nolagirl2

hey girls, it's funny how much a little weight can seem like a lot. today i was back down to 238, it feels good to have dropped that mardi gras weight (well... holiday weight, it's been going around and round for a while)... now i just want to break into a new class!!! when i hit 233, i will have officially lost 100 lbs since my first consultation. crazy to think about that. even when i'm working toward a goal, though, i'm always thinking ahead to the next one. my idea now is that by may 2, i'd like to be down to 215 - losing 100 lbs. from surgery date on my anniversary. i think i got to the point where i got frightened of what i was seeing in the mirror, and i wasn't sure how far i wanted to take it. i'm not saying i didn't like it, obviously, but change is scary. anyway, it's funny how this 10 lbs. makes me feel different. i feel like my face looks different, and i wonder what 10 more will do. it's getting to the point where 10 lbs. will make a bigger difference -- much bigger difference btwn 238 and 228 than 338 and 328. so anyway, i'm still being good. how about you?

And it was a FAT Tuesday!! Especially from my birthday on (the 15th), it was a nonstop eating and drinking party for six days -- woah. Then Wednesday there was some food still - cookies and McDonalds. But Thursday morning, I left Carnival behind - I have been watching my carbs well since then. So I'm on my third day of low-carbing it, which of course means I am eating a bit more than normal, but that always happens when I hit a low-carb kick. Starting tomorrow, I should be back to more normal eating schedule. I'm eating smaller portions too, since I'm eating more protein-rich foods. I'm also craving fewer sweets -- I've had chocolates sitting on my desk for weeks that I haven't touched, and I'm back to the point where mixed nuts are sort of sweet and good, a nice treat. I've been more active, too, taking walks during my lunch break and such. My weight jumps around a lot, after my last post I went from 248 back down to 241, then on Ash Wednesday I was back up to 247. Today I'm back down to 242, so I'm planning on losing again soon. It's crazy how quickly these things happen, during M.G. my sz 20 jeans seemed to fit perfectly, and now they're too loose again (thank goodness!!). I'm feeling pretty optimistic and in control of my weight loss though. Even during Mardi Gras, when eating and drinking were constant, that was my choice and to be honest, I'm sure it'll happen again next year. I know I can eat around the band, but I also know that I can make the choice NOT to, and I enjoy making the choice not to. I have been dealing with some stuff, and I'm consciously not eating my way out of these thoughts and feelings anymore. I don't see the same roadblocks and derailments I had been seeing all through the holidays (Thanksgiving through Mardi Gras...). How are y'all doing??

The job is going well, starting to feel like I'm getting settled. One thing I seriously need is new clothes though - thank goodness we have casual fridays, otherwise I would be out of clothes!! I definitely need to do some shopping soon, but its so hard. Right now I have like 5-7 outfits (including work and weekend!!) - but its so hard to buy something I can't wear one place or the other (it has to be both work & weekend appropriate - difficult). My birthday is coming next week so I hope my parents just give me money for clothes - I can go to Target or Old Navy and buy some stuff!! I'm an 18 I think -- I can squeeze into 16 if its stretch and I dont' mind it being tight, but its not for most stuff. I've been off the wine and on a beer kick (I know, I know, not the best choice for the band - but it's just a kick - besides, its parade season). About the food -- right now its pretty constant. I mean, I definitely am guilty for being an emotional eater - when I'm sad, or lonely, or frustrated -- its pig out time. But the thoughts about food - those are basically constant. I think a big part is that I have just been giving in lately, and when I am not exercising willpower, the thoughts come easier. I am hoping after a little bit of actually following through, the thoughts will bother me less. I seem to remember it being that way.

