SpartanMaker

I concur with @summerset. I'm not really following what you mean by "more than recommended" or why you find it worrying? If you're eating more than your team said you should, stop doing that. Problem solved.
Keep in mind that early on after surgery your stomach is inflamed and multiple nerves have been cut. In short, it's unlikely that you'd be able to feel all the appropriate signals to tell you when you're full. This is why most team's have recommendations on specific foods and volumes you should be eating at every stage. These are not only for the safety of your healing stomach, but also to keep you from eating so much you make yourself sick. They are NOT hard "limits" of exactly how much your stomach can hold.
Please tell me if I'm wrong, but my suspicion is you were expecting surgical restriction to keep you from overeating and you're testing the limits. Because you are able to eat more than what your team suggested you eat, you are worried that this means you're going to fail later.
This is an important point, so I'm going to bold it:
Success or failure post-surgery probably has more to do with your ability to follow your team's recommendations than it does with you being restricted by a smaller stomach. Once you get past the initial stages, it's can be as easy to overeat as it was before surgery. If you are headed down this path, I highly recommend working with a therapist that specializes in disordered eating because surgery alone may not be enough.

I tend to just say "eating less and moving more". It's factually correct and avoids any judgements or follow-up questions I might get if I went into more detail regarding surgery or my specific diet & exercise routine.

I certainly understand why you'd say that, however I do worry that you and others are beating yourselves up over this concept of "willpower", when self control/willpower isn't actually what separates those that are successful at weight loss and those that aren't successful.
I mean, I get it. We've been told this over and over again, but there is a growing body of research that shows it's not self control that's actually at work here. In reality, your ability to resist that tempting food is no different than successful dieters, or even people that have never had a weight issue at all. What those folks do differently is reframe the problem. For example, instead of thinking resisting a particular food comes down to "being strong", they might mentally tell themselves that it actually tastes bad, or maybe they visualize the lousy feeling they tell themselves they'll feel after eating it. Over time, these sorts of approaches help them develop new habits that replace the old unhealthy ones. It's not an instant process, but it is something that anyone can do. For those that need the help, this is something a qualified therapist can assist with.
I mention all this, because beating yourself up for being "weak" is counter productive and just makes the problem worse. Obese people are not weak or lacking in self control. Some of us just lack good strategies for replacing bad habits with good ones.

I concur with @summerset. I'm not really following what you mean by "more than recommended" or why you find it worrying? If you're eating more than your team said you should, stop doing that. Problem solved.
Keep in mind that early on after surgery your stomach is inflamed and multiple nerves have been cut. In short, it's unlikely that you'd be able to feel all the appropriate signals to tell you when you're full. This is why most team's have recommendations on specific foods and volumes you should be eating at every stage. These are not only for the safety of your healing stomach, but also to keep you from eating so much you make yourself sick. They are NOT hard "limits" of exactly how much your stomach can hold.
Please tell me if I'm wrong, but my suspicion is you were expecting surgical restriction to keep you from overeating and you're testing the limits. Because you are able to eat more than what your team suggested you eat, you are worried that this means you're going to fail later.
This is an important point, so I'm going to bold it:
Success or failure post-surgery probably has more to do with your ability to follow your team's recommendations than it does with you being restricted by a smaller stomach. Once you get past the initial stages, it's can be as easy to overeat as it was before surgery. If you are headed down this path, I highly recommend working with a therapist that specializes in disordered eating because surgery alone may not be enough.

