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Same here. I just posted about how yesterday I was feeling short and fat -- I'm 5'8"! I started this journey in a size 26 pants and I am now a size 14. I was going to wear a dress to work this morning but when I looked in the mirror all I could see was this "short, fat" person. So I am wearing pants today -- all black -- I still feel short and fat. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. Some days are better than others, and I know it is all in my mind so .... ~fran

Yesterday I went to a surprise birthday brunch for a close friend. Her husband generously paid for everyone. It was held at i. Cugini in Santa Monica, we sat on the patio where we could see the sun glistening on the ocean. It was beautiful! I had only had my Breakfast Protein shake so by the time most of the people had arrived (12:30 p.m.) I was ...hmmm... ready to EAT! I checked the menu online on Saturday so I could decide what I would eat in advance. It's a buffet so there's a ton of things to choose from. I decided that I would take one spoonful of whatever I liked and, if it took all afternoon, I would eat it. So, that's what I did. I sat down and started eating; everything tasted soooo good. I took my time, but still I was getting full REALLY fast. I excused myself to the ladies room. On my way back I ran into some people I knew so I stopped to chat. When I got back to my seat MY PLATE WAS GONE!!!! The look on my place was so classic that someone took a picture. While I was gone, the waiter came by and asked if I was done with my plate, my best friend (she was sitting next to me) told the waiter "yes", she thought I was done. So, he took my plate. I was like WTHECK!!?? My friend apologized profusely; I told her not to worry. I could, of course, have gone back to the buffet line and refilled my plate, but the truth is -- and I knew it -- I wasn't hungry and was in fact, full. I told my friend that she had done me a favor because I would have eaten till I was sick if I had finished the food I had left on my plate. I laugh everytime I think about the feeling of ... I don't know ... dismay, sadness, surprise ... I really don't know how to describe it because it was like an old habit coming back. My food/friend/comforter was GONE, and for a minute I forgot that I don't "need" food like that anymore. I laugh because it felt soooo good NOT to return to the buffet line and to be perfectly SATISFIED with what I had already eaten (which wasn't much -- but it was ENOUGH). I may have to post the pic that was taken of me when it is sent to me ... maybe. On a side note, there were many people at the brunch that I hadn't seen in a while. Before I left home I looked in the mirror and saw myself as "short and dumpy" (which is hard to do when you're 5'8" ... but the mind plays tricks sometimes). Anyway, I was showered with compliments by friends and loved ones about how great I was looking these days. This was a really great bonus since I was feeling "fat". The mind, the mind plays such tricks ... my pants were loose fitting because they are getting too big, but my head couldn't accept that. I am so thankful for my lap band because no matter what my "head" says, my band just keeps doing its thing and I keep doing mine. LOL Thanks for reading! ~Fran

While it's true, you may be too tight, I know how you feel about not wanting to get an unfill. But you can't continue to get stuck everytime you eat the right foods because sooner or later sliders will start talking to you and they can get pretty loud. LOL So I ask, are you properly hydrated? I thought I was too tight as well, but when I paid attention, I noticed that I was only having problems getting the "right" foods down when I had not been drinking enough Water. If you ARE hydrated and you are still getting stuck every time you eat ... you may need a slight unfill. Hope it gets better soon. ~fran