Yeah it's just been crazy living down here. Lots goign on - we just started Carnival and it's basically a non-stop party until Feb. 21. I haven't had internet at home for the past six weeks, so I couldn't get on LBT or anything, although I have it back now. It just goes in waves. It's hard, and you forget that other people aren't like this, but I think about food more than I think about anything else in the world. Right now, all I can think about is king cakes, even though I'm not hungry, I finished my breakfast like 40 minutes ago. But I have king cakes on the brain and I will until it's time to eat lunch, and then I will eat lunch, and probably start thinking about another food until its time for dinner. The waiting an hour before drinking helps because it forces me to have a definite stopping point, and I know that for an hour I can't put anything else in my mouth. Otherwise, 30 minutes later, I might eat again because I physically can. I have to keep myself on a regiment otherwise I eat every time I think about it, which means I literally eat all day. Ugh, I hate it. I can't believe that other people aren't like this. It's funny because there was a boy down here I had a crush on for a while, and my friends would joke that I talked/thought about him all the time, but in all honesty, I don't ever think about anything as much as I think about food. So anyway, that's what's up with me. Day three.

hey girls - how's it going? robyn your pics from the cruise look amazing. so i am here, trying to get back to bandland. today i actually journaled my food and water intake and it helped to keep me from overindulging. i've noticed that once i start eating, even if i'm not hungry anymore, its hard for me to stop. and the band can stop you but as you all know, you can eat around it if you want to. its amazing, i don't understand how other people don't have food issues. how does someone say no to ice cream cake without feeling deprived or say yes to it without feeling guilty? i've fallen back into some old food traps, and for a few weeks i have been seriously needing to find my way back - for months even i've been feeling off-track. it just seems there is always a reason to put it off, even though it makes me unhappy. even now, its crazy for me to start doing my food journaling and accountability during mardi gras, but why put it off until feb 21/22? that will just make another two weeks of feeling icky and not liking myself very much. i've been making small steps, but i realize that cutting corners here and there is NOT making the effort. i can't just go for a walk at lunch but come home at dinner and totally overeat. i had gotten into the habit of just eating all day. eat a meal, wait for fullness to subside, then eat again. ugh. i have also been taking advantage of the band in the fact that even eating a lot of crap, i still don't gain as much weight as i did pre-banding. right now, i'm not sure where i am, i think around 5-10 lbs. higher than my lowest point. but that is not losing and i still have a ways to go. so today for breakfast i had a south beach diet wrap meal (chicken caesar), for lunch i had a south beach diet wrap meal (sesame chicken) , for a snack i had two small slim jims, and for dinner i had buffalo chicken dip with cheese and pepperonis. I also had an insane amount of water, like 200 oz. trying to overcome wanting to eat with drinking - i used to do that and it worked well!! and i also walked a bit today - went for a 30-40 minute walk during lunch, then an hourlong walk with roomie tonight. i think i can make it back to kc at the end of march to get another fill, that's the other thing, i've been at this fill level since july. but i don't want to concentrate on that too much because the earliest i can get back is end of march, and i don't want to put things off until then. so here we are. one day at a time. anyway, here are some pictures of the last month. how y'all doing?

hopped on the scale after that post and was 242. twice. so pretty trustworthy, i hope.