I don’t believe will power plays a long term major role in your success either.. I have decades of evidence that my stubbornness & pig headedness meant I could stick to any diet & lose weight. But I always put weight back on because i always went back to eating exactly the same way. Sound familiar? I never dealt with the why I ate. I never permanently changed my relationship with food. My will power couldn’t compete with those old, strong habits & thinking.
Many of the benefits of the surgery don’t last. Your hunger comes back. Your restriction isn’t as strong. You can physically eat more, etc. (People can & do eat out around their restriction & their smaller tummy.) What the surgery does is give you time. Time to lose weight. Time to examine what, why & how you eat. Time to change your relationship with food, to establish new habits & routines around eating. Time to do the head work. The surgery alone doesn’t do all the work for you. If you think it will you won’t be as successful.
Reframing the problem, as @SpartanMaker suggested, certainly worked for me.
For many years I managed my reflux through dietary choices. Cut out daily carbonated drinks. (Limited how much soda or tonic Water or champagne I’d had when socialising.) I cut out caffeine (except green tea). No spicy food (helped I had a sensitivity to chilli). Avoided rich, creamy, fatty, oily food. If I ate/drank them I would experience severe hiccups & other reflux symptoms. It became it didn’t matter how much enjoyment/ pleasure/comfort I got from eating/drinking them, they made me sick so it wasn’t worth it.
I approached my post surgical weight loss & the way I eat now the same way. I’ve put my health & well being above any emotional benefits I got from eating. I feel so much better by not eating in my old way. I don’t get bloated & windy everyday. I don’t have those little white pimply bumps on my arms & they aren’t dry & scaly either. My thighs don’t rub together so no more heat rashes. I sleep better. My feet don’t ache when I wear heels or stand for any length of time. I have more energy. I didn’t have any comorbidities before my surgery so I can’t claim I don’t have those anymore but my chance of developing them is extremely low. I’m maintaining my weight. And so on. Initially it was my physical well being that motivated the change of thinking but now there’s also a emotional & mental well being component. And yes, part of that is vanity. The old maxim of eating to live not living to eat resonates strongly with me.
I’m trying to apply this thinking to the stretching exercises I do now. (I really don’t enjoy exercising.) I feel better & body parts are looking leaner & more defined.
Sorry for the long post.

I certainly understand why you'd say that, however I do worry that you and others are beating yourselves up over this concept of "willpower", when self control/willpower isn't actually what separates those that are successful at weight loss and those that aren't successful.
I mean, I get it. We've been told this over and over again, but there is a growing body of research that shows it's not self control that's actually at work here. In reality, your ability to resist that tempting food is no different than successful dieters, or even people that have never had a weight issue at all. What those folks do differently is reframe the problem. For example, instead of thinking resisting a particular food comes down to "being strong", they might mentally tell themselves that it actually tastes bad, or maybe they visualize the lousy feeling they tell themselves they'll feel after eating it. Over time, these sorts of approaches help them develop new habits that replace the old unhealthy ones. It's not an instant process, but it is something that anyone can do. For those that need the help, this is something a qualified therapist can assist with.
I mention all this, because beating yourself up for being "weak" is counter productive and just makes the problem worse. Obese people are not weak or lacking in self control. Some of us just lack good strategies for replacing bad habits with good ones.

I certainly understand why you'd say that, however I do worry that you and others are beating yourselves up over this concept of "willpower", when self control/willpower isn't actually what separates those that are successful at weight loss and those that aren't successful.
I mean, I get it. We've been told this over and over again, but there is a growing body of research that shows it's not self control that's actually at work here. In reality, your ability to resist that tempting food is no different than successful dieters, or even people that have never had a weight issue at all. What those folks do differently is reframe the problem. For example, instead of thinking resisting a particular food comes down to "being strong", they might mentally tell themselves that it actually tastes bad, or maybe they visualize the lousy feeling they tell themselves they'll feel after eating it. Over time, these sorts of approaches help them develop new habits that replace the old unhealthy ones. It's not an instant process, but it is something that anyone can do. For those that need the help, this is something a qualified therapist can assist with.
I mention all this, because beating yourself up for being "weak" is counter productive and just makes the problem worse. Obese people are not weak or lacking in self control. Some of us just lack good strategies for replacing bad habits with good ones.

