adagray

Thanks for all your great feedback! Amanda, I love that you say I'm so positive. I've always tried and it makes me feel so good that I lift your spirits when days 'aren't so good for you'. Hey, we all go through those days and I know it must by doubly hard when you started on this band journey and now have to be unfilled for pregnancy. Hang in there girl! This is not a race and you can continue your journey after your new baby is born. I love that about the band. It is ALWAYS adjustable!

This is an exciting milestone for me. Yep, I now have a BMI of 34.8... too thin for surgery. Well, according to my insurance that is. Of course, I still have a lot to lose to get to a healthy weight. But, I am down 40 pounds now and boy can I feel a difference. I have a ton more energy and everything seems physically easier.

Its the little things that really add up. Its easier to do the dishes, the laundry, pick stuff up off the floor, even just reaching across the big tub to turn the water on and off for the kids when they take a bath. I know that sounds crazy, but I used to feel like I was gonna fall over when I did that because I had 40 more pounds hanging off of me and mostly in the front of my belly.:confused:

I was trying to explain to my DH just what a difference it has made and the best example I had was for him to imagine that he had to carry our daughter, Jillian, around all day every day for everything he had to do. She weighs 37 pounds right now. Yeah, its amazing!!! :biggrin:

Well, I can now say w/confidence that this band is really working for me. I am one month out from my last fill and my restriction is holding strong. Occasionally I feel a little too tight and occasionally I feel a little too loose, but for the most part I feel just right. I am eating three meals a day (no snacks) and not feeling hungry in between. Went to Vegas this past weekend and still lost two more pounds this week! Woohoo!!!

I went to Nordstrom Rack today. Honestly, I kinda hate this store. Everything is so disorganized and they don't carry any plus size even though Nordstrom does. Kinda makes you wonder where the clothes come from because if they came from Nordstrom, wouldn't they have some plus size too? :thumbup:

But, anyway, I happened to be doing some shopping nearby so thought I would stop in and look through their stuff to see if I could find some new black capri pants. The biggest size I could find there was 16 and they didn't have much. But, there was one pair of really nice looking black capris made by some designer I never heard of before. The tag said they were originally $139 :eek:, but marked down to $34. That's more like it! :w00t: Actually, a little more than I like to spend on transitional clothes, but I decided to try them on anyway.

Wow! These turned out to be the most amazing pants for a WLS patient. They fit from right above the crotch down very nicely (not tight, but not loose). Higher up, they don't really fit me. I have to suck and tuck and squeeze to get the zipper up. :thumbup: But, they are made of this really high quality stretchy material that holds my stomach in like a girdle and is actually comfy at the same time. And, they are high-waisted so no muffin top either.

When I got them home, I promptly pulled out all the smaller tops I unpacked recently that would go w/black capris and tried them all on w/my new 'girdle pants'. All of my tops cover the tight part so every outfit looked awesome. Its like I lost another 10 pounds today! :w00t:

Woohoo!!! I just got rid of a bunch of clothes too. I even got rid of some that still fit, but are long sleeve, I'm sick of 'em, and I KNOW I won't be that size when the weather cools down again. As the weather is heating up here now, I am excited for new smaller summer clothes!

I love you new pic too. I can definitely see a big difference.

Hugs! I am an American Girl too!!! I've always felt international travel is overrated. I prefer being in my own element. :->

Fill #4 was the one that did the trick for me as well. My hunger is finally really under control. And, my rate of weightloss has really picked up. :->

Maybe take the time to write down all the reasons you want/need this surgery and all the benefits you will enjoy when you are a healthy weight. Then, stick this on your refrigerator. Also, if at all possible, find a way that you can stop handling food until your surgery... let your family fend for themselves and stay out of the kitchen except when you are making a shake. If you do go in the kitchen tempted to get something, read your list on the refrigerator. You can do this! Take it one day at a time and remind yourself you only need to get through the first four days right now. Don't get overwhelmed thinking longer than that.

