that six months. The plans being offered next year will also require a six month supervised weightloss program and a psych consult. The plans being offered next year will also require a hefty deductible. HEFTY. As I sit here and think about it - that deductible is over half the cost of being self-pay. So hmmm. My husband and I get to thinking. Can't speed up the calendar. Can't convince them "it's just not fair". So what to do? My husband and I are both on my employer's plan. So maybe we switch to HIS employer's plan. My open enrollment is the month of Nov and his is the month of Dec. His insurance only requires THREE months of a supervised weightloss program. So we shall see. We have more questions than answers right now, that's for sure - but because of financial reasons, this may get better, this may get worse, or this may get shelved. I sure didn't see that coming...

I am a Geophysicist. That means absolutely nothing except for that I most closely resemble a project manager who gets to test their project in addition to manage their project. I generally enjoy my job. It's fun, to me, to keep track of where everything is. And it's also fun, to me, to test the parameters that give the best result. My "product" is a cross section of the planet. And it's especially fun, to me, to see cross sections of the Earth that are so far down in the ocean that "man" will probably never see it "for real". By 'cross section' I mean image. And by 'so far down' I mean 60,000 (yes, sixty thousand) FEET into the earth - at a water depth of 5000 feet or more. Sometimes the water depth is only 500 feet. Sometimes it's 8000 feet. But suffice it to say, it's a water depth deeper than we can dive to outside of a manned submersible. And manned submersibles are not cheap - nor will they get you INTO the Earth. Anywho, that's a little bit about what I do. I'm in the middle of a project right now that is fun stuff to me. And last Friday my project went from the testing stage to the production stage. Not a problem - production can run over the weekend and we should be in a good place on Monday morning. Before I submitted production, I checked how much disk space I would require for my data. A mere 22.4 TERRA bytes. That's all. This is a small-ish dataset. Terra bytes. Funny to be calling something small that is in the realm of multiple terra bytes. I have a profound respect for how far computers have come in the last twenty years...my job without disk space is impossible - and people used to do it. I had 44.5 TERRA bytes available. So with what I had available and what I needed - I was golden. I checked Friday morning. I submitted Friday afternoon. I came in on Saturday to check the status of my production. All was fine. I came in this morning and my disk space was gone. The bad thing about disk space disappearing like this and me not knowing it because I checked a few hours before I submitted is that it shuts other people down, too. My jobs cannot finish because they cannot write out the datasets. And no one else's can, either. So when people realized they were dead in the water, well, it turned into a bad morning pretty quickly. And I was all excited about today. I have my psych consult testing stuff this afternoon. I don't know why a psych consult would have me excited but it feels like forward progress and I LIKE that! The interesting thing to me is that days like this make me LESS likely to eat. Even more interesting - so long as the day turns out positive (which so far it seems to be), I LIKE days like this. Status quo day in and day out is BORING! And to make it even funnier - because I did something "wrong", I get to file a report on myself. And that report turns into a bonus. ODD! So yay for Mondays! (?)

I am a Geophysicist. That means absolutely nothing except for that I most closely resemble a project manager who gets to test their project in addition to manage their project. I generally enjoy my job. It's fun, to me, to keep track of where everything is. And it's also fun, to me, to test the parameters that give the best result. My "product" is a cross section of the planet. And it's especially fun, to me, to see cross sections of the Earth that are so far down in the ocean that "man" will probably never see it "for real". By 'cross section' I mean image. And by 'so far down' I mean 60,000 (yes, sixty thousand) FEET into the earth - at a water depth of 5000 feet or more. Sometimes the water depth is only 500 feet. Sometimes it's 8000 feet. But suffice it to say, it's a water depth deeper than we can dive to outside of a manned submersible. And manned submersibles are not cheap - nor will they get you INTO the Earth. Anywho, that's a little bit about what I do. I'm in the middle of a project right now that is fun stuff to me. And last Friday my project went from the testing stage to the production stage. Not a problem - production can run over the weekend and we should be in a good place on Monday morning. Before I submitted production, I checked how much disk space I would require for my data. A mere 22.4 TERRA bytes. That's all. This is a small-ish dataset. Terra bytes. Funny to be calling something small that is in the realm of multiple terra bytes. I have a profound respect for how far computers have come in the last twenty years...my job without disk space is impossible - and people used to do it. I had 44.5 TERRA bytes available. So with what I had available and what I needed - I was golden. I checked Friday morning. I submitted Friday afternoon. I came in on Saturday to check the status of my production. All was fine. I came in this morning and my disk space was gone. The bad thing about disk space disappearing like this and me not knowing it because I checked a few hours before I submitted is that it shuts other people down, too. My jobs cannot finish because they cannot write out the datasets. And no one else's can, either. So when people realized they were dead in the water, well, it turned into a bad morning pretty quickly. And I was all excited about today. I have my psych consult testing stuff this afternoon. I don't know why a psych consult would have me excited but it feels like forward progress and I LIKE that! The interesting thing to me is that days like this make me LESS likely to eat. Even more interesting - so long as the day turns out positive (which so far it seems to be), I LIKE days like this. Status quo day in and day out is BORING! And to make it even funnier - because I did something "wrong", I get to file a report on myself. And that report turns into a bonus. ODD! So yay for Mondays! (?)