I certainly understand why you'd say that, however I do worry that you and others are beating yourselves up over this concept of "willpower", when self control/willpower isn't actually what separates those that are successful at weight loss and those that aren't successful.
I mean, I get it. We've been told this over and over again, but there is a growing body of research that shows it's not self control that's actually at work here. In reality, your ability to resist that tempting food is no different than successful dieters, or even people that have never had a weight issue at all. What those folks do differently is reframe the problem. For example, instead of thinking resisting a particular food comes down to "being strong", they might mentally tell themselves that it actually tastes bad, or maybe they visualize the lousy feeling they tell themselves they'll feel after eating it. Over time, these sorts of approaches help them develop new habits that replace the old unhealthy ones. It's not an instant process, but it is something that anyone can do. For those that need the help, this is something a qualified therapist can assist with.
I mention all this, because beating yourself up for being "weak" is counter productive and just makes the problem worse. Obese people are not weak or lacking in self control. Some of us just lack good strategies for replacing bad habits with good ones.

To add to @SpartanMaker’s great response, a few things I’ve discovered that have worked for me.
Often, because of the delay of your fullness signal, by the time you feel full, you’ve often already eaten more than you need. I’ve found I sometimes have a very slow signal. I can unexpectedly feel full an hour or so after I finished eating. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s one of the reasons I still eat slowly. If my meal has cooled I’ll simply reheat it. It’s also why I don’t rely on feeling full to stop my eating. My goal is not to feel full but that I’ve eaten what I (my body) needs. I ask myself if I really need the next bite or if I just want it (I share this a lot). It’s how I’m more mindful of my eating. I often pick up my fork or spoon, ask myself that question & put my cutlery down again. I do this whenever & wherever I eat - at home, at family & friend’s, at restaurants. I may eat that bite a few minutes later or I may not eat any more at all. Portion size is also a big consideration. I don’t always eat all of my portion but I never eat more than my portion.
Also don’t be afraid to set aside your portion if family demands stop you eating all your meal. You can always eat some more or finish it later on. Treat the unfinished meal as a snack or as eating several small meals. You’re not exceeding your caloric intake for the day by doing this. Many have found this to work for them.

There's a lot to unpack here. Let's start with why we're told to eat slowly:
First of all, recognize that you had a bunch of nerves cut. There are multiple ways your digestive system signals your brain that your are full, but these nerves are the immediate feedback mechanism. Unfortunately, that immediate feedback mechanism is basically broken for a while after surgery. The other signals that you should stop eating are mostly hormonal, but these take a lot longer to activate. (20 minutes is often thrown around, but this is dependent on lots of factors like what and how much you ate.) Bottom line, if you eat faster, it's easy to eat enough to make yourself really sick before you ever get the signal to stop. Obviously this is problematic partly because your stomach is smaller and will fill up faster than it used to, but you also need to remember that early on after surgery, your stomach is also really swollen and inflamed. An inflamed stomach can't stretch like it's supposed to, so there's not a lot of difference between empty and over-full. Taken together, the eat slow recommendation is primarily to keep you from making yourself sick. A secondary consideration is that your team wants you to learn "mindful eating" where you're much more aware of everything that you consume. Being mindful of your consumption is correlated with better outcomes for bariatric patients.
Hopefully that answers your original question. I want to touch on something else that's a bit of a personal pet peeve: you mentioned, and I hear a lot of others worrying about "stretching their new stomach". There's more myth than fact here and this idea really needs to die out.
The truth is that stomachs are designed to work like a balloon. They stretch out as needed, but when empty, they return back to their original size. Can you make it stretch it out to the point it allows you to eat more over time? Yes, and that's exactly what should happen! This is one of the reasons every bariatric plan I've ever seen allows you to slowly increase how much you eat the further away you get from surgery. You need this to happen so that as you get to maintenance, you'll be able to eat enough calories to maintain your new healthy weight.
What you're not going to do is somehow "ruin" your new smaller stomach just because you overate once or twice. It would take overeating a lot over time for excessive stretching to happen. I think what sometimes happens is the inflammation starts going down and people find that they can eat more than expected. Remember, the stomach stretches as needed (up to a point), so they start to panic.
That does not mean there's a problem. It actually means that things are progressing like they should. If this is you, just stick to plan and you'll be fine.