Also, I bet deep down inside you have a lot of self-doubt about this surgery. We all do. We all think we are gonna be the ones it won't work for. Trust me, it WILL work! It will take some time and patience to get to proper restriction and change your habits. We all stumble along the way. It is not a 'success-only' journey, but as long as you keep trying, you cannot fail. Hang in there!

A bunch of the instructors and members of Jazzercise in my town were in a parade today. Anyone who is a member of Jazzercise could be in the parade as long as you bought a t-shirt. We all got crafty and modified our t-shirts (cut them up and blinged them out). We have ladies of all ages, shapes, and sizes. I am the largest in the group, though.

At first, I hesitated on saying I would do the parade. I was afraid it would be too hard for me. But, then I decided to take it as a challenge and represent the big girls. I think there are just so many larger size ladies who think they can't have fun exercising or don't feel comfortable joining a group exercise class. I wanted them to look at me and realize that if I can do it, they can do it. :biggrin:

But, boy oh boy, was it hard! All uphill in the blazing sun, over two miles, and two HOURS of Jazzercising. My instructor's husband was driving a truck in front of us w/a cooler of waters. And, at one point, I was dying of thirst, but could not catch up w/the truck to get some water. :wub: I finally did catch up and rehydrate, though. And, the crowd was cheering loud for us and really encouraging us on. My husband brought our kids out to watch me in the parade and they were all so proud of me. It was an awesome feeling and accomplishment for me to finish it without medics having to be called in. LOL :thumbup:

Now, my muscles are sooooooo sore. I took a three hour nap this afternoon, drank a ton of water, and did two protein shots already (trying to boost my protein for muscle repair), but my muscles are still sooooooo sore (especially my butt!!!). Youch! :smile:

I will never understand why it is, but my weight really does seem to come off in spurts w/the band. And, I'm happy to see that I'm having another weightloss spurt right now... two pounds in two days! Woohoo!!! :thumbup:

My restriction since my last fill seems to be holding strong. I am actually eating out of custard cups now. And, not because I am trying to limit my portions (my doctor doesn't have any rules about how much you can eat - just that you should not eat for longer than 20 minutes). But, if I take more than a custard cup full, then I get too full before I'm done and have to throw some away. And, I absolutely hate throwing food away! I know I gotta get over that, but for now its easier to eat out of the custard cups.

Anyway, I'm just so happy w/how the band is working for me now. It is so truly amazing. I'm almost never hungry and even if its been 5 hours since my last meal, I only feel a little hungry. I used to get so ravenously hungry my stomach would actually be in pain and I would get so irritable if I went too long without food. Even the weightloss aside, its really cool that I can just go go go without really needing food. I know that is not the point of the band, but for a busy mom, this is so very convenient. :smile:

The best thing about this last fill, though, is that I've totally lost my fear that this band won't work for me or that I won't be able to lose as much weight as I want. For the first time, I just can't imagine that it won't work. Add up the facts that I am not hungry, I am satisfied on very little food, and I am loving my exercise routine (Jazzercise) and there is just no way I won't succeed. This is nothing like any other diet I've been on because YES, I can embrace this as a lifestyle. I'm actually enjoying the journey, not just white-knuckling through it as a means to an end.

I think this might be what they call the 'Sweet Spot'! :biggrin:

Hugs! You have a lot on your plate. Of course, I mean that figuratively, not literally. LOL The great thing about this band is that even when we can't work the program perfectly, it helps us enough so that at least we don't gain and usually still lose a little.

The only suggestion I have is that if you can exercise before seeing your mom instead of after, that would probably help. I know its hard to put yourself first. I struggle w/this a bit. The kids don't always want to come to Jazzercise w/me, but I force them to go anyway (they have childcare). And, as I'm signing them up for summer activities, I feel a tad bit selfish not picking anything that conflicts w/my Jazzercise (even though there is stuff I know they would really like). But, I have to remind myself that I HAVE to start making my health a priority and, for me, regular exercise has to be part of that. Its best for me, but its also best for my family.