That does seem unusual, actually. My insurance provided approval of eligibility - but I have to do a six month supervised weight loss program, plus some additional stuff, before my actual application, if you will, can be sent in for approval. So I'm eligible - but not approved - at this stage. On the other hand - all the zillions of insurance companies and all their zillions of policies may make it so for you. It is so different for everyone!

I love your blog, btw, and feel the desire to chime in on this one. Why not look at this week as a blessing? You have been doing so well and ARE making such progress. This isn't a bump. This is a refresher. If all you ever did was lose, you'd begin to think this was easy and would slack off. This blessing (NOT BUMP) is not because of anything you did. It was a freak occurrence that led to a freak situation which you were very lucky to be able to work through as quickly as you did - and you were wise to not let it "work itself out" but sought the help immediately. Too many doctors would NOT have gotten you in as quickly as they did - and if that hadn't played out exactly as it did - THAT would be a bump. In the meantime, you've kept your spirits high and are entertaining more clients than many real estate agents see in a year! (true story but I won't go there) Weds will come around and you will get control back. It's all going to be fine because your mindset is making it so. And I completely hear ya on the hormones. COMPLETELY! One last thought. EVERYTHING happens for a reason...you may never know it - but if in doubt that life is moving forward, think of the alternative.

I got on the scale this morning because I'm a scale-aholic. I like the feedback. I don't generally expect to see a loss but I want to know when there is a gain. So this week, I've cut my breakfast lunch and dinner down by half. I am supposed to be trying for 1200 calories a day. This week I also went three days without a single soda. I have been drinking water, iced tea and coffee. Iced tea unsweetened. Coffee sweetened with about a third of a teaspoon in an oversized cup. I really could cut that sugar out and it's next on my list. But one thing at a time is my approach. So funny story - last night - I about ripped my husband's head off because he wouldn't tell me which door he was picking me up at. I have three doors I can exit and I just wanted to know which one to exit. He wanted me to tell him where I'd exit and he'd go there. I wanted HIM to make the decision. Is it really that hard? I WAS STARVING and I was not thinking let alone thinking clearly and who the frick cares? Normally, I don't. But 1200 calories a day is HARD! I knew it wouldn't last. And this isn't that self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. It just isn't feasible. Especially since I am trying to do this WHILE cleaning out the pantry. So I'm not necessarily eating protein intense foods or the right kinds of things to make this work out. For now, I am just eating what I want to get out of the pantry - and never buy again, at least not for a daily lunch. Things like potato chips that just do not satisfy hunger. I would not talk to my husband for about thirty minutes over this REALLY stupid thing. And when I DID talk, my voice was cracking like I was thoroughly exhausted - which I wasn't, although I certainly didn't have my normal energy. And when I realized JUST how hungry I WAS - I said FEED ME. And he said ok. And we went out for sushi. And before we ate - I apologized and said I was wrong and he, being the sweet sweet man that he is, said, it's ok. Sushi is good! And then I was not hungry. Nor was I for the rest of the evening. However, this morning, I woke up famished. And I got on the scale and I'm down. Now THAT is significant because this is the time of the month where I gain five pounds overnight, keep that weight for about five days, then drop it all just as suddenly. I should have gained that five pounds last night, in fact. I decided I need to go about this much more wisely. The potato chips will get gone. I have about half a bag left and they will get added to lunches until they no longer exist and that will be the end of them. But where I was bringing a bag to eat with lunch and a bag for a mid-afternoon snack to get them gone faster, now I will bring one bag - for lunch - and a protein snack for the mid-afternoon lull. I am hoping this will tide me over until dinner better. I do know that as the pantry gets worked through over the next few weeks/months, that the snacks and light meals will be replaced with more protein rich foods, for example, or veggies instead of chips. I have known that all along - but I just can't throw food that is edible. Even if it's not the best food for me, it's not something like I have it so I sit there and eat the whole bag of chips all at once. And I also know that 1200 a calories a day just isn't likely. I'm striving for it. But I'm not going to walk around famished, either. My husband doesn't need to endure that - and I have a brain intense job that needs me to be able to think quickly and accurately. If I end up having to do rework because I was striving for a calorie count that is just not satisfying, well, it's just not worth losing my job over that. On average, I take in about 1800 calories - and I think that's not too shabby. I think I'd rather shoot for 1500 and have enough energy in me to be able to work out! Cause that was the other downfall last night - I managed to fix myself - but I still didn't get enough energy in me to hit the lake for a brisk walk... So one pound. If I continue to lose one pound a week over the span of this supervised weight loss thing - that would be about 24 pounds. 24 pounds would mean a BMI of about 38. But I'm sure I'll plateau before this time is up... Have to chuckle, though. This is such an odd thing to be concerned about...