There's a lot to unpack here. Let's start with why we're told to eat slowly:
First of all, recognize that you had a bunch of nerves cut. There are multiple ways your digestive system signals your brain that your are full, but these nerves are the immediate feedback mechanism. Unfortunately, that immediate feedback mechanism is basically broken for a while after surgery. The other signals that you should stop eating are mostly hormonal, but these take a lot longer to activate. (20 minutes is often thrown around, but this is dependent on lots of factors like what and how much you ate.) Bottom line, if you eat faster, it's easy to eat enough to make yourself really sick before you ever get the signal to stop. Obviously this is problematic partly because your stomach is smaller and will fill up faster than it used to, but you also need to remember that early on after surgery, your stomach is also really swollen and inflamed. An inflamed stomach can't stretch like it's supposed to, so there's not a lot of difference between empty and over-full. Taken together, the eat slow recommendation is primarily to keep you from making yourself sick. A secondary consideration is that your team wants you to learn "mindful eating" where you're much more aware of everything that you consume. Being mindful of your consumption is correlated with better outcomes for bariatric patients.
Hopefully that answers your original question. I want to touch on something else that's a bit of a personal pet peeve: you mentioned, and I hear a lot of others worrying about "stretching their new stomach". There's more myth than fact here and this idea really needs to die out.
The truth is that stomachs are designed to work like a balloon. They stretch out as needed, but when empty, they return back to their original size. Can you make it stretch it out to the point it allows you to eat more over time? Yes, and that's exactly what should happen! This is one of the reasons every bariatric plan I've ever seen allows you to slowly increase how much you eat the further away you get from surgery. You need this to happen so that as you get to maintenance, you'll be able to eat enough calories to maintain your new healthy weight.
What you're not going to do is somehow "ruin" your new smaller stomach just because you overate once or twice. It would take overeating a lot over time for excessive stretching to happen. I think what sometimes happens is the inflammation starts going down and people find that they can eat more than expected. Remember, the stomach stretches as needed (up to a point), so they start to panic.
That does not mean there's a problem. It actually means that things are progressing like they should. If this is you, just stick to plan and you'll be fine.

There's a lot to unpack here. Let's start with why we're told to eat slowly:
First of all, recognize that you had a bunch of nerves cut. There are multiple ways your digestive system signals your brain that your are full, but these nerves are the immediate feedback mechanism. Unfortunately, that immediate feedback mechanism is basically broken for a while after surgery. The other signals that you should stop eating are mostly hormonal, but these take a lot longer to activate. (20 minutes is often thrown around, but this is dependent on lots of factors like what and how much you ate.) Bottom line, if you eat faster, it's easy to eat enough to make yourself really sick before you ever get the signal to stop. Obviously this is problematic partly because your stomach is smaller and will fill up faster than it used to, but you also need to remember that early on after surgery, your stomach is also really swollen and inflamed. An inflamed stomach can't stretch like it's supposed to, so there's not a lot of difference between empty and over-full. Taken together, the eat slow recommendation is primarily to keep you from making yourself sick. A secondary consideration is that your team wants you to learn "mindful eating" where you're much more aware of everything that you consume. Being mindful of your consumption is correlated with better outcomes for bariatric patients.
Hopefully that answers your original question. I want to touch on something else that's a bit of a personal pet peeve: you mentioned, and I hear a lot of others worrying about "stretching their new stomach". There's more myth than fact here and this idea really needs to die out.
The truth is that stomachs are designed to work like a balloon. They stretch out as needed, but when empty, they return back to their original size. Can you make it stretch it out to the point it allows you to eat more over time? Yes, and that's exactly what should happen! This is one of the reasons every bariatric plan I've ever seen allows you to slowly increase how much you eat the further away you get from surgery. You need this to happen so that as you get to maintenance, you'll be able to eat enough calories to maintain your new healthy weight.
What you're not going to do is somehow "ruin" your new smaller stomach just because you overate once or twice. It would take overeating a lot over time for excessive stretching to happen. I think what sometimes happens is the inflammation starts going down and people find that they can eat more than expected. Remember, the stomach stretches as needed (up to a point), so they start to panic.
That does not mean there's a problem. It actually means that things are progressing like they should. If this is you, just stick to plan and you'll be fine.