I am also trying to let go of the idea that I have to 'keep up' with everyone else who got their band at the same time as me. The reality is that we have all the time in the world to lose this weight. It doesn't have to be 10 pounds per month every month or whatever other fantasy we all had in mind when we got our bands. If we are creating habits to keep losing until we get to goal and keeping it off once we reach goal, then we have succeeded. It really doesn't matter how long it takes because, if we get those habits in place, the weightloss will stay off forever. And, if we have a whole lifetime of being at a healthy weight ahead of us, does it really matter if it took 12 months or 18 months to get there? I know, I know, we all want it in the least amount of time. That's why I have to come up w/these pep talks for myself when my weightloss slows. LOL

Yesterday I packed up a whole bunch of too big clothes to donate. I didn't start out planning to do this, but was getting annoyed that everytime I go in my closet lately, I have to rummage through my closet to try to find something that doesn't look sloppy on me. I've always worn stuff (especially shirts) on the loose side so even though I haven't lost a ton of weight yet, I had a lot of stuff that was looking ridiculously large.:thumbup:

Then, I went into my two 'Stage 1' boxes to see what I could get out of there that fits now. Let me explain... last year when I was waiting and waiting and waiting for insurance approval, a friend of mine came over and we went through ALL my old clothes. I had tons of different sizes. And, we got rid of everything that I wouldn't want to wear again. And, sorted the rest into 'Stage 1, Stage 2, and Stage 3' boxes. Stage 1 is sizes 14-18 and 1X, Stage 2 is 12-14 and XL, and Stage 3 is 10-12 and L. OK, so I went through the Stage 1 stuff and got out a few things that work now. Woohoo! Its like free clothes!!! :biggrin:

But, I found that I have very few t-shirts that are my current size. So, when I was out today I bought three new t-shirts. Nothing fancy, but it feels good to have some new items that fit. I wore a new t-shirt to Jazzercise yesterday and got lots of compliments on my weightloss. I think its hard for people to see it if you don't wear clothes that fit. So for any of you that are feeling like people aren't noticing or you don't feel any different, I highly recommend some t-shirt therapy. Only $10 each and made me feel great! :smile:

Congrats on getting your surgery date set. I was so excited too. Its a big step in the right direction to getting your health back. And, I like what she told you about being entitled to look and feel good too. Most people on here will say their only regret is that they didn't or couldn't do it sooner. I'm 3 months out and feel the same way. I think we all know when our metabolism is defective. And, you don't have to get to the point of having health problems to know that. By the time I had surgery I did have a load of health problems (high bp, high cholesterol, prediabetes, sleep apnea), but I've known long before I developed all of this that I eventually would. My weight situation just kept getting worse w/every year and every diet and regain. If I could turn back the clock and have this surgery ten years ago, I would in a heartbeat.

My mom had to have an unfill at one point and told me she was gonna have a hamburger (something that normally wouldn't go down well for her) and I thought that was totally reasonable. I would do the same thing if I had to have an unfill. Its not one hamburger or even a few weeks of 'vacation' that did any of us under in the first place.

Update... I was blessed w/a buffet for the evening. I was so so happy :eek: after I saw the buffet setup and read the menu... hummus, mashed potato bar, two salads (salad has always been a slider for me). Yeah!!! Of course, there was a lot more than that that I stayed away from... lots of breads, pastas, beef wellington. But, I stuck (haha) w/just the stuff that I know as a slider for myself. So tempted to try the beef wellington. My husband told me it was so tender, but I kept all of your advice in mind and stayed clear of it just in case.

I took less than half a plate of food and nobody even noticed or commented. It was so delicious and so satisfying after being mostly on liquids this week.:w00t: I can tell I have really healed since the previous night. Nothing even felt the least bit bad going down, but I was super cautious and took it slow and stopped as soon as I felt the least bit full.

I did notice how most everyone else got at least two huge platefuls, even all my skinny friends!:tongue: I just don't have that kind of metabolism. But, I'm so thankful for this surgery so I can enjoy a meal like this (even just the mushy food), feel satisfied w/it, and still lose weight at the same time. Woke up this morning another pound down! Woohoo!!! :eek:

Why why why??? Why did I just decide to try some of the leftover pasta as I was serving it to my kids? I just got the most stuck I have ever got and I am no longer a PB virgin. I think that episode has cured me of any desire for pasta. I think it would've been OK if my stoma wasn't already irritated from getting stuck earlier today cause I had a little pasta last night and it was fine.

