rachnett

thanks. i do have an appointment with a new therapist this coming week. My primary care doc sees her and recommended her. We'll see how it goes i guess. my argument was always that i'm high functioning but i guess that is common in bipolar type II. i typically try to blame stress for my "symptoms". I work 40-50 hours a week where i have to make decisions constantly, I run my own photography business where i can work anywhere from 5-20 hours a week, i have two great kids (11 & 9) who are involved in school things and music lessons, a husband (who probably takes more work than the kids, lol), a house to run, bills to pay, i'm an elder at my church. oh and i have friends and like to have a bit of a social life. how is it possible that i can be bipolar yet manage all of that? I would say that 90% of the time all the craziness is contained within my head. but then maybe i'm kidding myself about that. maybe my moods are more obvious than i realize. I know i'm a control freak and maybe that's why i don't like the label. it feels like being bipolar means that i don't have control over things. my pms seems to have become pmdd. and this last month was the first time that i felt like my thoughts were actually coming out of no where. It was almost like i was asking myself "where did that idea come from?" though i still felt like i had control over what action i took in relation to the thoughts, what happens when i don't have control?

I ate the most glorious thanksgiving meal. A spoon full of dressing. A spoon full of green beans. A spoon full of corn pudding. And a very small piece of juicy turkey. oh and a spoon full of yams. I'm a week past my 4th fill and am just loosening up a bit (i was very tight last week). It was wonderful to actually enjoy the meal and not feel disgusting afterwards!

I'm not quite 3 months post op. I've lost a total of 38 lbs. I started at a size 20 jeans but yesterday I purchased a size 14! A 14. I wore a size 14 to work today, yeah right! Two sizes down in under 3 months, not too bad. I was really excited when i tried them on and they fit perfectly. I was stoked to wear them to work today. But the day came and went and i realized I really don't feel any better in them. I still feel like a fat ass (pardon the politically incorrect adjectives but that's exactly how i feel). When will i start feeling differently about myself? I realize 38lbs isn't a lot a lot but still, shouldn't i feel, I don't know better about me? Shouldn't i feel like i look differently? I've taken some recent pictures and i can't really even see a difference. I would have thought by now i would be able to. Is it all in my head?

i was banded on the 21st. the iv drugs and then the roxicet that the dr gave me for at home really knocked me out. i feel like i lost a few days, i've apologized to everyone that came to visit me only watch me doze off mid conversation, lol. everyday has been a little better. I still feel bloated. I've only been taking tylanol for the pain the past two days. of course my incisions hurts but the worst of it is in my left shoulder and my chest. I have a cough but it's not bad, just annoying. I'm sure it's due to the anisthia. i'm down about 6lbs since last friday which is ok with me. I still get weak and tired so i will likely be off of work the rest of this week for sure. At least now that i'm feeling a little better i'll be able to enjoy a couple low key days at home.

By day I'm a Sr Analyst in the Loss Mitigation department for a major mortgage company. By night/weekend I'm a photographer and run my own business. I love both of my jobs!! Oh yeah more importantly I'm a mother of two great kids, three dogs and a cat.