There's a lot to unpack here. Let's start with why we're told to eat slowly:
First of all, recognize that you had a bunch of nerves cut. There are multiple ways your digestive system signals your brain that your are full, but these nerves are the immediate feedback mechanism. Unfortunately, that immediate feedback mechanism is basically broken for a while after surgery. The other signals that you should stop eating are mostly hormonal, but these take a lot longer to activate. (20 minutes is often thrown around, but this is dependent on lots of factors like what and how much you ate.) Bottom line, if you eat faster, it's easy to eat enough to make yourself really sick before you ever get the signal to stop. Obviously this is problematic partly because your stomach is smaller and will fill up faster than it used to, but you also need to remember that early on after surgery, your stomach is also really swollen and inflamed. An inflamed stomach can't stretch like it's supposed to, so there's not a lot of difference between empty and over-full. Taken together, the eat slow recommendation is primarily to keep you from making yourself sick. A secondary consideration is that your team wants you to learn "mindful eating" where you're much more aware of everything that you consume. Being mindful of your consumption is correlated with better outcomes for bariatric patients.
Hopefully that answers your original question. I want to touch on something else that's a bit of a personal pet peeve: you mentioned, and I hear a lot of others worrying about "stretching their new stomach". There's more myth than fact here and this idea really needs to die out.
The truth is that stomachs are designed to work like a balloon. They stretch out as needed, but when empty, they return back to their original size. Can you make it stretch it out to the point it allows you to eat more over time? Yes, and that's exactly what should happen! This is one of the reasons every bariatric plan I've ever seen allows you to slowly increase how much you eat the further away you get from surgery. You need this to happen so that as you get to maintenance, you'll be able to eat enough calories to maintain your new healthy weight.
What you're not going to do is somehow "ruin" your new smaller stomach just because you overate once or twice. It would take overeating a lot over time for excessive stretching to happen. I think what sometimes happens is the inflammation starts going down and people find that they can eat more than expected. Remember, the stomach stretches as needed (up to a point), so they start to panic.
That does not mean there's a problem. It actually means that things are progressing like they should. If this is you, just stick to plan and you'll be fine.

It about has to be something you're eating. I don't think this is necessarily related to your weight loss surgery, but it's possible I suppose. If you haven't talked to your surgical team, I'd recommend at least asking about it.
That said, I'd be looking first at a food insensitivity. There are lots of things people can have issues with, but some of the more common ones are dairy, histamines and gluten. You can try an "elimination diet" to see if what you're eating is causing the problem. Google it if you're not familiar with the idea.
Something else to consider is adding Probiotics to your daily regimen. When your gut bacteria are out of kilter, it can cause a lot of gut issues including bad gas.
Good luck.

It about has to be something you're eating. I don't think this is necessarily related to your weight loss surgery, but it's possible I suppose. If you haven't talked to your surgical team, I'd recommend at least asking about it.
That said, I'd be looking first at a food insensitivity. There are lots of things people can have issues with, but some of the more common ones are dairy, histamines and gluten. You can try an "elimination diet" to see if what you're eating is causing the problem. Google it if you're not familiar with the idea.
Something else to consider is adding Probiotics to your daily regimen. When your gut bacteria are out of kilter, it can cause a lot of gut issues including bad gas.
Good luck.