There's lots of good news here, Sdart. Good news: You have the lap band! YAY! Surgery and recovery are behind you. Good news: Even if you are not ready to use your "tool' (yes, I know everyone, "tool" is a 4 letter word) right now, when your head is in the right place ... it is waiting for you to fill it and do what it takes to lose weight. Good news: You do NOT have to live the rest of your life worrying about everything you eat and you are also NOT a prisoner to your body. Ask any successful bandster and they will tell you that they (myself included) do not "worry about everything 'we' eat". Once we decided that we truly wanted to change our lives, that's what we did. And if that meant changing the way we eat ... it wasn't a "worry", it was a "choice". That's what life is all about, making choices. Sometimes that means choosing the hard right over the easy wrong. Saying that is easy, but I know that doing it ... when you are not ready ... is NOT easy. Good news: You are NOT a prisoner to your body, but if you decide to believe that to be true you make it your reality. Think about it, how does eating something sweet and then beating yourself up afterward serve you? How does it help you achieve your goal of losing the weight? It doesn't. So, stop beating yourself up and take control. THIS IS NOT A RACE, IT IS A MARATHON. Take baby steps. Do what you can and if you slip, just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start again. Don't let this overwhelm you. Stop doing to yourself what society has done to overweight people like us all our lives ... make us feel like there is something "wrong" with us because we are not thin. It is not a crime to enjoy food, but it is unhealthy if we eat our way to being obesity. We are not stupid, or lazy, or ugly, or weak, etc. We are good people, and we should be good to ourselves. I'll tell you something Sdart, I have been struggling with trying to get my carbs down low -- to no avail. But, I don't beat myself up about it. I step up my exercise (which is merely walking and extra 2-3 miles a day). BELIEVE ME, 2 years ago I NEVER would have believed someone if they told me that I would look forward to getting up at 5 a.m. M-F to walk 2 1/2 miles before going to work. And I REALLY would not believe them if they said that I would take clothes to work so I could add another 2 miles to that on my lunch AND that I would stop on my way home from work to walk another 1+ miles. I PROMISE you, this was UNHEARD of before my band. After doing some reading I decided to only walk M-F, but the past few weeks I have been getting up on Saturday mornings to walk 3 miles at the Marina (it's so beautiful there). But it took TIME for me to change. I was banded June 15, 2009. I didn't start walking CONSISTENTLY until November 2010. You will change your life (and your mind) when you understand that YOU have the power to make this happen. You really do. Read this forum. Write about how you are feeling. Listen to our body to know when you are physically hungry and when you are head hungry. There's a lot of help on this site, use it! Elfiepoo is right, if you can give up sugar you will see BIG changes in your weight loss. If you cannot do it right away, that's okay too, but at least you will know that is an option when you are ready to go that route. We are here to support you. YOU CAN DO THIS!! ~Fran

Been there, done that ... HATED IT! Seems like only yesterday .... why yes, it WAS yesterday. It happens to the BEST of us ... and I mean that! We are the BEST. Why? Because we get back on track and move forward. YAY Bandsters! Here's to a better food day tomorrow. ~Fran

About the Protein Shakes ... just remember, there are a ZILLION of them on the market today, so you will have plenty to try. You might consider trying them BEFORE surgery so you will be all set when it's "Protein shake time" after surgery. My personal preference is chocolate Muscle Milk (powder form) mixed with soy milk (I am lactose intolerant) ... but it's not for everyone. Check various websites, some will send you free (or really, really cheap) samples. Even though you are a picky eater, you should be able to find something to get you through the mushie stage. And remember, the clear liquid stage and mushie stage are ONLY TEMPORARY. You'll be on to reg foods before you know it! All the best to you on your journey. ~fran

With therapist like that, it's no wonder people don't want to seek help when they are troubled! Glad you got a good report and will have your surgery. Continue to read this forum and you will learn a lot from people that have actual experience with the lap band. I can't stop shaking my head when I think about what this "therapist" told you about lap band. tsk, tsk, tsk ... shame on her! All the best to you! ~fran

Happy Birthday Z!!!! Have a great one!

Well said, Stateofzen! I don't feel the "easy" part yet, but I know it's there because before the band I just couldn't keep the weight off. I have never worked harder in my life to lose weight -- or been happier to do it. Thanks for your uplifting post! Hooray for all of us that took the "easy way". LOL! ~fran

I don't think you're any sicker than the rest of us. LOL I know exactly how you feel. If it's in the house resisting it is not easy ... though I have to say it has gotten better. I see an obesity specialist therapist and that helps a lot. But I agree with you, there's no easy fix and we may battle with this for the rest of our lives. I will say that buying new clothes in smaller sizes is quite the motivator, but when emotions kick in .... well, let's just say no amount of shopping money beats that chocolate chip cookie. LOL I keep trying though. I am finding that I am becoming a little obsessed with power walking. I walk in the mornings before work. Today I brought my walking clothes so that I can walk right after work too ... but ... I am feeling compelled to get changed and walk during my lunch break - NOW. It's a strange feeling ... but I like it! Hang in there folks. We are on a journey that is one step at a time. Patience was never one of my virtues ... but I decided I'd better get with the program or I'd be fat forever! LOL All the best to you all on your journey. ~Fran

You're right, once in a while won't kill you. I had one last night. This is how it went: I made a burger patty using ground turkey. Seasoned it with a little sea salt (only takes a pinch), lemon pepper and garlic (using my garlic press). I put the patty in the oven and baked it. When it was done I looked at it and immediately knew it was more than I could eat so I cut a quarter off and put it on the bottom hamburger bun (a little mustard, a drop of mayo and ketchup) and voila! I had my burger. And, you know, it was enough to fill me up! Tasty too. I had to take my time because ... well ... you know bread. I have enough patty left for 3 more burgers but, because the bread can be such a hassle I will eat the remainder of the patty without bread. Oh well, you know bread and the band ... it is what it is. Good luck! ~Fran

