AngieB2009

Thanks! On the lapbandforum.com we have a Wednesday Weigh in. I was down 2.7 lbs from last week! I will take that for sure!

Thanks for commenting and reading!

Glad to hear you are listening to your body!

Sounds like you are being pro-active, that is good! If you are not eating the right foods and are dumping, you may not need a fill. Remember hard proteins are what we should be focusing on.

If time is not on your side, get some high protein foods that you can grab and go with. I do a greek yogurt in the morning. 14 g of protein! bam! It's protable and easy. My lunch today will be a black bean burger patty. Again, easy and portable. Think about foods that you can grab. I would recommend focusing on eating the correct foods.

Good luck!

That is your avatar. You can upload a piccy there.

The number on the scale was 243.6 this morning!

Posted by AngieB, Today, 08:09 AM

Love your latest reward. I last rewarded myself with a chennel (sp) robe, sooo soft!

Believe it or not, when you are to tight, you won't always loose weight. Not saying you're starving yourself, just you body may feel like it.

Do you feel like you are to tight? How much are you eating? If it is a couple bites then uhhh then you may consider doing a small unfill. I realize no one wants to loose fill, but sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

It's a hard choice, one gal was just posting about it on the lapbandforum.com interesting read. She was to tight for so long her stomach got inflamed and she was risking a slip. To tight...not tight enough....ahh the life of a bandster. I hope you find a good fill level.

This is a subject of a more serious nature. It has to do with my emotions, or lack of emotion on a subject. My mother’s best friend Edna has stage 4 lung cancer, and is going to be passing on. I feel numb, with out emotion at all toward this subject. Growing up, our family was very close to theirs. She was like a second mom to me. Having little or no emotion causes me to feel bad and closed off from her.

My dear mom is very upset, and is having difficulty dealing with the change in life. I am doing my best to be supportive, and say things that will make her feel better, however I find myself feeling numb. I realize why I am feeling the way I do. I am hoping a bit of writing will help me process and share what is going on. I’ll have to share a bit of a back story. So, please bear with me as I fill in some details.

I am not entirely sure how old I was, but I will say young. Around kindergarten, first grade time frame of my life. My mom would have her best friend Edna’s boys’ watch us when they would go out. The boys’ names are Kenny and Alan. At any rate, I remember when they watched us we would play hide and go seek. We were paired up, and Kenny was always my partner. He and I hid in my parents’ closet. While we were waiting to be found, he pulled out his penis and made me stroke it. I remember my cheeks burning with embarrassment and I felt scared and forced to do something I didn’t want to do.

When I told my parents about it, I remember getting in trouble for telling stories. I have always been an emotional person, and my mother thought I was not telling the truth and being dramatic. (I would cry when I told her about what was happening, why a kid would make something like that up is beyond me.) I continued speaking out, and they continued punishing me. Telling me what I was saying was not true. Oh denial is not bliss! It was not until my brother stepped in to advert a spanking for my tails, to defend me, and say my story was true, that I stopped getting into trouble. I was to young to know what went on, but I knew the boys’ didn’t watch us anymore from that time on.

My folks handled the situation in the poorest of ways, they did nothing. Well, that is not exactly true, the boys never baby sat again, and my mother gave Kenny a tongue lashing, and told him she was keeping her eye on him.

There are several issues that stemmed from this. My protectors did little to keep me safe. Our families where very close, we spent large amounts of time together, and that did not change. Mom and dad decided to not say anything. Our families where so close and by bring up what happened it would surely change the relationships between the two. My father thought I wouldn’t remember, as I was a young girl when this happened. Little did they know, it broke something inside of me and changed me for my life to come.

Okay, so this really has little to do with Edna, and she has been a great friend to my mother and has always shown us love. When I talk to my mom and she brings up the subject, I don’t have any feelings. When my mother cries and struggles for words, I set there blankly not feeling anything. Right now my mother has been traveling back in forth from her house to Edna’s caring for her. Helping her do what needs to be done. She is a dying woman with little strength or stamina left.

The only time I feel anything is when she brings up Kenny’s name. Then I feel anger and I want to say so much. Mostly I want to say don’t utter his name to me. I realize my parents are wrong, and we do not see eye to eye on what happened when I was a child or how they choose to deal with the fall out. I can not change them, or even get them to see my point of view. That fact I have accepted, and feel at peace about. What is hard for me is to listen to her talk about “him” to me. Have some tact and respect. She has a totally different perspective of what happened. I get that, but she knows how I feel about the subject. The only reason I am cutting her slack and not saying how I feel is to let her feel sadness and grief with out shutting the door to her.

I know I will not be attending Edna’s funeral. I can’t trust myself to be respectful and honor her life. You know the saying …. “There is a time and place for everything.” I truly feel like if I would see Kenny, I would go up to him and speak my mind. Right there at the funeral. Oh wouldn’t that be nice. Me in all my grownupness and Kenny, talking about how he use to abuse me. What a shock to his wife and kids. My mother would be so happy!