The truth is that you are many times more likely to die of complications related to obesity, than you are from anything related to the surgery. In addition, WLS surgery actually has a much lower complication rate than a lot of other common surgeries like knee surgery.
While nothing's guaranteed, as long as you follow your surgeon's instructions like quitting smoking (if you smoke), following your pre-op diet (assuming you have one), following your discharge and post-op instructions, it's really unlikely you'll have any issues whatsoever. The complication rate is a lot higher for older patients (70+), smokers, and those with severe pre-op conditions like undiagnosed heart disease.

The truth is that you are many times more likely to die of complications related to obesity, than you are from anything related to the surgery. In addition, WLS surgery actually has a much lower complication rate than a lot of other common surgeries like knee surgery.
While nothing's guaranteed, as long as you follow your surgeon's instructions like quitting smoking (if you smoke), following your pre-op diet (assuming you have one), following your discharge and post-op instructions, it's really unlikely you'll have any issues whatsoever. The complication rate is a lot higher for older patients (70+), smokers, and those with severe pre-op conditions like undiagnosed heart disease.

Sorry for the novel folks, but maybe before getting to tips and tricks, let's talk a bit about what causes plateaus:
First, the most common reason for any stall, including the dreaded 3-week stall is simply that you are retaining more Water. There are a few reasons this happens, but around the 3-week mark it comes down to the fact that your body is adjusting to a low carb intake after converting from glycogen to ketones for energy. More water is needed to burn glycogen, so you were retaining more water pre-surgery than you are now that you're using primarily ketones for energy. At about the 3-week mark, your body eventually recognizes that the water loss is long term, so other mechanisms have started kicking in to start holding on to more water. This water loss due to the change between glycogen and ketones is the primary reason for "keto flu", and something that increases your risk of dehydration early after surgery.
The other "reasons" for plateaus really don't apply as much at the 3 week mark, but will become more important later in the process. Let's cover those too though so you're prepared:
As you lose more weight, your overall metabolic rate will slow down. People sometimes think fat is not metabolically active, but that's not true. Less fat means your metabolism slows down, even if you retain the same amount of muscle. As you lose weight, it takes less effort to move, so the amount of calories you burn from activity also drops quite a bit. As you progress, you'll be able to eat more and especially if you're not tracking intake closely by weighing and measuring your food, you can easily be eating a lot more than you think. This one may be TMI for some, but you may simply be retaining more stool. This is going to be hard for some people to hear, but I can tell you one thing it's not, and that's hormones. Yes, various hormonal processes negatively impact weight loss in a myriad of ways, but they don't overcome basic physics: if you eat less than you are burning, you'll lose weight. What these hormones can do if they're out of whack, is not good things like slowing your metabolism, increasing your hunger, screwing with water weight, or even fooling you into thinking you're eating less than you are.
So, with all that sciency stuff out of the way, what do we actually do if we're in a stall? Well, I think it depends on when it happens and how long it lasts:
If it's early (a.k.a. the 3-week stall), just keep doing what you're doing and you should be fine. I know people don't like that advice, but as I said, it's just water, so don't worry about it. Later on, especially if the stall is lasting longer than 2-3 weeks. that's when I think it's important that you look closely at what you are actually burning, as well as really tracking what you are eating. If you don't know your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate), you should. The closer you are to goal, the harder it is to get the balance right between intake and output to make sure you're not eating too much, so fixing this starts with knowing your BMR and accurate food logging. There's a lot of anecdotal advice thrown around about "ways to break a stall", but there seems to be little scientific evidence for any of it. Most of it certainly won't hurt to try, e.g. breaking up your routine in terms of diet or exercise, but just understand that this change may or may not have had any impact. If it makes you feel better to be proactive, go for it. Longer term, there is one piece of solid advice that's backed up by lots of research: Even if you don't really like working out, do it anyway. Those WLS patients that make a regular habit of exercising for 45 minutes to an hour most days a week are significantly more likely to reach their goal and maintain the weight loss. (One caveat here: significantly changing your exercise routine can make you retain water and possibly even add muscle, so don't freak out if you see a stall or even a gain.) I'll take that exercise advice one step further and say you really should be doing some form of strength training. This is also backed up by lots of studies, but the great thing about strength training is that it makes your burn more calories even at rest (in other words, it increases your metabolic rate). There are lots of other benefits, but the metabolic benefit is the most germaine to the stall question. Those that do strength training are less likely to stall during weight loss.