Ugh! Why did I not stick w/my plan to just have mushy stuff tonight? It was just so impulsive and easy... dishing up some pasta for the kids, why not have a little myself. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I'm gonna go back to liquids until the wedding tomorrow night. I hope that will be enough time to bring down any swelling I must have in my stoma now. Yikes!

Yep, I'm finally here. That fourth fill on Monday did the trick. By yesterday afternoon, I decided to try some real food. First, I had a yogurt which went down real slow. Then, I tested myself w/a solid dinner of chicken apple sausage, asparagus (slightly overcooked on purpose), and pasta. I took very small portions and cut everything super small. The skin on the sausage was a little irritating, but went down OK. But, having the leftovers today at lunch, I got stuck bad. Still no PB. I had to just tough it out until it passed through. Lesson learned... remove the skin on sausage!!! :eek:

Its kinda like now is when I really GOT my band. All of the stuff they taught me that I would need to do (small small bites and chew chew chew) was not necessary before and now, all of a sudden, it is. I'm gonna take it easy w/dinner tonight and maybe just have lentil stew or a black bean soup that has been waiting in my pantry for just such an occasion. The really good thing is that I'm still not hungry so I really don't care what I eat. :eek:

I am a little worried about tomorrow, though. I'm going to a friend's wedding tomorrow night and have no idea what is on the menu or if it will be buffet or served to us. I usually am not a fan of buffets, but I am really really hoping for a buffet this time so I can pick out just a little of the things that I think will work for me. I just really don't want to end up having a stuck episode in public and at a special event like that. My plan is to locate the nearest bathroom ahead of time and cut my food really really really small.

Working in my favor are two things. First, all of my friends know I am banded and I am sure she will have sat us all together. So, at least all of my tablemates will know why I am eating such miniscule portions and skipping on meat or dry chicken if that's what is served. They are all very supportive too and won't make me feel weird about it. The other thing is that the bride's own mother is actually banded. So, maybe, just maybe, the menu is actually band friendly. Could I actually be that lucky? :w00t:

And then as soon as I survive this wedding, what do I have next? Easter dinner! At least I am hosting so I get to choose the menu. I'm gonna make ham and really creamy delicious scalloped potatoes. Haven't figured out the rest of the meal, but my MIL is bringing baked apples (totally soft and band friendly) and coconut cream pie. Yum! Still gotta figure out some other sides. Really, I think the ham is the only thing that I'm not sure of. I have never baked a ham myself and just hope I can do a good job so it is not dry. And, the good thing is that the only outside guests are my inlaws and they also know I'm banded and are supportive.

You know, the thing is that even though everyone knows about my band and is totally supportive. They just haven't seen me ever get stuck before. :eek: And, I would hate to have that happen in front of them and then have them think badly about the band. All of us who are banded know its a learning curve. Every time we get a fill, we have to relearn what works for us and what doesn't. But, from an outsider's perspective, they see you get stuck or in pain once and they think... oh, the band is bad, makes you sick all the time. Oh well, I guess I can't start worrying now about what people think. :tongue:

Update... It is now 10:30am. I just got done working out (one hour of Jazzercise). All I had was tea before working out. Usually I am always starving after Jazzercise, but I am still NOT HUNGRY. I just had a protein shot (25g of protein, 100 calories), though, because I want to make sure to replenish my muscles.

Wow, I may just make it the whole 72 hours on just liquids this time. Even though that has always been my doctor's rule after a fill, I've never been able to make it that long. I'm usually so hungry I progress to mushy foods by the second day and solid food on the third day.

Sara, I hope your next fill does it for you. I still don't know if this is really my 'sweet spot'. I have to eat and see what happens over time. But, its just cool to know that it is possible to get this adjusted so that it really does turn off your hunger. I was beginning to worry that maybe my hunger was just too strong or maybe I had too much 'head hunger' to ever really turn it off. I think the band causes a lot of self doubt because it is such a lengthy process to get it adjusted properly.