hey chicas. so it's been a long time - things have been absolutely crazy here - i had that temporary job, then i moved, then i got hired permanently, and it's just been insane. any free time is usually spent out with my friends, and my internet at home is unreliable wireless, so i'm not surfing as much. so anyway, i've been terribly absent. although i do feel better that nobody else has posted around here in 2 weeks either!! so - what else is going on with me? i am starting to find my scale untrustworthy. i am somewhere between 235-245 right now, although i hate to say i'm thinking its closer to 245 based on my recent behaviors. i haven't gone to a gym once since i moved to new orleans, mainly for just flat-out logistical problems (didn't have a car and couldn't afford it). luckily, i get a discounted membership to a gym that is literally across the street from my work, so i suppose now is the time!! i'm feeling all motivated because i woke up at 3 a.m. and did some online shopping for my new years dress. i got it on sale at saks.com in their salonz section, i'm a solid size 20 according to their measurements, so while i'm not going to try to lose weight before new years to make it fit, hey it never hurts. besides, i should just get on the ball anyway, so that's my goal for tomorrow. so yeah, i've been plateauing and what-not since i moved here. i've lived here 5 months and in that time, I think I've lost 25-30 lbs, which is crazy because that is still 1-2 lbs. per week even though I've just not been eating well or working out. I do want to get back in gear, though, and I'm trying NOT to do the "oh right after the holidays" thing, because, to be honest, one week after new years starts carnival, which lasts until feb 21, so the holidays here last a WHOLE lot longer and I don't need to put off healthiness until 2/21. so tomorrow, i am gym-bound at least to actually sign up. once it starts coming out of my paycheck i bet it'll be a lot easier to make myself go ! I'm also not beating myself up about my weight loss or perhaps perceived lack thereof because I sort of like giving myself this opportunity to evaluate myself and my new body. I mean, I wouldn't beat myself up anyway because it is always counterproductive, but anyway. I like that I'm giving my skin a little chance to recover, too, but it's mostly mental. I like that I am looking at myself and my body critically, seeing some things I like and some things I don't, and sort of reminding myself why this is such a process. I get happy about how much better I look, but I also am ultimately unsatisfied with the body I have now, and want to keep going (I'm not satisfied with an 18/20, I really do want to get at least to the 12/14 for now - once I'm there we'll see). I'm also getting very reflective on the end of the year. There's a lot of things to be said on the subject, but one thing is by the end of calendar year 06, I probably will have lost a total of about 100 lbs. Last year at New Years, I wore a t shirt (yes, a t shirt) and jeans because I had no other clothes. When my computer died, I lost the pictures which is sad, because I really wanted to do a side by side of New Years 05 with New Years 06. I'll have to see if there are any pictures on my parents computer at home. But I know I wore jeans and a guys XL t shirt (it was tight), with a hat and a scarf, and ended up being in bed before midnight. This year I'm going to have a pretty new Tadashi dress and I guarantee at midnight I will not be sleeping. Attached is a picture of the dress I bought, real pictures of me and stuff to hopefully come near the end of the year. Happy Holidays.

Thanks Robyn Feeling better today - walked home from work (about 3 miles) instead of taking the bus, only took about 15-20 more minutes, and saved me $1.25.

Well now that's depressing I sometimes worry that I'm not making the most of my six months. I mean I know I have done well but having about half my excess weight left after the six month mark... I mean I guess I have another month before six months, but that would put me at (probably) 75 since surgery with 55 more to go. Yuck. Can't I just be skinny already?

I'm about 15 lbs away so I won't be next, but I'm close!

p.s. the food is so effing good here i'm pretty sure food ceases to exist outside of new orleans. the flavor is all here.

I don't believe in playing "catch-up" on accountability same way you can't "catch up" on sleep. Since I last posted, I ate some things - some good, some bad, but whatever. I still lost wt. So today I went out for Breakfast at one of my favorite places in NOLA - Cafe Freret. On weekends they have a special of Crabby Benedict (if I go on non-weekends I usually get two eggs scrambled with cheese and two sausage patties, also comes with toast and hash browns, and I eat some hash browns bc they are amazing. more on those later). Crabby Benedicts (2 - but I split with a friend and only ate one) - 1/2 English Muffin, Homemade crab cake, egg, smothered in hollandaise (YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM) Sausage Patties (2) - So buttery/greasy, amazing. Figured I would get more Protein so I wouldn't carb up too much, knowing that I can overeat there bc of the sauces and greasiness. Still a whopping load of fat, calories, etc, but I don't care. Hash Browns - probably 1/4 c. or less - They are potatoes that are stringed (like same size as thick-grated cheese) with rosemary and other seasonings - DELICIOUS - with some ketchup 3 sweet potato fries. I tell you all this not to be held accountable, but because I LOVED my breakfast. It had some fry, it had some carb, it had a ton of fat, but I don't care! I loved it. And that's why I eat South Beach Diet wraps or Tuna2Go every weekday for lunch. What I love about the band is I can still live a normal life. I can diet and lose weight while leading a normal life.

Aww thanks Yeah the thing that helps me is knowing that we ALL struggle - even people who have lost 150 lbs. struggle. When I was feeling really down on myself for not eating and exercising like I had been, and we started the accountability log, that helped me A LOT. Just to know that everyone struggles - its not always easy. I just went out and had the BEST Breakfast - crabby benedicts. See info on accountability log.