I have thought about finding him over the years, just to say what I wanted to say, but I had chosen to remain silent. Now I know where he lives, I suppose I will have to decide if I want to write him a letter or call him. At any rate, talking to my mom about this has let me know although I have come a long way from where out of the woods emotionally on this subject.

I realize it is not Edna’s fault, why am I blocked emotionally when it comes to grief? I do know this, while I have been typing this out, the foodie in me has emerged. I went and bought a scrambled egg. Food is still my solace……at least I am choosing better even if I have chosen to eat my emotions. Baby steps, and progress not perfection. Right?! A scrambled egg is better than a pumpkin pie….a whole pumpkin pie.

Hey Sue - sorry to hear about your DD. That sounds like an adjustment. What's going on....work cutting there staff.....Ugh! Well I will be praying for you. WTG on the weight loss! Despite everything happening looks like you are staying on track!

I had a hard time toward the end of the liquids. I choose very soft foods. If I needed something to eat, like pudding. I even had a few moments where I chewed and spit. Yes, that is right. I savored the flavor then spit. It helped me get through the moment.

Hey there! I can relate to your wanting to have restriction. I have had 4 fills in 4 months. Each one built on itself. I know it is hard to hear, but keep on getting fills until you reach a good level of restriction. It may take 2 or 3 fills. Don't beat yourself up. Change happens over time. I have been banded since April 24th and I have lost 32 lbs. Which I think is FANTASTIC!! Athough compared to my fellow bandsters, I am loosing slow. We are all different, but the important thing is to talk about how we feel and to do the best we can! Hang in there!

I still have pizza from time to time. I found Papa Murphys has a thin crust pizza that is ultra thin. I order it and I have never had a single issue. YUMMO!

Ha ha! That is great! I am not nearly close to where you are, but I will say......doing a trim job has become possible again.....TMI I know, but it is the little things like that that keep me going! Right on!

WOW that is awesome! Go you!

B_G - the Chemo nurse is familiar with the needles and the ports. They are similar if not the same type of ports they use for cancer patients. They have plenty of experience and would be the best choice if a bariatric surgeon/nurse was not available. Intersting huh! Learn something helpful all the time. So now when I travel, I will feel better knowing there are more people who can help me in a pickle if I need it.

Ebonymc - I understand, my fills have been progressive. I am glad I've been creeping up on my "sweet spot" but it so hard to be grateful and not impatient. Four fills and four months later.....I really hope I am there now. (not to mention $1200, bucks in fills.) Sometimes I wish my fills would be more agressive, then I think, each one I or my body went through an adjustment phase. It's been one of those waiting games for me. I wish you the best and also hope you reach your s.p. fast!

Fill # 4 - 4 Fills in 4 months! Let this be the one!

Posted by AngieB, Today, 10:31 AM

I hear that BG. My Dr. has 24hr availability. Which is nice to know I can call at any time and get the help I need.

P.S. I don't have the supplies to do an unfill.

I understand where you are coming from. It's important for us to step out of the lapband bubble from time to time to actually see the results. You are actually loosing faster than the average bandster, so that is a huge success. Sounds to me like you are getting a tinsy bit ahead of yourself. The lapband is known for it's slow rate of loss. Hang in there and give yourself a break. You are doing great!

Good luck!

Wow, I am sorry to hear your story. I'd think your Dr would want to be compassionate towards you, and help you during this time. He released you as a patient!? Is it because you objected loudly about the situation?? I can bet the Dr who did my surgery would have fixed the punctured tubing and gave me a fill for free if he had cause the problem. Dr. Ortiz is a good man and I have witnessed him do amazing things with his patients!

Anyway, sorry to hear of your troubles. Post the link to the story when it come out! I'd like to watch or read it!

The science of a fill! Mad science!

Posted by AngieB, Today, 08:22 AM

Here is my reply to the post referenced.

I voted, "In a pinch I'd do it in a heartbeat if I had all the right supplies."

I voted first, then cruised the posts that followed. I was suprised to find so many people against it. My mentality is different I suppose.

Thinking about the question posed, my main concern about doing it comes down to my level of discomfort. It would take some focus on my part, and if I was so tight I was unable to swallow my own spit, I'd hope to be able to pull it together enough to do the deed. I mean after all we are talking an emergency situation here.

Here is an analogy, What would you do if you were short on breath and gasping for air? Setting next to you there was an ozygen tank and mask. Would you ignore it? My answer is for petes sake NO! I would put the mask on and huff the air into my lungs. Of course I am going to help myself!

I agree full heartedly that safety should come first. Fill party.....hmmm I don't see myself attending one....

Doing my own fills. Now, that is another subject all together.

Glad to hear you are nearing goal! That is very impressive. Time is on your side and I am sure you will adjust to the new and improved you in no time! Way to Go!

I know, you think, ahh maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Then you really think it over and realize you would be in pain, and most likely not able to SWALLOW your own spit. Could you do an unfill under those circumstances??? Good Lord!