I hope that my post will give others more confidence and hope that they will get there, though. I know that whenever I was struggling, it was good to hear that patience has paid off for so many others on this journey. :->

Just got my 4th fill yesterday which took me to 6.5cc in a 10cc LAP-BAND. And, it was about three hours after 'lunch' (broth and a protein shot), that I realized something had definitely changed w/this fill... I was NOT HUNGRY! And, I have remained NOT HUNGRY ever since. Even though I'm only allowed liquids for 72 hours after a fill, I was NOT HUNGRY when I went to bed and NOT HUNGRY when I woke up. This is frickin amazing!!!

Yeah, yeah, I know this is one of the main reasons I got the band. My mom has the band and said that she is just not thinking of food or looking for food much anymore. And, the people who are at goal in my support group say the same thing. One lady has to set an alarm to remember to eat. And, I've been longing for this NOT HUNGRY feeling ever since I got the band on 12/17/09. Until now, I had not felt this yet... not even right after surgery or after any of my other fills so I was worried it would never happen for me.

But, now that I've experienced it, I'm happy to say it has exceeded my expectations because its not just that I'm not hungry, but I don't even feel empty (even though I haven't eaten). I feel like you feel an hour after you ate a good meal, but all the time. Well, at least for the last day. I'm hoping this restriction sticks w/me. I'm the type who actually gets tighter a couple weeks AFTER a fill so I'm also hoping I don't end up too tight. And, I haven't eaten yet, so I have absolutely no idea how this level of restriction is gonna work w/food. I can drink about 4 oz of water at once, though, and it does go down fairly quickly, so I'm really really hoping, this is it! (or close to it) :wub:

Anyway, no matter how it works out, I now know that this NOT HUNGRY thing is possible w/me. And, I am thrilled!!!

Update... I'm not hungry! This is amazing. I've only had water, a cup of broth, and a protein shot for lunch (about three hours ago). And, I'm not hungry. I can hardly believe it.

I've never felt this 'not hungry' since getting surgery. Even right afterwards when most people say they don't even think about food. Or, after my other fills. I was always sooooooo hungry during the time my doctor told me I could only have liquids. But, this time, I am not hungry at all. This might be it!!! :->

I'm really hoping this is the fill that will take me to my sweet spot (or close to it). Of course, I am on clear liquids now for at least the rest of the day so I won't know for awhile. But, for the first time, I can not guzzle a huge amount of water at once anymore. I can do about 4 oz at a time. I think that is a good sign. Woohoo!!! :wub:

And, I was able to confirm at my appointment that I have gained some lean body mass (muscle) and my body fat percentage is down to 48.6. The last time it was 49.6 so I lost a whole percentage point of body fat in four weeks which is awesome. I haven't been losing weight as quickly this month, but my clothes have been fitting better so I kinda figured I might be toning up. All that Jazzercise is paying off!

I brought my four year old daughter to this appointment because she's on spring break. I thought about having her go out of the room when I got my fill, but I just took her for her appointment at the pediatrition a couple weeks ago and she got four shots. So, I figured it shouldn't phase her too much to see me get one. She was a perfect little angel the whole time. I made sure to talk and smile through the whole thing so she would know I wasn't being hurt. She even brought her Barbie band-aids and put one on me when the fill was done. Such a cutie.

Just try to stay patient w/it. The same thing happened to me right after surgery. I lost 10 pounds right away and then nothing for a couple weeks. I don't know why it is, but the weightloss seems to come in spurts. The worst thing you can do during those stalls is to doubt yourself and the band and revert to bad habits. I'm guilty of it. And, it just makes the stalls last longer.