I am not sure why losing insurance coverage after having lapband and subsequent complications is any worse than losing insurance coverage and having complications from any other WLS; but I guess they were trying to steer you in a direction other than lap band. I also don't understand why they would focus on someone no longer having insurance. Seems weird that they would go there, but maybe I'm just not looking at it the way the seminar instructor was, who knows? I have not heard of "a lot" of people experiencing erosion from the lap band. The couple of times I read about it on this forum it was considered "rare". That said, there is a forum here called "Lap Band Complications", you might want to do a search on that forum for "erosion" to read about it from people that have experienced it first hand. It might be helpful to you. Just a suggestion. I am heading toward the 2 year mark with my band and I am quite satisfied. I realize that not everyone can say that, but isn't that true of almost anything? I wish you the best on your journey to find the surgery that is right for you. ~Fran

For me head hunger has to do with me thinking I'm hungry when in reality I am stressed or angry or sad or some other emotion. My mind wants to eat to soothe the emotion because (as another poster mentioned) it is a habit -- to use food to solve every problem. And no, the band won't change the way I think, but due to restriction I am unable to binge as I have in the past. Just my .02 cents. ~Fran

Many thanks to all. Today has been a better day. Didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but got up anyway and did my 2 1/2 miles. It really helps ... and so do all of you. Have a wonderful weekend. Be blessed. ~Fran

Thanks Melody, I haven't been a wreck like this in a very long time. I know that I will get through this, I just don't want to damage my band - or my weight loss - in the process. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts, they are much appreciated. ~Fran

Thanks so much fluffy. I am sorry to hear about your best friend ... she was much too young to die. I totally understand how you are still missing her terribly. My therapist called me back and we talked for a bit. She gave me a couple of breathing exercises that have helped with stress in the past. I will see her Saturday morning. I must allow myself to mourn and grieve the loss of my friend. Eating will not ease my pain ... I must make that my mantra. I won't give up! Thank you again. Hugs ~Fran

Ok, so I have been under a great deal of stress lately. My mom was in the hospital (I posted about it last week), she had a few little strokes. She is better, but not great. She is 90 and has a benign tumor in her head, it became inflamed and coupled with some calcification in her brain (idk, I don't understand everything the doc said), she had some little strokes that effected her speech and other functions. Anyway, she is out of the hospital, her speech is better ... but she is still having trouble staying awake. Intellectually I realize that my mom is 90 and I am lucky to still have her around, but emotionally ... it is hard to deal with. But I have been coping. Well, Monday night I find out that a close family friend (my mother was going to marry his father several years ago) had a stroke and died -- he was younger than me! It took me 2 days to call his wife. They were married almost 30 years. I was with him the night they met. He was ready to marry her that night. So, I dreaded calling her ... so much sadness. I finally called, got her answering machine. That was good, I left a message. I will see her on Saturday when I pick up her sis-in-law from the airport. He was a really good guy. I will miss him. I have been trying every which way but loose, not to eat over everything that is going on. I have prayed, meditated, walked, everything I can think of to keep my mind off the fact that he is gone and how painful this is for his family. Of late I have focused on drinking more Water. I did really good yesterday and today. Then, about 10:45 a.m. I got hungry; and as time passed I felt hungrier and hungrier. As noon approached I thought I was going to chew my arm off. The thing is, I don't really get physically hungry. When I stopped to listen to my body - my stomach wasn't grumbling, I wasn't weak, I didn't have hunger pangs - but I was STARVING. And it was all in my head. I went downstairs and bought lunch -- food that I haven't eaten in more than a year -- and rarely ate before that (mainly because I don't really like it). I bought 6 chicken mcnuggets and a small fry. I started with the fries, they didn't taste anything like I expected them to and stopped after eating about 6 of them. My stomach was full and my band was tight (from stress) but I was determined to eat my nuggets. Well, they wouldn't stay down. But I didn't stop until I threw up so hard that it hurt. Now I am in PAIN. My left side just below my rib hurts sooooo much. I thought I had injured my band, but I don't think so because I can drink water and keep it down. I probably have some swelling and will have to live on liquids for the next few days -- which is just as well. Previous to the past few weeks, I had been handling my emotional eating fairly (not perfectly) well. But, then again, life hadn't thrown me any "loops" in a good while either. Suffice it to say, I have learned my lesson (only time will tell). I have a call in to my therapist. I am sure she will call soon. I have a lot to think about regarding my food addiction and my band. I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling with emotional eating. And I certainly don't want to damage my band. I have to admit that it has been better, but with the band it is just not possible to soothe myself with food. I will continue to work through it. The good news is that I won't be able to eat tonight. I am sure there is swelling around my band, so it's Protein shakes for tonight and tomorrow at the very least. Thanks for letting me vent. This forum is a life saver. ~Fran

