bkmom30

I went to the Y today for a work out. I am so stress over some non band related personal issues, I thought it would help. I got to the elipitical and started my workout. There were not too many people around, so I felt ok. Almost as soon as I stated my slow workout, someone came up beside me. He jumped in and zwoosh he was running full tilt on his machine next to me. Now I support his workout, but it make me seem like a slug to a rabbit LOL. I did step up a bit, but got a cramp and thought I was being STUPID. Someone was walking off a cramp and I could feel them looking at me ech time he passed me. My mind went to the old me "wow she is big, look how slow............you get the idea" . I couldn't do the positive self talk thinking they are saying "good for her exercising, her heart will thank her etc"...... So I cranked up my music and started thinking of my new life ignoring them all. I am 99.9% done with the stuff in my neighborhood and will soon be stressfree. I can not WAIT whew. I thought of my new friends for the remainder of the 30 minutes. In 2 months I have learned so much about my band and made some new friends. It is cool because they didn't know who I was before the band so much. Sure they know some, but for the most part they are getting to know the real me. The future me and going through the same journey. They are people who will know the hell you go through when you get the slimming or how much it hurts when you get a fill ( I hate needles). My life is enriched with the new friends I have made and will make in the journey. Tomorrow I will go back and do some weights. I am excited as I haven't done weights in a year. It is always amazing how strong you feel after you are done. Even if I don't lift much, it is a positive step for me. I can't WAIT to start seeing some positive results!

I sit here at 120 pounds past my goal weight waiting. My surgery is less than two weeks away and I am excited and terrified all at once. The dreams have started and they are crazy stupid dreams. The first one I had was about my surgery. I sat on the table in my gown waiting for the doctor. It was an all glass room, people on the floor of the office building could see in. I hated the idea of being naked and not in control of what they would do to me. Kinda freaked me out. I sat up and the nurse made me eat bloody possum! I have no idea why that came into my dream. I did as told, but ran out of the room to find a pen ( go figure). As I was running I went into a large room where the doors slammed automatically. I tried to get out but they wouldn't open. I saw this as my fear the surgery would not happen b/c of a fatty liver or adhesions from my Hysterectomy!!! Anyway I finally got out when someone else came in looking for the water fountain. When I got back in to the surgery suite my mom was there with the staff and doctor. They weren't happy I was missing, but decided I could have the surgery anyway. I was so happy to see Dr. McDreamy was the one who would do my surgery ( From Grey's Anatomy). Just as they were ready to start, my mom pops her head up and says she is going to be the one who will do the first cut........I scream and wake up:-) From what I understand this is common to have nightmares and will continue until I have the band in place.

I sit here at 120 pounds past my goal weight waiting. My surgery is less than two weeks away and I am excited and terrified all at once. The dreams have started and they are crazy stupid dreams. The first one I had was about my surgery. I sat on the table in my gown waiting for the doctor. It was an all glass room, people on the floor of the office building could see in. I hated the idea of being naked and not in control of what they would do to me. Kinda freaked me out. I sat up and the nurse made me eat bloody possum! I have no idea why that came into my dream. I did as told, but ran out of the room to find a pen ( go figure). As I was running I went into a large room where the doors slammed automatically. I tried to get out but they wouldn't open. I saw this as my fear the surgery would not happen b/c of a fatty liver or adhesions from my Hysterectomy!!! Anyway I finally got out when someone else came in looking for the water fountain. When I got back in to the surgery suite my mom was there with the staff and doctor. They weren't happy I was missing, but decided I could have the surgery anyway. I was so happy to see Dr. McDreamy was the one who would do my surgery ( From Grey's Anatomy). Just as they were ready to start, my mom pops her head up and says she is going to be the one who will do the first cut........I scream and wake up:-) From what I understand this is common to have nightmares and will continue until I have the band in place.