I also find I need to remind myself over and over to be kind and patient to myself. We are learning a new lifestyle and its not gonna happen overnight. Also, it typically takes 3-6 months to get the band adjusted to its optimal restriction. Its really unlike any other diet because w/every other diet, you get the most weightloss at the beginning. With the band, you get the most weightloss after you finally get it adjusted properly and that takes awhile. So, try not to focus on the scale too much. Look at this time as time to create and practice new habits and the lifestyle you want for the rest of your life. At least this is what I tell myself. It is an emotional journey. Hang in there!

Finally, the scale is moving down some more! My body just seemed to love the range of 218-220... has been hovering there for 25 days (not that I'm counting or anything LOL). I saw 218 yesterday and have been soooooo good lately about following the rules and getting serious exercise in, I was really hoping I might finally see something lower than 218 today... like maybe 217 or 217.5. I would even take 217.9, but I have an old scale that only goes in half pound increments. But, what do I see this morning...

:w00t::w00t::w00t: 216! Woohoo!!!:w00t::w00t::w00t:

TWO pounds down from my lowest weight. And, I'm proud to say I DESERVE it!

Boy, this band will drive you crazy w/self-doubt because the weight just does not come off very steady. Seems to come off in spurts for me. But, I don't have proper restriction yet either so that may be part of the reason for this (as well as not always consistently following all the rules ). Anyway, regardless of HOW the weight is coming off, I am still thrilled w/my band because it IS coming off. :wub:

I need a fill sooooooo bad. Just ate dinner two hours ago and I am hungry again. Ugh!

But, I have discovered one food that seems to do the trick as a snack that actually makes me feel satisfied on very few calories... Cuties! You know those little clementine oranges. I think it must be all the skins/membrane because as much as I chew chew chew, it still feels kind of clumpy when I swallow. But, it doesn't get stuck... at least not for now. My next fill is on Monday and it cannot come soon enough! :wub:

Janet, that's very interesting. I wonder if wine will not agree w/me once I have proper restriction. My mom has the band and says wine doesn't agree w/her much anymore. Its hard for me to imagine wine not agreeing w/me, though. Ha!

I've been pondering this whole issue w/wine some more... trying to analyze why I feel entitled to have wine even though I cut so many other things out of my diet or way way back (like the cake). I think it comes from growing up and seeing my parents have wine every evening before and during dinner. If my mom is reading this... No, I do not blame you! I know as parents we all just do the best we can and we can never know how every little thing we do effects our kids. But, I'm sure that is where I get this feeling of entitlement to it... like I put it in a different category that it really doesn't deserve. Its a feeling of... well, I'm an adult and I took care of all the stuff I needed to do today and its the end of the day and I deserve it. But, that logic totally fails when taking calories into consideration. Its true that on an emotional level, I may completely deserve it. But, on a physical level, it is a roadblock to reaching my goals. And, as someone who is committed to improving my health and making a better lifestyle for myself, I need to remove all roadblocks to achieving those physical goals. I need to learn how to satisfy the emotional needs in a different way that doesn't sabotage my efforts to improve my physical health.

Wow, I feel like my own psychologist sometimes. Writing is very powerful. And, I'm happy to say that the 'wine is cake' mantra is working very well for me. Last night as my daughter was being very demanding and I was trying to get dinner in the oven so we could eat at a decent hour (so my DH wouldn't be annoyed), I really felt like some cake (wine!). I drank a huge bottle of water anyway. Did I enjoy the water as much as wine? NO! But, anytime you try to break a habit, it feels unnatural at first. Just gotta keep my eye on the prize!

Hey, I have been in the same boat for the past few weeks... letting old habits creep back in. Try not to beat yourself up. Its all part of the journey I figure. Think of all the positive changes you have made... this is what I tell myself to do to pick myself back up.

And, don't be embarassed about weighing in when you go for your fill. Its good for them to see you are struggling a bit. I'm assuming if this is your second fill, you do not have optimal restriction yet (if much at all) and the fact that you have not lost weight will actually work in your favor (you may get a bigger fill).

I've only had my band for a little over 3 months myself, but one thing I have noticed is that at least when I slip up w/the band, I don't gain (or don't gain much and it goes away quickly). It sure is a lot more forgiving than when I used to slip up on normal diets before. Best of luck to you on getting back on track!