Here's what I found ... Prolapse literally means "to fall out of place". Slippage - An unusual occurrence in which the lower part of the stomach may prolapse through the band causing an enlarged upper pouch. In severe instances this can cause an obstruction and require an urgent operation to fix. Hope this helps. ~fran

It sounds like you know what you really want to do. Trust yourself. You can do this! We are all rooting for you! Bandsters unite! ~Fran

Dragonfly, While I would not begin to know what is right for "you", I do have a few suggestions. First, let me say that I chose the band because is was less invasive than other WLS. I have had a few surgeries in my lifetime and the most recent (and most difficult) was back surgery. The recovery was brutal! I shudder when I think about it. To top it off, without losing weight my back problems continued. So, for me the lapband was a no brainer. I would suggest that you do in depth research on both the lapband and gastric bypass. You can get lots of information here that will be helpful. I would also like to remind you that this is YOUR body and YOU are the one that will have to live with the choice you make. So, if you feel like having your insides rearranged is not something you can live with ... well, you'll have give that a lot of consideration. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that if you know what you are getting into with the band, then you will know what it will take to succeed. Do your homework! Lastly, I will tell you honestly that I have never worked so hard to lose weight as I have with the lapband. I have never exercised more, or given more thought to what I put in my mouth daily. I have also never been happier to exercise. And I now love to think of new meals to prepare. I am a slow loser compared to many on this forum, but I have never been happier with my weight. I started my journey on June 15, 2009. I was wearing a size 26; I now wear a size 14. I am thrilled! And I am still losing! I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do. ~Fran

Great post! Very thought provoking. I am a slow loser and sometimes (albeit not often) I get frustrated with my progress. I am going to put it on my wall and read it daily. Time for me to be conscious of every SINGLE pound I lose -- and be grateful. Thanks! ~Fran

May I suggest that while you are waiting this "year" that your insurance requires, you have your doc start a supervised weight loss plan or whatever else your insurance requires for the surgery. They make us jump through so many hoops before they do the right thing! It's just awful. But hang in there ... a year will go by faster than you think. Learn everything you can about the band during the wait too. Now, another thought .... do you think that maybe you can appeal the 3 year/100 lbs thing? You might give it a try. And, the suggestion for the sleep apnea study is really good too. Good luck to you! ~Fran

Temecula, I live in L.A. and I am insured by BCBS, and what you are being asked to pay sounds VERY wrong. Admittedly, I had to go from doc to doc to find one that would accept BCBS for lapband because BCBS does not pay them well -- not at all. But, once I found a surgeon I did not pay one penny for my hospital stay and (once my doc moved into his Beverly Hills offices) he no longer accepted my co-pay when I saw him for fills. (Personally I think something shady was going on in his previous office, especially since they only took cash.) If the money they are asking you to pay is not a problem for you and you don't want to postpone, by all means, do it. BUT, I would call not only BCBS, but also the benefits dept at my job to be sure that what they are doing is legal, ethical and necessary. There are so many programs for lapband and it's true, some are more expensive than others. But know this, not all of them charge the "extra" fees your doc is charging and, like others have said, some of that stuff you don't need (i.e., his specific "support group" -- there are all kinds of free support groups around). Good luck to you! I certainly understand that you don't want to postpone at this point. ~Fran

Thanks stateofzen. Your hugs are much appreciated.

Thanks to all for the suggestions. As it turns out, I had forgotten how tight my band gets when I am stressed. The result was that I couldn't even keep my dinner down, so even though Cookies tend to slide down, I was too stressed to even try. This morning I am so tight I could barely get my meds down. I am having the hardest time getting out of the house to go walking. I am just so sad and worried about my mom. I know that exercise will help with the stress, so I am going to the park. Fortunately, I told my employer that I would be in late today. I will probably do Protein shakes today; I know that once I see my mom, I won't be able to swallow anything. I just can't bare the idea that my mom is drifting farther and farther away from the person I knew. I continue to pray ... Thy will, not mine, be done. Thanks again to all. I really appreciate the people on this forum. ~Fran