I got on the scale this morning because I'm a scale-aholic. I like the feedback. I don't generally expect to see a loss but I want to know when there is a gain. So this week, I've cut my breakfast lunch and dinner down by half. I am supposed to be trying for 1200 calories a day. This week I also went three days without a single soda. I have been drinking water, iced tea and coffee. Iced tea unsweetened. Coffee sweetened with about a third of a teaspoon in an oversized cup. I really could cut that sugar out and it's next on my list. But one thing at a time is my approach. So funny story - last night - I about ripped my husband's head off because he wouldn't tell me which door he was picking me up at. I have three doors I can exit and I just wanted to know which one to exit. He wanted me to tell him where I'd exit and he'd go there. I wanted HIM to make the decision. Is it really that hard? I WAS STARVING and I was not thinking let alone thinking clearly and who the frick cares? Normally, I don't. But 1200 calories a day is HARD! I knew it wouldn't last. And this isn't that self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. It just isn't feasible. Especially since I am trying to do this WHILE cleaning out the pantry. So I'm not necessarily eating protein intense foods or the right kinds of things to make this work out. For now, I am just eating what I want to get out of the pantry - and never buy again, at least not for a daily lunch. Things like potato chips that just do not satisfy hunger. I would not talk to my husband for about thirty minutes over this REALLY stupid thing. And when I DID talk, my voice was cracking like I was thoroughly exhausted - which I wasn't, although I certainly didn't have my normal energy. And when I realized JUST how hungry I WAS - I said FEED ME. And he said ok. And we went out for sushi. And before we ate - I apologized and said I was wrong and he, being the sweet sweet man that he is, said, it's ok. Sushi is good! And then I was not hungry. Nor was I for the rest of the evening. However, this morning, I woke up famished. And I got on the scale and I'm down. Now THAT is significant because this is the time of the month where I gain five pounds overnight, keep that weight for about five days, then drop it all just as suddenly. I should have gained that five pounds last night, in fact. I decided I need to go about this much more wisely. The potato chips will get gone. I have about half a bag left and they will get added to lunches until they no longer exist and that will be the end of them. But where I was bringing a bag to eat with lunch and a bag for a mid-afternoon snack to get them gone faster, now I will bring one bag - for lunch - and a protein snack for the mid-afternoon lull. I am hoping this will tide me over until dinner better. I do know that as the pantry gets worked through over the next few weeks/months, that the snacks and light meals will be replaced with more protein rich foods, for example, or veggies instead of chips. I have known that all along - but I just can't throw food that is edible. Even if it's not the best food for me, it's not something like I have it so I sit there and eat the whole bag of chips all at once. And I also know that 1200 a calories a day just isn't likely. I'm striving for it. But I'm not going to walk around famished, either. My husband doesn't need to endure that - and I have a brain intense job that needs me to be able to think quickly and accurately. If I end up having to do rework because I was striving for a calorie count that is just not satisfying, well, it's just not worth losing my job over that. On average, I take in about 1800 calories - and I think that's not too shabby. I think I'd rather shoot for 1500 and have enough energy in me to be able to work out! Cause that was the other downfall last night - I managed to fix myself - but I still didn't get enough energy in me to hit the lake for a brisk walk... So one pound. If I continue to lose one pound a week over the span of this supervised weight loss thing - that would be about 24 pounds. 24 pounds would mean a BMI of about 38. But I'm sure I'll plateau before this time is up... Have to chuckle, though. This is such an odd thing to be concerned about...