I know 100% how you're feeling. The waiting is the worst. I kept thinking that if I have cancer, all my hard work was for nothing, and I might as well have just skipped the surgery and stayed fat, since I would lose weight with chemo anyway (my mind went to some dark places). BUT....they say gastric tumors are 95% cancer, and yet mine isn't. So we'll hold on to that for you and just think positive that you'll be ok, too. My fingers are crossed for you, and I'm sending you all the good luck, good vibes, and positive thoughts I have. Just think positively. It's out of your hands now, and while I know it's easier said than done, try not to let yourself go to that bad place where you think about all the negative, bad things. You got this.

That's awesome news!
I too have been dealing with something sort of similar, so I totally understand. Back in november, I noticed a mass in my neck. We did some biopsies, but they were inconclusive. I'm sitting here right now after just getting home from having the mass surgically removed. I unfortunately won't know for sure if the tumor was malignant or not until sometime next week.
It's really tough dealing with all the emotions, but probably hardest for me has just been the thought that I worked so hard and went through so much (e.g. WLS), to try to get healthy, only to discover it may all have been for nothing. Could really use all your thoughts and prayers as I fight through this and hopefully fully recover.

I have no issues whatsoever taking pills. I'm 4 months in now and I can take a big pile at a time just fine. Hopefully it will be the same for you.

That's awesome news!
I too have been dealing with something sort of similar, so I totally understand. Back in november, I noticed a mass in my neck. We did some biopsies, but they were inconclusive. I'm sitting here right now after just getting home from having the mass surgically removed. I unfortunately won't know for sure if the tumor was malignant or not until sometime next week.
It's really tough dealing with all the emotions, but probably hardest for me has just been the thought that I worked so hard and went through so much (e.g. WLS), to try to get healthy, only to discover it may all have been for nothing. Could really use all your thoughts and prayers as I fight through this and hopefully fully recover.

That's awesome news!
I too have been dealing with something sort of similar, so I totally understand. Back in november, I noticed a mass in my neck. We did some biopsies, but they were inconclusive. I'm sitting here right now after just getting home from having the mass surgically removed. I unfortunately won't know for sure if the tumor was malignant or not until sometime next week.
It's really tough dealing with all the emotions, but probably hardest for me has just been the thought that I worked so hard and went through so much (e.g. WLS), to try to get healthy, only to discover it may all have been for nothing. Could really use all your thoughts and prayers as I fight through this and hopefully fully recover.

@tiffanyb12211 please do some soul-searching. There is a reason you are not taking what even you think is the obvious action. Ask yourself what you get out of the status-quo. You need to understand that you are changing the very status quo that somehow is making you feel secure in some way.
It seems apparent that professional therapeutic help is critical for you now. Please, get this help now before the status quo actually changes and things become critical and possibly more dangerous.
Take care of yourself and be careful. Perhaps if you deal with this horrible situation now you can help both of you to move to a more positive place.
Good luck,
Tek

It sounds to me like you've already identified some things you know you could change.
I'm a big believer in making lots of small, but sustainable changes, rather than huge diet "resets". By that I mean, maybe for the next couple of weeks, you simply make sure you stop at only one glass of wine at night. Then maybe it's cutting the wine down to every other day, or maybe limiting yourself to 1 or 2 bags of chips a week. Try and make just one small change every 2-3 weeks until each small change becomes the new normal for you. Only then, add in another change. I think most people try to drastically change everything all at once and that rarely works.
Again, I think you know what you need to do to get back on track, the trick is taking it step-by-step and turning the "bad" habits into good ones.